Dear Prudence,
I am a young woman who will soon be moving in with her girlfriend. We are both recent college graduates and just starting our careers. She is currently in the workforce and is seriously considering taking another better-paying job. The only problem is, this new job is over an hour away by car, and she would need to move if she didn’t want a grueling daily commute. But, her best friend and their spouse live 20 minutes away from the new job. On top of that, her BFF works at the new job, referred my girlfriend, and was very enthusiastic about having my girlfriend temporarily move in since the area has a very high cost of living. My girlfriend briefly lived with her BFF during the height of the pandemic, which is chiefly why they are so close to this day; my girlfriend frequently refers to that time as the best time of her life.
I get along very well with these friends of hers, too. They have invited the both of us to take trips with them and are very supportive of our relationship. I bounced the idea off my girlfriend of asking them if they would be willing to house me alongside her, just until I found a decent job and saved a bit of money (it would also be nice to make large payments on my loans). I simply asked if my girlfriend could have a discussion about it, nothing more. I don’t think it would be appropriate for me to ask, but my girlfriend could, because she is much, much closer to them. However, my girlfriend got miffed at the suggestion and told me we shouldn’t freeload off her friends for the sake of convenience. I insisted that it isn’t freeloading, we would help with the mortgage and groceries and whatever they wanted us to pay, but split between the four of us, it would be so much cheaper than the two of us paying for an apartment (this area does not have studios below $2.5k a month, for reference).
My girlfriend really struggles with asking for and accepting help because she is always scared of being a burden. I worry this may be factoring into her refusal to have a discussion about this.
Since we’re so young and have so few assets (I actually have a negative net worth), living with her friends for 6-to-12 months would be invaluable in how much I’ll be able to save/pay down my loans with a minimal cost of living. Plus, I really think they’d be open to it. But my girlfriend won’t even ask. Should I push for this or let it go?
— Lesbian Looking for Lower Cost of Living