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Having a wedding but not legally married

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Re: Having a wedding but not legally married

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
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    This thread is more than two years old - a zombie thread and considered dead.
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  • knottiec9020e22781d5ee8knottiec9020e22781d5ee8 newb
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    knottie98ebac5e0c120ed8 said:
    Shame on all of you. 

    Delegitimizating a union between two people for the fun of it, and harassing another human being (a stranger!). I would love to see a poll of who is still “married” 50 years from now. But since the Establishment doesn’t take into account happiness—only “marriage”— you are bound to be okay (by law!). 

    Remember that another human being is behind this screen. One with a pulse, a family, and an image of themselves and the world. Don’t taint it with your alarming lack of compassion and empathy. 
    you seem to be the only one here with their head on straight!! All I saw here was a bunch of bullies who take so much pride in being married I can imagine it being their only life goal. Not everybody wants the same thing, she said multiple times that she has all the protection she needs to live out her life, even if they should split. Everybody here is also acting like if at any point they wanted to make the switch from the illegal bond to legal, they couldn't just go to city hall and do so. Literally, almost everybody in here tried to delegitimize their union, some even going as far as telling her what she could and could not wear, and another spoke up how they would "resent" being invited to such an event because it comes off as an "ego-fest." What's confusing for me is, is the sole purpose of attending a wedding not to celebrate the love and unity of two souls? how could you resent that? Why did she feel entitled to know someone's marital status as a taxpaying citizen? shut the hell up, your ego is larger than you! 
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    knottiec9020e22781d5ee8 said:
    knottie98ebac5e0c120ed8 said:
    Shame on all of you. 

    Delegitimizating a union between two people for the fun of it, and harassing another human being (a stranger!). I would love to see a poll of who is still “married” 50 years from now. But since the Establishment doesn’t take into account happiness—only “marriage”— you are bound to be okay (by law!). 

    Remember that another human being is behind this screen. One with a pulse, a family, and an image of themselves and the world. Don’t taint it with your alarming lack of compassion and empathy. 
    you seem to be the only one here with their head on straight!! All I saw here was a bunch of bullies who take so much pride in being married I can imagine it being their only life goal. Not everybody wants the same thing, she said multiple times that she has all the protection she needs to live out her life, even if they should split. Everybody here is also acting like if at any point they wanted to make the switch from the illegal bond to legal, they couldn't just go to city hall and do so. Literally, almost everybody in here tried to delegitimize their union, some even going as far as telling her what she could and could not wear, and another spoke up how they would "resent" being invited to such an event because it comes off as an "ego-fest." What's confusing for me is, is the sole purpose of attending a wedding not to celebrate the love and unity of two souls? how could you resent that? Why did she feel entitled to know someone's marital status as a taxpaying citizen? shut the hell up, your ego is larger than you! 
    @knottiec9020e22781d5ee8 this thread is  nearly 3 years old.  The original poster is no longer a member on The Knot.    

    Let that be your first lesson - before you post look at the dates on a thread.  If the thread is more than 6 months old since the last post it's inactive and considered a "dead" thread. 

    Secondly, this is not a matter of egos.  It's a matter of honesty.  If you present yourselves as doing something and ask people to give up their time to see you do something that isn't what it is, you're lying.   People put down lying because deceiving others is wrong.     


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  • knottie744ec69df8d03eb9knottie744ec69df8d03eb9 newb
    First Comment
    Y’all all are delusional. If I want to call it a wedding.  I will do so. I can call it whatever I want to call it. None of you are paying the bill for the “wedding” and you’re not attending my event. I am!! Haha 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    knottie744ec69df8d03eb9 said:
    Y’all all are delusional. If I want to call it a wedding.  I will do so. I can call it whatever I want to call it. None of you are paying the bill for the “wedding” and you’re not attending my event. I am!! Haha 
    Who are you talking to? This thread is 3 years old. OP pretended to get married or came to their senses and didn't years ago. 

    This is the equivalent of walking into an empty room and yelling at people who moved away years ago. You sound unhinged.
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  • knottie6bf706e539c5aa73knottie6bf706e539c5aa73 newb
    First Comment
    How unbelievably judgemental of some of the posters on here. I hope they feel stupid now that Humanist weddings are actually a thing and yes they are called Man and Wife; Bride and Groom, who are married even though they didn’t sign legal paperwork. 

    For anyone who wants legal protection, there is such a thing as wills and trusts , which one bride clearly stated she had done but was still hounded for!!!! 

    Many people now sign prenups because of the unfair entitlement that comes with legal red tape, surely it’s more sensible to have a commitment ceremony in the first place. 

    I’ve known a lot of unmarried couples to be much closer and united than ones that are legally bound.  So much so that the UK is changing its laws to recognise  commitment marriages to still have some legal standing. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    knottie6bf706e539c5aa73 said:
    How unbelievably judgemental of some of the posters on here. I hope they feel stupid now that Humanist weddings are actually a thing and yes they are called Man and Wife; Bride and Groom, who are married even though they didn’t sign legal paperwork. 

    For anyone who wants legal protection, there is such a thing as wills and trusts , which one bride clearly stated she had done but was still hounded for!!!! 

    Many people now sign prenups because of the unfair entitlement that comes with legal red tape, surely it’s more sensible to have a commitment ceremony in the first place. 

    I’ve known a lot of unmarried couples to be much closer and united than ones that are legally bound.  So much so that the UK is changing its laws to recognise  commitment marriages to still have some legal standing. 
    Two things:
    1) @knottie6bf706e539c5aa73 this is 2.5 years old.  The OP is likely long gone.
    2) In the US, there's additional benefits you do not get without legally being married and attempting that can have you subject to prosecution and / or fraud.  Both my H's and my employers require proof of legal marriage in order for the spouse to be able to have the health insurance benefits.    I'm no longer on my H's health insurance due to penalties and my own employer but if we did not supply proof of marriage (and proof that we remain married) I would have to seek health insurance elsewhere. 


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  • flantasticflantastic member
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    edited September 2023
    knottie6bf706e539c5aa73 said:
    How unbelievably judgemental of some of the posters on here. I hope they feel stupid now that Humanist weddings are actually a thing and yes they are called Man and Wife; Bride and Groom, who are married even though they didn’t sign legal paperwork. 

    For anyone who wants legal protection, there is such a thing as wills and trusts , which one bride clearly stated she had done but was still hounded for!!!! 

    Many people now sign prenups because of the unfair entitlement that comes with legal red tape, surely it’s more sensible to have a commitment ceremony in the first place. 

    I’ve known a lot of unmarried couples to be much closer and united than ones that are legally bound.  So much so that the UK is changing its laws to recognise  commitment marriages to still have some legal standing. 
    If you had read closely, you would have noticed that:

    a) This thread is 5 1/2 years old. One of the posters has been dead from cancer for years.
    b) The first concern was promoting honesty with one's friends and family, nothing more.
    c) The second concern, as more details came out, was that the OP's partner's actions did not seem consistent with the level of commitment you are describing. He was potentially hedging his bets already and creating an exit strategy, in which he may have been manipulating OP and denying her some legal protection.

    No one was criticizing humanist belief or philosophical objections to making marriages a government affair, etc. That's not what was happening here. We were simply trying to provide perspective about the possible consequences of deceiving one's friends and family, or continuing the relationship without more clear communication between the partners about what they are or are not committing to.
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