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andcallitlove said:Thanks Barbie and HisGirl. I think we're okay with only the close ones coming. Like I said, it's just that I want them to "STFU" (lol) about their issues with the drive, whether they come or not.How do you think the fact that we can't afford the bottle fee for our site (the only cost issue there) will affect the cost/benefit considerations for guests? We won't have alcohol per the current plans and budget, so guests would be sober for the drive home if they wanted to do that. And while I haven't found a hotel yet to recommend, that's in the works. And those who just want to party would probably be disappointed- FI and I are not partiers, but we are up for a nice dinner and family time!I've been to three dry weddings. Two of them were fine; one of them was shitty. The two that were fine were dry for religious reasons, and they were still fun. One was an afternoon wedding with an evening reception and one was a morning wedding with a lunch reception. At neither of them did I notice the lack of alcohol.The third allowed the WP to drink unlimited amounts of alcohol but it was not available to the guests, either hosted or cash-bar, and I thought that was tacky as hell.I can honestly say I've never made a decision about whether to attend a wedding based on whether there would be alcohol. I have made decisions on whether I'm attending a wedding based on other hosting aspects (i.e., DH's friend with the pay-your-own-way reception? decline. A six-hour gap? decline. Not inviting my then-FI? decline).
I like option 2. People can then write it on their response card if they want that meal option and can indicate if their kid wants a grown-up meal.
I wear jeans and sweaters to work a lot, but I work behind the scenes in TV so there is no dress code.
If this was in a church, inappropriate. Otherwise, you sound a bit judgey. I'm guessing you were just thrown for a loop by everything, which is understandable because, yeah, no one expects the bride to be wearing jeans. Casual is all well and good, but that's taking things a bit far.
ETA: fix typo
I agree with PPs -- most ministers will require you to do PMC with them, because they take their spiritual obligation in marrying people very seriously.Our parish priest, who did DH's RCIA, also did our PMC, and also married us. He straight-up told us he wouldn't marry us unless he did the PMC, which we were fine with. (We both go to Confession to him, anyway, so it's not like he didn't know we were living together.)The only time I've known ministers to forego doing the PMC themselves is if they're related to either the B or G. A pastor friend of mine has performed the marriage ceremony for three of his six sons, but they've all done their church-mandated PMC with other ministers in the church, not the FOG.
If you don't want us to think your FMIL is an over-bearing bitch, don't portray her as one.
Wow! Pretty harsh, aren't you? I'm pretty sure that you could have found a nicer way to say that.
I am NOT postponing my wedding. Its in 15 months. My fiancé assumed that I was over-reacting about things, because I do tend to obsess over things and blow them out of the water. When he read her messages to me, he was fully supportive of how I feel.
I am not the type of person who is going to completely cut her out of the wedding planning. In fact, this issue has been taken care of by my matron of honor. She calmly talked to my FMIL and was able to get through to her. My FMIL is just very excited about the wedding of her only child. She is not a bad person. She simply did not understand and was letting her excitement get the best of her. She does not understand my issues. She really just wanted to do something nice to surprise us, she just went about it the wrong way. If I had handled things the way that you suggested, I would have alienated a very sweet woman that I want in my life.
Next time someone asks you for help, maybe you should not be so abrasive.
We can only post answers based on what you post. You portrayed her as an over-bearing witch and your FI as a passive wimp. If those characterisations are incorrect, well, we got them from you.