all this talk of gifts...

mumel16 · November 2010

I know this sounds petty, but I kind of agree with SugarBride. If they didn't even get you a card? That would hurt my feelings. Nothing has to be in the card, just the thought that this person cared enough to take 10 minutes out of their day to pick out a nice sentiment and share their well wishes. Heck, they could make the card, even better! You don't have to be very financially secure to swing that.

That being said, at the end of the day I would probably still get them something for their wedding. Not something big enough to remind them they didn't get me anything and make them feel awkward, but something smaller.

Birdie1483 · November 2010

If I had a friend that I found out thought the same way as OP, I would be tempted to get them this:

Bubbalub · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-talk-of-gifts-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68b99f93-3f22-4f4b-b0be-ed7cad45f84fPost:8ee44391-ae84-42b1-adfe-1fe16253fd54">Re: all this talk of gifts...</a>:
[QUOTE]That's effing lame. I don't invite people for gifts. I invite them to spend the day with me. Perhaps their financial situation is different than mine? I'm just glad that they came. And you? You are petty. Not getting someone something because they didn't get you something? Jerk.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

I completely agree. You are a piece of work.

stephasuasu · November 2010

It's not about keeping score, no one ever said it was. But if you normally give a gift of $200 per couple at a wedding, and a couple gives you $100 at your wedding, then you know that if you go to their wedding then they would be happy with a gift of $100 from you. Who knows, if you give them way more then you gave them, they may feel bad or something. I like the idea of keeping it pretty even with the gifts if you can or want to.

Wow, homeless shelter emilyinchile!? Our wedding was well within our means, hopefully yours was too. And tidetravel, of course people do not plan weddings in hopes to get paid back by their gifts. I am just stating the fact that the average cost of a wedding in the united states is $30,000, which is substantial. www.costofwedding.com can tell you the median cost of a wedding according to zip codes around the US.

Bubbalub · November 2010

Steph it should make no difference how much you spent on your wedding. Guests usually give gifts they can afford. We had guests give us gifts ranging in price from $30 to $300 and we knew every one of them was heartfelt and generous. The cost of your wedding should have NO bearing on how much your guests spend on you. Jeebus.

And why would you give less than you normally do to a couple that can't afford as much as you? Don't you think they would need your "normal" gift giving amount more than the couples that can afford more? Tit for tat is just not a good rule to live by.

stephasuasu · November 2010

I agree with you that the cost of a persons wedding should not determine how much one give.

LowerEastSiiide · November 2010

I call B.S.

emilyinchile · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-talk-of-gifts-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68b99f93-3f22-4f4b-b0be-ed7cad45f84fPost:2165c02c-d4f0-4eb2-b82a-b9928a555073">Re: all this talk of gifts...</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, homeless shelter emilyinchile!? Our wedding was well within our means, hopefully yours was too. And tidetravel, of course people do not plan weddings in hopes to get paid back by their gifts. <strong>I am just stating the fact that the average cost of a wedding in the united states is $30,000, which is substantial.</strong> <a href="http://www.costofwedding.com" rel="nofollow">www.costofwedding.com</a> can tell you the median cost of a wedding according to zip codes around the US.
Posted by stephasuasu[/QUOTE]

No, you said, "clearly the average american couple would not be throwing an event that averages a cost of $30,000 if the custom of gift giving was thrown out the window. Because helloooooo, that $30,000 spent would then be taken and spent on a home down payment instead of on a party."

So what you're saying is that if people didn't expect to receive gifts to pay back the cost of their wedding (either monetary gifts or material gifts that the couple then doesn't have to go buy), they would instead spend the money for the wedding on buying a house - your statement to Tide notwithstanding. My point is that if you're spending more than you can afford on a party and expecting gifts to make up the difference so that you can still afford a house, then that's a poor financial decision, and if you end up without a house to call your own it's your own fault for making that bad decision, not the fault of Aunt Sally who only gave you a measly $30 instead of covering her plate.

all this talk of gifts...

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