bridesmaids drama!

kmschwartzkopf · February 2012

So the wedding is about two weeks away and one of my bridesmaids got a half sleeve tattoo last night! It is her style and she mentioned she wanted to do it but probably 8 months ago we had a very short conversation about it and she said she would wait until after the wedding. So my point is that im upset she did it mostly because she told me she would wait. She has quite a few tattoos already so she knows how to take care of them but she can't guarantee it wont get infected while healing and scab. So i sent her a text about it (worst mistake) and that exagerated the issue into a texting fued. She misread a lot of what I wrote. She thinks all i said was, "you are going to ruin all of my photos," which I never said. AHHHHH

She's obviously one of my best friends but the last thing I want to stress about is drama with bridesmaids. I know all brides prob say this but I have been super laid back, if they couldn't participate in something (bach parties) I didnt give them a hard time, I am not being picky about what they look like for the wedding. No one has to help me get any wedding stuff ready, etc. Extreme alteraions to your appearance is just not something you should do as a bridesmaid two weeks before the wedding!

Whats your thoughts?!?!

ShakeUpTampa · February 2012

Well 1st congrats! You get married the day before me! Next up I know all about tat drama. FI's aunt deleted me off FB in October after she and I got into it about my new tat that he got me for my bday. (It has my maiden name) long story short she figured I must not want his name and not love him enough *she is looney bins anyhow and his mom told me to uninvite her for other reasons but I didn't*---but when I explained its my MOTHER and GMAS name and they raised me (she went into a whole thing about I must be close to my dad)...anyhow to another topic. YOUR BM haha

You shouldn't have mentioned anything. You picked her because she is a best friend. You accept her for the way she is. As long as her tat does not say F&ck or anything nude I would not be bothered. It is her body. As for the healing my pretty darn large back shoulder tat barely peeled and healed in about a week with proper care. It itched a bit longer but no peeling no scabbing at all and no redness.

My advice is to apologize to her and accept her for who she is. Yes it isYOUR photos but at the same time you are friends with her for a reason. Not to judge her choice of art and expression but to have her standing by your side. It just means she will look more like herself in the photos with her own expression. You said it is a half sleeve...you can position her to not show in some photos if that is your choice.

NMAmato0120 · February 2012

I had a simillar issue as one of my BMs just got a wrist tattoo (which can hide behind her bouquet). I totally understand why a half-sleeve would upset you!!! What I have seen on The Knot has said that it is rude to ask a BM to cover up tattoos that she had before you asked her to be the BM. BUT...it is acceptable to ask her to cover up a new one that she gets before the wedding (and after you asked her to be in the wedding). You don't want it to be scabbed or red and if it bothers you, she should be willing to cover it up. She should have told you first (and yeah, she could have waited 2 weeks!)

EDT I am sorry if that makes me sound like a bridezilla. I understand that you should love your friends for everything they are, but if she said she thought about it and would wait until AFTER the wedding to do it and then did it anyways, that's rude. A phone call saying "I'm about to get a tattoo" would have been polite,

Mo2T&O · February 2012

I'm sorry, I know you aren't supposed to tell people how to look or what to do with their bodies but I just think she should have and definitely could have waited two more weeks. I would be pissed.

I probably would have said something too. But if I were you I would just try to make amends and explain that what you said was misunderstood.

ellentravis · February 2012

I think her timing was sh!tty and her choice was selfish. It feels bad to have someone do you like that. I agree with you.

Since you unfortunately can't go back, keep looking forward -- YOUR day and everything that truly matters deep down to YOU will be wonderful! I mean it, I mean it.

jenniferb77 · February 2012

to be honest, after 2 weeks, all scabbing should be done. if you are still scabbed up that long after you get a tattoo, you need to argue for your money back because your tattoo person didnt know what they were doing.

at worst, unless it gets seriously infected, at 2 weeks, you should have maybe some slight flaking. that can be readily solved with a little extra moisturizing lotion. take a deep breath. apologize first; this leads to ready apologies in return. make an "i" statement ("when i heard about your tattoo, it made me feel like x, because of y"). this is a great way to make a statement that lets you express yourself without being confrontational.

sounds like both of you overreacted a bit. deep breath. 2 weeks to go. if the photos really bother you that much, photoshop can work wonders.

janice0487 · February 2012

Think about the future, you definitely don't want to ruin your friendship with her over something like this. Just hug it out

And like PP said, try to position her where that arm isn't in pictures if it bothers you that much!

kmschwartzkopf · February 2012

thanks everyone, we finally got a chance to talk about it over the phone (no more texting) and everything is totally fine. We both apologized!!

bridesmaids drama!

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