RSVPS

banana468 · February 2020

zujp said:

climbingwife said:

This post is truly entertaining. Please, keep it coming.

Reported

Please be careful in over-reporting. If you are posting personal attacks and also reporting everyone that disagrees with you, that's actually against the terms of service.

https://www.theknot.com/content/knot-community-rules

zujp · February 2020

flantastic · February 2020

zujp said:

I’m not doing any attacks. I’m tired of being attacked for doing something different.
I’ve reported all you because you had no right to tell me about a party decision I made when this post was meant for RSVPs ONLY. You all took it upon yourselves to put me down for doing something that everyone I know agrees with and people say do what makes US happy no one else, and I wasn’t even asking any of you for help on my party decision. You were all rude for no reason talking about something completely off my main reason on here and that’s why I reported.I’m going to be mean back. These forums are meant for help and support, not what you women did to me and what I’ve read some of you have said to others. All you women do is criticize girls on here if their wedding isn’t the way you want it to be. That’s not what these forums are meant for.

Literally all they are trying to do is keep you from pissing off your guests and having said guests shit-talk you behind your back. That is helping, in my book.

Do what you want, call it what you want, but unless you factor in etiquette (which is, as PP said, about treating people well), it is likely that some of your friends/relatives will have a lower opinion of you after an event in which you "do whatever makes you happy."

flantastic · February 2020

zujp said:

I can’t believe how [...] you women are. When my mother and I BOTH stated that the guests ARE invited to the shower and wedding. You think you [...] know everything when you don’t. This is my wedding and what I’m doing is perfectly fine. You need reality checks. Because being offended by every little thing is life is getting you no where haha.
Also no one said we are begging for gifts it’s literally up to the guests if they want to bring something because o won’t have a registry. I think you guys need [...] because the gift bringing was mentioned it’s up to the guests AND it was mentioned ALL THE GUESTS are invited to BOTH parties. So I really don’t understand what you women have going on in your minds.

there is no shower before the wedding nothing traditional so we are having one after the shower because that’s what many women do. If you don’t like it that’s you. shut your damn mouths already. No one asked your opinions on a party. Its happening either way. My mother and I both talked about it with my fiancé and we all like the idea. Our guests that can’t make the wedding (THAT WERE INVITED) have already said “we will be at the I do bbq shower in June” so thank you because you women no SHIT. My guests arent [...]. They understand not everything is traditional and done by the books. Either way my future husband and I are getting a party for the celebration Of marriage. An I do bbq is either for an engagement party or a couples shower so HA
RE A LIZE!!!! You really need to back off. I truly don’t care at all about what you [...]
have to say. it’s my wedding my choice. All I asked was for RSVPs. I’ll do anything I choose. I care about my guests and I have invited them to both my events kept them updated and I know I didn’t offend because some said to my mom “please tell her I can’t make the wedding but I’ll be at the after wedding shower” “I can’t make the wedding but I’ll be at the I do bbq shower after”
SOOOOO You know NOTHING

**Removed for ToS violation**

JIC

banana468 · February 2020

zujp said:

I’m not doing any attacks. I’m tired of being attacked for doing something different.
I’ve reported all you because you had no right to tell me about a party decision I made when this post was meant for RSVPs ONLY. You all took it upon yourselves to put me down for doing something that everyone I know agrees with and people say do what makes US happy no one else, and I wasn’t even asking any of you for help on my party decision. You were all rude for no reason talking about something completely off my main reason on here and that’s why I reported.I’m going to be mean back. These forums are meant for help and support, not what you women did to me and what I’ve read some of you have said to others. All you women do is criticize girls on here if their wedding isn’t the way you want it to be. That’s not what these forums are meant for.

This statement is incorrect. You indeed made PERSONAL attacks when you said the following. I am copying and pasting your statements here:

"I can’t believe how stupid you women are."

"You think you dumbasses know everything when you don’t.

"I think you guys need tutors on reading because the gift bringing was mentioned it’s up to the guests AND it was mentioned ALL THE GUESTS are invited to BOTH parties."

"I truly don’t care at all about what you poor excuse for women
have to say."

"The world is bad because of women like you on here."

The above are just a handful of the comments that YOU said to other members offering advice.

When you post in any kind of forum you do not get to control the responses that you get back. That's just how message boards of all kinds work. They aren't multiple choice tests and you're not going to get grown adults to withhold opinions. Furthermore, those with experience are more than likely to be those who say, "Hey here's what you're proposing. As someone who has been there and done that, I'm going to now deviate from what you asked and tell you why your idea should be tweaked and here are the reasons to support my answer."

There is a lot that is of concern with what you continue to say:
-If you are getting support from those close to you for your idea that's great. That means that the advice you are getting here may not be followed by those invited. It may also mean that your guests aren't telling you the full truth. I know of too many stories related to weddings or otherwise where someone involved said, "I don't like this plan and I know that there isn't much I can do to change it without it opening a can of worms so I am stuck going along with it." Maybe that isn't your situation - however citing that people you know like your plan is not evidence that the plan is good.

-How were others mean? Disagreeing with you and telling you that a plan isn't appropriate or should be tweaked isn't mean. It's advice. And not liking it is not the same as attacking you.

-These forums ARE meant for help. Help is not necessarily telling you how to do what you want to do. Sometimes it's also telling you that an idea isn't great or entirely socially appropriate but here are some easy and quick changes that can be made in order to come out being gracious and to save face.

Instead, all advice given that contradicted what you wanted to do seems to be perceived as some brutal attack. And in turn, your answer is "I'm going to be mean back."? If that's how you plan to respond to those who disagree with you it's going to be rough and it certainly won't endear you to anyone.

Look, there's a good chance that none of us here are involved in your wedding and aren't invited to it or the post event that follows. However the advice that's being given is to help you. And if your response to any advice you don't like is to hurl insults it's not a sign of handling criticism well and the result often leads to alienation either on boards or in real life.

You now have an opportunity to take time and re-read what others have recommended and you can make changes to be appropriate or do everything that you want because you don't care.

But something tells me that you wouldn't be hurling the insulting statements if you didn't care.

zujp · February 2020

zujp · February 2020

banana468 · February 2020

zujp said:

Listen that’s to much to read. All I’m saying is you are all rude and wrong for putting two sense in when it wasn’t asked only for RSVPS. The main thing is these forums are meant for helping on the topic discussed not putting other women down for not being YOUR way. That’s all.

That is not how forums work. Telling you that an idea isn't great, is against etiquette and here are some ideas to change IS advice.

Once you post on a forum, you cannot control the responses received. Not getting the help you asked for and getting advice is still advice.

Where were you put down? Telling you that an idea is socially inappropriate is not a put down to you. It's telling you that an idea is not a good one. Hurling a personal insult because others do not like your idea is what is inappropriate.

And THAT is no way to treat other humans.

banana468 · February 2020

zujp said:

Oh and yea I made mean statements cause none of you listen how you treated someone. You all ignore about the bridal shower gift registry you guys use as tacky and continue to say my guests aren’t invited to the shower and the wedding when you know NOTHING. You all assume! I’m tired of being attacked when none of you not one asked if my guests are invited and what my plan of events were you just all assumed on your own everything. So that’s why I report you all

Many people made comments before you clarified. It's not possible to be certain until you did so. Are you really jumping down and insulting people for making an assumption that that you didn't clarify until after they responded?

Again, there is no attack to you. Please point out there YOU were personally attacked.

However, you made multiple personal insults. And you're continuing to justify those insults. That is not appropriate or justifiable. I don't let my 5 year old get away with that behavior and it certainly is not something that is appropriate out of a grown adult preparing to enter into a marriage contract.

Furthermore, reporting everyone who disagrees with you is against the terms of service of TK. You're both breaking the rules by hurling insults and then reporting every post you decided is not what you wanted.

And again, that action is not becoming of a grown adult preparing to enter into a lifelong commitment.

MobKaz · February 2020

banana468 said:

zujp said:

Oh and yea I made mean statements cause none of you listen how you treated someone. You all ignore about the bridal shower gift registry you guys use as tacky and continue to say my guests aren’t invited to the shower and the wedding when you know NOTHING. You all assume! I’m tired of being attacked when none of you not one asked if my guests are invited and what my plan of events were you just all assumed on your own everything. So that’s why I report you all

Many people made comments before you clarified. It's not possible to be certain until you did so. Are you really jumping down and insulting people for making an assumption that that you didn't clarify until after they responded?

Again, there is no attack to you. Please point out there YOU were personally attacked.

However, you made multiple personal insults. And you're continuing to justify those insults. That is not appropriate or justifiable. I don't let my 5 year old get away with that behavior and it certainly is not something that is appropriate out of a grown adult preparing to enter into a marriage contract.

Furthermore, reporting everyone who disagrees with you is against the terms of service of TK. You're both breaking the rules by hurling insults and then reporting every post you decided is not what you wanted.

And again, that action is not becoming of a grown adult preparing to enter into a lifelong commitment.

banana468 said:

zujp said:

Listen that’s to much to read. All I’m saying is you are all rude and wrong for putting two sense in when it wasn’t asked only for RSVPS. The main thing is these forums are meant for helping on the topic discussed not putting other women down for not being YOUR way. That’s all.

That is not how forums work. Telling you that an idea isn't great, is against etiquette and here are some ideas to change IS advice.

Once you post on a forum, you cannot control the responses received. Not getting the help you asked for and getting advice is still advice.

Where were you put down? Telling you that an idea is socially inappropriate is not a put down to you. It's telling you that an idea is not a good one. Hurling a personal insult because others do not like your idea is what is inappropriate.

And THAT is no way to treat other humans.

MobKaz · February 2020

Just for shiggles, here is my two "sense"......

"Every woman has a bridal shower with gifts and I’m throwing my daughter one after the wedding so her and her new husband can get gifts" ......BUT...........

"You are all wrong and etiquette is gone. Traditions are no longer. It’s 2020 please realize."

So etiquette and traditions are "no longer" but you plan on making sure there is a shower because that is the traditional way to GET GIFTS.

"Also no one said we are begging for gifts it’s literally up to the guests if they want to bring something because o won’t have a registry. And yet you claim, as per "tradition" and etiquette, that is is ALWAYS right to send a gift if you get an invitation.

"I think you guys need tutors on reading ........" I can't even with this.......

"When you get invited to a shower you bring an item. When you get invited to a wedding you give money." For someone that keeps insisting traditions are dead and gone, you quote it quite a bit!

"we didn’t mention any gift giving to any guest. Nothing at all was mentioned for gifts. I don’t EXPECT gifts for my party it’s just an I do bbq COUPLES shower because that’s what they are called. A shower after the wedding doesn’t change the fact that gifts CAN be given it’s just done in a different way then before. But I am not expecting gifts the way you did with your registry." " The phrase I found is “shower the newlyweds in celebration of their marriage” before or after a wedding a shower is gifts given to the couple for their new life together. But since I have no registry then I ain’t grabby grabby after gifts.The definition of a shower is that it IS A GIFT GIVING event. YOU said that an invitation MANDATES a gift. Not having a registry does not change that fact.

"I wanted all guests that aren’t attending the wedding to be able to see my husband and I married. They see us engaged all the time.......I have no doubt the transformation will be dramatic! Make sure you have plenty of split screen before/after photos!

zujp · February 2020

I am not talking about my party decisions.

i cared about one thing for RSVPS.
I just wanted to know if asking one month ahead of time was ok to ask for responses since the tent rental wants to know the final head count one month before.
thats all I simply wanted to know. Just wanted some
advice on when is a good time frame to send out & get RSVPS back.

None of this back and forth stuff needed to happen.

banana468 · February 2020

zujp said:

I am not talking about my party decisions.

i cared about one thing for RSVPS.
I just wanted to know if asking one month ahead of time was ok to ask for responses since the tent rental wants to know the final head count one month before.
thats all I simply wanted to know. Just wanted some
advice on when is a good time frame to send out & get RSVPS back.
None of this back and forth stuff needed to happen.

Is that why you deleted every other post?

When you post on the internet you can't control the responses that you get. And deleting them after you post is considered bad internet etiquette.

Please reconsider some of your plans. They aren't all bad but some need some tweaking.

zujp · February 2020

banana468 said:

zujp said:

I am not talking about my party decisions.

i cared about one thing for RSVPS.
I just wanted to know if asking one month ahead of time was ok to ask for responses since the tent rental wants to know the final head count one month before.
thats all I simply wanted to know. Just wanted some
advice on when is a good time frame to send out & get RSVPS back.
None of this back and forth stuff needed to happen.

Is that why you deleted every other post?

When you post on the internet you can't control the responses that you get. And deleting them after you post is considered bad internet etiquette.

Please reconsider some of your plans. They aren't all bad but some need some tweaking.

I deleted all other posts because I am done on here. I found girls and women more appropriate elsewhere. Who don’t judge and call things tacky and gift grabby. But everyone on here wants to have a bridal shower which is def tacky and gift grabby when you’re stating what specific gifts you want bought and where you’re registered at. But I truly don’t care about internet etiquette either. I’m not getting into more drama with you banana 🍌.
im def doing a shower after my wedding (no registry) no matter what that’s final. Not the reason I came on here. But all in all my only thing I wanted was a response on RSVPS and I can get that elsewhere as well. Now stop instigating please.

climbingsingle · February 2020

zujp said:

banana468 said:

zujp said:

I am not talking about my party decisions.

i cared about one thing for RSVPS.
I just wanted to know if asking one month ahead of time was ok to ask for responses since the tent rental wants to know the final head count one month before.
thats all I simply wanted to know. Just wanted some
advice on when is a good time frame to send out & get RSVPS back.
None of this back and forth stuff needed to happen.

Is that why you deleted every other post?

When you post on the internet you can't control the responses that you get. And deleting them after you post is considered bad internet etiquette.

Please reconsider some of your plans. They aren't all bad but some need some tweaking.

I deleted all other posts because I am done on here. I found girls and women more appropriate elsewhere. Who don’t judge and call things tacky and gift grabby. But everyone on here wants to have a bridal shower which is def tacky and gift grabby when you’re stating what specific gifts you want bought and where you’re registered at. But I truly don’t care about internet etiquette either. I’m not getting into more drama with you banana 🍌.
im def doing a shower after my wedding (no registry) no matter what that’s final. Not the reason I came on here. But all in all my only thing I wanted was a response on RSVPS and I can get that elsewhere as well. Now stop instigating please.

Right, you're having a shower after the wedding, and expecting your guests to bring you cash. We get it. Good luck!

MobKaz · February 2020

@zujp said, "I deleted all other posts because I am done on here. I found girls and women more appropriate elsewhere. Who don’t judge and call things tacky and gift grabby. But everyone on here wants to have a bridal shower which is def tacky and gift grabby when you’re stating what specific gifts you want bought and where you’re registered at. But I truly don’t care about internet etiquette either. I’m not getting into more drama with you banana 🍌.
im def doing a shower after my wedding (no registry) no matter what that’s final. Not the reason I came on here. But all in all my only thing I wanted was a response on RSVPS and I can get that elsewhere as well. Now stop instigating please.

So......you "def are doing a shower", that you yourself consider tacky and gift grabby. But in your case it is different because you are NOT having a registry.....because you expect cash. I hope your kitchen is large enough to accommodate the metal chickens you will get as a result of NOT having a registry.

Of course you found peers "more appropriate"; there are lots of websites where like minds think alike. I prefer to refer to websites that help me avoid making poor choices, but to each their own!

zujp · February 2020

climbingwife said:

zujp said:

banana468 said:

zujp said:

I am not talking about my party decisions.

i cared about one thing for RSVPS.
I just wanted to know if asking one month ahead of time was ok to ask for responses since the tent rental wants to know the final head count one month before.
thats all I simply wanted to know. Just wanted some
advice on when is a good time frame to send out & get RSVPS back.
None of this back and forth stuff needed to happen.

Is that why you deleted every other post?

When you post on the internet you can't control the responses that you get. And deleting them after you post is considered bad internet etiquette.

Please reconsider some of your plans. They aren't all bad but some need some tweaking.

I deleted all other posts because I am done on here. I found girls and women more appropriate elsewhere. Who don’t judge and call things tacky and gift grabby. But everyone on here wants to have a bridal shower which is def tacky and gift grabby when you’re stating what specific gifts you want bought and where you’re registered at. But I truly don’t care about internet etiquette either. I’m not getting into more drama with you banana 🍌.
im def doing a shower after my wedding (no registry) no matter what that’s final. Not the reason I came on here. But all in all my only thing I wanted was a response on RSVPS and I can get that elsewhere as well. Now stop instigating please.

Right, you're having a shower after the wedding, and expecting your guests to bring you cash. We get it. Good luck!

I’m having a shower after the wedding yes I am. (Not begging for gifts like you do at a shower) so Thanks it’ll be great! I’ll keep everyone updated! Lol

climbingsingle · February 2020

zujp said:

climbingwife said:

zujp said:

banana468 said:

zujp said:

I am not talking about my party decisions.

i cared about one thing for RSVPS.
I just wanted to know if asking one month ahead of time was ok to ask for responses since the tent rental wants to know the final head count one month before.
thats all I simply wanted to know. Just wanted some
advice on when is a good time frame to send out & get RSVPS back.
None of this back and forth stuff needed to happen.

Is that why you deleted every other post?

When you post on the internet you can't control the responses that you get. And deleting them after you post is considered bad internet etiquette.

Please reconsider some of your plans. They aren't all bad but some need some tweaking.

I deleted all other posts because I am done on here. I found girls and women more appropriate elsewhere. Who don’t judge and call things tacky and gift grabby. But everyone on here wants to have a bridal shower which is def tacky and gift grabby when you’re stating what specific gifts you want bought and where you’re registered at. But I truly don’t care about internet etiquette either. I’m not getting into more drama with you banana 🍌.
im def doing a shower after my wedding (no registry) no matter what that’s final. Not the reason I came on here. But all in all my only thing I wanted was a response on RSVPS and I can get that elsewhere as well. Now stop instigating please.

Right, you're having a shower after the wedding, and expecting your guests to bring you cash. We get it. Good luck!

I’m having a shower after the wedding yes I am. (Not begging for gifts like you do at a shower) so Thanks it’ll be great! I’ll keep everyone updated! Lol

You are choosing to call it a shower. A shower implies a gift giving event. You're throwing yourself a gift giving event, and not having a registry. You are 100% begging for cash gifts. Go back and read the post from your "mother".

Why not just call it a marriage celebration? Why even add "shower" to is?

Please be sure to come back after and tell us how much cash you got!

MobKaz · February 2020

climbingwife said:

zujp said:

climbingwife said:

zujp said:

banana468 said:

zujp said:

I am not talking about my party decisions.

i cared about one thing for RSVPS.
I just wanted to know if asking one month ahead of time was ok to ask for responses since the tent rental wants to know the final head count one month before.
thats all I simply wanted to know. Just wanted some
advice on when is a good time frame to send out & get RSVPS back.
None of this back and forth stuff needed to happen.

Is that why you deleted every other post?

When you post on the internet you can't control the responses that you get. And deleting them after you post is considered bad internet etiquette.

Please reconsider some of your plans. They aren't all bad but some need some tweaking.

I deleted all other posts because I am done on here. I found girls and women more appropriate elsewhere. Who don’t judge and call things tacky and gift grabby. But everyone on here wants to have a bridal shower which is def tacky and gift grabby when you’re stating what specific gifts you want bought and where you’re registered at. But I truly don’t care about internet etiquette either. I’m not getting into more drama with you banana 🍌.
im def doing a shower after my wedding (no registry) no matter what that’s final. Not the reason I came on here. But all in all my only thing I wanted was a response on RSVPS and I can get that elsewhere as well. Now stop instigating please.

Right, you're having a shower after the wedding, and expecting your guests to bring you cash. We get it. Good luck!

I’m having a shower after the wedding yes I am. (Not begging for gifts like you do at a shower) so Thanks it’ll be great! I’ll keep everyone updated! Lol

You are choosing to call it a shower. A shower implies a gift giving event. You're throwing yourself a gift giving event, and not having a registry. You are 100% begging for cash gifts. Go back and read the post from your "mother".

Why not just call it a marriage celebration? Why even add "shower" to is?

Please be sure to come back after and tell us how much cash you got!

Because........”Every woman has a bridal shower with gifts and I’m throwing my daughter one after the wedding so her and her new husband can get gifts" .

climbingsingle · February 2020

MobKaz said:

climbingwife said:

zujp said:

climbingwife said:

zujp said:

banana468 said:

zujp said:

I am not talking about my party decisions.

i cared about one thing for RSVPS.
I just wanted to know if asking one month ahead of time was ok to ask for responses since the tent rental wants to know the final head count one month before.
thats all I simply wanted to know. Just wanted some
advice on when is a good time frame to send out & get RSVPS back.
None of this back and forth stuff needed to happen.

Is that why you deleted every other post?

When you post on the internet you can't control the responses that you get. And deleting them after you post is considered bad internet etiquette.

Please reconsider some of your plans. They aren't all bad but some need some tweaking.

I deleted all other posts because I am done on here. I found girls and women more appropriate elsewhere. Who don’t judge and call things tacky and gift grabby. But everyone on here wants to have a bridal shower which is def tacky and gift grabby when you’re stating what specific gifts you want bought and where you’re registered at. But I truly don’t care about internet etiquette either. I’m not getting into more drama with you banana 🍌.
im def doing a shower after my wedding (no registry) no matter what that’s final. Not the reason I came on here. But all in all my only thing I wanted was a response on RSVPS and I can get that elsewhere as well. Now stop instigating please.

Right, you're having a shower after the wedding, and expecting your guests to bring you cash. We get it. Good luck!

I’m having a shower after the wedding yes I am. (Not begging for gifts like you do at a shower) so Thanks it’ll be great! I’ll keep everyone updated! Lol

You are choosing to call it a shower. A shower implies a gift giving event. You're throwing yourself a gift giving event, and not having a registry. You are 100% begging for cash gifts. Go back and read the post from your "mother".

Why not just call it a marriage celebration? Why even add "shower" to is?

Please be sure to come back after and tell us how much cash you got!

Because........”Every woman has a bridal shower with gifts and I’m throwing my daughter one after the wedding so her and her new husband can get gifts" .

But that's definitely not gift grubby...no, no.

MairePoppy · February 2020

zujp said:

I have reported all of you as well. You want to start drama on a wedding website when I asked about RSVPS. Got another thing coming.

None of the responders have violated the TOS. Serial reporting non-violations, though, is a violation. Please familiarize yourself with the TOS if you choose to stay.

Thank you.

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