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Wedding Woes

Tuesdays, sigh

Well, the ear infection is cleared up, but I still can't hear out of my left ear.  The doctor has said that it can take a couple of weeks to a couple of months for the hearing to fully return and it will be slow.  It's absolutely maddening.  It takes all my energy to get through my work day and I basically just go to sleep when I get home.  I've had to step away from some commitments, b/c if this really does take a couple of months....well, I'm trying to maintain inner peace about this.

Work is still the shit show, but I'm trying to stay in my lane, head down, and just do my job to the best of my ability.  I also deleted L's number from my phone.  I was replicating a pattern of "chase unavailable people" and I needed to stop doing that for myself.  I think he's a wee bit confused at some of the barriers I've started putting up, buuuuuttt, well....oh well.  We're just going to be work friends and I'm 100% okay with that and will follow that path.  I have considered dating a lot and decided I'm just not interested in it right now.  Whether it's b/c I don't feel ready or I just feel very self-centered right now, IDK, but I don't feel like letting another person in my space, at all.

I have NESTED at my home.  New furniture, new rugs, new bedspread, new towels, new shower curtain...my place is finally looking like...well, I had this thought while I was looking around that I finally had the apartment I had dreamed about in high school.  Single, stylish, colorful, downtown, just all the things I always thought I would have, I finally do.  Teenager Varuna actually squee'd just a bit about it when I realized it.  This winter is supposed to be fierce, and I have definitely created a den for myself.

Otherwise, SSDD.  Once all of my new stuff is in (some of it was backordered), I want to start hosting some game nights and dinner parties again.  I miss socializng outside of the bar scene.
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Re: Tuesdays, sigh

  • Chipped a tooth last night.
    It doesn't hurt but it's scratching the hell out of my cheek.

    I'm seeing dentist later today. I think it just needs filing and sealant, but we'll see.

    I've ordered 2 more gifts - 1 for BK and 1 for M 
  • @VarunaTT A couple months!  Yikes, that's a long time to suffer.  I hope it is more a couple weeks than months for your sake.

    @MissKittyDanger Sorry about your tooth!  What did you chip it on?  I've chipped three teeth all on Runts candy, because I just ... I love them so much, I can't stop eating them despite destroying teeth.  Fortunately two of the teeth were baby teeth ... my mom destroyed a tooth by eating a salad inexplicably.

    I'm trying to reorganize my house now that the kitchen is almost done.  My contractor had to be called away for two weeks, and all that is left are the finishing touches, and I just want this part to be done so I can have people over to show it off!  He comes back on Monday.  I keep putting stuff in places and then changing where I want them.  So much more space, but at the same time so much choice as to where things go.

  • @VarunaTT, I hope your hearing returns to that ear soon.  It sounds exhausting because I'd think that causes the brain to work harder.  I've heard that when people can only hear with one ear, it effects the ability to tell where sound comes from.  But yay dream apartment!

    @MissKittyDanger, sorry to hear about your tooth!  I hope things go well at the dentist and it's NBD.

    The weather is perfect right now and I'm loving it.  I need the happy weather.  The rest of my life is massive stress, though at least it is stress toward bettering our lives.

    My H and I decided we are going to sell our own home, sooner than later.  We are having it treated for termites in January, so we have to wait at least until then.  Nothing too bad!  Not much damage.  But we are under a termite contract and they found active ones in our annual inspection a couple months ago.  For reasons I don't understand, they can only tent at certain times of the year and January was their next availability.

    My H made a to-do list last night for all the things we need to do, to get it ready for sale.  Oh honey, lol.  It was a good start, but he missed some of the biggest projects.
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  • @kerbohl I'm 90% sure popcorn kernel but I didn't bite that hard so no clue.

    @short+sassy because of how my brain works, I've already gone worst case scenario about tooth removal lol
  • @kerbohl I'm 90% sure popcorn kernel but I didn't bite that hard so no clue.

    @short+sassy because of how my brain works, I've already gone worst case scenario about tooth removal lol
    Oh no- that’s like absolute worse case. More likely they can put a crown on it! 
  • @VarunaTT yay for creating a cozy space and boo on the ear issues.  My son has unilateral hearing loss and takes hearing aid breaks, but localizing sound is exhausting (from what I've observed) so I hope yours improves soon!
    @Casadena glad to hear pics went well!  @MissKittyDanger ugh sending healing vibes, tooth issues are my least favorite

    The kids spent the better part of the last two weeks asking me to stay home and not have to go to daddy's house, weeping on the ride to him...all for him to not answer the door on Saturday morning. Or the phone.  FIL finally told me last night that he'd heard from him and he was "fine" but it was great scrambling for coverage for the kids on Saturday (which I'd packed full).  Sunday I'd had nothing planned so it was a treat having an extra day with the kids.  But I'm pissed off that they had to ride an emotional roller coaster and that stbxh can't be more responsive.  I hadn't heard from him since 10/10 and in hindsight when I asked him on Friday if I should send food for the kids again (since he doesn't keep in anything they like) and he didn't reply, I should have confirmed before just driving over.  Going to write to my lawyer and ask if he does this again if we should alter the custody.  And also mention that he hasn't paid child support yet this month either  :|

    Received my bivalent booster Saturday evening- went with Pfizer for the first time and omg what a difference from Moderna.  Zero reaction, barely even a sore arm.  Was this something that I missed?  Is it a known thing that reaction following moderna is 1000x worse?! Or just my weird body lol.  Flu shot is next week...hoping everyone else is protecting themselves too.
  • @ei34 I didn't have any reaction to the bivalent booster either and I had Moderna.  I went Pfizer, Pfizer, Moderna, Moderna.  This was the first time I didn't really have any reaction to it.
  • @ei34 good for you contacting the lawyer.  Absolutely document all the times that he's not meeting the legal requirements of the arrangement including the child support and going MIA for visits.  The divorced parents I know are pretty quick to get a call to their attorney so wage garnishments are made possible if the ex is working.

    Regarding the shots, I haven't had the 2nd booster yet but shots 2 and 3 of Pfizer were unpleasant.  I crashed hard when I had my booster last December and I know I need to get the next one but I either need to do it and take PTO the next day or do it on a Friday so my Saturday can be a day I delegate all tasks.    
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2022
    I had my booster scheduled for yesterday but I’m on steriods.  I googled, and some answers said not to get the booster with steriods and some said it’s fine….Depending on what steriod.  So I called my doc.  She’s impossible to get ahold of and Monday’s have long waits.  So I just canceled and will rebook.  It’s for my infected eyelid and I just want to clear that up first and worry about the booster later. 
    @ei34 I am SO sorry he’s putting you and them through all that! Your story 100% mirrors that of my friend’s story.  I can’t remember about your H, but does he have an addiction (not necessarily drugs or alcohol) because her ex did and she went through the same thing.  He even went on disability to not have to work and owe her what was set in court based on the good job he had! Ugh. *hugs*
    @VarunaTT, months is a crazy long time!
    Kinda exciting, no? @short+sassy
    love that you love the pics @Casadena.  I also like when you get the entire album. 
    Ouch @MissKittyDanger.  Hope it’s a quick fix!

    I took yesterday afternoon off. I have a lot of PTO days built up because I was saving them for the cruise we just opted out on.  Figured, use them for fall days I like? It was in the 70’s but very windy and not much fun to be outside for.  I went to an apple orchard and antique shopping.  I guess I remembered apple orchards to be more fun? Or maybe it was because I wasn’t with anyone to make it more fun? The farm store was expensive, the apple cider donuts were dry and tasteless and the apple choices were few and far between.  I got some selections I don’t see in stores, so that was cool. 

  • @kerbohl I'm 90% sure popcorn kernel but I didn't bite that hard so no clue.

    @short+sassy because of how my brain works, I've already gone worst case scenario about tooth removal lol
    Oh no- that’s like absolute worse case. More likely they can put a crown on it! 
    would they?
    I don't think there's enough to crown. Tbh I've never been in the position of having a crown
  • @ei34 Your poor kids!  That sucks - so incredibly rude to your kids, and what kind of damage will something like that do to them?  I'm glad you called your lawyer to discuss, that is not an acceptable way for a father to act.

  • @ei34 urg that's so frustrating with him!!
  • @ei34 what a dick.  I'm so sorry your kids have to go through that. 
  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited October 2022
    @ei34, What a jerk!  That is so awful.  You are already a busy, (now) single mom.  Plus the emotional toil all of it is for the kids.  Which is also on your shoulders.  And he could have at least solved the Saturday issue with a 10-second text, preferably as soon as he knew, that he could no longer take the kids for the weekend.

    @CharmedPam, the excitement is only a little bit right now.  Right now, it's more terrifying and overwhelming, lol.  I think the excitement will start to build as we off load some of our properties and also finally figure out where we are going.  Because right now the plan is...LEAVE.

    We need to do some harder research for the places on our short list.  I'm hoping we have that done within a week.  Because we can't move both our business and ourselves, blind.  We definitely need to travel to those area(s).  But I'm nervous about going to the snowy places...which is most of them...during the winter that is coming upon us, because of the flights and driving. 

    I'd like to at least plan for one of them over Thanksgiving break in a month.  Possible snow, but a lot less chance of it.  Some of the places I'm thinking of, including Madison, only average 2 snow days in November.  Though that's probably toward the end of it, which is when Thanksgiving falls, lol.
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  • Are Tennessee or Arizona on your list @short+sassy? I know you listed them but I can’t remember.  I’m seeing SO many people move to those 2 states and I know they’re very livable.  With a lot of migration, people usually rent first to get a lay of the land.

  • @CharmedPam he denies it but I personally feel he's addicted to marijuana.  He's not permitted to be under the influence while with the kids...I do not think he has been but I can tell when I drop them off (I always go in to drop off their stuff, refrigerate what has to be refrigerated, etc.) that he's still using a lot (therefore, spending a lot) when they're not there.  When we were in joint finance mode he spent $100-200 per week on it, not sure about now.  My main topic for my lawyer was visitation and custody but I did bring up wage garnishment too, like you'd mentioned @banana468 as well as a couple of divorced coworkers.  It's not much he owes me (he's been on a serious downward employment spiral since spring 2020 and it's based on income) but on principle he should still help out.
  • @kerbohl I'm 90% sure popcorn kernel but I didn't bite that hard so no clue.

    @short+sassy because of how my brain works, I've already gone worst case scenario about tooth removal lol
    Oh no- that’s like absolute worse case. More likely they can put a crown on it! 
    would they?
    I don't think there's enough to crown. Tbh I've never been in the position of having a crown
    Depends on the tooth, how bad, etc- but I cracked a tooth- badly- twice (I grind my teeth when I sleep & have sensitive teeth). The first time was the worst and they did a crown. Luckily the second time they were able to fill/ cap it without the crown. The first time I was actually missing part of my tooth but the root was fine so they didn’t have to remove it. My dentist philosophy is to save a tooth as much as possible and removal is an absolute last resort. 
  • ei34 said:
    @CharmedPam he denies it but I personally feel he's addicted to marijuana.  He's not permitted to be under the influence while with the kids...I do not think he has been but I can tell when I drop them off (I always go in to drop off their stuff, refrigerate what has to be refrigerated, etc.) that he's still using a lot (therefore, spending a lot) when they're not there.  When we were in joint finance mode he spent $100-200 per week on it, not sure about now.  My main topic for my lawyer was visitation and custody but I did bring up wage garnishment too, like you'd mentioned @banana468 as well as a couple of divorced coworkers.  It's not much he owes me (he's been on a serious downward employment spiral since spring 2020 and it's based on income) but on principle he should still help out.
    My understanding is if he can be found and make any paycheck then they'll take what he owes when it's possible as long as you can document.   An old friend's a-hole ex fled out of state and worked under the table so if there wasn't a W2 she didn't get paid.  At this point I think her kids associate her 2nd husband as their dad. 

    The marijuana part is rough especially if it's also related to his lack of motivation to find employment. 


    Complete side note: I took Chiquita to the casino and she had a quick learn on what marijuana smells like after the people in the car next to us were hotboxing and she complained how badly the garage smelled like smoke!
  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited October 2022
    Are Tennessee or Arizona on your list @short+sassy? I know you listed them but I can’t remember.  I’m seeing SO many people move to those 2 states and I know they’re very livable.  With a lot of migration, people usually rent first to get a lay of the land.
    Tucson, AZ is a maybe.  But a more distant horse.  I dunno.  It definitely has a lot of pluses.  But I've been there a few times, though over 25 years ago, and it's just an ugly place.  My overall impression was "faded and dusty", including the buildings.  Because that's what happens when you're in the high desert.

    I feel like most of TX is overpriced for what we want to do.  Plus, I don't like the vibe there.  

    Tennessee is unfortunately a big no.  The bigger cities have a lot of the same problems NOLA does.  High crime, high poverty, low wages.  Now that I'm looking at those stats for all over the country, amazing how often those three horses of the modern day apocalypse run together //s.

    I'm on a sub-Reddit about picking up and moving elsewhere.  Me and a guy from Memphis were posting back and forth about how strikingly similar NOLA and Memphis are with each other.  Both the good and the bad.  Our convo started because he said something about Memphis having the worst drivers he has ever seen, except for NOLA.  LMAO at the unexpected, and true, NOLA-mention.  But his main post was about why he was leaving Memphis.  I could have written his post word-for-word.  Then added in high insurance.

    I was originally super interested in Louisville, KY.  But their STR laws are very strict and had the same three problems.  Then I looked at Lexington, KY.  Low wages, despite that, a safe city.  But the STR rates don't support the housing prices.  Which were surprisingly, one of the poorer value cities for RE from the cities I've looked in.  A little on the higher side, but the bigger difference was condition.  As a whole, more dated and dumpier looking for similar price points.

    Edited to add:
    One of the women in my local REI group told me to "follow the horse people" because they have lots of money, lol.  She suggested a place in TN.  Half the STR ads had the phrase Horsepitality in their headline, lol.  But I was not seeing the money there or in Lexington.  But Ocala, FL is a possibility for that reason.  The World Equestrian Center is there and they have a 2.5 month horse event from Jan. to mid-March.  People will rent an STR for that whole time at full price. 

    Ocala sounds really boring to live in and I suspect the job market is dismal.  But it is warm, lol.  I'd also need to check the insurance prices because it's FL.  It's in the interior, but that's a skinny state.  
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  • edited October 2022
    @ei34 I can't believe a grown man wouldn't open the door for his own children! That is horrible. How long of drive is it? Eta: Do you think he was home and not answering or not even there? Has he said anything since?
    @short+sassy I bet you could make your money for the year by renting just during the WEF horse trials. We had a friend who would go down there to compete and sell horses. She said that in FL you add a zero to whatever the price was because people are there to spend money.
  • @ei34 I can't believe a grown man wouldn't open the door for his own children! That is horrible. How long of drive is it? Eta: Do you think he was home and not answering or not even there? Has he said anything since?
    @short+sassy I bet you could make your money for the year by renting just during the WEF horse trials. We had a friend who would go down there to compete and sell horses. She said that in FL you add a zero to whatever the price was because people are there to spend money.
    Thanks for that info!  I went to a workshop on STRs.  The woman conducting it is a horse person and her main home is in Ocala.  She has a couple STR houses there, but decided Branson, MO is a better spot and has focused her business there.  From what she said, that event is where you make the bulk of the money for the year.  It's much lighter bookings the rest of the year, but still gets booked.

    Plus the WEF has smaller events year round.  Apparently the owner is trying to lure the Westminister Dog Show to his arena.

    You all might wonder why I don't invest in Branson?  I would love to, lol.  But, unless you are buying a house that has already been granted an STR permit, they have halted issuing more at least through 2023.

    She told another story of one of her students that lives in Daytona Beach.  They happily live in their own home most of the year.  But then go on their own vacation during the Daytona 500 and some other big race and rent their personal home out during those times.  They make months worth of mortgage payments, renting their house out for those few weeks.

    But Daytona=hurricanes=high insurance (especially now).  And I will not be held hostage by insurance companies again.
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  • Because Branson is a shithole place to actually live and their housing prices are being driven up by the vacation rental housing market and actual humans are being driven out of the places that they work.  Branson wages, unless you are an actual performer and there are even rankings to that, are terrible and seasonal.  The entire town is built/based on people having jobs from June to January and then being "fired", pulling unemployment, and then being rehired to the same damn job.  The city acted to try and save itself, for once, b/c there are a lot of big businesses in that city that would prefer it to be the other way (some of them even own apartment complexes, which is the biggest red flag of all time for me with labor history).
  • VarunaTT said:
    Because Branson is a shithole place to actually live and their housing prices are being driven up by the vacation rental housing market and actual humans are being driven out of the places that they work.  Branson wages, unless you are an actual performer and there are even rankings to that, are terrible and seasonal.  The entire town is built/based on people having jobs from June to January and then being "fired", pulling unemployment, and then being rehired to the same damn job.  The city acted to try and save itself, for once, b/c there are a lot of big businesses in that city that would prefer it to be the other way (some of them even own apartment complexes, which is the biggest red flag of all time for me with labor history).
    This is some of the other problems I had with Branson, even though the ROI was great.  Not much in the way of employment and I wouldn't especially want to live there or anywhere near it.  Though there are cute mountain cabins I saw on my drive in, that I could have seen myself living in.  However, all of that was a moot point anyway, so I didn't give it much more thought.

    But yeah, I don't know how people survive that work in restaurants or the various shows.  The shows are dark in Jan.-Feb., so none of those people are working.  Which also means the rest of this tourist town goes to sleep.  So I'd assume the restaurant workers aren't making much money either. 

    It is a pretty and outdoorsy place though.  I can see why people like it.  Though the wood/bear/deer/American flag theme that is everywhere starts to become a little much, lol.
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  • Do I need to go to Branson? Is it that good?

  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited October 2022
    VarunaTT said:
    Because Branson is a shithole place to actually live and their housing prices are being driven up by the vacation rental housing market and actual humans are being driven out of the places that they work.  Branson wages, unless you are an actual performer and there are even rankings to that, are terrible and seasonal.  The entire town is built/based on people having jobs from June to January and then being "fired", pulling unemployment, and then being rehired to the same damn job.  The city acted to try and save itself, for once, b/c there are a lot of big businesses in that city that would prefer it to be the other way (some of them even own apartment complexes, which is the biggest red flag of all time for me with labor history).
    My city also has majorly cracked down on short term rentals because they drive out actual people who want to live here and be part of the community, and I hope more places do it. 
    This is one of the other "pros" to me for Madison.  The areas we are looking at aren't in cities.  They are purely vacation houses around various lakes.  Some of them aren't even in city limits.  Nobody would typically use them for long-term housing.  One small exception would be The Dells.  It's a bigger town serving the general Wisconsin Dells area.  There is typical residential housing, apartment complexes, and hotels/restaurants/entertainment areas, whereas the surrounding areas just have the vacation homes.  From the descriptions, it reminds me a lot of Branson.  The Dells (the city) does have fairly strict STR rules, which makes sense to me because that is where people actually live.

    FWIW, it is something I am keeping in mind when looking at areas.  I don't want to take away long-term housing in areas where it is limited.  Though I'm admittedly not as gung-ho as a lot of people are because this is already changing across the country and a good STR is generally not in the main residential areas anyway.  I've also seen first hand in NOLA where that's used as an easy, but bullshit, straw-man argument.

    We have extremely strict STR laws here and we have for years.  In a nutshell, you can only get a STR license if you owner-occupy a house (up to 4 units).  Only about 2% of residential units here have an STR license and most of them are in one particular neighborhood.

    Arguably, if you want to live in that ONE neighborhood, then yes.  House and rental prices are higher than they would be otherwise because of STRs.  But in the other 95% of the city, it doesn't have any effect.

    And the rest of this is more a rant, because I can't help myself...

    It drives me nuts that people scream about housing affordability here and blame it on RE, rental prices, and STRs.  I'm not arguing the "affordability" part.  But it's not because of RE.  We have cheap houses and rentals in this city, compared to most of the country.  Those prices went up a bit over the last few years but, overall, nothing outlandish.

    The affordability problem is because we have shit wages here, across the board, for pretty much all positions and all industries.  We also have some of the highest utilities, car insurance rates, and sales tax (9.5%) in the country.  That's the real stuff that makes it expensive to live here.

    Do you see the pattern here?  All of that last paragraph are things the state, and especially the local government, have all or some control over.  But it's much easier for them to do nothing and accept all the "gifts" from the utility companies.  And more money from taxes is more money for their pet projects and sometimes their own pockets.  Plus they and all of their buddies/campaign contributors own some of the businesses that pay the shit wages, to set that precedent.  And you better believe that strongly includes the...wait for it...hotel industry.

    So the local politicians scream about all they're doing to help the housing affordability problem by banning STRs, with the hoteliers pulling the puppet strings in the background.

    Do you know what would ACTUALLY help all of the citizens of New Orleans?  Stop charging sales tax on FOOD and PRESCRIPTION medication!!!!  You massive, f**king AH monsters.
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  • I tried to post something but it didn't post. So basically we are babysitting this week. Will be home on Friday. I'm exhausted because of noise in guest room and kids. Other that not much.
  • Do I need to go to Branson? Is it that good?
    I liked it more than I thought I would, even though I didn't have much free time.

    There is a lot to do.  A combo of outdoorsy stuff and shows.  There are a lot of shows.  I thought it would be more concerts and country and western type shows, but it wasn't.  Maybe they have concerts in the summer/high season, but there weren't any when I was there.

    There are all different kinds of shows.  Magic, singing (many types), and plays.

    For outdoors, there's lots of water sports, ie boating/fishing/jet skiing.  So much hiking available.  There are also caverns that can be explored.  Dollywood theme park is around there.  Special activities like ziplining and off road vehicle tours.

    The Bass Pro founder pretty much owns that area.  He recently opened a new huge stadium (I think) about 30 minutes away from Branson.  There was a highly anticipated Garth Brooks concert happening there about two weeks after our workshop.

    I caught an article about it, after the fact.  The woman running my workshop had predicted it was going to be a shit show, traffic-wise, because they don't have the road infrastructure yet to get 10,000+ people to his venue.

    Wow!  It sure was.  I felt so bad listening to the horror stories.  People who spent thousands of dollars on tickets and travel expenses for this show.  And then sat in gridlocked traffic for hours and never made it to the show.

    There was a parking area, where people could then get on a shuttle.  But the shuttles couldn't get through the traffic either.  So people hiked it 1 1/2 miles to the stadium.  But had still paid $40+ to park their car there.

    And the same problems to leave.

    The stadium was sold out, but only about 60-70% of people caught any part of the show.  And then Garth himself was supposed to perform until 9:45, but he ended it at 9PM.

    Massive refunds happening.
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  • Oh man, that Brooks concert was a shitshow.  I laughed and laughed, not at the poor attendees, but Johnny Morris is not well loved amongst my circle and I just love to see his fail.  

    I don't think Branson is fun or exciting, but it's not meant to appeal to me.  There are specific things I enjoy, but I rarely venture to the area.  The one thing I do love and I gone multiple times are the wine adventures at Big Cedar Lodge.  It's an entire weekend built around a specific vineyard.  They have tastings, classes, and a huge paired meal at the end and it's really lovely.  I will usually suck it up every 2-3 years and go to Silver Dollar City to see their Christmas displays, b/c it really is gorgeous.  The outlet shopping isn't quite as good as it used to be, but if you want really specific shops, they are there and it is worth it still.  As far as the shows go, I can't remember who is there anymore, but most of the performers are excellent and the staging is usually at least decent.  Plus you're close to me and I will come out to meet  you (I missed @short+sassy b/c I just got too damn sick, but I have met a handful of Knotties that way).
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