Greenback Shower Question

SB1512 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:242ec40e-818a-43fc-893a-511e8baacbf9">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Greenback Shower Question : There is a difference between having a registry so those that want to get you a gift, can get you something they know you want, and outright asking for money. Even if they have the option to not give you money, and get you something else, asking in the first place is rude. Yes, you will never make everyone happy. However, you should also make an effort to not outright offend anyone. I for example, would be offended in this circumstance, and I'm one who pretty much always cuts the bride and groom a check, partly out of laziness. In this case however, friend or not, you'd be getting his and hers Snuggies. With this line of thinking, why not have a Reception Registry? Guests can choose from upgrading linens, paying a portion of the open bar, pay vendor deposits, the possibilities are endless! Honeymoons, like pretty much all things reception related, are optional. The point of giving the bride and groom gifts, is to give them gifts to help them start their new lives together, not to fund a 100% optional luxury vacation.
Posted by pokey730[/QUOTE]

Yes. This. All of this. and omg I have seen things popping up about reception registries. Great, ask guests to fund your wedding that's a super awesome idea! (sarcasm if you couldn't tell!) Also I read on another board somewhere about someone's niece and her FI having a registry where guests could contribute to their loan consolidation payments! Absolutely nuts!

cronin85 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:6e9b9db4-93ac-46e8-82d4-d043e78de414">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Greenback Shower Question : Thanks banana. You summed up the difference between the normal registry and the HM registry much better than I could. I'm not sure this will make any sense but another thing to keep in mind is that if someone is hosting a shower for the bride, guests are expected to give gifts, as that is the whole point of the shower. It is the one time during wedding process where the bride and groom can flat out ask for tangilbe items (no cash or gift cards). However going on a honeymoon is completely optional and asking guests to fund an optional trip is rude. A traditional registry is usually things that couples could use to start their new life together. And yes some people can go overboard and request ridiculously expensive items but those things usually won't get purchased. I think it might be one thing if great aunt helen purchased you dinner on a beach from a restaurant and she was actually able to give you a voucher for that specific activity, but unfortunately that is not the way HM works.<strong> Often times a lot of couples use the HM registry to collect the cash because they can't afford to pay for their honeymoon which is wrong. Or they do it to get the cash and then never go on the honeymoon and use the money for something else.</strong>
Posted by SB1512[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I do agree with this, that is not right. If you cant afford the HM itself on your own you shouldn't go. Or for the people who take the cash and just never go on the actual HM is definitely wrong. Even if not 1 person pays for anything I the registry I will still be going. I paid for it in full when I booked it.</div>

DiLynn83 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:a8d864f5-fe65-4f16-8932-47eb5dc9b2c4">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Greenback Shower Question : Yes. This. All of this. and omg I have seen things popping up about reception registries. <strong>Great, ask guests to fund your wedding that's a super awesome idea! (sarcasm if you couldn't tell!)</strong> Also I read on another board somewhere about someone's niece and her FI having a registry where guests could contribute to their loan consolidation payments! Absolutely nuts!
Posted by SB1512[/QUOTE]

<div>That's pretty much what a Jack and Jill party is, and one or two girls jumped all over Banana and I when we tried to point out how appalling a concept it is.</div>

bmetz34 · July 2012

I just disagree that the honeymoon registry has to be deceitful. If you are just getting the cash and using it towards whatever you want, then yes, that is not quite honest. In our case, we registered for mostly extras/upgrades, and also some basics. The money we were gifted went right from the shower to the travel agent we used and then we paid the rest that shower gifts didn't cover. People actually got "gift cards" in the mail for what they purchased, and enclosed that in the card at the shower.

As far as not buying the "we have everything" thing, for us, it's not just a line. We literally combined all our stuff and had to throw out (donate to goodwill) doubles. We've also bought new things we needed along the way, so nothing is that out of shape that it needs to be replaced. We are also moving south right after the wedding and will be down sizing greatly as we'll be renting a small place while we build our house. It made no sense to us to get stuff we don't currently need, when we also don't know what we'll need in 2 years, and just put it all in storage.

I think registries can be as unique as the couple registering. I don't think there is one right or wrong answer here. I get that it is easy to jump to the tacky conclusion, and I do agree that just asking for cash, or for someone to pay for your wedding is weird. But I know I would have no problem giving someone a gift towards something they really want. It's like getting someone a really nice necklace for their birthday, but they never wanted a necklace because they aren't a jewelry person, and won't ever wear it. What if they would have much rather enjoyed a pedicure? Wouldn't you treat them to one or get them a gift certificate? I'd just rather get someone something I'm sure they'd enjoy rather than something "appropriate", be it an item or a service.

We also plan on taking pictures of the specific things people bought off our registry like "dinner on the beach", or "catamaran excursion" and send the picture in our thank you notes after the wedding. Then they can actually visualize us enjoying their gift. I think it's more weird to register for gifts, and then return them or duplicates for store credit to get what you really want, which a lot of people do with registries.

I don't think I'm going to change anyone's mind, I just think there is more than one side to the registry story, and each couple can choose what's most appropriate for them, what is acceptable in their group of friends and family, and what will make them most happy in the end.

cronin85 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:fb074be5-337e-4602-900b-f718090a65b4">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I just disagree that the honeymoon registry has to be deceitful. If you are just getting the cash and using it towards whatever you want, then yes, that is not quite honest. In our case, we registered for mostly extras/upgrades, and also some basics. The money we were gifted went right from the shower to the travel agent we used and then we paid the rest that shower gifts didn't cover. People actually got "gift cards" in the mail for what they purchased, and enclosed that in the card at the shower. As far as not buying the "we have everything" thing, for us, it's not just a line. We literally combined all our stuff and had to throw out (donate to goodwill) doubles. We've also bought new things we needed along the way, so nothing is that out of shape that it needs to be replaced. We are also moving south right after the wedding and will be down sizing greatly as we'll be renting a small place while we build our house. It made no sense to us to get stuff we don't currently need, when we also don't know what we'll need in 2 years, and just put it all in storage. I think registries can be as unique as the couple registering. I don't think there is one right or wrong answer here. I get that it is easy to jump to the tacky conclusion, and I do agree that just asking for cash, or for someone to pay for your wedding is weird. But I know I would have no problem giving someone a gift towards something they really want. It's like getting someone a really nice necklace for their birthday, but they never wanted a necklace because they aren't a jewelry person, and won't ever wear it. What if they would have much rather enjoyed a pedicure? Wouldn't you treat them to one or get them a gift certificate? I'd just rather get someone something I'm sure they'd enjoy rather than something "appropriate", be it an item or a service. We also plan on taking pictures of the specific things people bought off our registry like "dinner on the beach", or "catamaran excursion" and send the picture in our thank you notes after the wedding. Then they can actually visualize us enjoying their gift. I think it's more weird to register for gifts, and then return them or duplicates for store credit to get what you really want, which a lot of people do with registries. I don't think I'm going to change anyone's mind, I just think there is more than one side to the registry story, and each couple can choose what's most appropriate for them, what is acceptable in their group of friends and family, and what will make them most happy in the end.
Posted by bmetz34[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I honestly could not say this any better. This is not the days of our grandparents and parents when people dont live together before marriage. If the purpose of a bridal shower is to help a couple start out their new home together then no one would have one. Times have changed therefore what is "right" also changes. If it was inappropriate to register a HM then the option wouldn't even be out there for us.

</div>

banana468 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:47f98767-cdff-4b0b-b318-10134b070862">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Greenback Shower Question : I honestly could not say this any better. This is not the days of our grandparents and parents when people dont live together before marriage. If the purpose of a bridal shower is to help a couple start out their new home together then no one would have one. <strong>Times have changed therefore what is "right" also changes. If it was inappropriate to register a HM then the option wouldn't even be out there for us.</strong>
Posted by cronin85[/QUOTE]

That's not really the case. Plenty of people live together before marriage however that hardly means that a shower for them consists of gifts a 'tier above'. The point is to help them start their new lives together on a solid foundation. The luxury vacation is a totally optional event.

The second bolded sentence simply holds no water. There are plenty of things that are inappropriate out there. They exist because those companies make money off of those who buy into them and hardly due to their appropriateness.

cronin85 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:8b0ef17f-b78c-4b76-8fdc-f81375709547">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Greenback Shower Question : That's not really the case. Plenty of people live together before marriage however that hardly means that a shower for them consists of gifts a 'tier above'. The point is to help them start their new lives together on a solid foundation. The luxury vacation is a totally optional event. The second bolded sentence simply holds no water. There are plenty of things that are inappropriate out there. They exist because those companies make money off of those who buy into them and hardly due to their appropriateness.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm sorry, I just dont agree. Times have changed, its 2012 not 1912. If you look back and compare your wedding to your grandparents or even parents wedding look how much stuff has changed.... And I'm sure they could have probably picked a few things that you did at your wedding that they weren't a big fan of. I'm sure by the time we all have kids that are getting married we will feel the same way too. What I am the most angry about is the fact that at the beginning of this orignal conversation I simply gave my OPINION on the topic in a very nice way and SB specifically replied to my post in nasty manner. I've read maaany posts on alot of different topics that I dont necessarily agree with. But, I would never be nasty to other people who are just voicing their opinions. Isnt that the whole purpose of even having these forums? So that people can ask a question and everyone can give their opinion on it? I know if I was to ask a question I would want to know what everyone thinks even if it is from one extreme to another. </div><div><div>
</div></div>

banana468 · July 2012

I think we'll have to agree to disagree.

Times may have changed and while certain practices may have changed (more couples cohabitate prior to marriage), I don't agree that etiquette regarding registries and what goes on them has changed.

However, I think we have seen that at least this topic is rather contentious. If one is going to have a HM registry, it shouldn't be the only one.

ETA: I agree that the person responding should not be attacked. Aside from that not being the point of the discussion, it's part of the rules of TK.

Yet in a similar discussion on a different thread regarding Jack and Jills (on the 2nd page of this forum) I was constantly insulted. If we're going to agree not to attack each other, it works both ways. (this isn't directed just towards the PP but to everyone).

SB1512 · July 2012

Um I never attacked anyone. There wasn't name calling or anything of the sort. I believe I simply said that the HM registry was rude and deceitful. I am sorry if you find those words offensive but I would hardly call that an attack or nasty response.

SB1512 · July 2012

In Response to Re:Greenback Shower Question:[QUOTE]That's pretty much what a Jack and Jill party is, and one or two girls jumped all over Banana and I when we tried to point out how appalling a concept it is. Posted by DiLynn83[/QUOTE]

Ughi hate jack and jills. I do find it funny tho that stags for the guys as a fundraiser are generally really well received and expect in my circle. FI lives going to them because for 2030 he gets food, beer and guy time. He even goes to them when he isn't invited to the wedding, I think guys care less about etiquette lol

SB1512 · July 2012

Um I never attacked anyone. I simply said that an HM registry is tacky/rude/deceitful and gave examples as to why. I am sorry if anyone finds those words offensive but I wouldn't consider that an attack or nasty response to a post. I never called anyone names either, go back and reread all of my responses. Everyone us entitled to an opinion I was merely offering the OP reasons why she should not do a HM registry.

deanna5776 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:42bd15d0-047f-4c7e-b2f1-717ea6f672e8">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Greenback Shower Question : yes they said that to your face, but who knows what they said behind your back. I have a friend who just did a HM and everyone in our circle told her it was so great, but behind her back they talked a lot of smack about how it was so rude and that guests shouldn't be responsible for funding the honeymoon and if the couple wanted those excursions they should have been paying for them themselves.
Posted by SB1512[/QUOTE]

I'm glad im not in your circle...you can't be honest with your friends but you certain can bash strangers.....weird

deanna5776 · July 2012

Thank you to everyone for your opinions and personal attacks lol..... At the end of the day it is in my best interest to do a hm registry. Living out of state adds an extra expense of having to ship items to sc and if it's items I didn't even really want and was just adding them to be nice.....I think that's a bit deceitful and rude as well..... My home is 2 years old along with everything in it. I am not asking my guests to pay for my honeymoon, I am asking for dinners, spa visits, excursions......instead of comforters, blankets, pillows, sheets, pans, dishes......we have it all and it's brand new.... I do not think there is anyone on this board who is sticking by and completely following "proper etiquette"...... So I will be doing a registry at target and a hm registry....I will also be including a note to please ship all gifts if at all possible and instead include a photo with a bow.....I loved that idea!!!!!!! Again thanks to all of you and sorry you got so attacked cronin85

cronin85 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:26465d13-4fdc-4fda-907d-fd7171c52851">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you to everyone for your opinions and personal attacks lol..... At the end of the day it is in my best interest to do a hm registry. Living out of state adds an extra expense of having to ship items to sc and if it's items I didn't even really want and was just adding them to be nice.....I think that's a bit deceitful and rude as well..... My home is 2 years old along with everything in it. I am not asking my guests to pay for my honeymoon, I am asking for dinners, spa visits, excursions......instead of comforters, blankets, pillows, sheets, pans, dishes......we have it all and it's brand new.... I do not think there is anyone on this board who is sticking by and completely following "proper etiquette"...... So I will be doing a registry at target and a hm registry....I will also be including a note to please ship all gifts if at all possible and instead include a photo with a bow.....I loved that idea!!!!!!! Again thanks to all of you and sorry you got so attacked cronin85 :)
Posted by deanna5776[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Sorry for the argument on your post... I wish you and your FI the very best. Good luck with everything :)

</div>

banana468 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:4480bb9e-f3d0-489b-a9a3-8cf0d1443d5c">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Greenback Shower Question : I'm glad im not in your circle...you can't be honest with your friends but you certain can bash strangers.....weird
Posted by deanna5776[/QUOTE]

1) Isn't this bashing her?   There's something to be said for 'practice what you preach'.

2) Are you serious that you've never been in a circle where people talked badly about someone becuase they didn't have the heart to say, "Oh honey no." My good friend couldn't tell her own sister about her poor bridal decisions because she knew that it would have created WW3.   Do you live in the lone Utopia where everyone gets along and they all say what they're thinking?

Your last post mentions the issue of cost of shipping the gifts. Instead you've put that burden on your guests instead of on yourself.      Isn't there anyone that could help drive them? BIL and SIL live in OH and when they've had showers (bridal and now baby) they know that people will be driving the gifts out to them.

Finally, your speculation that not everyone is following proper etiquette is incredibly presumptuous.   You don't know how other people on here handled their own weddings and even if someone did break an etiquette rule, that's hardly license to do the same.   It's the "they started it" argument.

I really wish you the best in your wedding. I can at least speak for myself when I say that the intention of this sort of discussion is to bring attention to something that goes against what is considered appropriate and as such, it may offend others.   It isn't to make you feel bad.

DiLynn83 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:26465d13-4fdc-4fda-907d-fd7171c52851">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Thank you to everyone for your opinions and personal attacks lol..... </strong> At the end of the day it is in my best interest to do a hm registry. Living out of state adds an extra expense of having to ship items to sc and if it's items I didn't even really want and was just adding them to be nice.....I think that's a bit deceitful and rude as well..... My home is 2 years old along with everything in it. I am not asking my guests to pay for my honeymoon, I am asking for dinners, spa visits, excursions......instead of comforters, blankets, pillows, sheets, pans, dishes......we have it all and it's brand new.... I do not think there is anyone on this board who is sticking by and completely following "proper etiquette"...... So I will be doing a registry at target and a hm registry....I will also be including a note to please ship all gifts if at all possible and instead include a photo with a bow.....I loved that idea!!!!!!! Again thanks to all of you and <strong>sorry you got so attacked cronin85 :)</strong>
Posted by deanna5776[/QUOTE]

<div>No one was attacked at all in this thread.</div><div>Strongly worded disagreement =/= attack.</div>

pokey730 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:bf6c253e-35c8-4c84-8a50-b469d638239e">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Greenback Shower Question : I'm sorry, I just dont agree. Times have changed, its 2012 not 1912. If you look back and compare your wedding to your grandparents or even parents wedding look how much stuff has changed.... And I'm sure they could have probably picked a few things that you did at your wedding that they weren't a big fan of. I'm sure by the time we all have kids that are getting married we will feel the same way too. What I am the most angry about is the fact that at the beginning of this orignal conversation I simply gave my OPINION on the topic in a very nice way and SB specifically replied to my post in nasty manner. I've read maaany posts on alot of different topics that I dont necessarily agree with. But, I would never be nasty to other people who are just voicing their opinions. Isnt that the whole purpose of even having these forums? So that people can ask a question and everyone can give their opinion on it? I know if I was to ask a question I would want to know what everyone thinks even if it is from one extreme to another.
Posted by cronin85[/QUOTE]

You're right, my grandparents wedding, which took place in my Grandma's living room, hardly resembles the wedding I'm planning. However, rudeness is one of those things that crosses the generation barrier. What was rude in 1912, is still rude now.

Also, my grandparents took their honeymoon(which took place the same DAY as their weding) to a local pond where they had a picnic on the beach. You know why? Because they couldn't afford to go on a lavish vacation, and they weren't rude enough to ask someone else to fund it for them. Who woulda thought?

cronin85 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:6c0d250e-ba75-4fd7-a66e-c06514f8108c">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Greenback Shower Question : You're right, my grandparents wedding, which took place in my Grandma's living room, hardly resembles the wedding I'm planning. However, rudeness is one of those things that crosses the generation barrier. What was rude in 1912, is still rude now. Also, my grandparents took their honeymoon(which took place the same DAY as their weding) to a local pond where they had a picnic on the beach. You know why? Because they couldn't afford to go on a lavish vacation, and they weren't rude enough to ask someone else to fund it for them. Who woulda thought?
Posted by pokey730[/QUOTE]

You clearly completely misunderstood what I was saying here. I'm simply just trying to say that things have changed (not just regarding registries). I never knew what a Hm registry was until my grandmother, yes my 75 year old, old fashioned italian grandma, brought it up to me. She thought it was such a fantastic idea because she knew that me FI literally dont need anything. We have been living together for a very long time and if I need new sheets, dished, towels etc; I'm going to buy it my self. So, if its okay in my grandmas book, then I defintiely dont see a problem here. But, this will be my last post regarding this. Think what you want, it wont change my mind. I'm getting married in 7 weeks and have much more to deal with then people telling me my opinions are wrong.

deanna5776 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:e5d49020-7aad-4757-9312-dd1977d50bb0">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Greenback Shower Question : 1) Isn't this bashing her? There's something to be said for 'practice what you preach'. 2) Are you serious that you've never been in a circle where people talked badly about someone becuase they didn't have the heart to say, "Oh honey no." My good friend couldn't tell her own sister about her poor bridal decisions because she knew that it would have created WW3. Do you live in the lone Utopia where everyone gets along and they all say what they're thinking? Your last post mentions the issue of cost of shipping the gifts. Instead you've put that burden on your guests instead of on yourself. Isn't there anyone that could help drive them? BIL and SIL live in OH and when they've had showers (bridal and now baby) they know that people will be driving the gifts out to them. Finally, your speculation that not everyone is following proper etiquette is incredibly presumptuous. You don't know how other people on here handled their own weddings and even if someone did break an etiquette rule, that's hardly license to do the same. It's the "they started it" argument. I really wish you the best in your wedding. I can at least speak for myself when I say that the intention of this sort of discussion is to bring attention to something that goes against what is considered appropriate and as such, it may offend others. It isn't to make you feel bad.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

I wasnt bashing her...just stating the truth......I am the friend in my circle of friends that says what i feel all the time...i dont hold back my opinions ever and you can ask all 10 of my bridemaids...its why they love me..to my face and behind my back....i dont sugar coat things at all...its just me :) so yes i do live in a world where my friends and i are all very honest with each other.....its great too :)

And its a 12 hour ride from ct to sc and most people who visit take the 75min flight instead....so to answer your question when family comes to stay with us they flight 99% of the time...its cheaper than gas.....

and finally all i can say about "what right and wrong"...iswho is the ruler of making this decison?????....if its my wedding why can i not do as i choose...if i am paying for the entire day...why cant it be however i want.....its me who desides what right or wrong......

i mean if you look at articles of proper etiquette they are all different. i havent found 2 that state the same thing

after all isnt it completely against the rules for the mother of the bride to throw the shower...although most moms are the ones running the show these days....

im just simply saying most weddings are planned to suit what works for the brides and grooms...not the guests....if they dont like the gift options they can certainly say they are busy that day.....

you cant please everyone so you might as well please yourselves...its your day and your money being spent :)

deanna5776 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:f3f0dd59-80a5-4cd6-bf3a-b82e569b5632">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Greenback Shower Question : Sorry for the argument on your post... I wish you and your FI the very best. Good luck with everything :)
Posted by cronin85[/QUOTE]

dont be sorry...you didnt start it...i guess going against the grain on here is a bit of a sore topic lol.....wish you all the best too...enjoy "YOUR" day

i wont even mention there is not going to be a church ceremony either i might get blacklisted or something lol

geez

:)

banana468 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:3ae7a017-d56c-4186-b58a-acb026511f6a">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Greenback Shower Question : I wasnt bashing her...just stating the truth......I am the friend in my circle of friends that says what i feel all the time...i dont hold back my opinions ever and you can ask all 10 of my bridemaids...its why they love me..to my face and behind my back....i dont sugar coat things at all...its just me :) so yes i do live in a world where my friends and i are all very honest with each other.....its great too :) And its a 12 hour ride from ct to sc and most people who visit take the 75min flight instead....so to answer your question when family comes to stay with us they flight 99% of the time...its cheaper than gas..... and finally all i can say about "what right and wrong"...iswho is the ruler of making this decison?????....if its my wedding why can i not do as i choose...if i am paying for the entire day...why cant it be however i want.....its me who desides what right or wrong...... i mean if you look at articles of proper etiquette they are all different. i havent found 2 that state the same thing after all isnt it completely against the rules for the mother of the bride to throw the shower...although most moms are the ones running the show these days.... im just simply saying most weddings are planned to suit what works for the brides and grooms...not the guests....if they dont like the gift options they can certainly say they are busy that day..... you cant please everyone so you might as well please yourselves...its your day and your money being spent :)
Posted by deanna5776[/QUOTE]

You missed my point about the circle. It isn't just your friends. It's your family. It's your FI's family. It's all people that you invite to showers and your wedding - that could possibly include people you haven't met yet! Are you saying that you speak for all of them? Your comment to PP sounded as if you said, "I'm glad I'm not like you," and if that's not an insult I don't know what one is.

Regarding the distance between the two locations, did you not see my post about my ILs living in OH? You're preaching to the chior about long drives. The plane ticket is cheaper only if you're referring to one person BTW.   Once you add more than one individual to the equation and they need transportation, driving becomes the next logical solution.   It's MUCH less expensive for DH, DD and I to drive to OH rather than to fly.   The transportation of gifts to your wedding is easily remedied even if just a few individuals opt to make the road trip.   Flying just isn't that convenient.

Finally, your comment about paying for the wedding and it being your day is just short sighted and shows that there's a loss of the point of the entire event. The ceremony is the event that's for you and your FI. It's where you're married. The reception is for your guests. It never has nor is it a statement of the financiers to display the things that they want for themselves. If it was just for that purpose and you weren't intended to host the people that the event is for, you should just elope. The point of the event is to receive those you hosted at the ceremony.   If you're going to 'just please yourselves' then why have guests at all?   The "I have the money so I'm going to do what makes me happy" logic is the same logic that a dictator uses.

Proper etiquette hasn't differed although plenty of articles are written and the paper does not refuse ink.   Reputable sources that are not linked to the wedding industry (think Miss Manners and NOT the Emily Post Institute) have not wavered in their opinions at all. They have always stated that HM registries are inappropriate.

deanna5776 · July 2012

i'm not going to go back and forth with you on this....

my fiance and i are the other ones out of state...all of our family and friend are in ct....if driving the gifts from ct to sc was an option i would not be asking to have them shipped but its just not...when my family visits they fly 99% of the time because they are coming with my 13 year old nephew who is in a wheelchair and cant be in a car for 12 hours...if you must know...they fly and so does everyone else we know...we have a spare vehicle for them to use fortunately...end of story there...but i said that prior and it still wasnt good enough for you....your still commenting on my answer to you...

its obvious you need the last word and your word is the end all be all of wedding.....you have been married for years from what it looks like...why are you still giving new brides a hard time with there choices....

i am not a traditional bride and am not getting married in a church....we are getting married with our close friends and families right by our sides and if my mother and mother inlaw are both fine with a hm registry then thats really all that matters

all 10 of my bridesmaids are fine with it and within the last 5 years 6 of them have done it themselves.....

i posted a status on my facebook page reguarding the same thing, seeing as most of the people on there are our family and friends....funny no one has a negative thing to say about a hm registry....and they are the guests

so i will agree that you and i are very different in our thoughts and beliefs and leave it at that.....

banana468 · July 2012

I'm not giving you a hard time. I'm just not seeing that your argument of 'this is why we're doing something inappropriate' holds.

BTW, one doesn't get married in a church for the sake of tradition. You do it because it's important to be joined as man and wife in your faith. If you're not practicing a religion then of course you wouldn't get married in a church. That's not tradition. It's just the solution that makes sense which has absolutely zero to do with etiquette.

I understand that you're going to do what you're going to do. You're just not going to convince me that it's somehow magically appropriate.

DiLynn83 · July 2012

I love when Banana pops in here to post. She's universally respected on the boards for her knowledge of proper manners and etiquette. 12,000+ posts - I'll take her advice and wedding wisdom any day.

One final point on the topic of etiquette: it's really not subjective. Just because a person doesn't think something is rude or offensive, doesn't mean that it's not rude or offensive. Saying thank you is polite. Belching at the table is not. Just because you (the general "you," not any particular poster) don't say thank you and burp at the dinner table, and your family/friends are ok with it, doesn't mean that your behavior isn't horrifying.

It's the same principle with wedding-related etiquette. The fact that someone, or a circle of someones, holds a certain opinion on a certain topic, doesn't make it so. When a topic like HM registries, dollar dances, Jack & Jills etc etc comes up and people are strongly divided one way or another, you'd be wise to pay attention to that and recognize that there are plenty of people who DO value traditional etiquette despite what may be accepted in your particular circle.

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