Coronavirus should I postpone my wedding?

banana468 · April 2020

knottieac072384e076357a said:

I already said I was. Before you start yelling and calling me a liar, perhaps you should go up a couple of posts and read.

I am not saying you ARE a liar. I am saying that if you or anyone actively chooses to not disclose that you're married then it is lying. You previously said it's "your wedding your information to share or not at your own discretion."

I am telling you that in the above you yourself said that it's up to the couple to disclose their marital status with the implication that it's ok to lie to guests. That is the point I am debating.

MyNameIsNot · April 2020

knottieac072384e076357a said:

I already said I was. Before you start yelling and calling me a liar, perhaps you should go up a couple of posts and read.

Imagine telling the internet that you intend to lie to your closest friends and family about something as important as getting married and then getting upset when someone points out that lying is wrong.

I'd like to think that times like these help people band together and see what's really important, but I guess not even a global pandemic can force you to grow morals if you don't have any. Sad.

knottieac072384e076357a · April 2020

MyNameIsNot said:

knottieac072384e076357a said:

I already said I was. Before you start yelling and calling me a liar, perhaps you should go up a couple of posts and read.

Imagine telling the internet that you intend to lie to your closest friends and family about something as important as getting married and then getting upset when someone points out that lying is wrong.

I'd like to think that times like these help people band together and see what's really important, but I guess not even a global pandemic can force you to grow morals if you don't have any. Sad.

I can’t help you **Removed for ToS violation** what I’ve said.

Apparently a global pandemic can force you to have empathy and be pleasant either. Sad.

banana468 · April 2020

knottieac072384e076357a said:

MyNameIsNot said:

knottieac072384e076357a said:

I already said I was. Before you start yelling and calling me a liar, perhaps you should go up a couple of posts and read.

Imagine telling the internet that you intend to lie to your closest friends and family about something as important as getting married and then getting upset when someone points out that lying is wrong.

I'd like to think that times like these help people band together and see what's really important, but I guess not even a global pandemic can force you to grow morals if you don't have any. Sad.

I can’t help you **Removed for ToS violation** what I’ve said.
Apparently a global pandemic can force you to have empathy and be pleasant either. Sad.

Not sure why you're channeling Trump tweet phrasing here.

You said you thought it was OK for people to lie. I pointed that out to you.

It's not about lacking empathy. It's about lacking integrity.

knottieac072384e076357a · April 2020

banana468 said:

knottieac072384e076357a said:

I already said I was. Before you start yelling and calling me a liar, perhaps you should go up a couple of posts and read.

I am not saying you ARE a liar. I am saying that if you or anyone actively chooses to not disclose that you're married then it is lying. You previously said it's "your wedding your information to share or not at your own discretion."

I am telling you that in the above you yourself said that it's up to the couple to disclose their marital status with the implication that it's ok to lie to guests. That is the point I am debating.

I have said in more than one thread that we have told our closest friends and family and have written a poem which we have put on our ordered Change the Dates.

However if someone chose to handle it differently I would not judge them.... and honestly would judge anyone who would. Yelling and insulting me does not change that I’m afraid. But if it makes you feel better feel free to have at it. Until you have been in this situation personally I’m not sure you really know what you would do or how you would feel.

banana468 · April 2020

knottieac072384e076357a said:

banana468 said:

knottieac072384e076357a said:

I already said I was. Before you start yelling and calling me a liar, perhaps you should go up a couple of posts and read.

I am not saying you ARE a liar. I am saying that if you or anyone actively chooses to not disclose that you're married then it is lying. You previously said it's "your wedding your information to share or not at your own discretion."

I am telling you that in the above you yourself said that it's up to the couple to disclose their marital status with the implication that it's ok to lie to guests. That is the point I am debating.

banana468 said:

knottieac072384e076357a said:

I already said I was. Before you start yelling and calling me a liar, perhaps you should go up a couple of posts and read.

I am not saying you ARE a liar. I am saying that if you or anyone actively chooses to not disclose that you're married then it is lying. You previously said it's "your wedding your information to share or not at your own discretion."

I am telling you that in the above you yourself said that it's up to the couple to disclose their marital status with the implication that it's ok to lie to guests. That is the point I am debating.

I have said in more than one thread that we have told our closest friends and family and have written a poem which we have put on our ordered Change the Dates.

However if someone chose to handle it differently I would not judge them.... and honestly would judge anyone who would. Yelling and insulting me does not change that I’m afraid. But if it makes you feel better feel free to have at it. Until you have been in this situation personally I’m not sure you really know what you would do or how you would feel.

We are all affected in one way or another by this.

It is hard, it is unprecedented and it's rough at all levels.

And if there is anything that we find to be problematic at this time it's when we are not given facts. Right now, emotions of everyone are raw in dealing with the pandemic because people know that they are not being told the truth.

So if there is EVER a time that people would be further upset about not being told the truth it's now.

knottieac072384e076357a · April 2020

I personally feel that if there is ever a time to be understanding, have some empathy and not judge, it’s now.

I maintain that until you have experienced something like this, you do not know what you would do. Everyone has different circumstances, experiences and family. Everyone’s situation is different. This is not a one size fits all situation.

Coming in here with blanket statements may be a great deal less helpful than you intend.

But you do you.

banana468 · April 2020

knottieac072384e076357a said:

I personally feel that if there is ever a time to be understanding, have some empathy and not judge, it’s now.
I maintain that until you have experienced something like this, you do not know what you would do. Everyone has different circumstances, experiences and family. Everyone’s situation is different. This is not a one size fits all situation.

Coming in here with blanket statements may be a great deal less helpful than you intend.
But you do you.

What I am trying to convey here is that there isn't a one-size fits all way that now you plan a wedding or hold it.

But there IS a need to be truthful.

I want to maintain that once you've planned a wedding and you see how this pandemic affects others dishonesty and a lack of integrity is exhausting.

Warning- Non wedding rant:

I am really really really lucky that my husband and I can both WFH. He works for an essential supplier that remains open. And he walked into work on the 16th of March, saw that this BIG employer wasn't engaged in extra cleaning, there were no face masks being offered and there was NO mitigation being done to prevent the spread. I felt white knuckled every day and nearly CRIED when he told me he was leaving on the 19th with a working laptop so he could work from home. I feared that my husband of over 12 years was going to get this and get sick. That our entire home was going to get this and I fear what it can do him, to me, and to our young children. And I then listened to my governor a week later say that his employer was taking the temperatures of employees before they returned to work and they are NOT. They stated today that they don't even have enough thermometers and no one is standing at any main entrance to check employees' temperatures. It's all on the honor system! And now, there are SEVENTEEN people who have tested positive who work for that company throughout the buildings on site. They have been TOLD to create ways to mitigate the spread and they aren't. I hear leaders talk about who planned better and how testing is available and yet many people are being told that they can get a test but won't get the results for WEEKS or that they can't get a test even though they're told on TV that they can.

I'm telling my son that he can't play with the neighbors next door. Do you know what it's like to tell a 5 year old that he's not allowed to play and watch a kid burst into tears because he's not understanding that we have to socially distance and we have to stick to our own backyards and when Jimmy's mom is a paramedic we cannot put ourselves in that position? He yells at me about what his schedule is because he still doesn't get that he's not going back to kindergarten anytime soon - maybe at all.

A dear family friend has parents that live in a nursing home. In that area there are 26 nursing home residents that have died from this. Her dad has dementia and her mom does not. They sleep in separate floors and *cannot see each other*. They are quarantined, have been married for nearly 60 years and they cannot see each other and don't know when.

We are stressed. We are tired and some of us or our loved ones are working in the field and potentially going to get exposed by nature of just doing their jobs.

So what I want from anyone who is planning something that is an event that should be filled with love and joy is to be truthful about it. We are understanding of SO many things but right now, what we are not understanding about is any level of deception. We've been lied to for months and we hope that our closest family and friends won't do that to us.

knottieac072384e076357a · April 2020

We are ALL going through the pandemic issues. We are ALL stressed and upset and hurt. Some of us have lost jobs and had weddings cancelled and have friends and family in different countries that are currently cut off by travel bans during this global disaster. We are losing people we know. Some people are losing loved ones.

Now is the time to set aside the etiquette handbook and cut people some damn slack.

It’s NOT the time to come in here waving around a rule book and telling people they have no integrity and are liars when you have NO CLUE what unique set of circumstances people are dealing with.

The choice that we made and the choice you might make may NOT be what is in the best interest of every couple. Blanket statements and comments laden with judgement and condescension may not be in everyone’s best interest.

banana468 · April 2020

knottieac072384e076357a said:

We are ALL going through the pandemic issues. We are ALL stressed and upset and hurt. Some of us have lost jobs and had weddings cancelled and have friends and family in different countries that are currently cut off by travel bans during this global disaster. We are losing people we know. Some people are losing loved ones.
Now is the time to set aside the etiquette handbook and cut people some damn slack.
It’s NOT the time to come in here waving around a rule book and telling people they have no integrity and are liars when you have NO CLUE what unique set of circumstances people are dealing with.

The choice that we made and the choice you might make may NOT be what is in the best interest of every couple. Blanket statements and comments laden with judgement and condescension may not be in everyone’s best interest.

IF YOU LIE TO PEOPLE ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING THEN YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

That's it. That's all there is to it.

MyNameIsNot · April 2020

knottieac072384e076357a said:

We are ALL going through the pandemic issues. We are ALL stressed and upset and hurt. Some of us have lost jobs and had weddings cancelled and have friends and family in different countries that are currently cut off by travel bans during this global disaster. We are losing people we know. Some people are losing loved ones.
Now is the time to set aside the etiquette handbook and cut people some damn slack.
It’s NOT the time to come in here waving around a rule book and telling people they have no integrity and are liars when you have NO CLUE what unique set of circumstances people are dealing with.

The choice that we made and the choice you might make may NOT be what is in the best interest of every couple. Blanket statements and comments laden with judgement and condescension may not be in everyone’s best interest.

There is a bright line that it is wrong to lie to family and friends. This is not a grey area or an ethical quandary.

There are people dying. Healthcare workers and essential employees are risking their health and risking exposing their families in order to help people get medical care, food, and other necessary resources. In many cases, they knowingly choose to take on these risks for the greater good of society. There are people losing their jobs, who will soon lose their homes and everything else. To say that someone who chooses to use this as an excuse to lie about getting married is the person who needs empathy is just disgusting.

You don't deserve empathy for choosing to lie.

knottieac072384e076357a · April 2020

MyNameIsNot said:

knottieac072384e076357a said:

We are ALL going through the pandemic issues. We are ALL stressed and upset and hurt. Some of us have lost jobs and had weddings cancelled and have friends and family in different countries that are currently cut off by travel bans during this global disaster. We are losing people we know. Some people are losing loved ones.
Now is the time to set aside the etiquette handbook and cut people some damn slack.
It’s NOT the time to come in here waving around a rule book and telling people they have no integrity and are liars when you have NO CLUE what unique set of circumstances people are dealing with.

The choice that we made and the choice you might make may NOT be what is in the best interest of every couple. Blanket statements and comments laden with judgement and condescension may not be in everyone’s best interest.

There is a bright line that it is wrong to lie to family and friends. This is not a grey area or an ethical quandary.

There are people dying. Healthcare workers and essential employees are risking their health and risking exposing their families in order to help people get medical care, food, and other necessary resources. In many cases, they knowingly choose to take on these risks for the greater good of society. There are people losing their jobs, who will soon lose their homes and everything else. To say that someone who chooses to use this as an excuse to lie about getting married is the person who needs empathy is just disgusting.

You don't deserve empathy for choosing to lie.

You throw around a lot of very unpleasant insults for someone claiming to be morally superior. Maybe you should reflect on that for a while.

knottieac072384e076357a · April 2020

banana468 said:

knottieac072384e076357a said:

We are ALL going through the pandemic issues. We are ALL stressed and upset and hurt. Some of us have lost jobs and had weddings cancelled and have friends and family in different countries that are currently cut off by travel bans during this global disaster. We are losing people we know. Some people are losing loved ones.
Now is the time to set aside the etiquette handbook and cut people some damn slack.
It’s NOT the time to come in here waving around a rule book and telling people they have no integrity and are liars when you have NO CLUE what unique set of circumstances people are dealing with.

The choice that we made and the choice you might make may NOT be what is in the best interest of every couple. Blanket statements and comments laden with judgement and condescension may not be in everyone’s best interest.

IF YOU LIE TO PEOPLE ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING THEN YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

That's it. That's all there is to it.

LOL ok. If you say so.

I’ve said what I needed to say. Obviously you feel you need the last yell, so you bless your heart, you can have it.

As someone who hasn’t had your wedding affected I’ll weight your opinion accordingly.

knottieac072384e076357a · April 2020

banana468 said:

knottieac072384e076357a said:

MyNameIsNot said:

knottieac072384e076357a said:

I already said I was. Before you start yelling and calling me a liar, perhaps you should go up a couple of posts and read.

Imagine telling the internet that you intend to lie to your closest friends and family about something as important as getting married and then getting upset when someone points out that lying is wrong.

I'd like to think that times like these help people band together and see what's really important, but I guess not even a global pandemic can force you to grow morals if you don't have any. Sad.

I can’t help you **Removed for ToS violation** what I’ve said.
Apparently a global pandemic can force you to have empathy and be pleasant either. Sad.

Not sure why you're channeling Trump tweet phrasing here.

You said you thought it was OK for people to lie. I pointed that out to you.

It's not about lacking empathy. It's about lacking integrity.

I was using the exact phrasing that MyNameIsNot used. Do you plan to take it up with her too?

Coronavirus should I postpone my wedding?

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