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Addressing Wedding Invites With a Complicated Family

knottie40b6b859d5ebbc37knottie40b6b859d5ebbc37 member
First Anniversary
in Wedding Invitations & Paper
How should I word my wedding invites?! 

I want the invites to be formal, but I have no idea what to put for the “host” line. 

Many family members are contributing money towards my wedding day celebration: 

•My grandparents who raised me are paying for the venue, food, & chair rentals. 
• My dad & step-mom are paying for all the extras (florist, coordinator, decor, musicians, invitations, etc)
•My mom paid for my veil and part of my wedding dress. 
•The bride & groom are giving about $1,500 towards the wedding cost as well. 

I was thinking maybe: “The bride’s family requests your...” 

Please help! Suggestions are greatly appreciated ❤️
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Re: Addressing Wedding Invites With a Complicated Family

  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Together with their families, 
    Bride
    and
    Groom 
    Request the pleasure of your company....


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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    The hosts of your wedding are the persons issuing the invitations, receiving the responses, making the arrangements for the guests to receive hospitality, and acting as point persons for the guests.

    Neither the finances (who's paying) nor who raised you determines who the hosts are.  Wedding invitations are not playbills.

    I agree that the "Together with their families" wording @MobKaz suggests is reasonable in your situation.
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MobKaz said:
    show previous quotes
    This thread made me very nostalgic towards “boards of yore” and @CMGragain :-(. 
    I was thinking the same thing! 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    charlotte989875 said:
    show previous quotes
    I was thinking the same thing! 
    Me three! But the same elements come up all the time - people confusing their invitations with playbills or programs. The assumption keeps coming up that "paying" = "hosting" and that parents always need to be listed even if they're divorced, remarried, or not hosting. So we have to raise the same points over and over again.
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Me four!
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  • sidelinesallysidelinesally member
    First Comment
    I have this same question, but it goes a little deeper. I can’t find any advice on this.. I am the wife of a widower- his biological daughter (whom I consider my daughter) is marrying a man who comes with very expensive taste. We are more practical and ‘average’ but have good taste. We have been left out of most of their time together, including the proposal party. Our daughter asked us how much if any we could contribute to their wedding. We gave her the amount that we feel is reasonable for a tasteful wedding. After learning of the venue and wedding size along with the band and food choices, we realize our contribution was merely a drop on the bucket for the affair. We have not been included in any conversation or asked to help in any way in the planning. Essentially, the grooms family has taken over and not looked back. We have not been asked for any friends we would like to invite - I can’t imagine how the invitations will be worded and to be honest, not even sure what role we play in any of this. What is proper etiquette in this situation ? By the way, we have never had any issues with the relationship with our daughter. 
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  • geebee908geebee908 member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    sidelinesally said:
    I have this same question, but it goes a little deeper. I can’t find any advice on this.. I am the wife of a widower- his biological daughter (whom I consider my daughter) is marrying a man who comes with very expensive taste. We are more practical and ‘average’ but have good taste. We have been left out of most of their time together, including the proposal party. Our daughter asked us how much if any we could contribute to their wedding. We gave her the amount that we feel is reasonable for a tasteful wedding. After learning of the venue and wedding size along with the band and food choices, we realize our contribution was merely a drop on the bucket for the affair. We have not been included in any conversation or asked to help in any way in the planning. Essentially, the grooms family has taken over and not looked back. We have not been asked for any friends we would like to invite - I can’t imagine how the invitations will be worded and to be honest, not even sure what role we play in any of this. What is proper etiquette in this situation ? By the way, we have never had any issues with the relationship with our daughter. 
    The only real given, I believe, is for the host(s) of the event to be listed. I think it's also helpful if the parents are listed in cases with a very large guest list and you are not that familiar with the couple being married so as to know why you were sent an invitation if your only connection is as friends of the parents.

    That said, I'm sorry you've been left out of your daughter's wedding planning. You may want to sit down with your daughter and fsil at some point and ask about their plans; waiting for them to come to you doesn't seem to be working.
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @geebee908 is correct. Only the hosts are to be listed on the invitations and the hosts aren't necessarily the ones who are paying. The hosts are the ones who are the point people - they receive the guests, the rsvps and answer the questions about the wedding and reception. Traditionally this has been the bride's parents. Recently this has been the bridal couple with perhaps one or more of the parents. I agree that you should have a conversation with you daughter about the wedding planning so that you know what to expect. Of course, it should be done in a non-confrontational kind of way. If you have contributed funds to the wedding, I don't think it is out of line to request to have some guests invited.
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