Frustrated and Stressed.

Cutseyxxpatutsie

My biggest stress factor is my family.. They are all pretty dramatic and I have one of them call me every week to tell me they are not coming.. So stupid. My brother told me she invited this girl that I desperatly despise.. She got my fired from my job, tried to break me and my fiance up, told my brother he was abusive etc etc.. stupid.. So i told him he couldnt bring her so he said he wasnt coming. My other brothers girlfriend doesnt get along with anyone in the family so she is refusing to come or even let my brother and my two nephews come. My dad is upset with me because the post office didnt send back an invite that didnt have the right address, so he thought i was trying to disclude his side of the family. My sister is going to prison... My mother was absolutely convinces that this wedding wasnt going to happen for some reason so refused to be apart of anything until a couple weeks ago... THANKFULLY my fiances family is AMAZING! They are perfect. They are so nice and helpful. His sisters have been helping me with everything! Im so very thankful for them .. I feel for you ladies with mother and fam problems.. I know how it feels and how much it hurts

MikalaG

My biggest stress is all my family is flying here from Australia, im the only one living here. So im trying to plan a wedding without my bridesmaids, and a procrastinating maid-of-honor (love her to pieces though!) who "works better under stress" and a fiance, who im not sure realizes, that other people are having weddings around the same time (July) so we need to book things NOW! and i have to try and find places for everyone from Aust. to stay, their transport to & from the wedding and during their time here. Then trying to keep my family involved and his family happy.... ARGH His family has been a huge help but now im starting to feel smothered, but its not like i have my family here to turn to!

Im a control freak but i HATE planning things when it has to do with me. His bday- fine, friends partys - fine, something for me- forget it!

Also, can anyone suggest ways to handle future in-laws verbally inviting people to come to the wedding because they are a long time friend of theirs but groom & I dont know who they are?!?! (I just found out this is happening and have no idea how many people have been "invited"!)

Whoa! what a vent! sorry...

BrittneeH

az bride1: You're Welcome!! I was very upset when I started this post and I thought to myself, I bet I'm not the only one with problems so I posted and the amount of responses are amazing! So many things can go wrong during planning and I never realized it until now! I'm very sorry about your dad. I know how hard it is to talk about money especially now. I counted on my mom contributing but now I don't know if she can or not and that is going to be a problem...and my FI's mom is a lifesaver! She set up a savings account for my FI and I for after the wedding when we start our lives together . I hope you can talk to your dad and work everything out! You're wedding sounds like its going to be gorgeous too with such a big budget! Mine might be 5,000 at the very most! Esh!

It seems like there is a repeating problem too...Parents.. I think they are just sad to see their children be married. And I think the stress of planning a wedding is a lot for them to handle. Patience is key! So all I have to say is take a deep breath and count to ten when in a sticky situation!

Good luck to everybody and Happy Thanksgiving! (This might be a good time when everyone is sitting down to eat to make things good between you and your wedding party, FI or parents!)

BrittneeH

I'm sorry I left a few people out! I just seen the other posts!

I'm sorry about your families being overbearing, not there or totally crazy( cutesexypatutsi.., sorry!!)!  Families can get out of control under stress. I hope everything goes well with repairing the relationships!

For cutesexypatutsi:.. It sounds like you should be pulling your hair out with your family! I know I would! I'm not sure the advice to give you but just remember patience and love. In the end, I hope its better for you!

As for talking with in laws verbally, do it over a dinner. Good food always helps with making people happy! Let them know you do not know the people and you may not have enough room for them.

Am292804: good luck with your FI. I know from experience that he doesn't really want to spend that kind of money on a wedding. But let him know that he did offer the expensive wedding and he should be honest about his actual opinion of the wedding. I would say get a medium between the 7 and 13...like 10,000!

Good luck to you all!

emh777

Wow Ladies - I commend you all.  I think you can't fully realize how stressful a wedding can be until you decide to plan one.  

My only real stress so far has been my own shortcomings in the planning world.  I never thought I would be able to have a wedding and here I am having one.  I have a good budget and wonderful friends, family, and FI  - all of whom are contributing and being supportive.  My real stress is that I have never envisioned my wedding and really don't have a great idea of what I want - couple that with all of the possibilities and I just constantly feel overwhelmed and wishing someone could do the planning for me (but I can't afford a WP).  

That and I live in Los Angeles, and my wedding is on Cape Cod, which makes planning very difficult.  

Good Luck and happy planning to ALL!!!!  We CAN DO IT!!!!!!

karagal

my biggest complaint was in the waiting for the RSVP's, people would say there were coming, then not send back the dang card!  What is up with that?  OH and then people would RSVP yes, but we had 4 no shows!  NICE right???

coryandkelli

The most stressful part?? Alfred Angelo... Alfred Angelo... Alfred Angelo... Alfred Angelo and Alfred Angelo.

kristenlomond

Mine is my bridesmaids! Some of them do not respond to emails and it is less then 5 months until the wedding and some of them are ignoring my emails to order their dress if they want to get it on time.

MRose83

First off, I'm  so sorry about your situation. My biggest stressor is not having enough money, everything is so expensive!

kbatchellor

My overbearing older sister.  She got married a little over 3 years ago and she is great at visualizing things and putting it together so I want to use her as a wedding coordinator.  But she's driving me nuts!  She's always like "You have a coordinator over here that you are not even using!" But I'm in school and only doing wedding details when I'm on break.  I have what I need to have done at this point but she wants everything done now.  I got so frustrated with her at one point so I told her that I was just ready to hand over the planning to her, unfortanetly that only made it worse.  I don't have her style and I don't want everything to be cookie-cutter like hers.  I want it to be very individual and focused on my FI and I, not just on me.  I'm really not looking forward to getting her opinion anymore when things pick up because I'm already getting an earful now.  Wish me luck on dealing with siblings!

setonstudent1

Wow!  I'm glad I'm not the only one! I'm stressed over my sister!  I've talked to her about being my MOH, and she said she would be, but when I talked about dresses and prices, she says it's too much.  She assumed her son would be the ring bearer, and when I said he could be, she assumed I would be coving the cost of his suit!  On top of everything else, she tends to be self-involved, so I'm worried that it will be last minute and she wont be able to get here, she's in NC and we're in PA!  

After reading everyone else's posts I'm fveeling a little better, and I must say I feel better just from saying it all!!  

Thank you all and good luck with the planning of your wonderful day!  

iamapixie

First, I want to say that as much as it sucks for everyone that it's happening to - I am so glad I'm not alone with the frustrating mother stress!!! Thank you all for reminding me that I'm not a horrible daughter for being so pissed at her at times. HAHA.

My mom is DEFINITELY the biggest stressor! I'm "not allowed" to make any decisions, meet with vendors or do anything really wedding related without her. This frustrated me on two fronts - #1) It's MY wedding. She's already had HERS! #2) My FH gets annoyed because it's HIS wedding too and mom wants to do everything on her schedule, not his.

I am so afraid that for the sake of keeping peace, I am going to end up having wedding regrets because I gave into what she wanted instead of building my own dream wedding.

shelly.cody

My biggest stressor is my wedding planner. She is not staying on budget AT ALL! She's the planner that most people who aren't on budgets (or at least small budgets) use. She told us to cancel with our cake lady and use another because she knew her and would give us a good deal. We were paying about $600 for both cakes, now we are paying $1000! Then on the Save the Dates, I could've printed them myself but she insisted on using a printer and told us it would only be $150. When we got them in we got a bill for $270! Our budget is dwindling fast!!!

CEV88art@ku,edu

My stress is sort of everything under the sun. It's almost amazing. I got engaged in July or this year, (we almost eloped, which is what we wanted, but everyone got very upset and said they'd pay for a wedding if we waited) My fiance was at boot camp for the Army in OK at the time. We agree to wait till January that gave us about 6 months to plan everything. No one in my family was willing to speak a word about anything until he got home, in September. So he got home and still not a word about it until October. Then to find out that there isn't a set budget, just pay as little as possible for everything while my mom freaks out over every bit of money. I'm still in school and can't really help out, my fiance is paying for the honeymoon and we're both chipping in for rehearsal dinner because his parents can't really help out at all. The date in the 9th of January.We started planning a wedding for 200 in October. Everything we have to do is a rush choice that makes me wish we'd just gone with our guts and gotten married in July. Thankfully my fiance has my back and helps out completely on everything. which is wonderful. 

wow.. that felt good us to type out... sorry it's sorta long. 

chevygrl87

honestly,the fact that my parents havent shown any emotion about the fact that im getting married. i try to tell my mom about the planning or parts of the wedding im excited about etc..and she literally has no reaction at all,no input,no opinions,no excitement for me,nothing. my parents cant be worried about the money because my fiance and i have already said that we will be paying for the wedding ourselves. my parents like my fiance so i know they're not dissappointed that im marrying him. we've dated for a good amount of time and the wedding is a year and a half away so its not like we're rushing into getting married to soon. i dont know what the deal with my parents is,its like they just dont care period.i mentioned to my mom that she didnt seem very excited and all she replied was that she is.she never says anything about it,asks if she can help,asks how its going,says shes happy for me,or anything.basically its like the fact that im getting married doesnt exist at all.im just a bit flustered at my parents lack of involvement in my wedding planning.

puokgirl

My biggest stressor right now is my FI.  When I ask his opinion on something, he'll say "Whatever you want, Babe."  No, I'm asking because I like both options.  I want your opinion. 

I've asked him to choose a best man and a groomsman.  He says "I don't like any of my friends."  Fine, then pick a cousin or something. 

He's super budget focused, so I'm trying to honor that by finding things I like that cost less.  But then he says "Why are you worried so much?  Just buy the one you like."  ARGH!

BrittneeH

Wow! There is a lot of stressful things going on here! Breathe everybody! I guess its good I made this post so everyone can vent! So a piece of advice for everyone: Realize this-It is your wedding! Even if someone else is paying for it, let them know this! Sure they can have a little input but don't let them go crazy. And keep in mind your budget! Follow it faithfully! And make sure you let everyone know your budget! I wish all of you luck and remember to stop and take a step back some time. Breathe and Relax, after all this day is very special and you shouldn't be stressed on that day. Keep your happiness in mind!

joy6110

I've found the perfect venue that I love and FI and I just set a date. When I went to reserve our date for this summer, I found out they double their prices. So now I dont know if I should book it, or look elsewhere. : (

turtle2011

Like a lot of ladies that posted, my biggest stressor is budget. We are paying for majority of our wedding, and if our families want to help out, we will gratefully take it! However, we did not want to ask for anyones help. We picked out our venue (which is the site for both ceremony and reception), photog, DJ, color, theme etc. My biggest problem is my dress! I have been to David's Bridal because of the whole budget ordeal (which I am pleased with their selection). I've been there 4 times already, and the last time I actually fell in love with a dress. It's strapless, with a pickup skirt in ivory! I have never been a ballgown type of girl, but I loved it. I did not end up buying it that day, and now I am having second thoughts if its the right dress! I really want an A-line in lace, because I think it will fit our feel of the wedding better. I just don't know if I can find it within budget! I feel bad for the consultants that have seen me time and time again!

msclvnliz

always money. i'm still in school and i have a 3 year old from a previous marriage. my parents can't help and i don't expect his parents to...AND i'm doing shows until then so i'm crazy busy with work, baby, gigging, school and life in general. lol

WildCherry11

So far my biggest issue is that I keep changing my mind about stuff, lol. I think I might have bought some stuff too early cause I was so excited to start planning. Luckily it hasn't been anything big yet!

BrittneeH

msclvnliz, are u in a band? if u are that is really cool!

im sorry girls about ur wo's> i know how budget problems feel. i feel them everytime i go to look to buy things for our wedding. its like the economy is against us! ah!! good luck to all w/budget crunch! here is a tip: at the wedding have a cash dance and the money u get can be used for the debt accrued from wedding expenses or to pay off some bills!

JessieandDonnie

My biggest stress is the same as the below mentioned lady... I copy and pasted so those who haven't read it get a chance to I honestly have no clue what is with my parents; it's like they don't care at all. Another thing for me is, I have three younger sisters who I know if it was THEM my parents (esp. my mom) would be all over the planning and involved! It's kind of disheartening...I almost wish they were all be overbearing; at least at that point they'd be involved a little!


ChvyGrl87 wrote: honestly,the fact that my parents havent shown any emotion about the fact that im getting married. i try to tell my mom about the planning or parts of the wedding im excited about etc..and she literally has no reaction at all,no input,no opinions,no excitement for me,nothing. my parents cant be worried about the money because my fiance and i have already said that we will be paying for the wedding ourselves. my parents like my fiance so i know they're not dissappointed that im marrying him. we've dated for a good amount of time and the wedding is a year and a half away so its not like we're rushing into getting married to soon. i dont know what the deal with my parents is,its like they just dont care period.i mentioned to my mom that she didnt seem very excited and all she replied was that she is.she never says anything about it,asks if she can help,asks how its going,says shes happy for me,or anything.basically its like the fact that im getting married doesnt exist at all.im just a bit flustered at my parents lack of involvement in my wedding planning.

sororitygurl4life

The most frustrating thing so far has been the reply cards. It seems some people are fantastic ab out getting them to you and other people I've had to stalk... at  least that's what i've felt like  others have just told me they're coming and never mailed back the card and i just think this is the most stressful part!

tdennis06

For me there have been a few things. Everything seemed to be going smooth but the officiant wigged on us and so now we have to find a new location and officiant (wedding is in March). My MOH is being judgemental of my FI and I. I am kind of regretting asking her to be my MOH. Also, FI's parents don't exactly like me. His dad had the fish or cut bait talk with him every month from the time we started dating in 2003 to the time we had our daughter which was in 2008. Plus we are considering having a woman pastor marry us and my grandparents will not consider us married if we do. GAH! Luckily we are doing okay as far as the budget because we are trying to keep under 2,000. Going very well so far. I can't wait for March!

mlowe121

My mother is going to be the death of me by my wedding.  She hates everything I like and keeps flipping out about my choices or ideas.  My colors are black and ivory, which she hates.  I recently picked out beautiful black and ivory invitations and she flipped about how hideous they were and inappropriate.  She's also gone as far as saying she's not coming to my wedding and that I've chosen my family already and it's clearly my fiance's.  I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next 8 months of this!

ashleygibbs8

My biggest stress is the budget. My finace and I are paying for the whole wedding and up until June, everything was going great...then he got laid off from work.

We've already signed the contracts for the major things (venue, cake, dress, DJ etc.) so we can't cut back on any of that. He moved back in with his parents (who are fantastic - I'm so glad I'm going to have great in-laws!). They are letting him stay there for free till our wedding day.

Thankfully he has found another job, but money is tighter than ever!

hmn80

I biggest stressor right now is my soon to be family, my soon to be mother in law and sister in law!  I will never ever be good enough for their family no matter what.  I also read a nasty email letting everyone know how much my soon to be sister in law hates me and has never liked me...MAN have I been used by her throughout the 7 years I've been with my fiance.  As far as the mother in law is, NOTHING is good enough of what I picked out for my wedding..NOTHING.  They both hate the dress I bought for ME...the bridesmaid dresses, the favors, who is being matched up with who...and the gifts that I bought.  I have almost $60,000 in school loans that I am paying back, along with a house and other bills...please cut me some slack.  The princess sister in law is way too high maintence and she is just so rude to me.  I'm doing the inviations and flowers on my own with a ton of help from other ppl to cut costs since I put a ton of money down on the hall and for pictures...what does she say..F**K that I'm not helping and she thinks its going to be a trashy wedding.  She has done NOTHING but bring me down each day that I see her and the same goes with the rest of the family.  I'm ready to elope.  I haven't cried this much since my Mom died!!! 

MaicandJo

My biggest stress right now has been figuring out the bridesmaids dresses. I just moved to St. Louis and most of my bridesmaids (and the wedding) are in Cleveland so we can't go dress shopping together right now. I wanted to get a good deal so my MOH and I finally found a good deal online, and asked the bridesmaids to order them from that website. Well, it turns out that the shipping is outrageous and makes it so it's hardly even a good deal! Now I wish I'd just gone to David's or something!

misekrissy

Probably the biggest stressor for me is when vendors don't call or email me back in a timely manner or don't do things when they say they will (eg taking 10 days to email me my save the date picture).  I am really trying to get things done fast, which is tough when vendors--who I am PAYING!! --are slow.

The second stressor is my family's lack of emotion/caring that I'm getting married. My sisters (both of whom are my MOHs), refuse to help or even talk about wedding stuff (which really I try to only talk to them about their dresses and general stuff--nothing too detailed or time consuming).  One of them even tells people how she doesn't care about my wedding and doesn't even know when the day of it is (in front of me, of course).  My mother doesn't help at all--I ask her opinions on things and she basically just asks like she doesn't care.  People always comment how she must be so excited I'm getting married and how busy she must be helping me plan--and I always have to lie and say she is!! My dad cares, but he is horrible at helping.  I gave him two jobs--book the limo and block off hotel rooms, both of which I'm sure I'll end up doing myself.

Luckily, my FI is great and actually does more wedding work than me!!