Tuesday

banana468 · December 2022

mrsconn23 said:

banana468 said:

charlotte989875 said:

Thank you all- it’s really good to get perspectives other than people who are IRL.

I told him last night that I felt like I was giving up a lot for him to be able to do what he wants and he was genuinely shocked when I pointed out that him going away so much meant I had less time to do thing I wanted to and that I had to schedule around when he decided he wanted to leave. I feel like this is a learned naivety- like he just expects to go to the woods when he wants and unless I spell it out for him he doesn’t understand (or claims not to understand) how it impacts other people, particularly me.

Does he really think this? That his actions don't impact others??

You are and honestly, I'd make a list at this point. Some people need it spelled out for them.

Also, I'd genuinely ask him if the tables were turned and he was solo parenting DURING A RENO for that much time if he'd be happy about it.

Part of me wants to tell you to book a long weekend ASAP (like at least 3 nights) and tell the grandmas not to help him unless there's a true emergency and see how it goes for him.

Don't you know a good travel agency??

VarunaTT · December 2022

Because I'm me and I have tools for crap like this, it's 76 days from September 22 to today. 22 days is close to 30% of the days and, like someone else said, it's probably weekend days most of the time. I know not everything is "fair" in relationships but this is for stuff that is...what's the word I want....it's fun stuff, not required stuff. He's not traveling for work, he's out doing "his" stuff, while you're at home taking care of both of your "life" stuff and your "kid" stuff. That's just not okay in any stretch of the imagination for me.

charlotte989875 · December 2022

banana468 said:

charlotte989875 said:

Thank you all- it’s really good to get perspectives other than people who are IRL.

I told him last night that I felt like I was giving up a lot for him to be able to do what he wants and he was genuinely shocked when I pointed out that him going away so much meant I had less time to do thing I wanted to and that I had to schedule around when he decided he wanted to leave. I feel like this is a learned naivety- like he just expects to go to the woods when he wants and unless I spell it out for him he doesn’t understand (or claims not to understand) how it impacts other people, particularly me.

Does he really think this? That his actions don't impact others??

I think he gets tunnel vision when it comes to this stuff. Like- he says he appreciates what I’m doing for him, but also then acts surprised when I tell him it’s a lot and that it’s been a lot of time.

So I don’t know if it’s that he really thinks his actions don’t impact others, or that he’s unwilling (or just hasn’t) thought much about what he is actually doing and what that means for us. Like willful ignorance. I think there’s some reluctance to confront what he’s been doing and the impact to us.

charlotte989875 · December 2022

mrsconn23 said:

banana468 said:

charlotte989875 said:

Thank you all- it’s really good to get perspectives other than people who are IRL.

I told him last night that I felt like I was giving up a lot for him to be able to do what he wants and he was genuinely shocked when I pointed out that him going away so much meant I had less time to do thing I wanted to and that I had to schedule around when he decided he wanted to leave. I feel like this is a learned naivety- like he just expects to go to the woods when he wants and unless I spell it out for him he doesn’t understand (or claims not to understand) how it impacts other people, particularly me.

Does he really think this? That his actions don't impact others??

You are and honestly, I'd make a list at this point. Some people need it spelled out for them.

Also, I'd genuinely ask him if the tables were turned and he was solo parenting DURING A RENO for that much time if he'd be happy about it.

Part of me wants to tell you to book a long weekend ASAP (like at least 3 nights) and tell the grandmas not to help him unless there's a true emergency and see how it goes for him.

This is a stellar plan.

When I left for 3 days to run in early November (Friday morning to Sunday night) they spent all of Saturday at H’s mom and she offered to watch M the whole weekend so he could go to camp again. He did decline that offer, but yah any time I leave it goes like this

charlotte989875 · December 2022

VarunaTT said:

Because I'm me and I have tools for crap like this, it's 76 days from September 22 to today. 22 days is close to 30% of the days and, like someone else said, it's probably weekend days most of the time. I know not everything is "fair" in relationships but this is for stuff that is...what's the word I want....it's fun stuff, not required stuff. He's not traveling for work, he's out doing "his" stuff, while you're at home taking care of both of your "life" stuff and your "kid" stuff. That's just not okay in any stretch of the imagination for me.

Thank you for the actual numbers on this! It’s stark to see if laid out like that.

I agree it’s unfair- I just haven’t been able to make him see that.

banana468 · December 2022

charlotte989875 said:

VarunaTT said:

Because I'm me and I have tools for crap like this, it's 76 days from September 22 to today. 22 days is close to 30% of the days and, like someone else said, it's probably weekend days most of the time. I know not everything is "fair" in relationships but this is for stuff that is...what's the word I want....it's fun stuff, not required stuff. He's not traveling for work, he's out doing "his" stuff, while you're at home taking care of both of your "life" stuff and your "kid" stuff. That's just not okay in any stretch of the imagination for me.

Thank you for the actual numbers on this! It’s stark to see if laid out like that.

I agree it’s unfair- I just haven’t been able to make him see that.

I think you know what you're doing for 22 days between Jan 1st and St Patrick's Day

VarunaTT · December 2022

Okay, this is my last harping.

Of those 75 days? 22 days were the weekends. So basically, he's been gone every weekend for 11 weeks straight. Maybe he's just not seeing it and you should lay it out. It's just hard for me to give any grown adult this much grace about their time and where it lays when they don't only have themselves to consider.

https://www.timeanddate.com/date/durationresult.html?m1=09&d1=22&y1=2022&m2=12&d2=6&y2=2022

mrsconn23 · December 2022

VarunaTT said:

Okay, this is my last harping.

Of those 75 days? 22 days were the weekends. So basically, he's been gone every weekend for 11 weeks straight. Maybe he's just not seeing it and you should lay it out. It's just hard for me to give any grown adult this much grace about their time and where it lays when they don't only have themselves to consider.

https://www.timeanddate.com/date/durationresult.html?m1=09&d1=22&y1=2022&m2=12&d2=6&y2=2022

You both work full-time at jobs, but only one of you is living your home life full-time. And parenting full-time. And, and, and. My husband would honestly be lucky to get 2-3 weekends for hunting/camping in that much time, especially when the kiddo and/or DefConn were toddlers.

He's probably mostly unreachable during those times. Not like they put cell towers out there on the hunting grounds.

Seriously, he needs to be on his own with no help for at least one 3 day weekend. Maybe he'll start to 'get' it. It shouldn't take that, but it's literally a tenth of what he 'deserves'.

levioosa · December 2022

Late to the discussion, but I would be furious if I was you @charlotte989875. Tbh every time you’ve mentioned over the past few months he was going hunting my eye twitched and all I could think was “Dude, really? Again?” He is being a shitty husband and a shitty dad. Life changes, kids or no kids, and it REALLY changes with kids. To pretend otherwise isn’t just selfish, it’s willful ignorance. And to continue to double down on it is outrageous. Not only is he admitting he has no problem being selfish, but he is openly admitting that your marriage and family is not a priority and he doesn’t see a problem with it. Does he have the emotional intelligence of a nine year old? We aren’t talking a few trips a year over the weekend. He has been gone literally every weekend for months while you navigate a full time job with work upheavals, a toddler, home renovation, and multiple illnesses (hello adorable toddler patient zeroes).

Why is your time not valued? Why are you expected to carry the physical, mental, and emotional load of the household? Why is his first response to double down instead of taking a step back and sincerely apologizing for slacking off and letting the load of adulthood and parenting to you? He’s upset his life needs to change a little? Tough shit. Grow up. Life changes and priorities change. I’m sure you didn’t expect that you would be handling most of the load of a household while your partner was MIA for personal pleasure. What if you didn’t have a kid and it was just the two of you and you, god forbid, developed a life altering chronic illness? Would he have still been traipsing off to the hunt every weekend? Things happen. Life changes.

I just can’t with his “shock.” Grow up. He thinks he needs time off? What about you? What about your need for a consistent partner and parent? Your time to decompress? Is he really not embarrassed to admit that he hasn’t even tried to consider or anticipate what you, as his lifelong partner, needs?

And all of the hugs to you. I know your heart must be hurting and this is painful. We’re all here for you.

missJeanLouise · December 2022

@charlotte989875 I am sorry you are dealing with this but good on you for bringing it up, even if your H was completely blindsided *eyeroll*. At least now he can't feign ignorance. Do you think he is trying to make your life more difficult so you'll be too overwhelmed to push for another baby?

CharmedPam · December 2022

missJeanLouise said:

@charlotte989875 I am sorry you are dealing with this but good on you for bringing it up, even if your H was completely blindsided *eyeroll*. At least now he can't feign ignorance. Do you think he is trying to make your life more difficult so you'll be too overwhelmed to push for another baby?

Very good point @missJeanLouise, maybe those are his ulterior motives? Everything PP’s have said I concur, this isn’t fair to you

ei34 · December 2022

I'm sorry @charlotte989875. I can't add more advice to what's already been said but I will say that I understand how it feels to be parenting alone and feel overwhelmed and resentful of a spouse and then annoyed because these are supposed to be sweet toddler years that you won't get back but it sure looks easier for that social media friend who has a husband that actually helps. And I know how it feels to cry on the other side of the keyboard when everybody on TK has your back and is saying things you already know but how to you shake a fraction of sense into an impossible H? Wish we could all manifest in Buffalo and tell him to his face. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. Baby M has a strong incredible mother who doesn't deserve this.

MyNameIsNot · December 2022

@charlotte989875, I don't have anything helpful, but hugs. He's being a dick and you deserve more.

charlotte989875 · December 2022

Thank you all. You’ve put into words a lot of what I’ve been feeling but haven’t been able to figure out how to say. Sometimes, with his family, the expectation of this season seems so normal to them that I feel crazy by thinking it’s too much and ridiculous.

I don’t know if he’s trying to do this intentionally so I won’t push having a baby- think he genuinely wants to do even more than what he’s been doing and sees another baby as a further restriction on his time (when really there’s been no restriction on his time by me. By Covid yes, and a kid that didn’t sleep through the night, sure.)

The thing that frustrates me so much is that he doesn’t see that things should change with the construction done and a toddler. Like- he doesn’t think that warrants changing his behavior at all. Like he keeps asking what I need him to do around the house before he goes- he doesn’t even entertain the idea of not going.

So we’ll have a lot to talk about when he comes back this weekend. I know I should probably address it before but realistically he’s leaving tomorrow and nothing I’ve said up until now has made any difference that unless I say “you’re not going” it’s not going to.

VarunaTT · December 2022

charlotte989875 said:

Thank you all. You’ve put into words a lot of what I’ve been feeling but haven’t been able to figure out how to say. Sometimes, with his family, the expectation of this season seems so normal to them that I feel crazy by thinking it’s too much and ridiculous.

I don’t know if he’s trying to do this intentionally so I won’t push having a baby- think he genuinely wants to do even more than what he’s been doing and sees another baby as a further restriction on his time (when really there’s been no restriction on his time by me. By Covid yes, and a kid that didn’t sleep through the night, sure.)

The thing that frustrates me so much is that he doesn’t see that things should change with the construction done and a toddler. Like- he doesn’t think that warrants changing his behavior at all. Like he keeps asking what I need him to do around the house before he goes- he doesn’t even entertain the idea of not going.

So we’ll have a lot to talk about when he comes back this weekend. I know I should probably address it before but realistically he’s leaving tomorrow and nothing I’ve said up until now has made any difference that unless I say “you’re not going” it’s not going to.

This is one thing I think that women, in general, accept as a "compromise" that is bullshit. WTF would you do if you were living alone?!?! Can you not look around and see dirty dishes, laundry, beds need to be made, grocery shopping, diapers change...why the hell does he think you need to tell him. He's presumably an adult, grown ass man, who doesn't need a goddamn chore list to run a household and you are not his mother.

I think you need to make a list of all the stuff you're doing to run your joint lives, your life, your kid's life, and have him do the same thing. Put together and THAT'S the list of chores that needs to be done. Then, again b/c I'm mad for you and petty, I'd be like...you're doing all this shit for 22 days straight. Now that's out of the way, divy up chores fairly as can be with expectations laid out. Then he just needs to effin' do them, you're not his mother or a nag for him.

STARMOON44 · December 2022

I think you absolutely can and should say “what is your plan for how to care for our child when you have 50/50 custody and can’t dump all of this work on me so you can go play in the woods? Because if you continue to treat me like an unpaid nanny/servant/housekeeper, that’s where we are headed. My life would be easier if we got divorced. If you don’t want that, grow up and start being the equal partner I married.”

short+sassy · December 2022

charlotte989875 said:

Thank you all. You’ve put into words a lot of what I’ve been feeling but haven’t been able to figure out how to say. Sometimes, with his family, the expectation of this season seems so normal to them that I feel crazy by thinking it’s too much and ridiculous.

I have only had a peek into this craziness, but it is definitely a thing!

A coworker I used to share an office with (he no longer works here) was an avid deer hunter. He had an alternative schedule where he got every other Friday off. He would save his vacation time throughout the year so he could take the OTHER Fridays off during hunting season. Essentially having a 3-day weekend, every week, for those 3ish months.

I remember him being extra annoyed because one of his good friends was getting married on a Saturday. During hunting season. He exclaimed to me, "Who does that?!?! Who gets married during hunting season?" I was inwardly lmao.

I nicely tried to point out that most people don't hunt, so it wouldn't even occur to them that it's deer season. And Fall is a popular season to get married in.

He was single when I first started sharing an office with him. A bit of a playboy, actually. But then he met the right woman, got serious, and got engaged. Unfortunately, he left the company before he got married so I don't know if that affected his deer hunting. I heard they also had a child about a year after the wedding. I sure hope he changed his ways for his wife's sake!

mrsconn23 · December 2022

@short+sassy, our former neighbor was an avid hunter and kind of like that. He was definitely out hunting what seemed like every available weekend and got agitated if he had to 'miss' one. We were close with them, honestly, due to proximity rather than any shared interests (they lived next door, our kids were super close in age (kiddo's BFF is her son and we were pregnant at the same time), and they liked to hang out and have a few drinks with us every once in a while...and we figured out the exact spot between our two houses where both our baby monitors worked, so that was key for hangouts when DefConn and their son were tiny babies).

Anyway, I got way too much information about their whole life. I remember they had separate accounts and during hunting season he covered 'his' bills and spent all his 'extra' money on hunting shit. She literally had to buy all the groceries and stuff like that on her dime. He'd literally contribute nothing to the household expenses beyond the bills they agreed that he'd pay. One time, he said something to DH about how she was worried she was going to run out of gas before the week was over and how it was 'her' problem. They were all sorts of WTF.

They're totally divorced. Not that her subsequent (and current) husband is much of a prize. LOL

levioosa · December 2022

Omg @mrsconn23. Wtf.

I literally don’t understand hunting for sport to begin with. I think the majority of the time it’s wasteful and cruel. I’ve known too many shitty people who have joked about how poorly their shot has been because of being drunk while hunting, laughing about accidentally shooting their buddy somewhere “innocuous and funny” during hunting. I can probably count on one hand the amount of ethical and respectful hunters I’ve ever met. Sure, I might be generalizing, but I feel like most of the time it’s completely unnecessary.

(And I’m not talking about hunting when it’s mainly your food source.)

mrsconn23 · December 2022

Ugh @levioosa, those people sound like an embarrassment and just awful. DH and DefConn love the show "Meat Eater" and it's really opened my eyes to hunting and how important it is to be ethical and respectful of the animal, environment, and history of why the game is hunted and what it means to the people in that area.

banana468 · December 2022

VarunaTT said:

charlotte989875 said:

Thank you all. You’ve put into words a lot of what I’ve been feeling but haven’t been able to figure out how to say. Sometimes, with his family, the expectation of this season seems so normal to them that I feel crazy by thinking it’s too much and ridiculous.

I don’t know if he’s trying to do this intentionally so I won’t push having a baby- think he genuinely wants to do even more than what he’s been doing and sees another baby as a further restriction on his time (when really there’s been no restriction on his time by me. By Covid yes, and a kid that didn’t sleep through the night, sure.)

The thing that frustrates me so much is that he doesn’t see that things should change with the construction done and a toddler. Like- he doesn’t think that warrants changing his behavior at all. Like he keeps asking what I need him to do around the house before he goes- he doesn’t even entertain the idea of not going.

So we’ll have a lot to talk about when he comes back this weekend. I know I should probably address it before but realistically he’s leaving tomorrow and nothing I’ve said up until now has made any difference that unless I say “you’re not going” it’s not going to.

This is one thing I think that women, in general, accept as a "compromise" that is bullshit. WTF would you do if you were living alone?!?! Can you not look around and see dirty dishes, laundry, beds need to be made, grocery shopping, diapers change...why the hell does he think you need to tell him. He's presumably an adult, grown ass man, who doesn't need a goddamn chore list to run a household and you are not his mother.

I think you need to make a list of all the stuff you're doing to run your joint lives, your life, your kid's life, and have him do the same thing. Put together and THAT'S the list of chores that needs to be done. Then, again b/c I'm mad for you and petty, I'd be like...you're doing all this shit for 22 days straight. Now that's out of the way, divy up chores fairly as can be with expectations laid out. Then he just needs to effin' do them, you're not his mother or a nag for him.

That's also a great point @VarunaTT. Would he see these things if he wasn't traveling? \

On the point of hunters, I'll admit that I don't see how the hunters I know act but after working with a lot of people who hunt at this time of year that's how they stock their freezers. One couple I work with are a H and W and the H hunts deer and his mom owns beefer cattle. The W has said that she just doesn't buy meat in a grocery store except maybe for occasional chicken. When I told them the story of Superstorm Sandy 10 years ago and how we had no power except a generator for 5 days his question was, "Oh no what did you do about all your meat??" For them the hunting is not just a past time but a way that they eat through the year.

Living out here in CT, there's also an essential time of year that hunting can actually help with the surging deer population. While DH and I haven't hit one with our cars we know several people who have including a friend's mom who needed several reconstructive surgeries when a buck was stuck in her steering wheel. When the hunting is monitored and helps to both feed the humans in the area, reduce the population that is not able to survive in the local area due to the environment I can see how it's beneficial. But drunken exploits and just the need to get away from your W and toddler for the 10th weekend isn't OK.

short+sassy · December 2022

banana468 said:

That's also a great point @VarunaTT. Would he see these things if he wasn't traveling? \

On the point of hunters, I'll admit that I don't see how the hunters I know act but after working with a lot of people who hunt at this time of year that's how they stock their freezers. One couple I work with are a H and W and the H hunts deer and his mom owns beefer cattle. The W has said that she just doesn't buy meat in a grocery store except maybe for occasional chicken. When I told them the story of Superstorm Sandy 10 years ago and how we had no power except a generator for 5 days his question was, "Oh no what did you do about all your meat??" For them the hunting is not just a past time but a way that they eat through the year.

Living out here in CT, there's also an essential time of year that hunting can actually help with the surging deer population. While DH and I haven't hit one with our cars we know several people who have including a friend's mom who needed several reconstructive surgeries when a buck was stuck in her steering wheel. When the hunting is monitored and helps to both feed the humans in the area, reduce the population that is not able to survive in the local area due to the environment I can see how it's beneficial. But drunken exploits and just the need to get away from your W and toddler for the 10th weekend isn't OK.

Whenever we need to evacuate for a hurricane, you will see trucks with a trailer in the back that is carrying a big chest freezer and a generator for it. Which might be for meat, but we are also a big watersports state and it's common for people to have a lot of fish/shrimp/crawfish in their freezers.

The second bolded--Louisiana also. Every year, there is a lot of thought given and studies done to decide on the length of the deer hunting season and how many deer each hunter is allowed to kill. I think that's true for most places.

Not everyone uses guns to hunt deer, some people prefer a bow/arrows. Within deer season there are "sub" seasons inside it for when a particular weapon is allowed to be used. A bow/arrows are allowed to be used for the full season, but rifles usually are not.

My coworker didn't "need" to hunt to feed himself. But he did save money on groceries because of it. He always sounded very responsible about it, both in limiting drinking and following all the rules.

@levioosa, definitely not discounting your own experiences. Though I did want to add that mine has been the opposite. My impression of the hunters I've met/what I've heard is they don't drink or limit it while they are hunting. Especially when you consider that deer hunting is usually done crazy early in the morning, ie when the sun comes up. And then people are done for the day by the early afternoon, if not sooner. They also appreciate and are avid about the rules, because they have the most motivation to keep healthy fish and wildlife populations. But, unfortunately, there can be scary idiots out there also.

charlotte989875 · December 2022

short+sassy said:

banana468 said:

That's also a great point @VarunaTT. Would he see these things if he wasn't traveling? \

On the point of hunters, I'll admit that I don't see how the hunters I know act but after working with a lot of people who hunt at this time of year that's how they stock their freezers. One couple I work with are a H and W and the H hunts deer and his mom owns beefer cattle. The W has said that she just doesn't buy meat in a grocery store except maybe for occasional chicken. When I told them the story of Superstorm Sandy 10 years ago and how we had no power except a generator for 5 days his question was, "Oh no what did you do about all your meat??" For them the hunting is not just a past time but a way that they eat through the year.

Living out here in CT, there's also an essential time of year that hunting can actually help with the surging deer population. While DH and I haven't hit one with our cars we know several people who have including a friend's mom who needed several reconstructive surgeries when a buck was stuck in her steering wheel. When the hunting is monitored and helps to both feed the humans in the area, reduce the population that is not able to survive in the local area due to the environment I can see how it's beneficial. But drunken exploits and just the need to get away from your W and toddler for the 10th weekend isn't OK.

Whenever we need to evacuate for a hurricane, you will see trucks with a trailer in the back that is carrying a big chest freezer and a generator for it. Which might be for meat, but we are also a big watersports state and it's common for people to have a lot of fish/shrimp/crawfish in their freezers.

The second bolded--Louisiana also. Every year, there is a lot of thought given and studies done to decide on the length of the deer hunting season and how many deer each hunter is allowed to kill. I think that's true for most places.

Not everyone uses guns to hunt deer, some people prefer a bow/arrows. Within deer season there are "sub" seasons inside it for when a particular weapon is allowed to be used. A bow/arrows are allowed to be used for the full season, but rifles usually are not.

My coworker didn't "need" to hunt to feed himself. But he did save money on groceries because of it. He always sounded very responsible about it, both in limiting drinking and following all the rules.

@levioosa, definitely not discounting your own experiences. Though I did want to add that mine has been the opposite. My impression of the hunters I've met/what I've heard is they don't drink or limit it while they are hunting. Especially when you consider that deer hunting is usually done crazy early in the morning, ie when the sun comes up. And then people are done for the day by the early afternoon, if not sooner. They also appreciate and are avid about the rules, because they have the most motivation to keep healthy fish and wildlife populations. But, unfortunately, there can be scary idiots out there also.

This is H. He never drinks while hunting, is big into conservation and ethical treatment and we do use all the meat. He’s a big outdoors person. So he’s not a crazy person!

levioosa · December 2022

To be fair, my experiences with hunting are localized to privileged people mostly in Southern California, some very very privileged people in Texas, and on the East Coast in metropolitan areas. So my view point is probably skewed a little bit. I know it can be ecologically necessary, and although I have thoughts about why overpopulation of prey exists a lot of the time it doesn’t change that it is what it is for many areas.

I remember growing up in high school, one of my bff’s starting talking to a guy out of state who was into boar hunting. She thought it was so exotic. After high school he was going to take a gap year and just live in the woods hunting. Lmao. He was just a regular hunter.

But ethical hunting or not, you still need to be a good partner at home.

MyNameIsNot · December 2022

short+sassy said:

banana468 said:

That's also a great point @VarunaTT. Would he see these things if he wasn't traveling? \

On the point of hunters, I'll admit that I don't see how the hunters I know act but after working with a lot of people who hunt at this time of year that's how they stock their freezers. One couple I work with are a H and W and the H hunts deer and his mom owns beefer cattle. The W has said that she just doesn't buy meat in a grocery store except maybe for occasional chicken. When I told them the story of Superstorm Sandy 10 years ago and how we had no power except a generator for 5 days his question was, "Oh no what did you do about all your meat??" For them the hunting is not just a past time but a way that they eat through the year.

Living out here in CT, there's also an essential time of year that hunting can actually help with the surging deer population. While DH and I haven't hit one with our cars we know several people who have including a friend's mom who needed several reconstructive surgeries when a buck was stuck in her steering wheel. When the hunting is monitored and helps to both feed the humans in the area, reduce the population that is not able to survive in the local area due to the environment I can see how it's beneficial. But drunken exploits and just the need to get away from your W and toddler for the 10th weekend isn't OK.

Whenever we need to evacuate for a hurricane, you will see trucks with a trailer in the back that is carrying a big chest freezer and a generator for it. Which might be for meat, but we are also a big watersports state and it's common for people to have a lot of fish/shrimp/crawfish in their freezers.

The second bolded--Louisiana also. Every year, there is a lot of thought given and studies done to decide on the length of the deer hunting season and how many deer each hunter is allowed to kill. I think that's true for most places.

Not everyone uses guns to hunt deer, some people prefer a bow/arrows. Within deer season there are "sub" seasons inside it for when a particular weapon is allowed to be used. A bow/arrows are allowed to be used for the full season, but rifles usually are not.

My coworker didn't "need" to hunt to feed himself. But he did save money on groceries because of it. He always sounded very responsible about it, both in limiting drinking and following all the rules.

@levioosa, definitely not discounting your own experiences. Though I did want to add that mine has been the opposite. My impression of the hunters I've met/what I've heard is they don't drink or limit it while they are hunting. Especially when you consider that deer hunting is usually done crazy early in the morning, ie when the sun comes up. And then people are done for the day by the early afternoon, if not sooner. They also appreciate and are avid about the rules, because they have the most motivation to keep healthy fish and wildlife populations. But, unfortunately, there can be scary idiots out there also.

They do that here, like in my neighborhood. A lot of the homes around me are on 1-3 acres, much of which is heavily wooded. We have A LOT of deer. Like I just saw three bucks on my 30 minute lunchtime walk with the dog. Rifle hunting would be incredibly dangerous and is illegal, but people are allowed to bow hunt on their own properties.

And I realize that makes it sound like I live in the sticks. I don't; Atlanta is just strange.

short+sassy · December 2022

MyNameIsNot said:

Not everyone uses guns to hunt deer, some people prefer a bow/arrows. Within deer season there are "sub" seasons inside it for when a particular weapon is allowed to be used. A bow/arrows are allowed to be used for the full season, but rifles usually are not.

They do that here, like in my neighborhood. A lot of the homes around me are on 1-3 acres, much of which is heavily wooded. We have A LOT of deer. Like I just saw three bucks on my 30 minute lunchtime walk with the dog. Rifle hunting would be incredibly dangerous and is illegal, but people are allowed to bow hunt on their own properties.

And I realize that makes it sound like I live in the sticks. I don't; Atlanta is just strange.

I personally think bow hunting is a lot more sporting, anyway. I'd think it takes more skill and is more challenging. Though I've never used a rifle or a bow, so I guess can't say for sure.

I totally get it! You don't have to go very far out of NOLA to have deer in your backyard and you'll definitely have that in some of the suburb towns.

VarunaTT · December 2022

@charlotte989875 I finally found the thing I was looking for, when I was talking about how it's not okay for the "tell me what to do" thing to happen. I knew I had read lots about it. This comic is what started the conversation in the media about...a little over a year? I think it makes the issue approachable, but still very true:

https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

Tuesday

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