Dear Prudence,
Suddenly my hubbie is using slurs constantly and without shame as he rails against the groups that he feels threaten “society,” which seems to mean himself and other straight white men. He rants almost daily about needing to re-institute lynching and his desire to violently murder various groups of people (ethnic groups, gender identities, the homeless, etc.). If I disagree with him he flies off the handle. He often accuses me of being brainwashed or a “liberal sheep who will repeat anything the leftist media tells me to” when I try to moderate some of the more alarming things he says. Just six months ago, we were the family who had BLM and Pride flags prominently displayed outside our home, marched in the George Floyd Protests, identified as feminists, etc.! I feel like my husband was abducted by aliens and replaced with an evil clone.
I want to believe that this is just misplaced frustration, and he does have a point that he has been victimized before at work for being an outspoken cis white man … but now he sees attacks everywhere. How can I help him come back to himself? I miss my loving, caring man who believed in equality and safety for everyone! For a long time now, I’ve been making excuses that he just needs to vent, and he doesn’t really mean the things he says. But I cannot live in a home where serious slurs against Black, gay, and trans people, and other bigoted attacks pepper daily conversations. It makes my blood boil and makes me think constantly how if I met him today I would NEVER even speak to him, let alone date/marry such a bigoted individual. What should I do?
— Husband Switched