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Wedding Planning in COVID times...anyone else want to discuss?

knottiede7af3894bf321a6knottiede7af3894bf321a6 member
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in Wedding Woes
Hi! We've had to move our wedding back twice and now I'm startinging to get paranoid that moving to this fall was a bad choice. We're in NYC where vaccinations are decent, but I can't stop worrying that we may be forced to move again if things get worse...yet again. I want to make it clear that I do not agree with reimposing restrictions, especially for wedding parties where everyone is vaccinated, but I feel powerless in this and it's heartbreaking to still have this uncertainty. Does anyone else have a fall wedding & want to talk? I feel so lost without having someone who understands to discuss these thoughts with (aside from my fiancé but I think he's not as nuts about it as I am, LOL). 

Or more generally, have wedding venues been vocal with local government that they will not comply with any reimposed covid measures? At this point, it would not only be torture for the couples and their families but could shutter venues. :(
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Re: Wedding Planning in COVID times...anyone else want to discuss?

  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    It's time to start planning as-if everything will be open, and like someone planning an outdoor wedding, they still have to plan "in case of rain" - make your plan of what you'll do "just in case"..  "Things in this world you don't have control over" though I'm doubtful we'll have another shutdown..
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    I will say, I went to a wedding in Jersey in May before all the restrictions in our area were lifted. I was fully vaccinated by then, as were many of the guests. I still went prepared to wear a mask. The staff at the venue told us we didn't have to wear masks, and they didn't seem to be concerned about enforcing many rules. 

    I personally don't think we'll see another shutdown, and I think they'll have a hard time enforcing it after we spent a 1.5 years not being able to eat indoors or go to a game. I do have faith that the vaccination numbers in NY/NJ are pretty high. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    climbingsingle said:
    I will say, I went to a wedding in Jersey in May before all the restrictions in our area were lifted. I was fully vaccinated by then, as were many of the guests. I still went prepared to wear a mask. The staff at the venue told us we didn't have to wear masks, and they didn't seem to be concerned about enforcing many rules. 

    I personally don't think we'll see another shutdown, and I think they'll have a hard time enforcing it after we spent a 1.5 years not being able to eat indoors or go to a game. I do have faith that the vaccination numbers in NY/NJ are pretty high. 
    A lot of this.  If you were planning in an area with lower rates I'd be more concerned not that the places would not be open (because those were largely places that didn't close) but for the safety of your guests.  
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  • knottiede7af3894bf321a6knottiede7af3894bf321a6 member
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    I agree we won't see another shutdown, as you can't logically mandate that if you won't mandate vaccinations....
    BUT I do worry about masks being reimposed. Hate to sound like an anti-masker but I want to have a fun wedding where I can see everyone smiling and dancing and have nice normal photos to look back on years later...and making a bride walk down the aisle in a mask is ridiculous in my opinion...
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    knottiede7af3894bf321a6 said:
    I agree we won't see another shutdown, as you can't logically mandate that if you won't mandate vaccinations....
    BUT I do worry about masks being reimposed. Hate to sound like an anti-masker but I want to have a fun wedding where I can see everyone smiling and dancing and have nice normal photos to look back on years later...and making a bride walk down the aisle in a mask is ridiculous in my opinion...
    Honestly, IMO put that as the least of your concerns.  

    Whether or not we'll need to mask is going to be based on the percent vaccinated and infected in your area.  

    I'm taking my unvaccinated kids on vacation.  Sure I wish I'd get only photos of them with their masks off but they'll wear masks JIC.

    Also, I've seen shield-type masks used in theater productions that allow for the face to be seen.  If you're double vaccinated and masks become a requirement that could be an option if it comes to it.   
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    knottiede7af3894bf321a6 said:
    I agree we won't see another shutdown, as you can't logically mandate that if you won't mandate vaccinations....
    BUT I do worry about masks being reimposed. Hate to sound like an anti-masker but I want to have a fun wedding where I can see everyone smiling and dancing and have nice normal photos to look back on years later...and making a bride walk down the aisle in a mask is ridiculous in my opinion...
    I mean, if you’re in an area with low vaccinations, high delta variant, and you’re inside- I don’t know how ridiculous this is. 

    But to your point- I’m in upstate New York; overall in the state vax rates are going up, slowly but 18+ like 65% are vaccinated. I don’t think we’ll go back to lockdown unless we see the Delta variant resistant to current vaccinations. But if we do- why wouldn’t you comply? This really sucks and I really understand that but these requirements are to keep people safe, including you and your guests. 
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    Idk if anyone is coming in from out of town/state but you area may be safe but other places may not be.
    Unless someone is outwardly mentioning, you may not know who isn't fully or at all vaxed.
    Even if it's not a mandate, I would reconsider your position/thoughts on masks.
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  • knottiede7af3894bf321a6knottiede7af3894bf321a6 member
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    I was hoping to find others who understand how I'm feeling, but it seems like just more people who don't get it and easily shrug off my concerns.  I'm sorry but vacation photos are not the same as wedding photos. And YES, walking down the aisle in a mask is ridiculous - that is meant to be a very special, intimate moment between the groom and the bride that you look back on for the rest of your life, can't you understand why I would want to see my fiancé's face? This is a milestone in my life and something I've been looking forward to for over 32 years - of course I want it to go as close as possible to how I had hoped.... and I would never put anyone at risk, I listen to the science and experts who have time and time again said that vaccinated people are safe from the delta variant (meaning mild symptoms at most for MOST people).

    I was just looking for some empathy as it's been 1.5 years now and it's time to celebrate love and live again. I'm afraid we will never have the wedding we wanted and it is heartbreaking to me after dreaming about it for so long and supporting so many others through their dream weddings.
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    knottiede7af3894bf321a6 said:
    I was hoping to find others who understand how I'm feeling, but it seems like just more people who don't get it and easily shrug off my concerns.  I'm sorry but vacation photos are not the same as wedding photos. And YES, walking down the aisle in a mask is ridiculous - that is meant to be a very special, intimate moment between the groom and the bride that you look back on for the rest of your life, can't you understand why I would want to see my fiancé's face? This is a milestone in my life and something I've been looking forward to for over 32 years - of course I want it to go as close as possible to how I had hoped.... and I would never put anyone at risk, I listen to the science and experts who have time and time again said that vaccinated people are safe from the delta variant (meaning mild symptoms at most for MOST people).

    I was just looking for some empathy as it's been 1.5 years now and it's time to celebrate love and live again. I'm afraid we will never have the wedding we wanted and it is heartbreaking to me after dreaming about it for so long and supporting so many others through their dream weddings.
    I think everyone who replied was being very empathetic to your situation and provided sound advice to a newer better strategy for your planning fears - as we've all been in the lockdowns and coming out of them together it's time to change our thinking because everything that can be done has and there is a point that people need to start to live life again!  Sure, some of your guests will attend in masks, mandated or not, because it makes THEM feel more comfortable, and that's okay right now!  Life involves risk and your guests will determine if the risk of attending your wedding whether there's a hurricane coming through or viral variant or snowstorm for whether or not they'll be there to celebrate with you, and this includes your VIP's.  Some guests may have conditions that predispose them to risks you aren't aware of, it's just like accommodating a guest with mobility issues, we don't ask them to walk up stairs if they're unable, if a person is masking and not mandated it's our job to accept them as they are and have empathy that they are doing what is necessary for them to take care of themselves (just as there are some who cannot mask as well!).  Bridal vision sometimes needs to be reminded that life is life, the people who want to be there that day with you will be, the caterer will hopefully be following food safety and handling procedures as outlined by their license to ensure no one gets food poisoning, the limo driver will hopefully be following the laws of the road to get you to your wedding safely and on time.  Dream weddings are just that, dreams.  "What no one tells the bride" is your dreams don't involve the free will human variant nor the crazy cousin Eddy and Great Aunt Gravel Gurtie because your guests aren't robots..
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    knottiede7af3894bf321a6 said:
    I was hoping to find others who understand how I'm feeling, but it seems like just more people who don't get it and easily shrug off my concerns.  I'm sorry but vacation photos are not the same as wedding photos. And YES, walking down the aisle in a mask is ridiculous - that is meant to be a very special, intimate moment between the groom and the bride that you look back on for the rest of your life, can't you understand why I would want to see my fiancé's face? This is a milestone in my life and something I've been looking forward to for over 32 years - of course I want it to go as close as possible to how I had hoped.... and I would never put anyone at risk, I listen to the science and experts who have time and time again said that vaccinated people are safe from the delta variant (meaning mild symptoms at most for MOST people).

    I was just looking for some empathy as it's been 1.5 years now and it's time to celebrate love and live again. I'm afraid we will never have the wedding we wanted and it is heartbreaking to me after dreaming about it for so long and supporting so many others through their dream weddings.
    The situation definitely sucks and it’s certainly not what you envisioned. But there’s a lot of people here that have lost a lot this year; irreplaceable events, have lots friends and family to Covid, so saying you’re wondering if venues will refuse to comply or saying masks are ridiculous you’re not going to get a lot of agreement here. 

    You have to decide what’s most important to you- getting married without any masks (then you probably need to push your wedding again) or getting married now (and risk capacity requirements or mask guidance if things get worse- again, unlikely but possible). It’s sucks but it’s a pandemic still there are tough choices to be made all around. 

    And to the bolded- this is a pretty careless position to take. You’re willing to risk people getting sick just so you don’t have to have masks in your pictures? C’mon- there are long haul effects even for people who didn’t have severe symptoms, or die. There are breakthrough cases that are yes, more mild than without the vaccine but still risky. 
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
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    edited July 2021
    I personally wouldn’t want to get married in 2020 or 2021 if I were to have a grand reception myself.  I’d wait.  My cousin, who was supposed to get married in 2020 postponed to this year, realized this year was going to be iffy and now we found out it’s 2022.
    That’s exactly what I would do if I wanted the big ceremony & reception I was dreaming of. 

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  • knottiede7af3894bf321a6knottiede7af3894bf321a6 member
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    I want be extremely clear - I'm not saying masks are ridiculous (although I follow CDC guidelines and get frustrated when anyone goes against them as if they know better than the CDC). I'm saying to have the BRIDE and GROOM walk down the aisle in a mask is ridiculous and if you're really honest with yourself you know that it is, too. Don't care if people voluntarily wear masks, just wouldn't want them mandated for our entire party. This doesn't put anyone at risk - I listen to science and the data is clear. You can't live in fear forever - there is risk everywhere. People can make their own choices but I am certainly not putting anyone at risk.

    Also extremely insensitive to say i should have planned it in 2022........................!!

    And I know people have lost a lot, but that doesn't mean my concerns are invalid. We cannot play the "others have it worse than me so i should be fine" card forever. We've all suffered great loss this past 1.5 years and a friendly reminder that this is an irreplaceable event. I can't just replan another wedding next year if this one doesn't go according to plan.

    Was hoping to find other BRIDES currently going through this with me, but seems like a lot of random people are on here looking to share their "wisdom" on something that can't fully understand. If there are any BRIDES currently engaged and dealing with planning a wedding during covid please reply, thanks. Everyone else can resume their lives, ignore this post and not care about what happens with covid because it impacts you way less than people trying to plan major life events this year. 
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  • knottiede7af3894bf321a6knottiede7af3894bf321a6 member
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    edited July 2021
     
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    I think what we are saying is that everyone is going through something and also there will be ways to make tie event work.  But have some perspective.

    My son has been tutored for a year because he missed 1/3 of his kindergarten year due to covid.  My father had a stroke and my mom had to drop him off at the hospital door and drive home alone waiting for updates on the health of her husband of 43 years by a phone call.  My sister in law found out that she was going to have a SECOND child who would not live for more than a couple hours and her husband couldn't be with her while she received that diagnosis and instead had to get it over a video call.  

    So you'll have to excuse me if I think you getting to marry but possibly with a mask on is NOT worth the temper tantrum you are throwing here.   The last year has been figuring life out on the fly and rolling with the punches.  
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  • knottiede7af3894bf321a6knottiede7af3894bf321a6 member
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    Everyone has stories like that, myself included. this isn't about that. please don't comment if you are not in the process of getting married during covid. thank you
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    knottiede7af3894bf321a6 said:
    Everyone has stories like that, myself included. this isn't about that. please don't comment if you are not in the process of getting married during covid. thank you
    Sorry.  Doesn't work that way.  I've been married nearly 14 years.   I'm also living through the same pandemic you are and offering perspective because your tunnel vision is clouding your judgement.
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
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    edited July 2021
    knottiede7af3894bf321a6 said:

    Also extremely insensitive to say i should have planned it in 2022........................!!
    Listen I was agreeing with you when I said I’d move my wedding to 2022.  You can probably still have it this fall, but some people may still want to wear masks and/or some of your guests may still not be comfortable coming at all. That’s the risk you’ll be taking.

    I’m not married anymore, and I while I don’t take out my wedding album or anything, I do come upon pictures from time to time and I’m not bitter about it. Want to know why?  Take the crap ex out, my friends and family were all together.  I threw the best damn party of my life (and probably won’t do that again!). No, I wouldn’t want to look back 10 years from now and see pictures of half faces - I wouldn’t want to throw over 25K to have that and most importantly, pictures aside, memories of getting married in a pandemic.

    if you have the rest of your lives together, like I’m sure you’re intending to… your FI will be there next year too. Right?

    You’re right, I’m not a bride planning a wedding in 2021. I’m sure someone will come on here and you can talk about those frustrations. However, as a potential wedding guest in a 2021 wedding, I’m glad my cousin moved it again for her and her guests. 

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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
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    knottiede7af3894bf321a6 said:
    Everyone has stories like that, myself included. this isn't about that. please don't comment if you are not in the process of getting married during covid. thank you
    I hope the knot doesn’t ban me for posting on an open message board 😮 

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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    This is a lot of worry about a situation that may or May not even happen and that you cannot control if it does. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    knottiede7af3894bf321a6 said:
    I want be extremely clear - I'm not saying masks are ridiculous (although I follow CDC guidelines and get frustrated when anyone goes against them as if they know better than the CDC). I'm saying to have the BRIDE and GROOM walk down the aisle in a mask is ridiculous and if you're really honest with yourself you know that it is, too. Don't care if people voluntarily wear masks, just wouldn't want them mandated for our entire party. This doesn't put anyone at risk - I listen to science and the data is clear. You can't live in fear forever - there is risk everywhere. People can make their own choices but I am certainly not putting anyone at risk.

    Also extremely insensitive to say i should have planned it in 2022........................!!

    And I know people have lost a lot, but that doesn't mean my concerns are invalid. We cannot play the "others have it worse than me so i should be fine" card forever. We've all suffered great loss this past 1.5 years and a friendly reminder that this is an irreplaceable event. I can't just replan another wedding next year if this one doesn't go according to plan.

    Was hoping to find other BRIDES currently going through this with me, but seems like a lot of random people are on here looking to share their "wisdom" on something that can't fully understand. If there are any BRIDES currently engaged and dealing with planning a wedding during covid please reply, thanks. Everyone else can resume their lives, ignore this post and not care about what happens with covid because it impacts you way less than people trying to plan major life events this year. 
    If you "know a lot of people have lost a lot" but are still hung up on a mask, you really need to get a grip. The audacity to say that covid impacts you more because of a wedding, while people are literally dying is insanely selfish and childish.  

    Vaccinated people are getting the delta variant, and it's only just started. We don't know what is going to happen next. People need to be flexible and learn to roll with changes. If you can't handle rolling with it, postpone. 
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  • knottiede7af3894bf321a6knottiede7af3894bf321a6 member
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    Way more people die from other causes than covid daily. People are starving in Africa, trapped in war in the middle east, north korea, fighting for rights in Cuba, etc. etc. the list goes on....We cannot live with the mentality that our concerns are not valid while others have it worse because people will ALWAYS have it worse at all times. But thank you for dismissing me in a forum meant for brides or couples getting married, and speaking to something you have no understanding or perspective of. I'm shocked I have to explain why weddings are important and a major, once in a lifetime event and wanting to be able to see my fiance's face to people who are seemingly so obsessed with weddings that they are commenting on a knot website board when they're not even engaged....? 

    We have vaccines now and the data is overwhelmingly positive, you cannot argue with it or against scientists and experts. The vaccines are highly effective against hospitalizations and death, and breakthrough cases are still rare (despite the news highlighting every edge case to make it seem worse). STOP MAKING IT SEEM WORSE THAN IT IS. Horrible for mental health to not try to live and enjoy life to the fullest. 

    And quit taking things out of context - Covid restrictions impact brides (who want a happy, normal(ish) wedding they won't regret years later, Just like all of their friends and families were able to have every other year)....

    as in it impacts brides or anyone w/ major life events during covid MORE than people who are healthy & vaccinated and just bummed they might not be able to go to the bar or take that vacation they planned. 
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    I think you’re in the wrong place
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  • maine7mobmaine7mob member
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    If you really feel that wearing a mask at your wedding would ruin it, postpone. You cannot control what happens in the world, only your response to it. And if mask-wearing at your wedding is the thing that worries you most, don't complain about it, just wait until that is unlikely to be necessary.

    Everyone is sick of Covid. Literally, everyone. It has been disruptive and deadly, and many have lost people and jobs and even a way of life. You have to be sensitive to the fact that people who have lost those things will have a hard time commiserating with people who have only experienced inconvenience.

    Yes, wearing a mask at your wedding is ludicrous. It sucks. But you have a choice about whether to marry during a time when this has to happen. And please don't forget that many people---possibly some on your guest list---would have been so grateful to slap one on a year and half ago if they had known it would save their loved ones' lives.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    knottiede7af3894bf321a6 said:
    Way more people die from other causes than covid daily. People are starving in Africa, trapped in war in the middle east, north korea, fighting for rights in Cuba, etc. etc. the list goes on....We cannot live with the mentality that our concerns are not valid while others have it worse because people will ALWAYS have it worse at all times. But thank you for dismissing me in a forum meant for brides or couples getting married, and speaking to something you have no understanding or perspective of. I'm shocked I have to explain why weddings are important and a major, once in a lifetime event and wanting to be able to see my fiance's face to people who are seemingly so obsessed with weddings that they are commenting on a knot website board when they're not even engaged....? 

    We have vaccines now and the data is overwhelmingly positive, you cannot argue with it or against scientists and experts. The vaccines are highly effective against hospitalizations and death, and breakthrough cases are still rare (despite the news highlighting every edge case to make it seem worse). STOP MAKING IT SEEM WORSE THAN IT IS. Horrible for mental health to not try to live and enjoy life to the fullest. 

    And quit taking things out of context - Covid restrictions impact brides (who want a happy, normal(ish) wedding they won't regret years later, Just like all of their friends and families were able to have every other year)....

    as in it impacts brides or anyone w/ major life events during covid MORE than people who are healthy & vaccinated and just bummed they might not be able to go to the bar or take that vacation they planned. 
    You dismissed my mother not knowing if her husband was going to live until she got a phone call from the hospital.

    You dismissed my brother in law who found out via phone because he wasn't allowed in to be on the room with his wife during the anatomy scan of his child that instead of preparing to make a crib my father in-law was making a coffin.

    Tell me more how brides have covid restrictions worse because masks are just THE WORST.

    Oh, and my brother is engaged and is being cautious while he plans his wedding because he's looking out for the safety of everyone involved.  
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    knottiede7af3894bf321a6 said:
    Way more people die from other causes than covid daily. People are starving in Africa, trapped in war in the middle east, north korea, fighting for rights in Cuba, etc. etc. the list goes on....We cannot live with the mentality that our concerns are not valid while others have it worse because people will ALWAYS have it worse at all times. But thank you for dismissing me in a forum meant for brides or couples getting married, and speaking to something you have no understanding or perspective of. I'm shocked I have to explain why weddings are important and a major, once in a lifetime event and wanting to be able to see my fiance's face to people who are seemingly so obsessed with weddings that they are commenting on a knot website board when they're not even engaged....? 

    We have vaccines now and the data is overwhelmingly positive, you cannot argue with it or against scientists and experts. The vaccines are highly effective against hospitalizations and death, and breakthrough cases are still rare (despite the news highlighting every edge case to make it seem worse). STOP MAKING IT SEEM WORSE THAN IT IS. Horrible for mental health to not try to live and enjoy life to the fullest. 

    And quit taking things out of context - Covid restrictions impact brides (who want a happy, normal(ish) wedding they won't regret years later, Just like all of their friends and families were able to have every other year)....

    as in it impacts brides or anyone w/ major life events during covid MORE than people who are healthy & vaccinated and just bummed they might not be able to go to the bar or take that vacation they planned. 
    You are literally dismissing everything everyone is telling you and just complaining that having to wear a mask at your wedding is the worst possible thing that ever could have happened to anyone.  

    Sure, it sucks to have to make adjustments. But you seem to think that you are the only person in the world who has had to put up with disruption, and that simply isn't true. The reality is that wearing a mask at a wedding is a minor inconvenience compared to what others have had to deal with. You really need to get some perspective. 

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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    edited July 2021
    climbingsingle said:
    First of all, I believe about 99% of us here have planned a wedding. Some of us have planned more than one. 

    Want to know about my Covid experience? My husband cheated on me in my own bed and carried on the affair behind my back for months. Told me he didn't love me. Brought the woman he was cheating with around all our friends and neighbors, who also lied to me for months. He physically and sexually assaulted me. I was trapped in a house with him. 

    I got a severe kidney infection and had to spend 8 days in the hospital. Alone. Going through a divorce. 

    I lost multiple people from Covid, including my best friend's dad who died alone in the hospital. I also lost 3 friends from overdoses. 

    My dog that I've had since she was 6 months old had cancer. 

    I could keep going. What I went through and what countless others went through was traumatic. But please, keep insisting that your wedding is the most important, once of a lifetime event that you've just waited your entire life for and it has to happen this year exactly the way YOU want it. Excuse me for rolling my eyes. 
    ((hugs)) @climbingsingle

    I'm so glad you're on the other side of it.  But still, what a fucking nightmare (re: your ex). Seeing it condensed like that just took my breath away.  That was SO MUCH to go through in a short time. 

    To the bolded, I'm gonna pile on because it's Monday and I'm feeling like it.   My mother died during the pandemic and she still hasn't been properly memorialized with friends and family.  Her funeral was attended by less than 20 people and over half of us had been by her and my dad's side living the nightmare of her decline.  I barely got to see any of my friends (actually, I saw only one for a few hours) nor did I get to fill my home with the people I love the most after the biggest loss of my life. It was gutting and lonely as hell.  It's something that I'm still processing on top of my grief.  

    Also, my mom was so sick and scared of COVID that I didn't get to spend any time with her for 6 weeks. By the time I did spend significant time with her, she was bed-ridden and less than a few weeks from dying.  So I lost out on a ton of time that I could have been having lucid and normal conversations with her and just...saying all the things.  

    So I have empathy that plans have been upended, changed, and weddings aren't going to be the exact vision the couple thought it would be, but it's literally one day of anyone's life.  It sucks that masks may be required depending on your area and their local mandates. But you have options if you feel like it won't work for you.  You can delay or you can change locations and find a place that you know will not likely have a renewed mask mandate (I live in a place where the resistance to masks is strong).  Or you can proceed, just knowing that local ordinances may change and your wedding day may not be as you 'envisioned'.  If you're married at the end of the day that's the point, correct? 

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  • bubblylovebubblylove member
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    I HIGHLY doubt an indoor mask mandate for vaccinated people will be reinstated. So if I were you I would stop focusing on it.
    Most of the brides I know went ahead with their wedding on private property and much smaller groups to get what they wanted. You have that option as well. 
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