Hi! I know that it is considered rude to put Adults Only on the invitation itself. But my mom is badgering me to do it. My cousins have 15 kids between the 4 of them and I just don't to deal with that. I plan on making sure the envelope says To Mr & Mrs John Doe and not John Doe Famly, etc. I also plan on making sure that the RSVP says, X number of seats reserved for Mr. & Mrs. John Doe, or something along those lines. And I am going to put it on the Save the Dates and the website. But I am wondering if these days, people really do think its rude to put "Adults Only" on the invitation. I don't have kids so I can't say that I would take offense to it but people who do might. Thoughts??
Re: Proper way to say no children
[QUOTE]Hi! I know that it is considered rude to put Adults Only on the invitation itself. But my mom is badgering me to do it. My cousins have 15 kids between the 4 of them and I just don't to deal with that. I plan on making sure the envelope says To Mr & Mrs John Doe and not John Doe Famly, etc. I also plan on making sure that the RSVP says, X number of seats reserved for Mr. & Mrs. John Doe, or something along those lines. And I am going to put it on the Save the Dates and the website. But I am wondering if these days, people really do think its rude to put "Adults Only" on the invitation. I don't have kids so I can't say that I would take offense to it but people who do might. Thoughts??
Posted by MrAndMrsBishop0115[/QUOTE]
Yes. It's really rude.
DH and I have a 2 yo. We also know how to read. If she isn't named on the envelope then part of deciding whether or not to attend means getting a sitter for her.
Just because people have children does NOT mean that they think the child is going to be welcome everywhere.
I think what you're doing is fine except I wouldn't do the response cards the way you propose. Instead, write them out so a guest just checks ___accepts or ___declines next to his/her name. This eliminates the possibility for substitutions.
While this might not affect those without children as much, everyone can read that message.
We had people write their names next to their meal choices. That's another good way to avoid/pre-empt any substitutions.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children: or, you could have a stripper themed wedding to justify the "adults only" comment. Just kidding. I agree with PPs its rude.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
<div>New twist on the dollar dance? </div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children: or, you could have a stripper themed wedding to justify the "adults only" comment. Just kidding. I agree with PPs its rude.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>Could become a new theme for weddings, right up there with baby theme because the bride and all bridemaids are pregnant.</div><div>
</div><div>too snarky???</div>
Do you really expect the p!ssed off people to come to you and tell you how rude that was ?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children:
Do you really expect the p!ssed off people to come to you and tell you how rude that was ?
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
Actually yes, and the one guest did. We simply explained it was our personal decision and we couldn't make any exceptions.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children : Actually yes, and the one guest did. We simply explained it was our personal decision and we couldn't make any exceptions.
Posted by KyleenJeanette[/QUOTE]
So you did piss someone off with your wording. Then, why would you suggest someone else use it?<div>
</div><div>Also, I want to hear more about these people who complimented you on your wording because it's a very strangely random thing to compliment a person on. </div>
Do you really expect the p!ssed off people to come to you and tell you how rude that was ?Posted by banana468
Actually yes, and the one guest did. We simply explained it was our personal decision and we couldn't make any exceptions. Posted by KyleenJeanette[/QUOTE]
You're missing the point.
Hosting the way you did was fine. Writing that phrase on your invitations was patronizing.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children : So you did piss someone off with your wording. Then, why would you suggest someone else use it? Also, I want to hear more about these people who complimented you on your wording because it's a very strangely random thing to compliment a person on.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
I'm guessing people were excited to have an adults only wedding and that's what they were complimenting her on, not the wording.
Having an adult only wedding is perfectly acceptable. Stating on your invitations who's not invited was the rude part.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children : So you did piss someone off with your wording. Then, why would you suggest someone else use it? Also, I want to hear more about these people who complimented you on your wording because it's a very strangely random thing to compliment a person on.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
Regardless of whom the envelope was addressed to, we knew some of our guests would completely ignore that. I'm not suggesting it, I'm just saying that's what we did and WE are happy with the outcome. Our guests that complimented us were couples WITH kids and friends in their mid twenties without. Those with children said they we're looking forward to a weekend away because they planned on making it a mini vacation. Most children won't care, appreciate, or enjoy a formal wedding anyway.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children :
I'm guessing people were excited to have an adults only wedding and that's what they were complimenting her on, not the wording.
Having an adult only wedding is perfectly acceptable. Stating on your invitations who's not invited was the rude part.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]
Yes exactly, people were excited about an adult only wedding so they could truly enjoy their evening.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Proper way to say no children : Regardless of whom the envelope was addressed to, we knew some of our guests would completely ignore that. I'm not suggesting it, I'm just saying that's what we did and WE are happy with the outcome. Our guests that complimented us were couples WITH kids and friends in their mid twenties without. Those with children said they we're looking forward to a weekend away because they planned on making it a mini vacation. Most children won't care, appreciate, or enjoy a formal wedding anyway.
Posted by KyleenJeanette[/QUOTE]
There is nothing wrong with only inviting to adults to a function, whether it be a wedding or what ever.<div>Stating on any invitation who is not invited is rude. This is why you put names on the envelopes. If any guests RSVP with their kids, then you call and explain to them that the invitation was intended for those on the envelope. </div><div>
</div><div>It's not even just etiquette, it's basic common sense. You don't send a letter to a house with multiple people living in it and put everyone's name on the envelope, but only wish one person happy holidays. It works both ways. You put the person's name on the envelope that the card is intended for. </div><div>
</div>
[QUOTE]The common sense part you speak of is lacking from some of our guests, namely my fiancés extended family (the root to many issues during the whole wedding planning experience). Forgot to add, we did also add the contact information for a few babysitters in the area on our wedding website.
Posted by KyleenJeanette[/QUOTE]
Which is why, when they RSVP with their kids, you call them and let them know the invitation was for the people on the envelope.<div>
</div><div>If they ignore the envelope, there is a chance they'll ignore the note on the invitation, anyway. </div>
For example-
Dr. Marion Smith and Mr. Kevin Smith
or,
Dr. Marion Smith and
Mr. Kevin Russell (if they are living together but not married, and he is on a separate line on the envelope)
or,
Dr. Marion Smith,
Mr. Kevin Russell, and family (if you want their two kids coming also)
and then, if choice 3 above-on the RSVP card, write:
____ Dr. Marion Smith (___) accepts (____) regretfully declines
____ Mr. Kevin Russell (___) accepts (___) regretfully declines
____ Miss Elizabeth Smith (___) accepts (___) regretfully declines
___ Master Robert Russell (___) accepts (___) regretfully declines
This makes it clear it is a four-person, family invite. If you did not want the two kids,
you'd do the first two listings above on the RSVP but not the children's names.
So, yes, a lot of indiviualized, handwritten RSVP cards, but no confusion and no etiquette dilemmas.
201 Invited
[QUOTE]Hi! I know that it is considered rude to put Adults Only on the invitation itself. But my mom is badgering me to do it. My cousins have 15 kids between the 4 of them and I just don't to deal with that. I plan on making sure the envelope says To Mr & Mrs John Doe and not John Doe Famly, etc. I also plan on making sure that the RSVP says, X number of seats reserved for Mr. & Mrs. John Doe, or something along those lines. And I am going to put it on the Save the Dates and the website. But I am wondering if these days, people really do think its rude to put "Adults Only" on the invitation. I don't have kids so I can't say that I would take offense to it but people who do might. Thoughts??
Posted by MrAndMrsBishop0115[/QUOTE]
I am dealing with the same situation and although I have discussed this with my fiance' he insists that we are to invite children of his friends that are "like family" but really they are not! On our reception cards it says :
Please join us to celebrate immediately following the ceremony for an adult reception @ etc. That way they know ahead of time that children will not be there just adults~ I hope this helps and good luck! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />