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Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul
Your Bar Situation
I am just curious what everyone is doing for their bar situation. There was a topic on the etiquette board that got pretty heated - many of the ladies over there thought it was preposterous to have a wedding without an open bar.
But honestly of all the weddings I've been to, only 2 of them had open bar, the rest hosted a couple of kegs, and once those ran out the guests had to pay, so I planned on doing the same thing.
Since so many others thought that idea was obsurd, and I definitely am not in a poor community (though not rich, either) I thought maybe it's a regional thing? So I am just wondering, are you doing open bar, semi-hosted, cash or no alcohol at all?
***disclaimer - this is NOT meant to be an HT, just curious what everyone is doing.
But honestly of all the weddings I've been to, only 2 of them had open bar, the rest hosted a couple of kegs, and once those ran out the guests had to pay, so I planned on doing the same thing.
Since so many others thought that idea was obsurd, and I definitely am not in a poor community (though not rich, either) I thought maybe it's a regional thing? So I am just wondering, are you doing open bar, semi-hosted, cash or no alcohol at all?
***disclaimer - this is NOT meant to be an HT, just curious what everyone is doing.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Your Bar Situation
Our big girl, Cora, and our sneaky kitty, Roxy
I agree with LS - it is a regional thing. There was a poll on here a while back where a girl was asking if she should just do beer and wine or also have a cash bar option. If I remember right - the response was why not add the cash bar option on there if you want. That way guests have the option to drink for free or pay for it if they are more picky.
[QUOTE]I think it's definitely a regional thing. <strong>Most people on Etiquette would say you shouldn't need to bring your purse to a wedding as a guest</strong>. I think you can accomplish that without an open bar - we did. We had 2 kegs at any given time, then tapped a 3rd when one ran out. We also hosted wine and NAs, of course. Mixed drinks were available for purchase. So, at our wedding, if you're choosy, you may have to shell out, otherwise we had you covered. Most people are happy with a choice of wine or beer, and if they're not, they can choose something else of their liking if they're willing to pay for it.
Posted by LittleSweetie[/QUOTE]
What? Why can't you bring your purse to a wedding?? Lol, I've never heard of that "rule"?? Hehehe.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Your Bar Situation : What? Why can't you bring your purse to a wedding?? Lol, I've never heard of that "rule"?? Hehehe.
Posted by kari_lynn222[/QUOTE]
Read carefully: *shouldn't need to* bring your purse to a wedding. As in, you shouldn't need to pay to be a guest at someone's wedding. Hope that helps clarify.
Our big girl, Cora, and our sneaky kitty, Roxy
Def a regional think IMHO -- I've been to 2 open bars, a lot of people got trashed (which is more of a faux pas on the guest than having a cash bar in my mind) but the rest were either semi-hosted or cash bars.....I can understand both sides of the argument so really don't care what the hosts decide. We are doing semi-hosted (wine & beer to a certain $ amount, then cash after that) and I don't feel bad. Our wedding will have a few problem-people (those who can't control their consumption) so this was our way of nudging them into a more sober camp. I don't care what people say about it, we just don't have the money to host every.single.drink
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Your Bar Situation : Read carefully: *shouldn't need to* bring your purse to a wedding. As in, you shouldn't need to pay to be a guest at someone's wedding. Hope that helps clarify.
Posted by LittleSweetie[/QUOTE]
Oh, hehe. I misunderstood. Thanks for clarifying! I thought I was *really* living under a rock! :)
[QUOTE]Def a regional think IMHO -- I've been to 2 open bars, a lot of people got trashed (which is more of a faux pas on the guest than having a cash bar in my mind) but the rest were either semi-hosted or cash bars.....I can understand both sides of the argument so really don't care what the hosts decide. We are doing semi-hosted (wine & beer to a certain $ amount, then cash after that) and I don't feel bad. Our wedding will have a few problem-people (those who can't control their consumption) so this was our way of nudging them into a more sober camp. I don't care what people say about it, we just don't have the money to host every.single.drink
Posted by chou_chou[/QUOTE]
I totally see what you're saying (and agree ;) But OT: YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED IN 4 DAYS!! WOO HOO! How do you feel?!?!?!! Are you super stoked or getting nervous? Are you all ready?
[QUOTE]I think it's definitely a regional thing. Most people on Etiquette would say you shouldn't need to bring your purse to a wedding as a guest. I think you can accomplish that without an open bar - we did. We had 2 kegs at any given time, then tapped a 3rd when one ran out. We also hosted wine and NAs, of course. Mixed drinks were available for purchase. So, at our wedding, if you're choosy, you may have to shell out, otherwise we had you covered. Most people are happy with a choice of wine or beer, and if they're not, they can choose something else of their liking if they're willing to pay for it.
Posted by LittleSweetie[/QUOTE]
This. Totally.
There are many, many ways to have a wedding without a cash bar. If you decide that being a good host to your guests is a priority, a host can cut out unnecessary things (expensive dress, flowers, expensive shoes, large photography package, programs, fancy invitations, etc.). Even if a bride is already budgeting well in that regard, it can simply be a matter of choosing a reception venue that allows you to bring in your own alcohol. Providing beer, wine, and soda for guests can be done for under $500 if you get discounts and budget well. $500 is a far cry from the "several thousands of dollars" that you assumed we spend on having an open bar (from the original post).
If that isn't a possibility, I think that a bride should have the reception that she can afford but should NOT ask guests to pay for the wedding that she envisions. If you can't afford a formal evening wedding, have a brunch or lunch reception. That cuts down the costs of alcohol extremely well.
Bottom line: guests shouldn't have to pay for anything at the wedding. If you can't afford an open bar, serve beer and wine. If you can't afford to have a caterer serve beer and wine, find a location that lets you bring in your own. If that's still too expensive, have a brunch or lunch reception with light or no alcohol.
Really, there are so many ways to do this without asking your guests to foot the bill.
Planning!.....Married!
Planning!.....Married!
Think about it this way:
You are hosting a dinner party at your home. You have a bottle of wine and a carton of milk sitting on the counter while your guests are arriving. One of your guests reaches for the bottle of wine to pour herself a drink. You say, "Oh, actually, we can't afford alcohol for you guys, we could only afford milk, so that will be $5/glass for the wine."
Your guest would NOT be thinking, "Oh, how wonderful of her to offer wine, even though she couldn't afford it." She would be thinking, "Then why in the heck is there wine here if they can't afford it!?! Why didn't they just have milk?!"
The SAME logic goes for a wedding. You are the host. It is your job to provide the food, drinks, and entertainment for the evening. It is your decision what is provided, but whatever is provided needs to be hosted by you. For instance, you do not need to have a full meal (as long as your reception isn't during a meal-time), but the food you do provide (cake, appetizers, or whatever you choose) should be paid for by you. You do not need to provide entertainment, but whatever entertainment is there (full band, DJ, belly dancers, or whatever you choose) should be paid for by you. You do not need to have a full open bar, but whatever beverages ARE there (soda, beer, wine, or whatever you choose) should be paid for by you. This goes down to the meaning of being a host to your guests. Period.
Our big girl, Cora, and our sneaky kitty, Roxy
We are going to do a partial open bar as well, a few kegs, some wine, and pop all night. Everything else, like mixed drinks, etc., can be purchased by the guests if they choose.
I think that you should go with what you can afford and what is most important to you. To me a nicer meal would be worth more than an open bar. But that is just my opinion.
Planning Bio - updated 04-02-11
Married Bio - updated 04-06-11
[QUOTE]You can still be a good host with a partially hosted and partially cash bar though, let's be clear. You're not a terrible person by hosting beer/wine but not mixed drinks - at least you are hosting something. (I'm an optimist, what can I say!)
Posted by LittleSweetie[/QUOTE]
I agree. Partially hosted is still providing for your guests and being a good host. If the guest wants something else, that's up to them.
[QUOTE]I agree with LittleSweetie. I do not think that you are being a bad host if you do not provide everyone with unlimited amounts of alcohol. That shouldn't even be the main focus of the night anyway (in my opinon). I don't think hosting a wedding is anything like hosting a dinner at your house. It does get very expensive very fast, especially if you have a younger crowd. We are going to do a partial open bar as well, a few kegs, some wine, and pop all night. Everything else, like mixed drinks, etc., can be purchased by the guests if they choose. I think that you should go with what you can afford and what is most important to you. To me a nicer meal would be worth more than an open bar. But that is just my opinion.
Posted by lboerner88[/QUOTE]
I agree you should go with what you can afford. And if that only includes beer and wine, that is all you should provide.
[QUOTE]You can still be a good host with a partially hosted and partially cash bar though, let's be clear. You're not a terrible person by hosting beer/wine but not mixed drinks - at least you are hosting something. (I'm an optimist, what can I say!)
Posted by LittleSweetie[/QUOTE]
Who said that would make you a terrible person? good person=/=good host and bad person=/=bad host. You can be a good person and a bad host at the same time. And if a partially hosted bar is the worst thing that you do as a host, I still wouldn't call you a "bad host," but you would still be commiting faux pas.
I agree with LS and Laura. The post Danielle was talking about was posted by me. I did a vote on whether people thought it was a better idea to only have what we could afford (hosted beer, wine, and non-alcoholic drinks) or have the option for cash mixed drinks. The votes were overwhelmingly for having the cash option. The only wedding I've been to with an open bar, had it open only during the cocktail hour and dinner, then went to cash. Personally, I thought that was pretty awesome, I didn't get made because I couldn't get any more free drinks, but that's just me.
What FI and I are doing is the partial open/partial cash. I think people in our area feel comfortable with that. There will be a clear sign that says what is hosted, so there isn't comfusion. Good luck!
Planning Bio
[QUOTE]I agree with polichik. We will also be hosting an open bar. Think about it this way: You are hosting a dinner party at your home. You have a bottle of wine and a carton of milk sitting on the counter while your guests are arriving. One of your guests reaches for the bottle of wine to pour herself a drink. You say, "Oh, actually, we can't afford alcohol for you guys, we could only afford milk, so that will be $5/glass for the wine." Your guest would NOT be thinking, "Oh, how wonderful of her to offer wine, even though she couldn't afford it." She would be thinking, "Then why in the heck is there wine here if they can't afford it!?! Why didn't they just have milk?!" The SAME logic goes for a wedding. You are the host. It is your job to provide the food, drinks, and entertainment for the evening. It is your decision what is provided, but whatever is provided needs to be hosted by you. For instance, you do not need to have a full meal (as long as your reception isn't during a meal-time), but the food you do provide (cake, appetizers, or whatever you choose) should be paid for by you. You do not need to provide entertainment, but whatever entertainment is there (full band, DJ, belly dancers, or whatever you choose) should be paid for by you. You do not need to have a full open bar, but whatever beverages ARE there (soda, beer, wine, or whatever you choose) should be paid for by you. This goes down to the meaning of being a host to your guests. Period.
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]
<font size="3"><font color="#000000"><font face="Times New Roman">I’m not getting back in to this debate.<span> </span><span> </span>I simply wanted to know if it was common for other Minnesotan’s to not have an all out “Open Bar” since I’ve only been to two weddings ever that had it. </font></font></font>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Your Bar Situation : I’m not getting back in to this debate. I simply wanted to know if it was common for other Minnesotan’s to not have an all out “Open Bar” since I’ve only been to two weddings ever that had it.
Posted by kari_lynn222[/QUOTE]
Okay, I <em>really </em>don't mean to be rude by saying this (I really mean that), but you don't own the thread, and if people want to debate, they can do that...that is what the boards are <em>for</em>-- to discuss wedding-related issues...
That being said, I understand that people are going to do what they are going to do (I just wish they wouldn't try to justify it by saying it is perfectly polite). So, I guess I said what I wanted to say and won't press it any further.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Your Bar Situation : Okay, I really don't mean to be rude by saying this (I really mean that), but you don't own the thread, and if people want to debate, they can do that...that is what the boards are for -- to discuss wedding-related issues... That being said, I understand that people are going to do what they are going to do (I just wish they wouldn't try to justify it by saying it is perfectly polite). So, I guess I said what I wanted to say and won't press it any further.
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]
<font size="3"><font color="#000000"><font face="Times New Roman">I just don’t want to get in to the argument is all.<span> </span>I was called a “cheapass” right off the bat and told that “Kegs are for Frat parties” (when I said that we would be hosting Tap beer) and that I “might as well have the guests pour it themselves since B&G are too cheap to host” …oh and heaven forbid you spell something wrong in a debate because then your opinions are null.<span> </span>I just don’t want to get in to why anyone feels the way they do about it, again… I truly was just curious if it is a regional thing is all. </font></font></font>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Your Bar Situation : Okay, I really don't mean to be rude by saying this (I really mean that), but you don't own the thread, and if people want to debate, they can do that...that is what the boards are for -- to discuss wedding-related issues... That being said, I understand that people are going to do what they are going to do (I just wish they wouldn't try to justify it by saying it is perfectly polite). So, I guess I said what I wanted to say and won't press it any further.
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]
I like you.
Planning!.....Married!
Eat.Drink.BeMarried. Blog.
[QUOTE]OP- Just ignore the posts that are meant to stir up drama. FYI- there is an option to completely block people if you don't want to read their posts. Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]
Just wondering...what is your post meant to do? And how is posting about the topic at hand only meant to stir up drama? Just curious.
Eat.Drink.BeMarried. Blog.
[QUOTE]OP- Just ignore the posts that are meant to stir up drama. FYI- there is an option to completely block people if you don't want to read their posts. Anyway... whether it's regional or not, the majority of the girls on here agree with the partial cash bar. My venue doesn't allow any cash bars, so we're hosting only beer and wine. However. If I was at a venue that had a full bar on site, I'd be damn pissed if I couldn't buy my own rum & coke, just because the bride and groom decided they didn't want to provide rum. Will most people just stick to the free stuff? Probably. But some people are picky about their alcohol and would love the opportunity to buy exactly what they want. Unless "being a good host" means you're going to provide every brand of every liquor out there for your guests, go with the partial cash bar if your venue allows it.
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]
"Being a good host" means providing as much for your guests as you can without going into debt WITHOUT asking your guests to foot the bill. When I go to a wedding, I don't expect them to have my favorite food there. If they have chicken and I prefer salmon, am I going to think that they're rude? No.
Think of it this way: have you ever been to a wedding where chicken is offered as the main dish, but the menu mentions that guests can purchase lobster for an extra $6? Nope. Same concept.
Planning!.....Married!
[QUOTE]Think of it this way: have you ever been to a wedding where chicken is offered as the main dish, but the menu mentions that guests can purchase lobster for an extra $6? Nope. Same concept.
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yeah, I've heard Emily repeat this same "concept." But I just don't think it's the same, sorry. Different opinions.
</div>
Eat.Drink.BeMarried. Blog.
[QUOTE]Emily- I meant the posts that OP mentioned- " called a “cheapass” right off the bat and told that “Kegs are for Frat parties” (when I said that we would be hosting Tap beer) and that I “might as well have the guests pour it themselves since B&G are too cheap to host” (sorry, I'm too lazy to actually quote that, but you get the picture.) My post was meant to provide the opposite side of the debate from you. Is that allowed? I personally have no issue at all with partial cash bars, as I explained. I really don't enjoy drinking the cheaper beers that others like (and typically are served at weddings), so I'd rather have the option of buying a more expensive beer or a mixed drink. I would never think less of the host for not wanting to host every option at the bar. Like I said... I only think the partial cash bar is a good option if you're hosting at a venue that allows it and will have all of those options stocked anyway. If you're having a wedding somewhere that requires you to bring in alcohol, by all means only provide what you can afford. Edit- I should also add that the cash bar should never benefit the couple or host. I've seen that suggested (can we charge for other drinks to make back some of the cost?) NO! But if your venue has a full bar, why not give your guests a wider variety of options?
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]
My apologies. I thought you were directing that comment at my and polichik's posts. It is definitely okay for you to give your opinion, I was referring to the comment thinking that it was directed at me. Sorry about that. Continue with your regularly scheduled knotting.