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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Where did this rule come from?
Not that I'm going to change my BM gifts but I am very curious. I see all the time that jewlery for the bridesmaids is not acceptable gift because they have to wear it on the wedding day. I have been in 4 weddings and in 4 weddings my gift was the jewlery I wore for the wedding. I am doing the same thing, and actually my BM are getting $70 pendants and some extra stuff because I got the $70 set for $20.
but i just wonder where this rule came up because most people i know have limited budgets for their wedding.
but i just wonder where this rule came up because most people i know have limited budgets for their wedding.
"Faith Hope and Love are some good things he gave us, and the greatest is Love"
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Re: Where did this rule come from?
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M had necklaces made for each BM but they were enclosed in a terry cloth travel kit monogramed for each girl. The bag also had several individual cosmetic/beauty supplies individualized for each girl. Stuff from MAC, a GC for Sephora, stuff like that.
I still see the girls wear the necklaces as they were pretty much timeless
[QUOTE]To me, matchy-matchy BM jewelry is a prop and not a gift. I always got jewelry as one of the presents for being a BM before and I never got the same jewelry the other girls received.
Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]
<div>Huh. I've only ever seen jewelry given when it was all matching.</div>
[QUOTE]Now I'm worried about my gift for my BM. I got them really pretty clutches and flip flops. I wasn't even thinking but is that considered inappropriate because the clutch could be seen as a prop for the wedding? oh no!
Posted by HandBanana[/QUOTE]
<div>I think you're ok. The idea with not giving jewelry is when it's like, "eeeek! Don't you love your gift?! And you can all wear them for the wedding, isn't that great?!"</div><div>
</div><div>One of the aforementioned necklace givers didn't flat out say that she wanted us to wear them for her wedding, so I chose something else that fit me better and was more comfortable. I actually got yelled at by MOB for not wearing the necklace the bride gave me. So I put it on and suffered through.</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where did this rule come from? : I think you're ok. The idea with not giving jewelry is when it's like, "eeeek! Don't you love your gift?! And you can all wear them for the wedding, isn't that great?!" One of the aforementioned necklace givers didn't flat out say that she wanted us to wear them for her wedding, so I chose something else that fit me better and was more comfortable. I actually got yelled at by MOB for not wearing the necklace the bride gave me. So I put it on and suffered through.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]
Phew. I actually feel better.
Sometimes it is sad to see how brides forget that the wedding really isn't worship the bride day.
The necklaces M gave her BMs were jade, strong to make a simple choker. That's why they were worn again and often.
Simple, classic jewelry is always a good gift. Crystals and rhinestones usually are not.
[QUOTE]add on The necklaces M gave her BMs were jade, strong to make a simple choker. That's why they were worn again and often. <strong>Jewelry catered to your bridesmaids' personal styles is always a good gift. </strong>
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]
<div>Fixed that for ya ;-) This is the necklace I got yelled at for not wearing - <a href="http://www.bluenile.com/freshwater-pearl-necklace_3849">http://www.bluenile.com/freshwater-pearl-necklace_3849</a>. Very simple and classic, but not at all right for me.</div>
See every single person I know who has gotten marreid except 1 has given jewlery as a BM gift. So I wanted to know when did this Jewlery is not approiate come up because I think it's rather strange that everyone on here says it's not approriate yet I know so many who have done it. The one who didn't did not want want her BM to wear jewlery and that was why she did not give it as a gift.
[QUOTE]Funny I had asked where this rule came from and so many of you decided to give me advise that I don't want. Read what the post says. I asked where the rule comes from not for advise. See every single person I know who has gotten marreid except 1 has given jewlery as a BM gift. So I wanted to know when did this Jewlery is not approiate come up because I think it's rather strange that everyone on here says it's not approriate yet I know so many who have done it. The one who didn't did not want want her BM to wear jewlery and that was why she did not give it as a gift.
Posted by StacyJenniges[/QUOTE]
Just because people have done it doesn't make it alright.
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
[QUOTE]Funny I had asked where this rule came from and so many of you decided to give me advise that I don't want. Read what the post says. I asked where the rule comes from not for advise. See every single person I know who has gotten marreid except 1 has given jewlery as a BM gift. So I wanted to know when did this Jewlery is not approiate come up because I think it's rather strange that everyone on here says it's not approriate yet I know so many who have done it. The one who didn't did not want want her BM to wear jewlery and that was why she did not give it as a gift.
Posted by StacyJenniges[/QUOTE]
Well aren't you a peach. It sounds like you are looking for the legislative history for this rule of etiquette - although you plan on breaking it anyway. I think it comes from a mixture of common sense and a logical extension that you should give people gifts they want - not gifts you want to use.
If all of the jewelry matches, well, then that means that's it's part of their attire for the day just as much as the bouquets they carry. Jewelry is fine if there are no strings attached for them to have to wear it at the wedding. But really, what if one of your BMs isn't a jewelry gal? WHat's she going to do with a necklace and chandelier earrings? The safe and most thoughtful BMs gifts come from shopping for each of them individually like it's their birthdays.
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
Good luck with your planning!
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
I told a few of them that my idea was to get them all necklaces and they loved it.
I have been in 3 weddings and 2 of them got us matching necklaces(one was jewelry worth $100 for each girl) and the third wedding got us matching shawls. I loved all of it and wore on the day of(even though they told us we didnt have to) and have worn it to many parties thereafter.
I wouldn't take offense to just getting a jewelry set for a gift, but then again as a BM I never expected them to get us anything. I actually told one of them to put their money towards something else, like a home.
If your friends will think its alright then I see nothing wrong with it.
I was in a wedding where we were given matching jewelry and flip flops, neither of which was remotely my style. Honestly, I was bummed. Not because I didn't like the gift (or because I thought I was entitled to a gift) but because it was so obvious that my friend hadn't thought of me and my interests at all.
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[QUOTE]Totally agree with the OP. When I get jewelry for being a BM, I definitely don't think, "ugh, gross, she got me some jewelry that I might never wear again." I think, "oh, how sweet, she got me some jewelry!" Because, unlike some people, I don't even EXPECT a gift for being a BM!
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]
No one is saying anyone expects gifts.
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
[QUOTE]It sounds like someone expects a gift when they talk about how innappropriate/rude a certain kind of gift is. Because otherwise people should be grateful for *any* gift.
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]
So really, if your friend got you something that she knew you didn't like for your birthday, you would be totally ok with that and just as grateful as if she got you something you could tell she put a lot of thought into? Sorry, not buying it.
That's the point - that some of this stuff that's in the "typical BM gift" category makes it clear that it was a bride getting her BMs something material just to cross that tradition off the list rather than one friend getting her other friends something she thought they'd like. The latter is great, regardless of how much was spent, whereas the former is crappy, and the bride might as well have saved her money.
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[QUOTE]The rule comes from the fact that gifts are supposed to be things you give thinking of the recipient. If your friend hates margaritas, but you love them, you probably wouldn't give her a margarita machine for her birthday so that you can use it when you go over. Same goes for jewelry - it's fine to give your friend a piece of jewelry that you think she'll like, but it's crappy to give your friends jewelry that's for your wedding and totally not their tastes and tell them it's a "gift." Budget has nothing to do with it. I was in a wedding where we were given matching jewelry and flip flops, neither of which was remotely my style. Honestly, I was bummed. Not because I didn't like the gift (or because I thought I was entitled to a gift)<strong> but because it was so obvious that my friend hadn't thought of me and my interests at all.</strong>
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]
I don't agree with this. When I served as a bridesmaid in my brothers destination wedding, I was thrilled to be asked - and I was not expecting a gift at all. We got monogrammed towels and makeup. Neither is something that matched my personal style, but I was touched that they got me a gift in the first place - for me it was enough just to be asked.
I am getting my bridesmaids matching clutches. They will have black and I will have red. I thought it would be something practical that they could use if they would like, and it would be nice to all have matching clutches as a sort of connection thing.
OP - I think your comment about not asking for advice was rude. The girls were trying to answer your original question about where it came from, by explaining what made it not appropriate. Personally, I disagree with it, but it is what it is.
Good luck with your planning.
That doesn't mean that I was any less touched to be asked or that just being asked wasn't enough for me, which is implied in what you wrote. It just means that if a gift is clearly something where you went to the store thinking "what will look good at my wedding?" rather than "what will my friend like?" I don't think it's a very good gift. That has nothing to do with me expecting a gift or needing a gift to be excited about your wedding, and any disppointment is about the thought/lack of thought given to the gift, not disappointment that I didn't get something I thought I deserved.
And the part you bolded? It WAS obvious that my friend didn't think of me and my interests at all. Maybe you did think of your friends in buying something that matched, but I know my friend, and I know my interests, and she would not have gotten me those gifts for a birthday or Christmas because she knows they're not my style.
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See I had never heard until the knot that it wasn't "approriate" and I'm really curious as to when this started because I had seen it happen so many times. I think it may just be that where I come a small town that it is the norm.
[QUOTE]Yep, common sense is a big part of it more so than an Emily Post ruling that says, "Thou shalt not give jewelry for thy Bridesmaid's gifts." If all of the jewelry matches, well, then that means that's it's part of their attire for the day just as much as the bouquets they carry. Jewelry is fine if there are no strings attached for them to have to wear it at the wedding. But really, what if one of your BMs isn't a jewelry gal? WHat's she going to do with a necklace and chandelier earrings? <strong>The safe and most thoughtful BMs gifts come from shopping for each of them individually like it's their birthdays.</strong>
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]
<div>Agreed! The last 3 weddings that I have been in have had their BM gifts being jewelry that I will never wear again. I have given them to my 7 year old niece for her "dress up trunk" because I can't wear cheap jewelry. The MOB freaked out when I explained that I would most likely have a reaction to it....she told me to put it on so that we all matched. Guess what? I developed a rash last August from wearing silver jewelry that wasn't a higher quality. The bride had to do some photoshopping to get the red out of the pictures...</div>