Dear Prudence,
My husband and I had a wonderful, loving relationship for over 20 years. Then, quite suddenly, his behavior changed. He became increasingly paranoid, reactive, and strange, and had terrifying psychotic episodes in which he heard voices, convinced that I was planning to kill him and the children. It culminated in me locking myself in the bathroom with the kids and calling 911. He was finally diagnosed with a serious adrenal condition and is getting the treatment he needs in an inpatient facility.
My problem is that his parents drop by regularly, gaily talking about how wonderful it will be when he comes home. Will it? My children and I are in therapy, trying to deal with the shock of the man we love tearing up the house. My youngest wets the bed, and both of them have nightmares. The reality is that we may never be ready to accept him back in our lives, but it’s simply not the time to have that conversation. I’ve been testing variations of “We’re just focused on his recovery,” but that’s not shutting the conversation down, and I don’t know if I can keep avoiding it. Should I sit my in-laws down and talk them through the reality of the situation? Or do I keep deflecting until we are ready to make a decision? That day is approaching.