Dear Prudence,
“Jane” and I have been friends for almost 20 years, the longest I’ve ever kept a friendship going. We have a number of interests in common, but our core values do tend to be different. I’m a bleeding-heart liberal, pansexual, polyamorous woman; and she’s conservative, traditionally Christian, and straight. I valued her friendship because of these differences, and because we could discuss them respectfully. And because she’s a compassionate person, who can accept people who disagree with her.
Or, so I thought. I recently got an email from her saying that we should part ways as friends because our core values are too far apart. She even gave examples that include some hurtful assumptions on her part—I have no idea what I could have said that makes her think I’m against free speech—as well as some that make me wonder if she ever really knew me. I sent her a reply telling her that I don’t like it but she’s gotta do what she’s gotta do, and that I hope she has a good life. But the more I think about it, the more I want to talk to her about it. This is all complicated by the fact that she suffers from manic-depression, and this coming out of the blue makes me worry that she’s having a meltdown. I have no way of getting in touch with her family or I’d give them a heads-up to check on her and leave it at that. Do I try to contact her to ask if she’s okay? Do I try to have a discussion and salvage a relationship I think is worth saving? Or do I just process the loss and let it go?