Marriage to somebody you had an affair with...

agapecarrie · August 2012

I don't think you understand what an annulment is. It doesn't "invalidate" a person's life or a portion of their life.

People can grow apart, but if the marriage is valid, one must remain faithful to them. (read: do not commit adultery). It's a pretty clear message in scripture what that means.

THe church is following from the 10 commandments. Do not commit adultery.

And no matter how denominations get started, there IS definitely disagreements on doctrine. Some believe in utter depravity. Most protestants don't even believe marriage is a sacrament.

And by their OWN definition, protestants don't hold communion as highly. The church isn't making that judgement, it is the protestant sect that does that. They would even state as such. They also do not have apostolic succession, by their own admittance.

monkeysip · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_marriage-to-somebody-you-had-an-affair-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:28f7ed84-e34e-4fe5-aa37-21b3f4353897Post:4808e0cf-0d26-4a0f-80c1-2344772bf463">Re: Marriage to somebody you had an affair with...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Marriage to somebody you had an affair with... : Why is it flawed? Since a good deal of difference between the Catholic Church and most other Christian faiths has a lot to do with the intepretation of scripture; if the Catholic Church's standard for marriage was in fact God's standard, I think there would more Christian sects that had the same view. The majority of them to frown on divorce and believe marrige is forever; however, if something goes awry they do not feel the need to invalidate a portion of persons life. On that note, I am leaving my office and will not have access to a computer for the weekend. I realize I shouldn't have started this as this is a sensative topic for me. I meant no offense to anyone; but I was hoping to perhaps get more dialogue than just a spouting of Church dogma and maybe a little understanding how non-Catholics can feel violated by that particular act fo the Church.
Posted by kjhowd[/QUOTE]

I'd also like to add that your "majority wins" viewpoint is really dangerous.

Truth is often not popular with the majority. For a while, the majority of America supported slavery. After that, the majority opposed civil rights for a long time. The majority is not always right, and that is true for Christianity as well.

Just because most protestant churches NOW (they didn't always) support divorce/remarriage, contraception, female clergy, etc. doesn't make it right. It just shows how far they've gone from traditional christianity. If you look at the history of Christianity, the beliefs of the Catholic Church WERE the majority for centuries. It is only in the last hundred years that things have changed.

lalaith50 · August 2012

I meant, your logic is flawed b/c just because everyone else does/believes something does not make it true. You questioned my original statement of how Protestants are wrong on some things-- some Protestants say infant baptism is fine, others say that infant baptism is invalid. They can't both be right. Therefore, some of them have to be wrong in this area. Since some of them are wrong in this area, (for example, but there are of course many other disagreements that are like this and are NOT political,) My whole point has been trying to show the flaw in your logic of "IF it were God's standard THEN other churches would believe this too..." Well that isn't necessarily true, since like I just explained, some of them HAVE to be wrong about (for example) the baptism thing, so why can't they all (or most of them- I am sure that there is SOME protestant group out there who takes marriage even more seriously than Catholics, and doesnt even allow annulments,) so why can't they all or most of them be wrong about not saying annulments are necessary?

Or take birth control. Up until the 1920s, ALL Christian denominations said birth control was NOT ok. Now, pretty much all *except* the Catholic Church says it IS ok. What changed? Did God's law change when all the Protestants said it was ok? Or was it actually ok before and all the Protestants were wrong BEFORE? (Or, of course, the other answer... God's law did not change. And the Protestants are now wrong.)

Trying to determine what God's Law is, based on what Protestant Churches deem to be correct, obviously does not work all the time. Why are you so sure you can use that same logic to say that Protestants are right and therefore the Catholic Church MUST be wrong about annulments?

Riss91 · August 2012

The Church would have to acknowledge someone's actions of being married in another faith or even civilly. They cannot ignore it. When a person commits to marriage, even if it is not a Catholic marriage, they are making a decision to be with this person for the rest of their life.

Why shouldn't the Church have the ability to review a previous life-long commitment a couple made that is being now broken? The Church wants to ensure that the person being married in the Catholic faith is free and willing and able to make the commitment to the new marriage. I don't see how that is a problem. It's a way of cleansing the soul and preparing it for a large commitment not only to a spouse, but to God.

As far as Catholics thinking that a non-Catholic way is the wrong way - I mean - isn't that what subscribing to a religion is about? If we didn't think the Catholic teachings and doctrines were the complete Truth, then we wouldn't be Catholics. I can agree that people can tend to be demeaning or condescending of other faiths. But that isn't a Catholic-only issue. We all believe strongly in our faith - whatever it might be - and will therefore defend its principles. Otherwise we are contradicting the very thing we believe in.

I hope that makes sense.

Calypso1977 · August 2012

Except why should the Catholic Church hold judgement over a marriage that was not performed in their sacrament to begin with.

i dont get why the chuch would annul a marriage of another faith unless that person was looking to get married in a catholic church.

that said, most who seek annulments are doing so because they want to marry again. one of the rules of the church is that you cant get married if you are already in avalid marriage with someone else.

since teh church recognizes protestant marriages between protestants as valid, an annulment is needed.

agapecarrie · August 2012

Also,

Catholics put the canon of scripture together.

professorscience · August 2012

I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said, but in the church where I grew up, you got married once. If you got divorced, you were SOL. It actually caused a big split in the church when one of the elders did some research and decided that remarriage after divorce in certain circumstances was okay. The preacher called for a vote to determine if we should remove the elder from his position, and then he (the preacher) left the church to start his own.

No one disagrees that some people had no business getting married. But they WERE married, even if it was a huge mistake, and proper steps need to be taken to correct the mistake.

From a very basic standpoint, if you want to be a member of one church or another (and reap those benefits), you follow that church's rules.

lalaith50 · August 2012

[QUOTE] No one disagrees that some people had no business getting married. But they WERE married, even if it was a huge mistake, and proper steps need to be taken to correct the mistake.
Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]<div>Not quite correct. The point of a Catholic annulment is to determine if they were actually NOT married. (Like if either party lacked the proper intent or were forced or something.) </div><div>

</div>

chelseamb11 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_marriage-to-somebody-you-had-an-affair-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:28f7ed84-e34e-4fe5-aa37-21b3f4353897Post:2b5a735e-7f9b-435b-8692-19eb44f6a729">Re: Marriage to somebody you had an affair with...</a>:
[QUOTE]i feel so bad for kids with divorced parents. i couldnt even imagine if i had only gotten to see my dad a couple of days per month or every other holiday. even in the best, most friendly situations, it really affects them more than people realize.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Sometimes it's for the best.
My dad is not a very good example to his kids of what a good father should be and can generally be a very selfish man who treats his family like crap. I was out of the house when my parents divorced, but my brothers were still in high school and they were SO much happier when they only had to be around my dad every othe week.

chelseamb11 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_marriage-to-somebody-you-had-an-affair-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:28f7ed84-e34e-4fe5-aa37-21b3f4353897Post:4808e0cf-0d26-4a0f-80c1-2344772bf463">Re: Marriage to somebody you had an affair with...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Marriage to somebody you had an affair with... : Why is it flawed? Since a good deal of difference between the Catholic Church and most other Christian faiths has a lot to do with the intepretation of scripture; if the Catholic Church's standard for marriage was in fact God's standard, I think there would more Christian sects that had the same view. The majority of them to frown on divorce and believe marrige is forever; however, if something goes awry they do not feel the need to invalidate a portion of persons life. On that note, I am leaving my office and will not have access to a computer for the weekend. I realize I shouldn't have started this as this is a sensative topic for me. I meant no offense to anyone; but I was hoping to perhaps get more dialogue than just a spouting of Church dogma and<strong> maybe a little understanding how non-Catholics can feel violated by that particular act fo the Church.</strong>
Posted by kjhowd[/QUOTE]

I was Lutheran for about 10 years of my life and never once did I hear about the Catholic church and/or being offended by it.

pretzelgrrl · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_marriage-to-somebody-you-had-an-affair-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:28f7ed84-e34e-4fe5-aa37-21b3f4353897Post:7d91ab76-9e3d-40c9-817b-ffeccf1439b5">Re: Marriage to somebody you had an affair with...</a>:
[QUOTE] As far as Catholics thinking that a non-Catholic way is the wrong way - I mean - isn't that what subscribing to a religion is about? If we didn't think the Catholic teachings and doctrines were the complete Truth, then we wouldn't be Catholics. I can agree that people can tend to be demeaning or condescending of other faiths. But that isn't a Catholic-only issue. We all believe strongly in our faith - whatever it might be - and will therefore defend its principles. Otherwise we are contradicting the very thing we believe in. I hope that makes sense.
Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE]
While I agree that this isn't a Catholic-only issue...I disagree that subscribing to a religion is about thinking the other way is the wrong way. I am catholic but don't feel that people who are Jewish are wrong just that they have different beliefs.

Marriage to somebody you had an affair with...

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