Dear Prudence,
I have an amazing girlfriend. She’s intelligent, funny, successful, and incredibly caring. Plus, she has been phenomenal with my teenage daughter. My girlfriend is also a mother, and has an 8-year-old daughter. I don’t have the same level of emotional intelligence as my girlfriend, but I get along well with her daughter. We read, watch movies, and play board games together.
There is one recurrent issue that’s coming between my girlfriend and me: Although her daughter has her own bedroom, my girlfriend lets her sleep in bed with us frequently. My girlfriend also gets up early, leaving me in bed with an 8-year-old girl. I would never in a million years do anything, but I also don’t think that situation is remotely a good idea.
My girlfriend insists her daughter is just scared, and does not want to leave her alone at night. Their bedtime routine already involves soothing her daughter by putting her to bed in her own bedroom and falling asleep together, but her daughter will wake up in the night, open our bedroom door and climb into bed next to us. I offer to carry her back to her own bedroom, but get looked at like I’m being cruel.
I feel bad continuing to raise the issue, especially since my girlfriend takes it as an attack on her daughter. But it’s been five months since I expressed my concern and there’s been no real improvement. I know blending families with children can be difficult, but how do we resolve this?
— Uneasy Sleep