this is the code for the render ad
Wedding Woes

Monday!

The last two weeks have proven to be a turning point for me.  My therapist had been telling me I didn't need to see him anymore, that I was in a better place, I had better tools, and now it was just going to be living with some of this, working through it, and practicing the new tools.  I kept going for about 3 months after that.  My last session all I did was vent about work in a normal type of manner and he brought all of this up again.  He said if I wanted to keep coming as a check-in, it was fine with him, but it wasn't necessary anymore.  So, the week before last, I had canceled all remaining appointments.  Then, BFF came into town which was just a balm for my heart.  Then, torrid affair happened which was good for me in so many ways, I can't even begin to summarize it.  Friday night I had stopped at a friend's house who had made me the most amazing gift and then sent me an amazing message.  I spent Saturday morning in the park reading and thinking and I actually started crying because I realized I was smiling and content and felt happy.  I hadn't felt that way for so long and it was almost frightening.  Went out with friends later that afternoon and they all commented how different I looked and sounded and how happy they were to see me smiling.

So, I called my friends who live in Sacramento and who have been trying to get me to move out there (they lived here previously).  Sacramento had been going to the top of the list b/c my 2 main wants were liberal and warm...then living lifestyle, COL, etc.  All of the cities I had on the list were either liberal or warm, not both.  After living in MO through all of this, I'm not willing to budge on liberal state, at all.  I had tried looking at Miami, but the COL/wages there for my career are laughable.  Like, wages I made decades ago.  As I'm discussing the idea that's percolating in my head, L interrupts me and says that J is seriously working on joining the Air Force and the timing would put me moving to CA about the time he would be leaving for almost a year and a half.  As far as they're concerned, I can live with L rent-free until J gets back and starts his career.  J lived with me for awhile and L is one of my closest friends.  I have no fear living with them at all.  My aunt has retired and lives 2 hours from our parents, so I know she can get there to help them if they need me.  L brought up that there's a direct flight ever day between CA and MO where I'd be, so I can get to them in a true emergency, it would just be dropping money at that point.  

Y'all know I'm a big skeptic and atheist and I don't believe in signs, but damn.  These are some nice coincidences lining up for me.

So, I've pulled the info re: getting the paralegal certification again, since my experience won't be as significant in another state.  After I get the certification, I can pull in state specific/concentration areas, which will get me caught up pretty quickly to hit the ground running career-wise.  I'm picking up a 2nd job so that I can pay off some debt/save money faster.  Ideally, I'd like to hit there with no debt and my car paid off and a significant nest egg for safety.  I'm not sure I can exactly hit that goal, but I can be damn close.  And then, I might just be damn nomad in CA for a month or so, getting to know the city and state before starting work.  It's weird to look around and realize, I don't really have any roots now and I can go.  So, my plan is to move out of this godforsaken state by next June when my lease is up.  It feels really good to have this plan and steps to be moving again.

So, my weekend was full of thinking and dreaming and planning, as well as lots of naps. 


«1

Re: Monday!

  • I love all of this so much for you @VarunaTT!! I’m so happy to hear how well things are going for you!! You’ve had so much trauma the last few years I’m just so glad there’s so much to look forward to! 
  • Weekend was wet. It stormed all day on Saturday. H was at camp repairing a furnace so me and Baby M had to wing it all day. Took a few walks under the umbrella and went into Barnes and Noble for the first time and bought a ton of few books. I’m trying to not freak out about taking him inside somewhere but I needed something new to entertain him for a bit. 

    Back at work for a short week, I’m taking Friday off for my birthday! 
  • @VarunaTT, That's a lot of great news!  I'm glad to hear you're happy and in a much better place.  That's also exciting to be taking those first steps for planning a move to Sacramento.

    FWIW, the last two years I lived in CA, I felt really stifled.  I'd had a bad breakup.  Then my father had passed away three weeks later.  Those two things happened at the beginning of my last year of college. I was tied down to finish school.  But then I wasn't.  I started planning my move.  At first, I didn't even know where.  Just somewhere else, while I was in a perfect place in life to do that.  I chose NOLA and started making more concrete plans.  It was scary but, once I arrived, I felt like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon.  It was such a wonderful and freeing fresh start.  I hope it will be something similar for you.

    Though now I'm ready for my next fresh start.  I've talked about it on here some.  My H and I are tentatively planning a move 2-3 years from now.  Nothing close to concrete plans yet and we might end up not leaving.  But we are in the "dreaming/maybe/big picture plans" phase.  Right now, I'm on a strong lean to the Carolinas and we are planning a trip there sometime next year.  My H has never been.  I have, but that was 20+ years ago.  Back when that area was a contender for my previous chrysalis, lol.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I love that for you, @VarunaTT! I think that's exactly what you need, and will be so good for you. FWIW, one of my good friends moved out to SF about 10 years ago. She loves it, but of course it's ungodly expensive. She was telling me that a lot of cool people who just can't afford SF anymore are moving to Sacramento. 

    It was a good weekend here. We got a lot of chores done and spent a lot of time looking at bathroom stuff. We're settled on tile which seems to really set the tone for picking out everything else. I didn't expect to really like them, but I'm leaning toward a free-standing tub. Does anyone have one? Thoughts? 
  • @short+sassy I'm so exhausted by where I'm living right now, I can't even begin to explain it.  I'm so well known in this small city, especially with a small queer community, that on Friday, I got a shitty biphobic text from K who had found out about my torrid affair (I have now blocked their number).  I did dig until I found out who dropped the news to K.  It was done to hurt K, not me (which isn't nice; not my concern though).  I'm not mad at this person and I even understand why they did it (K is indulging in shennanigans), but I told them it wasn't their place to share my business and to just block K.  I don't hate it here, but it has been time to go for awhile.  And realizing I had no other concerns but my own was weird.

    I basically just listed big cities where I already had friends who I knew would help with local knowledge, so I would have some support in moving.  Then, liberal, warm, and really that just left Sacramento, but I wasn't willing to just go without looking for sure.  But it does seem to line up the best for me, for many reasons now.
  • I'll post some photos from the weekend, but first of all - how do you do the spoiler that hides them. I think they're going to be fairly large, so just in case.

    Anyways weekend was good.
    Saturday M & my mum's bf did like 60% of the stones in our yard. It took awhile, so they couldn't finish. It's not super hard for M to finish if he does a little bit over a week for when I'm done.
    Meanwhile, my mum and I took BK to the park.
    We did bring her snacks, but we saw coolest thing! Mama squirrel was transferring her babies from one tree to another.
    I got a photo but it's hard to see. It's so tiny. M thinks it was that day or day before newborn.

    We left fairly soon because we realized none of us had anything to drink lmao Whoops! Stopped at Dairy Queen for at least some ice cream before getting home - at least mild liquid so we didn't dehydrate.
    BK ate her ice cream and some of mine too *eye roll* Savage kids.

    Luckily my mum set up BK's little pool, so she splashed around. I'm not a fan of being splashed, but it was so warm I didn't entirely care lol
    BK didn't nap, but she did have quiet time on my mum's couch. She nearly fell asleep but nope ...
    Dinner was good.
    BK made M & I lay in her bed with her lol Twin bed with 3 of us? Yeh sounds great lmao

    Sunday we went to mall - I had to do some returns, and was hoping to look at a couple places but BK was just not having it - she was doing ok, but you could tell it was getting old really quick. Plus BK doesn't mask, so we don't go out much. We've tried but she's 3, most of the time she's taking off her shoes.
  • As for my weekend, it was mostly its usual.  But my posting with @kvruns about flooring was a reminder enough that I did start doing a little purging of my bedroom/house clutter.  It wasn't much...one garbage bag of clothes for Goodwill and a few things thrown away.  I would have liked more progress.  But at least it was baby steps.

    The other nightmare I have going on that started last week, is it was confirmed on Friday that the sewer line feeding one of my rental duplexes has collapsed.  The "good" news is, it's 100% on the city side.  But the "bad" news of it being on the city side is we are having to get all up and personal with the complete and utter incompetence of a utility company.  They, along with my plumber and husband, were there for hours...until past 8PM...on Friday.  The Sewerage and Water Board emergency maintenance people were supposed to come back out on Saturday to finish the job.  But they didn't.  So the saga for us, as well as my poor tenants who haven't even been able to flush their toilets since late Fri. afternoon, continues.

    Including SW&B acting all "brand new" this morning and said they would send out a "pump truck".  They already uselessly did that on Fri., only to determine it doesn't do any good to try and "pump the pipe out" when it  is already collapsed.  My H, with a lot of arguing and frustration, seemed to get them back on track and supposedly they will be out there today to replace their pipe.  Like they were supposed to have done on Saturday.  Such a bunch of dumb, f**king morons.  As usual.  No wonder our sewer/water bills are 3-4x the national average, because part of it is these rampant inefficiencies going on.   

    And even though this issue is 100% on them and, on a bigger scale, the failing infrastructure of the city.  Doesn't mean that I haven't already had to spend $1,000+ and counting on what the property owner (me) is "responsible for" to get the problem corrected.

    A blessing in disguise that has come from all of this is we have discovered the pipes running under this property have already been replaced at some point in time.  And they are "the good stuff", PVC.  They will last longer than my own lifetime.  The worse case scenario would have been if the breach had been the pipes on my side, especially if they had been under the slab, because then it would have been totally my responsibility to replace them.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • That is amazing @VarunaTT!!  Fingers crossed this all really works out for you.  I'm so glad things have turned around for you.  

    OMG did I need the long weekend.  Wednesday night we went to my sister's IL's for my foster nephew's bday.  Sis's FIL is in hospice with end-stage cancer and it was so hard to see him (he and sis' MIL wanted everyone over; we were outside and most people were in the pool).  I took my nephews (other sis's kids) home with me for a sleepover.  

    Thursday was mom's bday.  Sis and foster nephew came over.  I got a pic of ALL the grandsons (kiddo included), which hadn't happened in a long time.  I took my nephews home just in time to beat traffic and nasty weather.  They have closed down the main split that takes you through downtown Indy, so the highway that runs around the city is packed at all times with the diverted traffic and rush hour starts very early.  

    Friday, DH played hooky.  We went shoe shopping for DefConn.  We did our weekly shopping and boating prep. The rest of the evening was pretty relaxed. 

    Saturday, we woke up and it was still crappy.  We delayed getting out on the boat until almost noon.  It really worked out because it cleared up as soon as we got on the water.  It turned out to be a really great day.  The kiddo, his BFF, his BFF's gf, and FIL were all out with us.  We came home and watched "Gunpowder Milkshake", which was very interesting.  Great cast and I really liked the theme of the movie.  I also appreciated that while it had some gore, it was never too much and definitely felt cartoonish and not that serious. 

    Sunday, we ran to Lowe's to get stuff to do a minor repair on the boat.  We then did a thorough clean on our downstairs.  We had a ton of downtime in the afternoon/early evening, so DH and I just sat on the deck and talked about all the things. 

    Summer break is over next week.  I'm torn between not wanting it to end, but craving the 'routine' of the school year.  I'm definitely not ready for DefConn to be in his last year of elementary. 
  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited July 2021
    I love that for you, @VarunaTT! I think that's exactly what you need, and will be so good for you. FWIW, one of my good friends moved out to SF about 10 years ago. She loves it, but of course it's ungodly expensive. She was telling me that a lot of cool people who just can't afford SF anymore are moving to Sacramento. 

    It was a good weekend here. We got a lot of chores done and spent a lot of time looking at bathroom stuff. We're settled on tile which seems to really set the tone for picking out everything else. I didn't expect to really like them, but I'm leaning toward a free-standing tub. Does anyone have one? Thoughts? 
    I personally don't have one, but I think they are great.  One of the advantages of a free standing tub they area cheaper to replace than a more typical in-wall one.  In my early real investing days, I looked at the cost of replacing an in-wall tub because it "seemed" like it would be NBD.  Oh, but no.  It is a very big deal, it's a major renovation ($3,000+, plus the cost of the tub) because it involves a lot of labor to to take out the old tub and re-do some of the plumbing and stuff around it.

    The cost of the tub itself is typically higher for a free-standing than an in-wall one, but it's a more upscale look and the installation (as mentioned above) is a lot less.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Oh and Varuna I love your plan!
  • @VarunaTT - Sounds like great plans!

    I had off work Thurs & Fri.  Thursday I spent the day with my mom and took her to visit some of her friends who live about an hour away.  We had a nice visit and lunch.  Then we went and visited my Dad's first cousin who is in a care facility.  She and my Dad were pretty much raised as siblings so I always think her as more of an aunt.  We had kind of last touch with her in recent years but heard she had moved into the care center.  We had a great visit.  She was in good spirits and doing well for being 89 years old.  She was so happy to see us and we'll try to get back soon.  

    Friday I did a little solo road trip to IKEA and then a couple of clothing consignment shops.  It was a nice relaxing day.  I was home by 3:00 PM.  DH and I went out to dinner.  Saturday I had the stomach bug DH had on Wednesday.  I did laundry but otherwise laid around all day.  Sunday I felt much better.  We did recliner church and then ran to Sam's Club and a couple of other errands for my Mom's 80th birthday party coming up in a couple of weeks.

    Speaking of the party, my sister is coming from out of state for that weekend.  Except we don't really know when she's coming or who is coming with her (her DH and/or grandson).  I asked her to let me know by Friday so we can make reservations for dinner out with Mom.  Not sure where she's staying.  Both my brothers offered but I don't think she's been in touch with them either.  Ugh.  Let's get things planned!

    Back to work today for my first full week of the month lol!  Otherwise SSDD.
    image
  • Had such a nice weekend! I timed my solo beach trip perfectly- got in 3 great hours and got home before the major thunderstorms. Really glad I enjoyed it, will hopefully be able to sneak in some more beach mornings. It means a little over an hour drive each way but that’s the same as my commute pre Covid so doesn’t feel too bad. 

    This week is all about party prep! I’m massively into the Olympics and throwing a birthday/opening ceremonies party Friday. Having it mostly catered, sushi for Japan Obvi, but have a few things to make and need to acquire alcohol at some point. 
    Ahh I love that you love the Olympics as much as I do. I always used to have my friends over to watch the opening ceremonies. 
  • Had such a nice weekend! I timed my solo beach trip perfectly- got in 3 great hours and got home before the major thunderstorms. Really glad I enjoyed it, will hopefully be able to sneak in some more beach mornings. It means a little over an hour drive each way but that’s the same as my commute pre Covid so doesn’t feel too bad. 

    This week is all about party prep! I’m massively into the Olympics and throwing a birthday/opening ceremonies party Friday. Having it mostly catered, sushi for Japan Obvi, but have a few things to make and need to acquire alcohol at some point. 
    Ahh I love that you love the Olympics as much as I do. I always used to have my friends over to watch the opening ceremonies. 
    I’m low key olympics obsessed. Im super into gymnastics and all the women’s track, especially the distance events. I can’t wait!!
  • Had such a nice weekend! I timed my solo beach trip perfectly- got in 3 great hours and got home before the major thunderstorms. Really glad I enjoyed it, will hopefully be able to sneak in some more beach mornings. It means a little over an hour drive each way but that’s the same as my commute pre Covid so doesn’t feel too bad. 

    This week is all about party prep! I’m massively into the Olympics and throwing a birthday/opening ceremonies party Friday. Having it mostly catered, sushi for Japan Obvi, but have a few things to make and need to acquire alcohol at some point. 
    Ahh I love that you love the Olympics as much as I do. I always used to have my friends over to watch the opening ceremonies. 
    I’m low key olympics obsessed. Im super into gymnastics and all the women’s track, especially the distance events. I can’t wait!!
    We're going to an Olympics party at my sister's on Friday for opening ceremonies.  We do it for every Olympics, summer and winter.  I cannot wait for gymnastics, volleyball, track and field, and all.the.swimming and diving. 
  • mrsconn23 said:
    Had such a nice weekend! I timed my solo beach trip perfectly- got in 3 great hours and got home before the major thunderstorms. Really glad I enjoyed it, will hopefully be able to sneak in some more beach mornings. It means a little over an hour drive each way but that’s the same as my commute pre Covid so doesn’t feel too bad. 

    This week is all about party prep! I’m massively into the Olympics and throwing a birthday/opening ceremonies party Friday. Having it mostly catered, sushi for Japan Obvi, but have a few things to make and need to acquire alcohol at some point. 
    Ahh I love that you love the Olympics as much as I do. I always used to have my friends over to watch the opening ceremonies. 
    I’m low key olympics obsessed. Im super into gymnastics and all the women’s track, especially the distance events. I can’t wait!!
    We're going to an Olympics party at my sister's on Friday for opening ceremonies.  We do it for every Olympics, summer and winter.  I cannot wait for gymnastics, volleyball, track and field, and all.the.swimming and diving. 
    My birthday is on Saturday and always corresponds with either opening ceremonies or the first week and it’s fantastic! I had my 11th birthday party the night Kerri Strug landed the vault in the ‘96 team competition where we all gathered around the TV to watch the final. 
  • mrsconn23 said:
    Had such a nice weekend! I timed my solo beach trip perfectly- got in 3 great hours and got home before the major thunderstorms. Really glad I enjoyed it, will hopefully be able to sneak in some more beach mornings. It means a little over an hour drive each way but that’s the same as my commute pre Covid so doesn’t feel too bad. 

    This week is all about party prep! I’m massively into the Olympics and throwing a birthday/opening ceremonies party Friday. Having it mostly catered, sushi for Japan Obvi, but have a few things to make and need to acquire alcohol at some point. 
    Ahh I love that you love the Olympics as much as I do. I always used to have my friends over to watch the opening ceremonies. 
    I’m low key olympics obsessed. Im super into gymnastics and all the women’s track, especially the distance events. I can’t wait!!
    We're going to an Olympics party at my sister's on Friday for opening ceremonies.  We do it for every Olympics, summer and winter.  I cannot wait for gymnastics, volleyball, track and field, and all.the.swimming and diving. 
    My birthday is on Saturday and always corresponds with either opening ceremonies or the first week and it’s fantastic! I had my 11th birthday party the night Kerri Strug landed the vault in the ‘96 team competition where we all gathered around the TV to watch the final. 
    Love a summer Olympics birthday!
  • I'm not watching the Olympics b/c of their stance on hormones in athletes that is utter bullshit.

    I'm reading this book, "Quit Like A Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol." I'm only in chapter 3 and, not only do I absolutely see myself in these pages, it is eye-opening in the things it's pointing out re: alcohol.  Some I have thought of, some I haven't.  Highly recommend.
  • I'm also excited about the olympics, too. I love gymnastics, but I'm also a big fan of the USWN soccer team. I was all excited that first game is Wednesday and I can watch while WFH, until I saw that it's at 4:30 am. So I won't be catching that one live. 
  • So much olympics watching potential this year. I never watch TV while working from home but I sure will for the Olympics. Opening ceremonies are being show live in the US at 7 eastern time and replayed at prime time. 
  • Olympics lover here too! Idk how much I will get to watch because it isn't broadcast here as much as it is back home. I may have to buy a special sports package from our cable provider but can't find any solid information on it. Of course, my absolute favorite event (equestrian cross country) is happening on my travel day so I will probably have to watch reruns. 🤷

    Our weekend was fine, nothing special. DH is off all week for Eid and it's mildly annoying because nothing gets done when he's around. But I am going to lunch with my friend's on Wednesday and we are leaving the kids at home so that's exciting. 

    @VarunaTT I also love your plan and hope it all comes together for you. 💕
  • @VarunaTT, your plan sounds awesome and it looks like your getting all those ducks lined up.  The sunshine will be excellent.
    @ei34, that view.  Super jealous of that view!
    @short+sassy does it ever end? 
    @MissKittyDanger, BK is just too cute
    @kerbohl, that’s kinda uncalled for.  It should affect the gift you give, but I can’t imagine asking someone to chip in for wedding related costs even if it’s not FOR the wedding!

    Weekend was good. I’m sad for my parents. There’s a double standard in my brother’s household.  Apparently, my parents are not allowed to drive their grandkids around in their own car or my brothers. The kids are 3 and 4.5 years old.  I found out today, that my brother’s SIL is allowed to drive them. No idea why they banned my parents.  They had no accidents, they aren’t shaky or forgetful, they don’t speed and drive incredibly safe.  In fact, they’re on that insurance program that gives you a discount for safe drivers.  My parents always predicted my SIL’s side could take the kids without SIL or bro in the car, but it was confirmed this weekend and I’m so angry for my parents! I don’t have the heart to tell them.  I also can’t figure out a damn reason why they’re banned from that.  My parents bend over backwards for my brother and his wife.  Literally would do anything for them and spend all their time running errands and babysit for them.  So they’re good enough to babysit. Just not take them anywhere. 
    It is for the wedding, it's paying for my meal at the wedding, which ... I don't know, I'd rather bring my own food then.  I can't see myself eating $15 worth of sandwiches, and I think it's a dry wedding if I'm not mistaken, so I'm not drinking that amount either!  Though I'm glad it's a dry wedding since it isn't at a meal time and things might get hairy if people are drinking on an empty stomach.  They are doing that right.

  • @VarunaTT, your plan sounds awesome and it looks like your getting all those ducks lined up.  The sunshine will be excellent.
    @ei34, that view.  Super jealous of that view!
    @short+sassy does it ever end? 
    @MissKittyDanger, BK is just too cute
    @kerbohl, that’s kinda uncalled for.  It should affect the gift you give, but I can’t imagine asking someone to chip in for wedding related costs even if it’s not FOR the wedding!

    Weekend was good. I’m sad for my parents. There’s a double standard in my brother’s household.  Apparently, my parents are not allowed to drive their grandkids around in their own car or my brothers. The kids are 3 and 4.5 years old.  I found out today, that my brother’s SIL is allowed to drive them. No idea why they banned my parents.  They had no accidents, they aren’t shaky or forgetful, they don’t speed and drive incredibly safe.  In fact, they’re on that insurance program that gives you a discount for safe drivers.  My parents always predicted my SIL’s side could take the kids without SIL or bro in the car, but it was confirmed this weekend and I’m so angry for my parents! I don’t have the heart to tell them.  I also can’t figure out a damn reason why they’re banned from that.  My parents bend over backwards for my brother and his wife.  Literally would do anything for them and spend all their time running errands and babysit for them.  So they’re good enough to babysit. Just not take them anywhere. 
    That would piss me off as a grandparent! Good enough to babysit but not to take somewhere, huh.

    @VarunaTT you plan sounds great. Glad you feel so content and happy.

    We had a great visit with DS1 and DIL. We took them shopping to buy some furniture as a much belated wedding present (they wanted to wait until they owned a house vs. renting). They found a great quality furniture store - now I want to buy some new furniture. LOL, I won't but it is tempting. We got back early this afternoon so I went and worked out. Now I'm catching up on email, Knot and other stuff. H leaves Thursday for a trip to see his dad and have a meeting at his undergrad school. I'm staying here to watch dogs. They did fine with the sitter this weekend but the cost adds up when you are talking almost a week of dog sitting! She is great though.

    I've become obsessed with Norwex products! I bought some stuff from a party hosted by a long time friend. The party was to raise money for a charity (the consultant donates 25% of her commission to the charity). Now I'm going to host one to raise money for my Y. I don't really like having MLM parties but really like the products and like the idea of raising money for the Y. It will all be done on FB so that takes a lot of the work out of hosting.

    The rest of the week is pretty normal. We only have around 34 more days until vacation!!! I can't wait.
  • Oh that's some bullshit, @CharmedPam.  I'd strongly encourage your parents to start picking and choosing when they're 'available' to babysit because they might have errands or something. 

    Furthermore how are your parents safe enough to babysit, but not drive them places? What the hell kind of logic are the operating with here? Can you talk to your brother and see if you can garner a reason and/or tell him that it's some fuckery to do this to your parents?  

    I hate the family preference shit when there's no damn reason for it.  
  • @CharmedPam that is some b.s for your parents and I would be 100% questioning it! My mum doesn't drive, but her bf does BUT they don't take BK anywhere on sheer factor of no carseat {they're waiting for the option of her being in a booster, so it's easier but my mum has no issues with taking her on the bus}
    IL's haven't taken her anywhere on the only factor that the carseat isn't installed.
    Would I like SFIL take her in the car solo? Tbh, with his health likely not but he's also one to err on side of caution because of that. They have enough nearby to walk that it's safer.

    But I have never told them they can't take her anywhere.

    Can I ask your Bro wtf because that's ridiculous and I WANT TO KNOW WTF
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards