Garter: What Happens?

ceclardy14

I know the garter and bouquet tosses are optional, but my fiancé and I decided to include them in our wedding just for fun. Unfortunately, I don't remember much from any friends' weddings, so I'm wondering what I'm supposed to be doing as the bride while my groom is taking the garter off my leg? Do I just sit there and do nothing? Do I laugh and clap with everyone else? I don't want to look like I'm uncomfortable or anything so I'm not sure what the bride does. 

Thanks!

southernbelle0915

Practice beforehand so you can figure out what your natural reaction might be and your FI understands your limits and how much of a spectacle you're comfortable with... Honestly, if your natural reaction is that you're uncomfortable with this when you're practicing in your living room, think about how uncomfortable you'd be with lights on you in the middle of a circle of all your family members and friends. If you're not cool with your natural reaction, I wouldn't do it - no need for you to put on a show with clapping and fake laughing if it's not really how you're feeling.. 

itzMS

Always remember, people will be taking pictures. A nice smile will be fine, but try not to fake laugh like a buffoon.

ceclardy14

Hahaha I love the "fake laugh like a buffoon," that made my morning. Also, thanks for the suggestion to practice.

Kristin789

Neither one of these is FUN for the guests. But it's your wedding...

ceclardy14

That is very true for both parts of your reply. Thank you for your input, it's much appreciated

aphrodite0869

I personally found the garter throw fun.  It cracked me up to see my best friend trying to pull the garter off his wifes leg.  It is a tradition thing and if it is what you want to do...go for it.  Some people will find it fun and know this is what usually happens at a wedding!

sarahroslansky

I've never been to a wedding for which the garter toss was anything other than awkward and embarassing for everyone involved. To be fair, I am biased and find the symbolism offensive. Of course, even getting past that and realizing that it is never intended by the couple to mean anything offensive, whenever the groom does the "take it off with his teeth" thing, it always takes him forever to figure out how to do that and he winds up nosing under her skirt for 3 very awkward minutes. If you are going to do it this way, definitely practice in the living room beforehand.

lovesclimbing

I laughed and smiled and told my husband "the other leg".  He grabbed the wrong leg at first.

It was not awkward or embarrassing.  We did NOT do the whole catcher has to put it on the bouquet catchers leg thing.  That would have been awkward.  The whole toss thing went pretty fast and it was a lot of fun.  By that time, the garter had slid down to not too far above my knee so it didn't take to long and wasn't inappropriate or embarrassing.

hockey20

I'm very tempted to just discreetly give my fiancé the 'throw' garter before the garter toss. He wants to do the toss, I don't want to sit there with him up my skirt trying to find the dang thing and get if off.

ceclardy14

Yes, I'm starting to think that it would be a little too awkward for me. But he wants to take it off me. So I'm thinking maybe I'll keep it on for the entire time and either let him take it off when we have to change to head to the airport or for the formal dinner night on the honeymoon cruise I'll try to have a dress long enough to have one on haha

southernbelle0915

Why don't you let him remove it when you get back to the privacy of your hotel room? That seems the easiest to me..

BangBangs39

CSkahan148 said:

Yes, I'm starting to think that it would be a little too awkward for me. But he wants to take it off me. So I'm thinking maybe I'll keep it on for the entire time and either let him take it off when we have to change to head to the airport or for the formal dinner night on the honeymoon cruise I'll try to have a dress long enough to have one on haha

If you find it awkward then you shouldn't do it because by you being awkward you'll make other people feel that way.  I personally don't think its awkward, my FI will take it off with his teeth and the catcher will put it on the lucky lady who catches the bouquet... I know that our group of friends and our families are very playful and will laugh the whole time.  If my family/friends were more uptight I'd reconsider.

manateehugger

Meghan1428 said:

CSkahan148 said:

Yes, I'm starting to think that it would be a little too awkward for me. But he wants to take it off me. So I'm thinking maybe I'll keep it on for the entire time and either let him take it off when we have to change to head to the airport or for the formal dinner night on the honeymoon cruise I'll try to have a dress long enough to have one on haha

If you find it awkward then you shouldn't do it because by you being awkward you'll make other people feel that way.  I personally don't think its awkward, my FI will take it off with his teeth and the catcher will put it on the lucky lady who catches the bouquet... I know that our group of friends and our families are very playful and will laugh the whole time.  If my family/friends were more uptight I'd reconsider.


Dear God, PLEASE don't do this. You might not find it awkward, but I can almost guarantee you that the poor woman who gets to have a stranger grope her leg will find it awkward.

And I'm always uncomfortable watching a guy but his mouth all over his wife's leg.

BangBangs39

PDKH said:

 

Dear God, PLEASE don't do this. You might not find it awkward, but I can almost guarantee you that the poor woman who gets to have a stranger grope her leg will find it awkward. And I'm always uncomfortable watching a guy but his mouth all over his wife's leg.

Like I said - I know for a fact that my circle isn't going to find this awkward and that whoever the single folk are that get to participate will play it up and have a good laugh about it.  Our group is very open and fun... we joke constantly including sexual innuendos... if you came out with us you would probably feel awkward the whole time if you find the garter toss awkward.

AllieBear725

Meghan1428 said:

PDKH said:

 

Dear God, PLEASE don't do this. You might not find it awkward, but I can almost guarantee you that the poor woman who gets to have a stranger grope her leg will find it awkward. And I'm always uncomfortable watching a guy but his mouth all over his wife's leg.

Like I said - I know for a fact that my circle isn't going to find this awkward and that whoever the single folk are that get to participate will play it up and have a good laugh about it.  Our group is very open and fun... we joke constantly including sexual innuendos... if you came out with us you would probably feel awkward the whole time if you find the garter toss awkward.

Well it must be great to be able to read everyone's thoughts. I know I wish I could.

I for one would be offended if I caught the bouquet, and say... single 60 something Uncle Bubba had to put the garter on my leg. 

BangBangs39

AllieBear725 said:

Well it must be great to be able to read everyone's thoughts. I know I wish I could.

I for one would be offended if I caught the bouquet, and say... single 60 something Uncle Bubba had to put the garter on my leg. 

Captain snippy - I can't read minds I just didn't invite people to my wedding I don't know... I invited friends and family, and since we're a close knit group I happen to know them all pretty well.

 

and as an FYI there are no 60 something's that are single coming to my wedding... the oldest single woman is my mother who probably won't participate because she loves being single and has no intentions of ever marrying again.... and the oldest single male is 30. 

keochan

I make innuendos with my friends all the time, we're fairly raunchy at times. I'd still be uncomfortable with a stranger or ANYONE not my fi touching my leg or having to watch it.

AddieCake

Why must he take it off with his teeth?  What, exactly, is the purpose of that?

BangBangs39

AddieL73 said:

Why must he take it off with his teeth?  What, exactly, is the purpose of that?

because its more laughable to watch him work his way through 15lbs of wedding dress blind then with his hands

keochan said:

I make innuendos with my friends all the time, we're fairly raunchy at times. I'd still be uncomfortable with a stranger or ANYONE not my fi touching my leg or having to watch it.

We all know each other, no one is a stranger to one another and no one is going to take it seriously enough to be uncomfortable both participating or watching. 

Peledreamsofrain

If you want to keep the garter toss free from awkwardness, then you do four things:

Have your husband remove it with his HANDS

Wear your garter below the knee, and above the calf.  It will stay put and save you H from reaching too high up

Keep your skirt DOWN.  Nobody but your H wants to see your thighs, and if they do, they're a drunk creep.

Under no circumstances whatsoever are you to extend the toss past the catch.  You do not force people to dance, put used lingere on each other, or anything else humiliating.  They caught it, yay, move on.

manateehugger

I still wouldn't want a random dude touching my thigh. And I'm far from a prude.

Meghan1428 said:

AddieL73 said:

Why must he take it off with his teeth?  What, exactly, is the purpose of that?

because its more laughable to watch him work his way through 15lbs of wedding dress blind then with his hands

keochan said:

I make innuendos with my friends all the time, we're fairly raunchy at times. I'd still be uncomfortable with a stranger or ANYONE not my fi touching my leg or having to watch it.

We all know each other, no one is a stranger to one another and no one is going to take it seriously enough to be uncomfortable both participating or watching. 

 Who wants watch your husband stick his head in between your legs?

AddieCake

Her friends and family are looking forward to it, you prudes!  They are tight knit, yo! She KNOWS them!  It comes up all the time in their regular conversations that Grandma can't wait to see the groom stick his head up her dress and then some other guy grope the lucky bouquet catcher with it! Get with the program, ladies!

I mean, come, on. How great is this?!?!

BangBangs39

PDKH said:

I still wouldn't want a random dude touching my thigh. And I'm far from a prude. Who wants watch your husband stick his head in between your legs?

Well for one, Like I said no one is random, we all know each other very well.  Second, no one is uptight enough to be offended or feel awkward. 

AddieL73 said:

Her friends and family are looking forward to it, you prudes!  They are tight knit, yo! She KNOWS them!  It comes up all the time in their regular conversations that Grandma can't wait to see the groom stick his head up her dress and then some other guy grope the lucky bouquet catcher with it! Get with the program, ladies!

I mean, come, on. How great is this?!?

For your info, sarcasm aside, my friends and family are looking forward to it, and Grandma thinks its hilarious.  We have talked about it with friends and family at recent gatherings.  No one "gropes" anyone you should probably look up that definition... as previously mentioned no one coming to our wedding is uptight enough to freak out about it...

also lastly, I understand if both of your groups of friends/family would feel awkward about this... but how does that affect my group?  How does that call for mockery/bitchyness/rudeness.... if you can't/don't have it because of your feelings or the way you think your family will feel, how does that constitute no ones group being able to do it and have fun?  Not once have I said "wow, you should do it because if you don't your weird" however that is exactly what you've said to me... not every person can be labeled the same... you'd think in this day and age you would realize that everyone is different and just because it doesn't work for you, doesn't mean it can't work for everyone.

southernbelle0915

Meghan1428 said:

CSkahan148 said:

Yes, I'm starting to think that it would be a little too awkward for me. But he wants to take it off me. So I'm thinking maybe I'll keep it on for the entire time and either let him take it off when we have to change to head to the airport or for the formal dinner night on the honeymoon cruise I'll try to have a dress long enough to have one on haha

If you find it awkward then you shouldn't do it because by you being awkward you'll make other people feel that way.  I personally don't think its awkward, my FI will take it off with his teeth and the catcher will put it on the lucky lady who catches the bouquet... I know that our group of friends and our families are very playful and will laugh the whole time.  If my family/friends were more uptight I'd reconsider.

Please don't do this. By all means, if you want your FI to take your garter off with his teeth in the presence of your family and friends, that's your prerogative and a personal choice between you and your FI. Your family/friends may laugh while they watch this performance that you and your FI made a consensual choice to do together. But what's not ok is to force two strangers to do this in front of people. 

I don't care how playful people are, putting someone on the spot to perform a sexual innuendo on another person who may or may not be known to them in front of a gathering of family and friends (maybe boyfriends/girlfriends) is not ok. 

If you are hell bent on forcing you guests to do this, I would highly recommend that BEFORE the garter toss and the bouquet toss, have it VERY clearly announced that at the conclusion of the tosses, the garter catcher will put it on the bouquet catchers leg while everyone watches. That way, at least they know what they're getting into and can leave the floor if it's not their cup of tea.

AddieCake

Meghan1428 said:

PDKH said:

I still wouldn't want a random dude touching my thigh. And I'm far from a prude. Who wants watch your husband stick his head in between your legs?

Well for one, Like I said no one is random, we all know each other very well.  Second, no one is uptight enough to be offended or feel awkward. 

AddieL73 said:

Her friends and family are looking forward to it, you prudes!  They are tight knit, yo! She KNOWS them!  It comes up all the time in their regular conversations that Grandma can't wait to see the groom stick his head up her dress and then some other guy grope the lucky bouquet catcher with it! Get with the program, ladies!

I mean, come, on. How great is this?!?

For your info, sarcasm aside, my friends and family are looking forward to it, and Grandma thinks its hilarious.  We have talked about it with friends and family at recent gatherings.  No one "gropes" anyone you should probably look up that definition... as previously mentioned no one coming to our wedding is uptight enough to freak out about it...

also lastly, I understand if both of your groups of friends/family would feel awkward about this... but how does that affect my group?  How does that call for mockery/bitchyness/rudeness.... if you can't/don't have it because of your feelings or the way you think your family will feel, how does that constitute no ones group being able to do it and have fun?  Not once have I said "wow, you should do it because if you don't your weird" however that is exactly what you've said to me... not every person can be labeled the same... you'd think in this day and age you would realize that everyone is different and just because it doesn't work for you, doesn't mean it can't work for everyone.

I realize that the world is full of different strokes for different folks. I just have all too often seen/heard  people claim "everyone is cool with it" when, in reality, everyone is NOT cool with it. You act as if you've polled every person you're inviting to this wedding to ask if they will be comfortable watching your new husband stick his head up your dress and pull the garter off with his teeth. 

I am VERY cool with raunchy behavior, sex and sex talk, etc of all kinds. You will be hard pressed to find someone less prudish than me. However, I think someone sticking his head up your dress and pulling your garter off with his teeth lacks class. It's a wedding, not a frat party.

 And that's how I know that if I, who loves raunch, would find it distasteful, there WILL BE people at your wedding who think it's tacky and will be talking about you behind your back. Believe it. 

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

BangBangs39

Peledreamsofrain said:

If you made ME bare my leg up to the hip to some random drunk dude, who then had to use his mouth to put USED lingere on me???  I'd run out of the room and probably never speak to you again.  That's horrifying.  Shame on you for wanting to do that to people. Find some empathy.

FYI - I never said anyone was using teeth to put a garter on the bouquet catcher... also, read previous comments, no one is random.  There is no lack of empathy.

@addiel73 - " am VERY cool with raunchy behavior, sex and sex talk, etc of all kinds. You will be hard pressed to find someone less prudish than me. However, I think someone sticking his head up your dress and pulling your garter off with his teeth lacks class. It's a wedding, not a frat party. And that's how I know that if I, who loves raunch, would find it distasteful, there WILL BE people at your wedding who think it's tacky and will be talking about you behind your back. Believe it."

1.  I have polled just about everyone attending, they all had the same response.  The few I didn't ask are some of my closest friends... You may think it lacks class... we don't and aren't really concerned about it either.  Of course its not a frat party, but for us, it is a party, its not a formal event.  It is meaningful beyond belief to both of us, but we're not the sit and drink champagne with our pinkies out type of people... If someone gets upset and talks behind our backs, so be it, I'm not overly concerned because the people that truly matter to us, will be the ones laughing their assess of and enjoying the fun behind it.  I have no respect for people who choose to talk behind someone's back so therefore, I really don't care if someone talks about me behind my back, I've always believed that if you have a problem grow a set and talk to the person about it.  You may say your raunchy and comfortable with sex, but if something as harmless and playful as the garter toss stuff creeps you out I'd have to disagree.

AddieCake

Meghan1428 said:

1.  I have polled just about everyone attending, they all had the same response.  The few I didn't ask are some of my closest friends... You may think it lacks class... we don't and aren't really concerned about it either.  Of course its not a frat party, but for us, it is a party, its not a formal event.  It is meaningful beyond belief to both of us, but we're not the sit and drink champagne with our pinkies out type of people... If someone gets upset and talks behind our backs, so be it, I'm not overly concerned because the people that truly matter to us, will be the ones laughing their assess of and enjoying the fun behind it.  I have no respect for people who choose to talk behind someone's back so therefore, I really don't care if someone talks about me behind my back, I've always believed that if you have a problem grow a set and talk to the person about it.  You may say your raunchy and comfortable with sex, but if something as harmless and playful as the garter toss stuff creeps you out I'd have to disagree.

I don't believe for one second you've asked nearly your entire guest list about this, but ok. It wouldn't creep me out if it were not happening at a wedding. I don't drink champagne with my pinky out, either, but I know there's a time and place for things. You're obviously going to do it regardless of what anyone thinks, and that's your business. I don't really want anyone, even internet strangers to ever embarrass themselves at their wedding, but it also doesn't really affect me if they do, either, so enjoy. Good luck to you!

southernbelle0915

Meghan1428 said:

PDKH said:

I still wouldn't want a random dude touching my thigh. And I'm far from a prude. Who wants watch your husband stick his head in between your legs?

Well for one, Like I said no one is random, we all know each other very well.  Second, no one is uptight enough to be offended or feel awkward. 

AddieL73 said:

Her friends and family are looking forward to it, you prudes!  They are tight knit, yo! She KNOWS them!  It comes up all the time in their regular conversations that Grandma can't wait to see the groom stick his head up her dress and then some other guy grope the lucky bouquet catcher with it! Get with the program, ladies!

I mean, come, on. How great is this?!?

For your info, sarcasm aside, my friends and family are looking forward to it, and Grandma thinks its hilarious.  We have talked about it with friends and family at recent gatherings.  No one "gropes" anyone you should probably look up that definition... as previously mentioned no one coming to our wedding is uptight enough to freak out about it...

also lastly, I understand if both of your groups of friends/family would feel awkward about this... but how does that affect my group?  How does that call for mockery/bitchyness/rudeness.... if you can't/don't have it because of your feelings or the way you think your family will feel, how does that constitute no ones group being able to do it and have fun?  Not once have I said "wow, you should do it because if you don't your weird" however that is exactly what you've said to me... not every person can be labeled the same... you'd think in this day and age you would realize that everyone is different and just because it doesn't work for you, doesn't mean it can't work for everyone.

Ok there are two things at play here:

1) your FI with his head up your dress taking lingerie off your body with his teeth while your family and friends watch

2) forcing two unrelated (but possibly worse - related!) people to perform the reverse act on each other. 

In item #1, you and FI have made the decision together that you are both comfortable and want to do this. You know each other, you know each other's boundaries, you are married, and you are comfortable. In item #2, these two people - possibly acquaintances, possibly related (weird) - have not made this decision together. They do not know each other's boundaries, they are not married and they are (very likely) not comfortable. 

Never in my life have I left a wedding that left either or both of these items out where ANYONE said "man, I wish they had done the garter toss" or "I caught the bouquet, but I'm SO disappointed no one put the garter on me." Never. Most of the time people will say, "I'm glad the flow of the party wasn't disrupted by the garter performance" or "Phew! I caught the garter, but I'm so glad they didn't make me do that awkward performance...my girlfriend is here!"

BangBangs39

southernbelle0915 said:

Ok there are two things at play here:

1) your FI with his head up your dress taking lingerie off your body with his teeth while your family and friends watch

2) forcing two unrelated (but possibly worse - related!) people to perform the reverse act on each other. 

 

In item #1, you and FI have made the decision together that you are both comfortable and want to do this. You know each other, you know each other's boundaries, you are married, and you are comfortable. In item #2, these two people - possibly acquaintances, possibly related (weird) - have not made this decision together. They do not know each other's boundaries, they are not married and they are (very likely) not comfortable. 

 

Never in my life have I left a wedding that left either or both of these items out where ANYONE said "man, I wish they had done the garter toss" or "I caught the bouquet, but I'm SO disappointed no one put the garter on me." Never. Most of the time people will say, "I'm glad the flow of the party wasn't disrupted by the garter performance" or "Phew! I caught the garter, but I'm so glad they didn't make me do that awkward performance...my girlfriend is here!"

Aside from the related thing, because agreed that would be kind of weird, by getting up to participate these people are agreeing to do it... like I said we have talked to everyone on our guest list about it - we see everyone that will be there quite often, there are only 5 guests coming in from OOT and we go see them often enough (FI's grandparents in the cape & 1 Aunt lives on the North Shore) the one Aunt who lives in AZ we talked to about it when she called to see how things were going and let us know how excited she is. Like I said in a much earlier post, if I thought for one second that people would be uncomfortable I wouldn't do it, but the fact of the matter is, many of our guests find this tradition hilarious and fun, and a fair amount had it at their own weddings.