Dear Prudence,
I have an awful ex. He is manipulative, insecure, a liar, and a cheater, and he brought out the absolute worst in me, too. We also work in the same industry and share mutual friends. It’s been OK for the most part, but I’m having trouble getting past his public persona. He puts on a front to his followers (I think his need for attention and “fame” is really unhealthy), which people seem to really buy into (I did too, until I got to know another side of him). I think the right thing to do, for my own mental health, is to just ignore it. I know who he really is, and that should be enough. Plus, it’s possible that others will figure this out on their own or already have. I think it would probably damage my career to say anything publicly.
But I struggle when I see people buy into this act on Twitter. He pretends he is an ally for women while breaking them down privately. For example, he still associates with someone who sexually abused multiple women in our industry, including me, even after I confronted him about it. All in all, it was an incredibly toxic relationship, and I’m happy to be out of it. But I can’t help but feel deep frustration, sometimes disgust, when I see him purporting to be an ally, and then see people I know and respect praising those views. I’m just not sure what the way forward is. Any advice?
—Professional “Good Guy”