Reading other posts...

eidna22 · December 2010

So we have been ring shopping and he has told his family that he plans to marry me and that he has taken me shopping for rings. He has told me where he wants to honeymoon and what season and all the basics of wedding stuff have been discussed. Does that mean we are already engaged? I kind of have it in my head that if you don't have the ring you really are not engaged. Then I think though that we are planning our lives as if we are and we discuss who we are inviting and when it will be so what is that? IDK. I don't know what to think. Just some opinions on what constitutes an engagement. Not just for me but for anyone really. Seems like there are tons of different scenarios.

Blue & White · December 2010

I think the general rule of thumb is: if you don't think you're engaged, you're not.

If you DO think you're engaged, there's always the off chance that you may be psycho and planning a wedding and not even dating anyone. So I think the negatives are necessary in that statement

I know my BF will not consider us engaged (and therefore able to plan the wedding) until he finds a ring and pops the question. Since we're part of the same social unit, I'm going to agree with him on that sentiment.

We're not engaged yet

heyimbren · December 2010

It takes two people to decide if they're engaged, so that's between you and your SO.

However, I will point out that the ring is a symbol of the engagement. But at the same time, personally I don't think I'd say I was engaged without some sort of symbol. But that's me.

The most important thing is that you two figure it out. Also, be wary of pre-planning. I'd say most of the time it isn't that helpful.

motoLyn · December 2010

You don't need a ring to consider yourselves engaged, BUT you and your Man need to agree whether you are or are not. Ask him, if he considers you both to be engaged. If he says no then there's your answer.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

My BF and I aren't engaged, but I think of us as "practically engaged". I know that's not engaged, but to me its perfectly fine for now. Even though he isn't going to propose for a while (in order to save for my dream ring), we both know its going to happen. Everyone does. I think it just depends on the person.

eidna22 · December 2010

I honestly could never say to someone "were engaged!" without a ring. I just think it looks like you are a psycho for sure. I don't care that all my coworkers and friends know he exists or not. When I said basics have been discussed I mean when we were setting up our Christmas tree on our anniversary he said "I kind of want to get married in December so we can keep our Christmas anniversary." No major lets book this place or have this food kind of talks. We both love Christmas

I am pretty sure he has the ring is some where in our house but there is no way I will go looking for it because he would kill me lol People keep saying "I bet he will do it at Christmas" but I don't want to get my hopes up. I kind of had a thought about it for a second on our anniversary at dinner but got that out of my head real quick ;p

CASK85 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_reading-other-posts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b87e29bf-e998-45d4-8b80-25fdd21ee2a5Post:af60b9c2-c089-44a4-b97e-a8eee9552e19">Re: Reading other posts...</a>:
[QUOTE]I honestly could never say to someone "were engaged!" without a ring. I just think it looks like you are a psycho for sure. I don't care that all my coworkers and friends know he exists or not. When I said basics have been discussed I mean when we were setting up our Christmas tree on our anniversary he said "I kind of want to get married in December so we can keep our Christmas anniversary." No major lets book this place or have this food kind of talks. We both love Christmas :) I am pretty sure he has the ring is some where in our house but there is no way I will go looking for it because he would kill me lol <strong>People keep saying "I bet he will do it at Christmas" but I don't want to get my hopes up. I kind of had a thought about it for a second on our anniversary at dinner but got that out of my head real quick ;p</strong>
Posted by eidna22[/QUOTE]
Good girl!! LOL Seriously though, it is good that you're trying not to get your hopes up. <div>
</div><div>I think a lot of us are in the same boat about the Christmas proposal thing. Try not to listen to the crazy people and let them psych you out . . . the people I work with are taking bets on which day around Christmas it will be - I'm ignoring them because BF and I are going to have a great time regardless and I won't let them ruin our romantic times with worrying about a proposal. I WON'T!!! </div>

heyimbren · December 2010

If you want to wait to be "engaged" for the ring then go for it. I'd feel the same way, personally but others don't and that's fine too.

Chiano - I'm curious to see if anyone will get a Christmas proposal (well, besides Narwhal's)! I was doing really well with abstaining from proposal daydreaming and any kinds of BSC until BF started bringing up marriage more... sigh. I think that's probably why this board is so NWR; most of the girls would go crazy.

eidna22 · December 2010

The waiting is oh so hard. Everyone at my office is having a great time picking the date it will happen for me and every day they come by and say let me see your finger. I hate that lol But it is a very jokey type of office. I hope its Christmas! I am starting to forget what my ring looks like

lol

eidna22 · December 2010

what is BSC???

[Deleted User] · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_reading-other-posts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b87e29bf-e998-45d4-8b80-25fdd21ee2a5Post:13657b77-b53f-4000-852d-a5d45caa7916">Re: Reading other posts...</a>:
[QUOTE]The waiting is oh so hard. Everyone at my office is having a great time picking the date it will happen for me and every day they come by and say let me see your finger. I hate that lol But it is a very jokey type of office. I hope its Christmas! I am starting to forget what my ring looks like :( lol
Posted by eidna22[/QUOTE]

my coworkers, friends, and family all did this too! just remember that once, it happens... it all goes crazy on you. so enjoy the calm before the storm. :)

calindi · December 2010

These girls have given good advice - at first, I got a little excited since we have talked extensively about getting married, being married, raising kids. It's not a matter of "if" we're getting married, it's a matter of when. And we do have a good idea on the "when" and the "where". Because of this, there were moments I started to think we were defacto engaged. But if you were to ask me point blank, "Are you engaged?" I would instinctively say no. And that's really the deciding factor - do you both think you're engaged?

No, a ring isn't necessary. It's not that you'd look like a psycho - there are plenty of girls who don't want or can't afford engagement rings, but they are no less engaged than someone who has a Tiffany's sparkley on her left hand. But if you were to turn to your boyfriend and say, "Are we engaged?" what would his answer be? If he says no, or even if he just hems and haws, you're not engaged. What you are is in a serious relationship that is progressing towards engagement. The psycho ones are the ones who are announcing they are engaged while their boyfriends are blissfully unaware that they've suddenly become engaged.

eidna22 · December 2010

calindi I agree I didn't mean people who cannot afford a ring are psychos I meant the ones who's men have no idea. Or the ones who actually have no men. Obviously the fact that the thing is in the house some where and that we have discussed kids, marriage and family and our new house all let me know where this is headed. Now it is just the when like you say. I could never answer yes to someone asking me if I was engaged at this moment.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

Has anyone ever noticed the women on Say Yes To The Dress that shop for their dress before their BF even proposes? What if the relationship ends? Or they don't get engaged for another year?

eidna22 · December 2010

OMG reading about that on another board is what made me post this! thus the title of this thread. That is what I am talking about! I could never do that even if we had a date picked and no ring! You never know what could happen.

Elle1036 · December 2010

Hi Eidna!

BSC means "bat sh*t crazy".

There are several girls on here (myself included) who are in your situation, and what they've said so far has been right on.

Feel free to come on here and vent whenever you start feeling particularly impatient. Just a warning, though: Bren won't help calm you down. She'll just make it worse.

eidna22 · December 2010

I think what really gets me is how he teases me about him making sure I am surprised and that I will never know when its coming. I just want to say "Shut up already!" I know and I want to be surprised but dont rub it in and then want to talk about marriage ideas you like and blah blah blah and who we are inviting! LOL Its driving me BSC! lol There... that was my vent! hahaha

heyimbren · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_reading-other-posts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b87e29bf-e998-45d4-8b80-25fdd21ee2a5Post:4e9e706a-986b-4ab6-9626-d284460b72e7">Re: Reading other posts...</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Eidna! BSC means "bat sh*t crazy". There are several girls on here (myself included) who are in your situation, and what they've said so far has been right on. Feel free to come on here and vent whenever you start feeling particularly impatient. <strong> Just a warning, though: Bren won't help calm you down. She'll just make it worse.
</strong>Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-innocent.gif" border="0" alt="Innocent" title="Innocent" />

Those episodes of SYTTD drive me up a wall. I cannot fathom how so many people lack such common sense.

Elle1036 · December 2010

I wouldn't tolerate the teasing. Thankfully, BF has pretty much kept his mouth shut altogether, which is a smart move on his part.

I haven't gotten a single present from him that I didn't know about already. Basically, as soon as I know he's purchased something, I nag him about it until he breaks down and tells me what it is. I'm just really bad at being suprised.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_reading-other-posts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b87e29bf-e998-45d4-8b80-25fdd21ee2a5Post:6caecfcc-5b49-4b95-b9f5-a830da4b913b">Re: Reading other posts...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Reading other posts... : Those episodes of SYTTD drive me up a wall. I cannot fathom how so many people lack such common sense.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Sometimes I wish I could just hit some of the girls. But I love looking at the dresses. Even though I'll never be able to afford one of them AND have a nice wedding on a budget.

JMM4208 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_reading-other-posts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b87e29bf-e998-45d4-8b80-25fdd21ee2a5Post:4e9e706a-986b-4ab6-9626-d284460b72e7">Re: Reading other posts...</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Eidna! BSC means "bat sh*t crazy". <strong>There are several girls on here (myself included) who are in your situation, and what they've said so far has been right on. </strong>Feel free to come on here and vent whenever you start feeling particularly impatient. Just a warning, though: Bren won't help calm you down. She'll just make it worse.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

Ditto. I hate that my friends always ask after I have a weekend with him the "where's the ring question". Stick around and post, these ladies are amazing and will keep you from getting too ahead of yourself. Just reading has taken me from wedding obsessed to calm cool and collected.

If you dont mind answering what part of NC are you in?

EDIT: We are totally in the same boat right now, I read your last post and the teasing makes our BF sound like they're talking to each other to drive us crazy!

Elle1036 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_reading-other-posts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b87e29bf-e998-45d4-8b80-25fdd21ee2a5Post:494d5363-065f-4d6e-a062-55d81bb26370">Re: Reading other posts...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Reading other posts... : Sometimes I wish I could just hit some of the girls. But I love looking at the dresses. Even though I'll never be able to afford one of them AND have a nice wedding on a budget.
Posted by CoffeeBean330[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I can't get enough of that show. I'm always like "ooooh, pretty". Or, occasionally: "oh, dear..."

CASK85 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_reading-other-posts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b87e29bf-e998-45d4-8b80-25fdd21ee2a5Post:4e9e706a-986b-4ab6-9626-d284460b72e7">Re: Reading other posts...</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Eidna! BSC means "bat sh*t crazy". There are several girls on here (myself included) who are in your situation, and what they've said so far has been right on. Feel free to come on here and vent whenever you start feeling particularly impatient. <strong>Just a warning, though: Bren won't help calm you down. She'll just make it worse.</strong>
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]
But she looks so sweet and innocent!!

heyimbren · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_reading-other-posts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b87e29bf-e998-45d4-8b80-25fdd21ee2a5Post:68d5bb94-3ee4-4470-a18f-1b1229320239">Re: Reading other posts...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Reading other posts... : But she looks so sweet and innocent!!
Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]

I think Elle started to see right through that when the puppy pic came down...

eidna22 · December 2010

JMM4208 I'm in Charlotte.

Elle1036 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_reading-other-posts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b87e29bf-e998-45d4-8b80-25fdd21ee2a5Post:68d5bb94-3ee4-4470-a18f-1b1229320239">Re: Reading other posts...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Reading other posts... : But she looks so sweet and innocent!!
Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]

Her halo is held up by her horns...

[Deleted User] · December 2010

JMM...where are you from in NC?

skyler1108 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_reading-other-posts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b87e29bf-e998-45d4-8b80-25fdd21ee2a5Post:af60b9c2-c089-44a4-b97e-a8eee9552e19">Re: Reading other posts...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I honestly could never say to someone "were engaged!" without a ring.</strong> I just think it looks like you are a psycho for sure. I don't care that all my coworkers and friends know he exists or not. When I said basics have been discussed I mean when we were setting up our Christmas tree on our anniversary he said "I kind of want to get married in December so we can keep our Christmas anniversary." No major lets book this place or have this food kind of talks. We both love Christmas :) I am pretty sure he has the ring is some where in our house but there is no way I will go looking for it because he would kill me lol <strong>People keep saying "I bet he will do it at Christmas" but I don't want to get my hopes up. I kind of had a thought about it for a second on our anniversary at dinner but got that out of my head real quick ;p
</strong>Posted by eidna22[/QUOTE]

You just answered your own question. You would not considered yourself engaged until you BF proposes with a ring. Based on this, you two are not engaged. You do not need a ring to be engaged just an agreement to get married but there are some men and women who need the ring to considered themselves engaged.

As for the second part, that is the best thing to do. The last thing you want it to be disappointed on Christmas or any other special even that happens if he does not propose on.

mana8503 · December 2010

BF and I are in that gray area as well. IF you asked him, we're engaged, he said it's not a matter of IF, just when. I, on the other hand, would say, we've talked about engagement and the future. We picked out and he has the ring, just waiting for him to propose and give it to me. We've talked about when we'd have the wedding, ideas on honeymoon, etc. He said he'll propose in March (I think on our cruise) but coworkers think it'll be over Christmas. Before posting on this group, I was definitely driving myself crazy over this but I'm ok now. If it's christmas, YAY, if it's on our Cruise - YAY!!!