Garter: What Happens?

AllieBear725

Well, I will assume all I want. Based on your previous posts and the information I know about your wedding thus far. I think my assumption was pretty safe. 

BangBangs39

AllieBear725 said:

Well, I will assume all I want. Based on your previous posts and the information I know about your wedding thus far. I think my assumption was pretty safe. 

Obviously not since you were wrong. Just because someone is doing a tradition from their area that you don't approve of, doesn't mean their not allowing +1's.

ETA - the only thing you know of my wedding is that I'm doing a variation of the garter toss/bouquet toss

AllieBear725

Actually, if I recall correctly, I remember you were going to charge your guests for alcohol in your backyard wedding. I also remember you spouting off laws that were in no way even correct. 

AddieCake

We know you're having a backyard wedding with a cash bar. 

ETA: In case you have forgotten what else you've told us:

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/979987/90-diy-wedding-in-4-months/p1

BangBangs39

@Addiel73 & @alliebear725 - Obv. neither of you are doing a good job stalking.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/981195/signature-drink

In addition - what exactly is wrong with a backyard style wedding at the oldest barn in the country?  Also - Alliebear, I believe numerous times in the thread Addie linked, I stated that I had mistakenly given the OP advice that only pertained to where I was from, oh and apologized for that... Obv. apologies for being wrong go no where here as you've now brought it back up.  Or you just don't read prior to insulting.

AddieCake

And I still don't think my question about whether or not I would be charged if I brought a Muppet Overlord as my date was answered. 

There's nothing wrong with a backyard wedding. What's wrong is having a cash bar, ESPECIALLY in your back yard. And having a free signature drink doesn't negate the rest of your cash bar. 

harper0813

I'm sorry, but going around and asking ALL of your guests if they're okay with this garter tradition is not only kinda psycho, it's a total waste of your time because people aren't going to be completely honest with you because you're the bride and they're afraid of displeasing you.

Some way to treat your guests. You're turning them into sexual entertainment. I would never, EVER participate.

And in my neck of the woods, dollar dances are tradition. My family's Polish and want/expect a dollar dance. But you know what? I know the difference between being a good and kind hostess and following tradition because certain traditions are rude and demeaning. Like yours.

AddieCake

Yes, Lia, that is a good idea. I just found it humorous that she said we know nothing about her wedding except that she is doing this garter thing. 

BangBangs39

@addiel73 - please actually read the thread... your snarky comment will be answered.

@Liatris2010 - I refer your question to Addie & Allie - they introduced the old controversy not I.

AllieBear725

Well. I remembered you posting about sangria, I hadn't seen the signature drinks. For that I will give you credit because your previous idea was very tacky. 

However, I still think your garter "tradition" is a terrible idea. 

BangBangs39

AddieL73 said:

Yes, Lia, that is a good idea. I just found it humorous that she said we know nothing about her wedding except that she is doing this garter thing. 

FYI - I was right - you don't - You know its backyard style and assume its my yard - I only WISH I lived at the house containing the oldest barn in the country.  You THOUGHT there was a cash bar... so what do you know exactly?  Oh right... nothing.

@Zobird - I note the input - but completely disagree.

AddieCake

OK, good. 

Carry on. 

MuppetOverlord

Questions about Muppet Overlords should always be responded to immediately!

With that said, I think in the efforts of being fair, she previously indicated nixing the cash bar and having signature drinks based on our advice.

There's nothing against etiquette about giving plus ones when SOs are invited... except perhaps to bridal party members (depending on the guidelines).

And ok, the garter toss is incredibly tacky and makes me shiver, but I can envision a scenario where this activity does not devolve to sexual assault.

BangBangs39

@Alliebear725 - The given credit is appreciated... difference of opinion on garter acknowledged.

AllieBear725

I have spent way too much time in this thread trying to explain to you why this is a terrible idea. You don't seem to get it. I'm done here. 

BangBangs39

@Muppetoverlord - thank you. Even if the bar was still cash you could drink for free : )

harper0813

This isn't us wanting to be catty and right. We are advocates for your guests. No guest should be treated like garbage at a wedding, and we want to save YOU from the gossip and ridicule that will circulate when it's all over.

I've been saved here too. I'll be the first to admit it. I had bad ideas that would have hurt or pissed off my guests. And I listened and I realized that it's not all about me and what I want and tradition and expectations.

Okay, stepping away. No progress made.

NYCBruin

BangBangs39 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

You know what I'm waiting for? When MeghanBangBangs has her wedding and the person who catches the bouquet (maybe a +1 of a guest....but she talked to EVERYONE) gets the spotlight put on them. She decides she doesn't want to have MeghanBangBangs used lingerie placed on her body by someone with whom she is not intimate. Everyone is jeering and MeghanBangBangs says "I talked to you about this and you said it was ok. Are you a liar? Fuck you!" So the catcher takes the floor. She uncomfortably allows the "tradition" because of the crowd egging it on and the bride calling her a liar. Afterwards she runs to the bathroom and cries because she feels objectified and violated. Then MeghanBangBangs comes in and says "um, personal responsibility... You are responsible for your actions, no one else...ever." Wedding success!!!

1. considering there is little time left - and there are no +1's - I'm not worried about a plus one who wasn't asked being upset

2. If someone decided they did not want to participate... I would not confront them I would just make a mental note. 

@LeSwan85 - I appreciate your insight, and also appreciate your well wishes.  I'm not concerned with it "going too far" because I honestly & truly don't think any of the single people in my group are stupid enough to "sexually assault" someone in front of a large group.  I realize that you can't know that because you don't know us or our friends and can only base your opinion from your own experience and what others have said... however where I live and with almost this same group, its been done successfully numerous times with no instances like the ones described.  I'll agree that the world is not black & white... however I stand by the way I was raised, Say what you mean and mean what you say. 

@NYCbruin - No one is blaming a victim because there is no victim to be blamed... I pointed out that everyone has been made aware of what's happening and will be reminded by the DJ prior to the event, if they choose to participate, knowing full well what is going on then that is their choice... If for some reason it got out of hand, yes the person who went too far would be dealt with, but considering the slim chance of that happening, it's not a concern at this moment.  Anything is possible at every point in life, if you live your whole life in fear of the unknown how is that living life?

A mental note of what? That they didn't want to participate and you could judge them for not being "super fun and totally into the hilarious situation." This is precisely why people participate in stuff they don't want to. Social pressure can be huge. Just because someone says they are ok with your plan doesn't mean that they won't be squirming and trying not to catch the bouquet/garter (again if either party doesn't want to participate, it's messed up. I'm not sure why you think that if the man is the one that is uncomfortable rather than the woman it somehow makes it better.). I guess I don't understand why you don't seem to grasp the fact that social pressures get people to do things they don't really want to do. Have you really never done something that you weren't 100% happy about to avoid social stigma? Even if you never have, PP have given you tons of examples of this happening. How would it be dealt with? You can't undo a sexual assault. Also the idea that "oh it would never get out of hand" is the first part of blaming the victim mindset. Because no one believes something can happen, no one believes the victim when it actually does. Also in your case if someone was uncomfortable just watching this, they would be a victim of sorts. Your attitude of well if you didn't want something to happen then you should have said something is exactly the attitude that makes so many sexual assaults go unreported.

MuppetOverlord

BangBangs39 said:

@Muppetoverlord - thank you. Even if the bar was still cash you could drink for free : )

If that means you are still having a cash bar in your backyard, I retract previous defenses and replace with sheer disgust.

BangBangs39

@NYCBruin - your wayyyyyyyyy off base here - so far off that your not even on earth anymore.... we went from a garter toss, to a bad story, to unreported sexual assaults.  I'm really not sure where your trying to go with this... but I'm pretty sure I summed it up good in my last post to you, Anything is possible at every point in life, if you live your whole life in fear of the unknown how is that living life? Everyone has stories about everything in life from weddings to a date night with the B/F that could be used as an example of a bad time... that doesn't mean every single time its going to be bad... I would be willing to bet good money that for every bad instance there are far more perfectly fine ones.  Also - I guess I spoke out of line previously - if someone who said they didn't mind if it happened didn't participate I shouldn't and you shouldn't assume they didn't because their uncomfortable, maybe they just didn't want to.

BangBangs39

@Muppetoverlord - sorry should have worded it more clearly for you - I meant if we were still doing a cash bar - which we are not - you would be able to drink free.

TKzilla

YOU'RE ffs

MuppetOverlord

BangBangs39 said:

@Muppetoverlord - sorry should have worded it more clearly for you - I meant if we were still doing a cash bar - which we are not - you would be able to drink free.

Ok. Good. Additional disgust averted.

NYCBruin

BangBangs39 said:

@NYCBruin - your wayyyyyyyyy off base here - so far off that your not even on earth anymore.... we went from a garter toss, to a bad story, to unreported sexual assaults.  I'm really not sure where your trying to go with this... but I'm pretty sure I summed it up good in my last post to you, Anything is possible at every point in life, if you live your whole life in fear of the unknown how is that living life? Everyone has stories about everything in life from weddings to a date night with the B/F that could be used as an example of a bad time... that doesn't mean every single time its going to be bad... I would be willing to bet good money that for every bad instance there are far more perfectly fine ones.  Also - I guess I spoke out of line previously - if someone who said they didn't mind if it happened didn't participate I shouldn't and you shouldn't assume they didn't because their uncomfortable, maybe they just didn't want to.

Just trying to give you more examples of when people don't speak up when they are uncomfortable. I don't think they are as unrelated as you seem to. Your defense of your idea with constantly repeating personal responsibility and if you don't say something it's your fault for being offended is disgusting to me.

BangBangs39

NYCBruin said:

Just trying to give you more examples of when people don't speak up when they are uncomfortable. I don't think they are as unrelated as you seem to. Your defense of your idea with constantly repeating personal responsibility and if you don't say something it's your fault for being offended is disgusting to me.

I'm sorry you feel that way.  I recognize a difference of opinions and how we choose to approach life.

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

BangBangs39

@peledreamsofrain - I think you inadvertently posted this here instead of on the "don't feed the trolls" thread where you again accuse me of being a troll because we have differing opinions. 

Get a grip would you. It's the internet, simple grammar errors will never stop.  If you're worried about grammar on internet forums you must be living a sweet life.

Also - infallible - Pot & kettle much?

Your quite amusing though, I'll give you that, mostly because every comment you make where you try to be all intellectual and witty could be turned right around on yourself - in other words, take your own advice.

AllieBear725

I think my life is pretty damn sweet as a matter of fact. 

BangBangs39

Peledreamsofrain said:

Well shit, I did forget the teaspoon of flagging, didn't I Meghan?  You're right, I'm sorry.  I'll remember it next time I post the recipe.  Thanks for the reminder!

You'll probably just call me a liar again - but flagging isn't my style - I prefer the whole who cares what people say thing - for ex. Sticks & Stones.  The only reason I would EVER flag someone is if they posted confidential information, or threatened life and I thought they could actually carry out the threat.