Garter: What Happens?

KDM323

BangBangs39 said:

... bottom line is, it was a tradition started to bring laughter to the occasion... just because you over-sexualize it in your mind, doesn't mean it is that sexual or that every other person out there will do the same.  Also, if you don't want someone to look up your dress, shut your GD legs.

Actually...no, it wasn't a tradition started to bring laughter to the occasion.

The "garter toss" started because people wanted PROOF that a couple had sex and therefore, consumated the marriage.   They'd raid the couples room and steal their undergarments...to DISPLAY the proof of sex in front of the guests

Eventually, this led to the groom "tossing" the garter/item out of the room so they could be left alone/not have their room and bedclothes raided....and somehow the tradition moved to the reception rather than post-reception. 

It is demeaning.  Always has been...always will be.   If you are going to have this "tradition" at your wedding you should probably know what it is representing and where it came from.  It isn't just for "laughs".  

manateehugger

drexelkathy said:

BangBangs39 said:

... bottom line is, it was a tradition started to bring laughter to the occasion... just because you over-sexualize it in your mind, doesn't mean it is that sexual or that every other person out there will do the same.  Also, if you don't want someone to look up your dress, shut your GD legs.

Actually...no, it wasn't a tradition started to bring laughter to the occasion.

The "garter toss" started because people wanted PROOF that a couple had sex and therefore, consumated the marriage.   They'd raid the couples room and steal their undergarments...to DISPLAY the proof of sex in front of the guests

Eventually, this led to the groom "tossing" the garter/item out of the room so they could be left alone/not have their room and bedclothes raided....and somehow the tradition moved to the reception rather than post-reception. 

It is demeaning.  Always has been...always will be.   If you are going to have this "tradition" at your wedding you should probably know what it is representing and where it came from.  It isn't just for "laughs".  







Shhh she doesn't like anything that resembles facts or empathy for her friends and family.

BangBangs39

FYI - The tradition of putting the garter on the bouquet catcher is what I was referencing, not the actual garter toss itself...  Never once have I talked about just the garter toss, so I'm not sure why you all assumed that was the tradition I referred to.

Also, the one example that someone gave where the older man touched the teenage inappropriately yes was sexual assault.... does that mean every successful time someone has done this form of the garter toss its sexual assault?  NO, to classify it that way is absurd. Sexual assault is any involuntary sexual act in which a person is threatened, coerced, or forced to engage against their will

@addiel73 & @Alliebear725 - first off, it isn't important to me whether you believe that I've spoken to our guests about it or not, My FI and I know we have and our guest know we have.  However, I didn't call up my family members and ask them no, we see these people weekly, I believe I stated previously that there are only 5 OOT guests, the rest all live within 10 miles of us.  We see these people daily, and have been friends with the non-family members for 10+ years. 

You all make wild assumptions based on YOUR groups and YOUR experiences.  Do you all invite that many people to your gatherings that you don't know well enough to know what they would/would not be OK with?

@PDKH - I don't spend a lot of time researching sexual assault - you are correct.  No one I know does... I don't lack sensitivity toward sexual assault or its victims I just know the difference between harmless fun and sexual assault. 

AllieBear725

Obviously it is important to you or you wouldn't have ever brought it up as validation.

ETA: Confusing.

harper0813

"Sexual assault is any involuntary sexual act in which a person is threatened, coerced, or forced to engage against their will."

So you're giving your guests the choice of re-gartering, then? It sure sounds like you're forcing it.

BangBangs39

AllieBear725 said:

Obviously it is important to you or you wouldn't have ever brought it up as validation.

ETA: Confusing.

I brought it up because many comments back someone said something along the lines of "unless you ask all your guests" - So I responded saying I had.  If you don't believe me I could care less, a statement was made & I responded to it, what you or the person who originally made the comment choose to make of the response is on you not me.

BangBangs39

zobird said:

"Sexual assault is any involuntary sexual act in which a person is threatened, coerced, or forced to engage against their will." So you're giving your guests the choice of re-gartering, then? It sure sounds like you're forcing it.

They have the choice - choose to participate/choose not to - where is the force? 

AddieCake

I know it's not important to you whether any of us believe it or not. That won't stop me from saying what I think, though.  I have to say I'm honestly surprised you're even still responding to any of us.I would have just stopped responding a long time ago. You aren't interested in what we think,so why try to explain yourself? Just do what you're gonna do and good luck with it. 

ETA: To answer your question, I knew most of the guests we invited pretty well, yes, but I simply wouldn't ever have had occasion to poll them on their thoughts about this particular issue. It's just not something I would have brought up. I don't think most people would, which is why I doubt you did. 

ETA again: Whether or not you see them on a regular basis is not relevant to whether or not this is a natural topic of conversation. 

BangBangs39

AddieL73 said:

I know it's not important to you whether any of us believe it or not. That won't stop me from saying what I think, though.  I have to say I'm honestly surprised you're even still responding to any of us.I would have just stopped responding a long time ago. You aren't interested in what we think,so why try to explain yourself? Just do what you're gonna do and good luck with it. 

(In a nut shell) I still respond because I am a stubborn, loud-mouth, who doesn't mind making sure that the facts are there even if the other person doesn't like them. 

PrettyGirlLost

The moral of the story I originally posted here was just to illustrate not only how tacky and demeaning the retrievals/tosses can be, but also how they can quickly get out of control.

OP and Megan, you ladies can choose to do whatever you'd like at your receptions, but I guess what we are trying to get at here is that there is a way to do these things in a more tasteful and appropriate manner.

MuppetFan

I started to wonder kind of wedding it would be where guests were excited to watch the groom remove his new wife's undergarment with his teeth in front of everyone... but then, I remember that our best man thinks that everyone loves the garter toss and I'm probably about to see this for myself in a few short weeks (at his wedding).

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

manateehugger

BangBangs39 said:

zobird said:

"Sexual assault is any involuntary sexual act in which a person is threatened, coerced, or forced to engage against their will."

So you're giving your guests the choice of re-gartering, then? It sure sounds like you're forcing it.

They have the choice - choose to participate/choose not to - where is the force? 



I hope you plan to ensure everyone knows what will happen before the tosses get started.

Also - no one EVER chooses to get groped.

BangBangs39

PDKH said:

I hope you plan to ensure everyone knows what will happen before the tosses get started. Also - no one EVER chooses to get groped.

I reference you to previous posts.

southernbelle0915

BangBangs39 said:

Peledreamsofrain said:

Ahahah! Yes, yes it's your guests' fault that you put them in the awkward and uncomfortable position of letting some drunk asshole stare up their skirt and trust he wont sexually assault her. Yes, if only she wasn't wearing such a short skirt, she was aking for it, the hussy. Personal reaponsibility you know. Nevermind that society puts immense pressure on people in group situations, and to please the bride and groom. It's the victim's fault! That's disgusting. I can't even talk to you anymore.

@PDKH & @Peledreamsofrain

As stated, I've talked to the guests, and we've told the DJ the scoop and what to announce.  I or my FI have talked to EVERY guest... if they Yes'd us (which I don't think they did because as I've stated if you can't have the balls the say what you mean then its your own fault if you feel awkward during the garter, and my friends and family don't exactly just say yes, if you only knew the extent) then they don't have to participate... if they get up on their own and participate, How the F is that my fault?  I have never pressured anyone into doing anything, and we're not 15 years old, if you can't stand up for yourself and say NO then sorry but its your own fault.  Also - why is it assumed that the male participant will be drunk and sexually assaulting someone... maybe the female participant will be trashed an trying to make it more sexual than necessary and make the male participant uncomfortable... bottom line is, it was a tradition started to bring laughter to the occasion... just because you over-sexualize it in your mind, doesn't mean it is that sexual or that every other person out there will do the same.  Also, if you don't want someone to look up your dress, shut your GD legs.

How on earth did I miss this saucy development. Please don't ban her yet, we want to play a little longer.

@BangBang39 / @Meghan1428 or whoever you are now (probably an AE in a hot minute after you get banned) - you are WAY off base. Apparently YOU want everyone looking up your dress since you're having your husband remove lingerie with his teeth in front of a crowd of your family and friends. I would take a guess that Addie, Pele, PrettyGirl, LeSwan, Salsa, and Allie DON'T want that since they are all but begging you not to do this and then subject someone else to it. But you've talked to your guests. so whatever.

manateehugger

BangBangs39 said:

PDKH said:

I hope you plan to ensure everyone knows what will happen before the tosses get started.

Also - no one EVER chooses to get groped.

I reference you to previous posts.


I would do the same to you, but I don't think you bother reading responses. You need to reiterate what will happen right before it happens. Asking every guest months out (yeah - ok) mean they will remember that you're going to make a non-SO put used lingere on them. Especially because a lot of people tend to let their eyes glaze over during wedding talk.

I'm done after this. I seriously hope you gain some perspective on life.

BangBangs39

@Southernbelle0915 -  Why on earth would I be banned for saying if you don't want someone to look up your skirt to close your legs?  Is it offensive to point out something that obvious?  I was unaware...

Next - You won't be able to see up my skirt/dress - I've witnessed this same tradition on a few occasions and have yet to see up any brides dress.

Next - luckily for all of them, they won't be there!

And last but not least - you are correct, I've talked to my guests so its NBD.

MuppetFan

She can have her tactacular adventure and then the "lucky lady" can politely decline in the re-gartering if she doesn't want be groped. Or the dude can decline if he isn't so happy with the match up or the woman's hairy legs.

However, if they proceed...the guests will have to be all like:

AddieCake

southernbelle0915 said:

 

How on earth did I miss this saucy development. 

I fucking love your posting style. 

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

MuppetFan

Rule of thumb, if you have to ask people whether they think something is tacky or not, it probably is. People often do not tell the truth when faced with awkward questions. Positive responses could mean they are dying to see this display you've planned.....-or- it could mean that your guests are more polite than you are.

AddieCake

I wish I could see this at a wedding:

harper0813

If you truly give them the choice, guess what - they're not going to do it. Because no one enjoys having a (likely) stranger touch their thigh with a sweaty garter in front of a crowd of people.

Well, strippers would probably enjoy it. But I'm assuming your guest list does not consist entirely of strippers.

TKzilla

So pick one of your wedding guests and let him put the garter back on your leg after he pulls it off the bouquet catcher. EVERYBODY WINS!

What happens if they garter catcher and the bouquet catcher are both in relationships with other people? Do their SO's have to sit there and watch?

manateehugger

LeSwan85 said:

BangBangs39 said:

Peledreamsofrain said:

Ahahah! Yes, yes it's your guests' fault that you put them in the awkward and uncomfortable position of letting some drunk asshole stare up their skirt and trust he wont sexually assault her.

Yes, if only she wasn't wearing such a short skirt, she was aking for it, the hussy. Personal reaponsibility you know. Nevermind that society puts immense pressure on people in group situations, and to please the bride and groom. It's the victim's fault!

That's disgusting. I can't even talk to you anymore.

@PDKH & @Peledreamsofrain

As stated, I've talked to the guests, and we've told the DJ the scoop and what to announce.  I or my FI have talked to EVERY guest... if they Yes'd us (which I don't think they did because as I've stated if you can't have the balls the say what you mean then its your own fault if you feel awkward during the garter, and my friends and family don't exactly just say yes, if you only knew the extent) then they don't have to participate... if they get up on their own and participate, How the F is that my fault?  I have never pressured anyone into doing anything, and we're not 15 years old, if you can't stand up for yourself and say NO then sorry but its your own fault.  Also - why is it assumed that the male participant will be drunk and sexually assaulting someone... maybe the female participant will be trashed an trying to make it more sexual than necessary and make the male participant uncomfortable... bottom line is, it was a tradition started to bring laughter to the occasion... just because you over-sexualize it in your mind, doesn't mean it is that sexual or that every other person out there will do the same.  Also, if you don't want someone to look up your dress, shut your GD legs.

You're right, maybe it would be the woman making it uncomfortable for the man. How exactly is that better?

Spoiler alert: it's not.

What?! Sexual harassment can go both ways?! Get out of here with your facts!

BangBangs39

CourtaniaLynn said:

So pick one of your wedding guests and let him put the garter back on your leg after he pulls it off the bouquet catcher. EVERYBODY WINS!

What happens if they garter catcher and the bouquet catcher are both in relationships with other people? Do their SO's have to sit there and watch?

They're not in my mind considered single so they wouldn't be out there to begin with.

Liatris2010 said:

You know those aren't the only two possibilities right? I take issue with certain things, but that doesn't mean I blab about it to other people. I can find something tasteless without telling the offending party OR any of our mutual acquaintances my feelings.

If you take issue with something and don't say anything about it - its your own fault for not having the balls to speak up.

MuppetFan said:

Rule of thumb, if you have to ask people whether they think something is tacky or not, it probably is. People often do not tell the truth when faced with awkward questions. Positive responses could mean they are dying to see this display you've planned.....-or- it could mean that your guests are more polite than you are.

I did not ask if it was tacky, I asked what they thought of the idea.  Also - lying to someone's face about how you feel about something doesn't make you polite.  You along with others have expressed opposition to an online stranger - if a friend/family member asked you about it, you'd lie and tell them you were OK with it?  And that makes you a more polite person?

zobird said:

If you truly give them the choice, guess what - they're not going to do it. Because no one enjoys having a (likely) stranger touch their thigh with a sweaty garter in front of a crowd of people. Well, strippers would probably enjoy it. But I'm assuming your guest list does not consist entirely of strippers.

Zero strippers on the list... just people who don't find funny traditions awkward - I also reference you to previous posts - there is no thigh touching - and what makes you think the garter will be sweaty? also why is it always assumed that the girl is the one who will feel awkward - a guy could feel weird about it and the girl could not you know.

BangBangs39

Liatris2010 said:

Really? I hate the tosses, so when the DJ announces them I should run up to the B&G and tell them how stupid I think they are? Also, I'm not a man, so I shouldn't have balls.

If the B&G ask you what you think - then you should say something - if you're not asked then you should keep your mouth shut while at the wedding and afterwards. 

Really - a 5th grade come back to a figure of speech?  We are at that level now.

PrettyGirlLost

BangBangs39 said:

Liatris2010 said:

Really? I hate the tosses, so when the DJ announces them I should run up to the B&G and tell them how stupid I think they are? Also, I'm not a man, so I shouldn't have balls.

If the B&G ask you what you think - then you should say something - if you're not asked then you should keep your mouth shut while at the wedding and afterwards. 

Really - a 5th grade come back to a figure of speech?  We are at that level now.

Newp, we are at this level:



Are you have an open bar or cash bar, because I need a drink. . .

BangBangs39

PrettyGirlLost said:

Are you have an open bar or cash bar, because I need a drink. . .

Sorry - cash for strangers.

harper0813

Okay, if you're so hell-bent on having a garter reappropriation ceremony, do us a favor and take a video so we can help you analyze the poor souls' body language and we can figure out together how much they actually enjoyed it. And we can empathize with them and help you draft some apology notes.

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK