Recently Estranged Parents and Invitations
You might remember me posting about month ago about my relationship with my parents. We have not spoken at all in a little over a month. I went to a therapist in the interim who after hearing the history of my parents and I’s relationship (which included physical abuse) he strongly urged me to at least briefly end the relationship and not invite them to the wedding. I was very cautious about this decision as it seemed a little drastic. He then said I could do some sort of ultimatum that they agree to some items in order to continue a relationship and implicitly for them to come to the wedding. This week I broke the silence and asked my father if he and my mother agree (as I have already have) to strive to be positive and have more open communication. My dad refused to answer and instead said, “Let me think about it.” He also indicated that my mother would probably not agree to this. Still waiting on an answer but I am not very hopeful as he himself could not readily agree to be positive or have more open communication.
It is my firm belief that they will not agree. Do I do what my therapist suggested and end the relationship and not invite them to the wedding?
I was also thinking of another method that they agree for the next 6 months we have a purely business relationship and will only discuss items relating to the wedding and no communication otherwise at all. After the wedding we would both need to decide on how we would proceed with our relationship. What do you all think of that?
The ambiguity is really affecting me and I just want some sort of answer and not being in emotional limbo as I am now. Thanks
Re: Recently Estranged Parents and Invitations
If you have six months until the wedding right now, I would think this is the time to try and patch up the relationship. You have four months until invitations even need to be out. I would work on your relationship with your parents, and see how things are two months out from the wedding, before you decide whether or not to send them an invitation.
Best of luck to you, and I hope you work things out.
Books read in 2012: 21/50
[QUOTE]You might remember me posting about month ago about my relationship with my parents. We have not spoken at all in a little over a month. I went to a therapist in the interim who after hearing the history of my parents and I’s relationship (which included physical abuse) he strongly urged me to at least briefly end the relationship and not invite them to the wedding. I was very cautious about this decision as it seemed a little drastic. He then said I could do some sort of ultimatum that they agree to some items in order to continue a relationship and implicitly for them to come to the wedding. This week I broke the silence and asked my father if he and my mother agree (as I have already have) to strive to be positive and have more open communication. My dad refused to answer and instead said, “Let me think about it.” He also indicated that my mother would probably not agree to this. Still waiting on an answer but I am not very hopeful as he himself could not readily agree to be positive or have more open communication. It is my firm belief that they will not agree. Do I do what my therapist suggested and end the relationship and not invite them to the wedding? <strong> I was also thinking of another method that they agree for the next 6 months we have a purely business relationship and will only discuss items relating to the wedding and no communication otherwise at all.</strong> After the wedding we would both need to decide on how we would proceed with our relationship. What do you all think of that? The ambiguity is really affecting me and I just want some sort of answer and not being in emotional limbo as I am now. Thanks
Posted by epco33[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I don't like how you refer to wedding planning as "business" just because it's something that should excite you when you talk about it with friends and/or family. ]:</div><div>
</div><div>I'm sorry and I hope things get better
</div>
My Chart
Our Story MAJORLY UPDATED 8/6/09
Wouldn't it be nice to live together in the kind of world where we belong?
I dont want to have a more personal relationship with them if they cannot even agree to try to be positive and have more open communication.
I agree that 6 months is a long time that can potentially make a difference but after nearly 30 years of having an abusive relationship its pushing me. Yes I know if you did almost 30 years why not 6 months. For the past month of silence and being in limbo, it has been horribly detrimental to me emotionally. I know there's no way I can stay in limbo for 6 months.
If you find ways to distract yourself from thinking about your parents all the time, you will get through these months, and when it is time to send invitations, your decision may be more clear. It sounds like your parents don't deserve to have this much of an effect on you, anyway.
Our Story MAJORLY UPDATED 8/6/09
Wouldn't it be nice to live together in the kind of world where we belong?
Just curious.
Oddly enough at the same time my father refused to give me an answer. He side stepped and said that despite everything they still want to pay for many of our family's side of expenses.
I know people have not liked my using of the word business and perhaps it was wrong but when he says that it means pay. It is simply that he will give money but none of the actual planning will be done by my parents. They already refused to help in plannng.
The role in the wedding will be one that is purely financial. Hence, I used the term business when it applies to them. Believe me I'm excited and invlolved. My parents are not.
Well that could be a problem. You don't want to have anything to do with them but you want them to pay. Either you want them in or you want them out. If you want them out, pay for your own wedding and cut all ties. I am sure you are pondering this so much because you want their money and they might very well know that is why you are hanging around, and I think that's pretty crappy. JMO
Planning Bio/Blog