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Bringing home food to a catered meal

abcflowerabcflower member
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in Wedding Cakes & Food Forum
I'm at my wit's end. My FH and I have put out the money for a decent caterer, but my mother is insistent that she needs to make cabbage rolls to bring to the wedding because 'it is tradition.' This is driving me crazy for a number of reasons:

1) She lives a 9 hour drive away from the wedding. She would be making these cabbage rolls days ahead of time, freezing them, and then thawing them at the reception, getting in the way of my caterer, stressing herself (and me!) out, and possibly giving someone food poisoning along the way.

2) I don't see why my wedding guests won't be happy with whatever food I provide for them, so long as it is a decent meal. She seems convinced if there aren't cabbage rolls people will complain. Seriously, who would do that? Sure, it is part of our heritage (Ukrainian), but certainly there are other ways of incorporating it that don't include this kind of crazy.

And no, the caterer can't make cabbage rolls - they wouldn't make them the 'right way'.

I've tried negotiating - traditional desserts on the dessert table (apparently, she was going to do that anyway, she just hadn't bothered to inform me yet), but so far, I haven't gotten anywhere.

Any ideas?
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Re: Bringing home food to a catered meal

  • CassieeKCassieeK
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Does your venue even allow this?  Some places won't allow food not from an approved caterer to be brought in.
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  • abcflowerabcflower member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We rented a hall at a local park and we're having a caterer come in. The hall lets us do whatever we want food and drink wise and our catering contract allows for outside food, so technically, we could make our own cabbage rolls and serve them.
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  • NOLAbridealmostNOLAbridealmost member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Time to put your foot down. A wedding is as good a time as any to begin to assert yourself as an adult with your parents.  Unless they're paying.  Then it becomes a whole different issue. 

    If you are paying tell mom there will be no cabbage rolls and just to deal with it.  

    If she's paying, give her the caterer's number and tell her it's her problem to deal with it.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    How does your mom know she can bring the rolls?  I would just say that your caterer's contact says they are the exclusive caterer and no other food can be brought in.  The only options are (1) no cabbage rolls or (2)  she can  give the caterer her recipe so they can make them.


    If that does not work I would more than likely let her make bring the damn things.  I'm not very controversial and really it's not a battle I would feel like fighting.  However if it is a battle you think is worth fighting stand your ground.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • Septemberbride32Septemberbride32 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Maybe you can have her provide them for the rehearsal dinner instead??? 
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  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011

    I think the rehearsal dinner is a great idea! The rest of the comments/ideas are good too.


    I'm torn between the two options you have: Standing up for what you want (as a recent bride), and letting her bring them (I'm a traditionalist too).


    I planned my wedding for 18 months, I'm a "foodie" and put a lot of thought into my wedding food. I got rave reviews that night, and often since then, from the guests.


    My parent's generation had ethnic food at every celebratory party. Cabbage rolls, saurkraut and kielbasa, that sort of stuff. My grandmother made all that type of food for my parent's wedding. For their 50th anniversary, I had the same type of food, because it was traditional, and something everyone loved.


    However, while I understand your position, I guess you have to look at how many times has your Mom ever truly asked for you to consider her input on something like this? Is there a large contingent of people coming from your side of the family that will think having these there is part of the celebration/food?


    If I were in your predicament, I'd put the caterer on notice of your predicament with your Mom. Make it clear that this is something you are struggling with allowing to happen. My guess is they have some form of liability insurance against guest illnesses, something they will legally be unable to stretch to include the food she is brining. Either she gives up the recipe to them so they can make them, or she goes to their facility before the wedding when they are preparing your food and "oversees" the process, so they can adequately prepare it and limit the opportunity for food poisoning. If your Mom is "old school", this may be a foreign concept for her, but it's important she understand the worst thing that could happen is your guests getting ill from your wedding food.

    Good luck.

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  • neongreenboxneongreenbox member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Even though it is at a local park chances are your caterer won't allow outside food from a non licensed kitchen for legal/health reasons. Your mother's heart is of course in the right place but maybe the rehearsal dinner will be the best place if she can bring them in there.
    Or maybe you can give the cabbage roll recipe to the caterer? I know you said that it won't be "right" but maybe using her recipe could also appease her? Orrr maybe there is a Ukranian restaurant in your area that can provide a couple trays that might satisfy her?
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