My Fiance and I just got engaged about three weeks ago, and we've already begun to run into problems.
Some background: I am a recent college grad (he proposed at graduation) and am not working yet, and my family was hard hit by the recession, so they are not able to help with the bigger (read:more expensive) aspects of the wedding. (ie- reception, dj, flowers ect). My fiance's family is well to do and had offered to pay for the bigger price tag items. About 6 months ago, my fiance's father was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, and with medical bills and whats looking to become an early retirement looming, they have become increasingly concerned with money. I completely understand their concerns, and offered to hold off on the wedding until my family and I could handle the expenses.
At this point, my fiance voiced his concerns about the uncertainty of his fathers condition, and how he was not comfortable putting the wedding off if it meant there was a possiblity his father would not be here to share with us. I told him that my family and I could not afford it at the time, and he said his parents were willing to pick up the cost if we took some money saving action.
At the time of this conversation, my fiance, his parents and I were in a catering hall, waiting to sign paperwork on the venue, having previously had it oked by his parents. To make concessions to a less expensive wedding, we moved our date from july to april and cut our guest list down from 200 to 160. I thought the price cutting was extensive (95 per plate down to 87 with 40 less guests). We signed the papers and were on our way.
Several days later, while shopping with my future SIL for Bridesmaid dresses, she recieved a call from her mother telling her to inform me that the wedding was now in august on a sunday. When I spoke to my fiance, he said that his parents were able to get a good deal on a dj (who I had never heard of) if they moved the date and had it on a sunday. I was fairly upset that my future in-laws would do that behind my back without discussion, when I had already made many concessions to a cheaper wedding.
We met for dinner the last night, and his parents sat down with a spreadsheet of the cost difference, informing us that if we chose to keep it on a saturday night that we would have to pay not only the 7 dollar per plate price difference, but the difference in the price of the vendors as well. They then informed us that we would need to cut our guest list down to 125 people, and invite more of their friends who would give us good gifts, rather than my fiancially struggling family members and our friends who are still in college. My immediate family totals 59 people, and his parents gave us a list 80 people long that were to be invited because they were paying for it. This means not only would I have to start pruning away close family, but we wouldnt even have room for our wedding party, much less our closest friends.
In addition to all of this news, they informed us that we would be paying them back for some of the wedding by giving them whatever monetary gifts we got at the wedding.
I hate all of the ideas they presented, especially the sunday afternoon wedding and the guest list cutting. Ive already purchased my dress with what little money my family could help with now, and it is completely inappropriate for an outdoor afternoon wedding.
While my fiance and I were in the other room discussing what they told us, I overheard his father saying that he couldnt believe I was being so obstinant as he was already $10,000 over budget. With the outline he had in place it was about 21,000. I don't know how to plan a wedding in Long Island within the confines of an 11,000 dollar budget, or how they would expect me to. I argued with my fiance to let us put the wedding off so it wouldnt be a financial burden on his parents. He took their side on many of the issues. Feeling numb and quiet selfish for wanting a wedding I'd envisioned since I was 3, I gave in to their demands.
Today, I am feeling very distraught over what happened last night, and I feel guilty. Even though his father is sick, does that mean that my fiance's and I have to give over our wedding his illness as well? Please help!!