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Wedding Woes
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Advice needed
Dear Prudence,
I am getting married toward the end of October. I have been engaged for over a year, and the wedding date has been set for nearly that much time as well. All within the span of the last 4 months, my grandmother has gotten engaged and planned her wedding for less than a month after mine. My mother is in shambles about it because although she asked my grandmother not to upstage me and get married before me (because this is my first wedding), she thought my grandmother, her mom, would have the decency to wait a little longer before getting married, especially since no one is thrilled with my grandmother and her finance's relationship (she's changed a lot and seems to be ignoring the needs of her family). They met face to face for the first time last November, which is also why my mother is so up in arms. When my mom spoke to the fiance about getting engaged, he agreed to not get married before me, but bargained with the fact that he would propose whenever he wanted.
My feelings are also hurt because I don't understand why she feels the need to get married so quickly (well, yes I do. They are super religious and abstinent currently). To top it off, she asked my mom to be the maid of honor in her wedding, so now I feel like we're all being pulled in several directions. My mom hasn't completely expressed how she feels to her mom, but she called me in tears the other day about how she thinks my "wedding season" is being stolen from me.
My mom thinks I should get my grandmother alone to let her know how I really feel about my feeling being hurt, but she's already set a date, booked a venue, and sent out a few Facebook invites to the wedding; it is not likely that she will change anything. Is it worth it to even say anything, or should I just suffer in silence? Is this even a big deal?
- First girl in the fam to get married
I am getting married toward the end of October. I have been engaged for over a year, and the wedding date has been set for nearly that much time as well. All within the span of the last 4 months, my grandmother has gotten engaged and planned her wedding for less than a month after mine. My mother is in shambles about it because although she asked my grandmother not to upstage me and get married before me (because this is my first wedding), she thought my grandmother, her mom, would have the decency to wait a little longer before getting married, especially since no one is thrilled with my grandmother and her finance's relationship (she's changed a lot and seems to be ignoring the needs of her family). They met face to face for the first time last November, which is also why my mother is so up in arms. When my mom spoke to the fiance about getting engaged, he agreed to not get married before me, but bargained with the fact that he would propose whenever he wanted.
My feelings are also hurt because I don't understand why she feels the need to get married so quickly (well, yes I do. They are super religious and abstinent currently). To top it off, she asked my mom to be the maid of honor in her wedding, so now I feel like we're all being pulled in several directions. My mom hasn't completely expressed how she feels to her mom, but she called me in tears the other day about how she thinks my "wedding season" is being stolen from me.
My mom thinks I should get my grandmother alone to let her know how I really feel about my feeling being hurt, but she's already set a date, booked a venue, and sent out a few Facebook invites to the wedding; it is not likely that she will change anything. Is it worth it to even say anything, or should I just suffer in silence? Is this even a big deal?
- First girl in the fam to get married
Re: Advice needed
You get ONE day. Not a week. Not a month. Not a damn season.
Your mother was out of line to ask your grandmother's fiance to wait to propose. Out of line for asking them to not get married before you. And even so, they scheduled it for after your wedding. So what exactly is the problem? How long should she have to wait to get married after you? 6 months? A year? "Suffer in silence"? What exactly are you suffering???
You and your mother both owe your grandmother an apology for being so rude and uncaring.
Nothing wrong, either way. It won't change the responses. I was just curious.
Grandma isn't stealing anyone's thunder. People get one day, not a whole month. Her and her FI also agreed to have their wedding after the granddaughter's. Grandma is also well old enough to get married about one year after she started dating her FI. I don't think that sounds too fast at all.
The LW and their mom will be happier if they change their POV. Granddaughter and grandmother have both met and are marrying their soul mates. This should be a joyous time for all.
OP everyone gets one wedding day. One of my sisters and I were engaged three days apart and married within a few months of each other. Overlapping guests can feel happy for both of you. I hope your mom doesn't feel too stressed because she's not getting married at either wedding, so she really shouldn't have any big part in the planning of either.
Anyway, obviously this LW and her mother are being completely ridiculous. I can't wrap my head around actual people acting like this.
One month this year, we had three weddings scheduled all within the same family. Know what - NBD!!! One formal, one super casual on a festival grounds, and the other isn't inviting anyone over immediate family members, and still NBD!