Dear Prudence,
I’m struggling with my obligations to my unmarried sister-in-law. I don’t really care for her, and my husband doesn’t have much of a relationship with her. He does, though, have a strong sense of obligation/FAMILY. She never married or had children, and has never been much of a cook. A few years ago we moved to a suburb of the city she lives in. She always spends Christmas with her parents (usually at a sibling’s home), and has her own plans for Easter and Thanksgiving. When the family comes to our home for Christmas, she arrives empty handed, doesn’t help and never picks up a check. I find it annoying. Why should I have to cook for her? But I deal, because that’s what you do. But now with the pandemic she seems to be more alone, and my husband thinks THE RIGHT THING TO DO is to invite her for all the holidays. I don’t want to. I’m the one who does the cooking and cleaning. He also likes to send her home with leftovers. Again, why am I having to feed this grown-ass woman, who does absolutely ZERO for me? She has NEVER invited us to share the holiday with her. It would be different if my husband regularly got together with her, or talked on the phone to her, or … anything? But as best as I can tell this necessity to offer her a holiday invitation is being solely driven by obligation.
Am I just a bitch, or is there a way to get my husband to see this in a different light? (That light being that she lives her life, we live ours, and see each other once or twice a year, without my having to host her).
— Can I Just Ditch the SIL Already?!