Addressing Wedding Invites With a Complicated Family

Re: Addressing Wedding Invites With a Complicated Family

• MobKaz Chicago suburbs member

  

  April 2020

  Together with their families, 
  Bride
  and
  Groom 
  Request the pleasure of your company....
  
  
  

  

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• Jen4948 Houston member

  

  April 2020

  The hosts of your wedding are the persons issuing the invitations, receiving the responses, making the arrangements for the guests to receive hospitality, and acting as point persons for the guests.
  
  Neither the finances (who's paying) nor who raised you determines who the hosts are.  Wedding invitations are not playbills.
  
  I agree that the "Together with their families" wording @MobKaz suggests is reasonable in your situation.

  

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• MobKaz Chicago suburbs member

  

  April 2020

  Jen4948 said:

  The hosts of your wedding are the persons issuing the invitations, receiving the responses, making the arrangements for the guests to receive hospitality, and acting as point persons for the guests.
  
  Neither the finances (who's paying) nor who raised you determines who the hosts are.  Wedding invitations are not playbills.
  
  I agree that the "Together with their families" wording @MobKaz suggests is reasonable in your situation.

  This thread made me very nostalgic towards “boards of yore” and @CMGragain :-(. 

  

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  April 2020

  MobKaz said:

  Jen4948 said:

  The hosts of your wedding are the persons issuing the invitations, receiving the responses, making the arrangements for the guests to receive hospitality, and acting as point persons for the guests.
  
  Neither the finances (who's paying) nor who raised you determines who the hosts are.  Wedding invitations are not playbills.
  
  I agree that the "Together with their families" wording @MobKaz suggests is reasonable in your situation.

  This thread made me very nostalgic towards “boards of yore” and @CMGragain :-(. 

  I was thinking the same thing! 

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• Jen4948 Houston member

  

  May 2020

  charlotte989875 said:

  MobKaz said:

  Jen4948 said:

  The hosts of your wedding are the persons issuing the invitations, receiving the responses, making the arrangements for the guests to receive hospitality, and acting as point persons for the guests.
  
  Neither the finances (who's paying) nor who raised you determines who the hosts are.  Wedding invitations are not playbills.
  
  I agree that the "Together with their families" wording @MobKaz suggests is reasonable in your situation.

  This thread made me very nostalgic towards “boards of yore” and @CMGragain :-(. 

  I was thinking the same thing! 

  Me three! But the same elements come up all the time - people confusing their invitations with playbills or programs. The assumption keeps coming up that "paying" = "hosting" and that parents always need to be listed even if they're divorced, remarried, or not hosting. So we have to raise the same points over and over again.

  

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• ILoveBeachMusic Indiana member

  

  May 2020

  Me four!

  

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• sidelinesally member

  

  April 30

  I have this same question, but it goes a little deeper. I can’t find any advice on this.. I am the wife of a widower- his biological daughter (whom I consider my daughter) is marrying a man who comes with very expensive taste. We are more practical and ‘average’ but have good taste. We have been left out of most of their time together, including the proposal party. Our daughter asked us how much if any we could contribute to their wedding. We gave her the amount that we feel is reasonable for a tasteful wedding. After learning of the venue and wedding size along with the band and food choices, we realize our contribution was merely a drop on the bucket for the affair. We have not been included in any conversation or asked to help in any way in the planning. Essentially, the grooms family has taken over and not looked back. We have not been asked for any friends we would like to invite - I can’t imagine how the invitations will be worded and to be honest, not even sure what role we play in any of this. What is proper etiquette in this situation ? By the way, we have never had any issues with the relationship with our daughter. 

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• geebee908 member

  

  April 30

  sidelinesally said:

  I have this same question, but it goes a little deeper. I can’t find any advice on this.. I am the wife of a widower- his biological daughter (whom I consider my daughter) is marrying a man who comes with very expensive taste. We are more practical and ‘average’ but have good taste. We have been left out of most of their time together, including the proposal party. Our daughter asked us how much if any we could contribute to their wedding. We gave her the amount that we feel is reasonable for a tasteful wedding. After learning of the venue and wedding size along with the band and food choices, we realize our contribution was merely a drop on the bucket for the affair. We have not been included in any conversation or asked to help in any way in the planning. Essentially, the grooms family has taken over and not looked back. We have not been asked for any friends we would like to invite - I can’t imagine how the invitations will be worded and to be honest, not even sure what role we play in any of this. What is proper etiquette in this situation ? By the way, we have never had any issues with the relationship with our daughter. 

  The only real given, I believe, is for the host(s) of the event to be listed. I think it's also helpful if the parents are listed in cases with a very large guest list and you are not that familiar with the couple being married so as to know why you were sent an invitation if your only connection is as friends of the parents.
  
  That said, I'm sorry you've been left out of your daughter's wedding planning. You may want to sit down with your daughter and fsil at some point and ask about their plans; waiting for them to come to you doesn't seem to be working.
  

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• ILoveBeachMusic Indiana member

  

  April 30

  @geebee908 is correct. Only the hosts are to be listed on the invitations and the hosts aren't necessarily the ones who are paying. The hosts are the ones who are the point people - they receive the guests, the rsvps and answer the questions about the wedding and reception. Traditionally this has been the bride's parents. Recently this has been the bridal couple with perhaps one or more of the parents. I agree that you should have a conversation with you daughter about the wedding planning so that you know what to expect. Of course, it should be done in a non-confrontational kind of way. If you have contributed funds to the wedding, I don't think it is out of line to request to have some guests invited.

  

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