The last two weeks have proven to be a turning point for me. My therapist had been telling me I didn't need to see him anymore, that I was in a better place, I had better tools, and now it was just going to be living with some of this, working through it, and practicing the new tools. I kept going for about 3 months after that. My last session all I did was vent about work in a normal type of manner and he brought all of this up again. He said if I wanted to keep coming as a check-in, it was fine with him, but it wasn't necessary anymore. So, the week before last, I had canceled all remaining appointments. Then, BFF came into town which was just a balm for my heart. Then, torrid affair happened which was good for me in so many ways, I can't even begin to summarize it. Friday night I had stopped at a friend's house who had made me the most amazing gift and then sent me an amazing message. I spent Saturday morning in the park reading and thinking and I actually started crying because I realized I was smiling and content and felt happy. I hadn't felt that way for so long and it was almost frightening. Went out with friends later that afternoon and they all commented how different I looked and sounded and how happy they were to see me smiling.
So, I called my friends who live in Sacramento and who have been trying to get me to move out there (they lived here previously). Sacramento had been going to the top of the list b/c my 2 main wants were liberal and warm...then living lifestyle, COL, etc. All of the cities I had on the list were either liberal or warm, not both. After living in MO through all of this, I'm not willing to budge on liberal state, at all. I had tried looking at Miami, but the COL/wages there for my career are laughable. Like, wages I made decades ago. As I'm discussing the idea that's percolating in my head, L interrupts me and says that J is seriously working on joining the Air Force and the timing would put me moving to CA about the time he would be leaving for almost a year and a half. As far as they're concerned, I can live with L rent-free until J gets back and starts his career. J lived with me for awhile and L is one of my closest friends. I have no fear living with them at all. My aunt has retired and lives 2 hours from our parents, so I know she can get there to help them if they need me. L brought up that there's a direct flight ever day between CA and MO where I'd be, so I can get to them in a true emergency, it would just be dropping money at that point.
Y'all know I'm a big skeptic and atheist and I don't believe in signs, but damn. These are some nice coincidences lining up for me.
So, I've pulled the info re: getting the paralegal certification again, since my experience won't be as significant in another state. After I get the certification, I can pull in state specific/concentration areas, which will get me caught up pretty quickly to hit the ground running career-wise. I'm picking up a 2nd job so that I can pay off some debt/save money faster. Ideally, I'd like to hit there with no debt and my car paid off and a significant nest egg for safety. I'm not sure I can exactly hit that goal, but I can be damn close. And then, I might just be damn nomad in CA for a month or so, getting to know the city and state before starting work. It's weird to look around and realize, I don't really have any roots now and I can go. So, my plan is to move out of this godforsaken state by next June when my lease is up. It feels really good to have this plan and steps to be moving again.
So, my weekend was full of thinking and dreaming and planning, as well as lots of naps.
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