Wording for a No-Kids Wedding

NYCMercedes

prettyfacegal said:

I would prefer to let the guest know...before hand than avoiding it. Its your party and you do what you want AND makes you happy.

It's her party so it's her job to be a gracious host, and that includes and starts with the invitations.

KytchynWitche

I know it's considered tacky or rude in the US, but here in South Africa it's perfectly acceptable to put "Regret No Children" or similar. Just thought I'd weigh in with that perfectly useless piece of trivia. Of course, addressing the invitations is also done a little differently here from what I've seen (not that I'm in any way involved in the wedding industry), so that could be a part of it.

I'm finding that invitation etiquette is not so set-in-stone as it once was, it depends largely on the people involved. You should consider your guests and what their feelings would be. If you can be certain that no one on your guest list (whether they have children or not) would be offended by seeing "Regret No Children", then I'd say go ahead. If there's even the slightest chance that someone would be offended though, it's better to leave it off and field the calls.

libby2483

urbaneca said:

I know it's considered tacky or rude in the US, but here in South Africa it's perfectly acceptable to put "Regret No Children" or similar. Just thought I'd weigh in with that perfectly useless piece of trivia. Of course, addressing the invitations is also done a little differently here from what I've seen (not that I'm in any way involved in the wedding industry), so that could be a part of it.

I'm finding that invitation etiquette is not so set-in-stone as it once was, it depends largely on the people involved. You should consider your guests and what their feelings would be. If you can be certain that no one on your guest list (whether they have children or not) would be offended by seeing "Regret No Children", then I'd say go ahead. If there's even the slightest chance that someone would be offended though, it's better to leave it off and field the calls.

There's really no way to ensure that no one would be offended, so it's better just to follow etiquette and leave it off. I don't even have kids, but I would definitely think it was tacky if a bride and groom put that on invitations.  And "Regret No Children" doesn't even make sense.

photokitty

libby2483 said:

urbaneca said:

I know it's considered tacky or rude in the US, but here in South Africa it's perfectly acceptable to put "Regret No Children" or similar. Just thought I'd weigh in with that perfectly useless piece of trivia. Of course, addressing the invitations is also done a little differently here from what I've seen (not that I'm in any way involved in the wedding industry), so that could be a part of it.

I'm finding that invitation etiquette is not so set-in-stone as it once was, it depends largely on the people involved. You should consider your guests and what their feelings would be. If you can be certain that no one on your guest list (whether they have children or not) would be offended by seeing "Regret No Children", then I'd say go ahead. If there's even the slightest chance that someone would be offended though, it's better to leave it off and field the calls.

There's really no way to ensure that no one would be offended, so it's better just to follow etiquette and leave it off. I don't even have kids, but I would definitely think it was tacky if a bride and groom put that on invitations.  And "Regret No Children" doesn't even make sense.

It probably makes sense if you live in South Africa. Other countries don't have the same sentence structure and word use that we have in the USA - not to mention the same set of etiquette rules. PP lives in the country of South Africa, as she clearly stated.

libby2483

photokitty said:

libby2483 said:

urbaneca said:

I know it's considered tacky or rude in the US, but here in South Africa it's perfectly acceptable to put "Regret No Children" or similar. Just thought I'd weigh in with that perfectly useless piece of trivia. Of course, addressing the invitations is also done a little differently here from what I've seen (not that I'm in any way involved in the wedding industry), so that could be a part of it.

I'm finding that invitation etiquette is not so set-in-stone as it once was, it depends largely on the people involved. You should consider your guests and what their feelings would be. If you can be certain that no one on your guest list (whether they have children or not) would be offended by seeing "Regret No Children", then I'd say go ahead. If there's even the slightest chance that someone would be offended though, it's better to leave it off and field the calls.

There's really no way to ensure that no one would be offended, so it's better just to follow etiquette and leave it off. I don't even have kids, but I would definitely think it was tacky if a bride and groom put that on invitations.  And "Regret No Children" doesn't even make sense.

It probably makes sense if you live in South Africa. Other countries don't have the same sentence structure and word use that we have in the USA - not to mention the same set of etiquette rules. PP lives in the country of South Africa, as she clearly stated.

I'm well aware of that, but since she is telling a person who doesn't live in South Africa to put that on her invitations, it doesn't make sense. 

SP29

On our response cards we put:

___ seats have been reserved for you 

with how many the invite was for. Then we put our additional information of how many accept/decline and their meal choice. 

hoguek

heidirs731 said:

The only guests I would imagine I would be being rude to would be the guests who would want to bring their kids and would be offended that they couldn't. No one else I know of (friend or family) would care or even bat an eyelash.

And guests replying with more people than invited wouldn't be being rude if they didn't understand that the invite only extends to the people on the card, which many people (at least people I'm familiar with) don't know that rule.

Maybe I'm looking at this from the wrong standpoint. My career is in communications. If I don't give people the right info to respond correctly, then it's my failure and I have to make up for that mistake by calling everyone because I did a poor job in communicating the first time around.

I am in full agreement. I have never in my life seen an invite that says, "Mr. & Mrs. Smith And Baby John are all cordially invited...," no one puts a child's name on the invite and I know many people who assume that if it's addressed to the adults then it means the whole family. In fact, I can't imagine a world in which people would assume the opposite and expect their children to be called out specifically in the invite.

And like others have pointed out, you are going to have to get the information across somehow, and I think it'd be much more difficult and burdensome to both parties to change the assumptions of a family AFTER they have already RSVP'd, potentially upsetting all of their plans to attend (for instance, finding a babysitter -- something much more tricky if people are traveling and now unexpectedly have to find a place for their child).

A couple has every right for their event to look exactly how they want it to, and if that doesn't include anyone under the age of 18 or 21, I think a brief note of this (even just "18+" or "21+") is perfectly appropriate. I would think a couple would have a pretty good idea of what would and would not be offensive to their guest list and has the discretion to make this decision either way.

While not everyone has formal RSVPs, if you do have them included with the invite and don't want to make a statement explicitly, I think the the suggestion of including "x of 2 can attend" on the RSVP is a good one. For others who still don't want to run the risk of having children brought along, I don't think saying it is any big deal. (In more harsh words: It's your day, not a day to pander to others in a way that makes you more uncomfortable.)

Not everyone's wedding is super traditional or formal, so I don't think everyone's invites have to be either.

broscoff22

I am sure that someone will disagree with this, but I thought I would weigh in with what we are doing for our wedding. My fiancé has 300+ family not including kids so we definitely have to go this route. We are going to type a separate letter stating something along the lines of that we love their children and would like them to be there on our wedding day, but as space doesn't allow it, it will be an Adult-Only wedding. We are only going to put the letter in the invitations of those with kids so if they don't have any children, they won't even be aware of this. My fiancé's brother's wedding was just last weekend and they had addressed their invitations to only those invited. They then had to call each family and tell them that their children couldn't come if they had RSVP'd including their children. They felt that it was more rude telling them then writing a letter would have been and wished they would have done it the way we plan on doing it. If someone is going to be offended, they are going to be offended whether there is a letter in it stating the kids aren't invited or by a phone call stating they aren't. I feel that including a sweet letter helps them understand why their kids aren't invited and leaves the guests knowing the situation from the get-go.

banana468

Sweet letters and other blatant "Your kids aren't invited" statements are just rude.

It's not rude to clarify that the invitation was only for the adults.   It IS rude to state that you're not inviting a specific group. 

kis9585

I wrote Adult Only Reception on my info cards and I was told by many people they loved the idea. I still got a call asking if my cousin's daughter could come. Even though I sent her an invitation to the kids' party down the hall. I don't care if anyone thought I was rude. I don't understand why everyone cares so much about what everyone thinks.

missdarc

What about those people who RSVP only for themselves, because they figure they'll just bring happy meals for the kids? Then you don't know the kids are there til they're there.

lfk2013

I had this issue.  I sent the invitation to a friend and her husband and she asked if young kids (that is, under 5) were allowed.  (My cousins are 9 and my soon-to-be youngest nephew is 10-11).  I politely told her no.  I even offered to have a babysitter available at the hotel, but she decided it would just be her and the husband would stay in TX with the kids.

It's your wedding and your friends should respect your wishes.

ETA:  In the invitation for the people I knew have children under 5, I put an insert regarding child care at the hotel.  Other than the person I mentioned above, no one asked.  Most said no, but one couple are viewing it as a weekend getaway.  

AliceTanner

The problem with a construct like "we've reserved x seats for you" is it only works if their kids are old enough to need their own chair and a separate meal. I know a lot of people would assume their infants were invited unless otherwise clarified, since you wouldn't address a wedding invitation to "Mr. & Mrs. Smith along with Their Infant." If people are offended by a note on the invitation or the wedding website clarifying that you're having an adult-only reception, those people need to find more important things to get upset about. 

jlpallone

On my wedding website, on a details page I said, "This is a formal occasion; I apologize, but no children allowed." It also is getting spread by word of mouth, by my mom and anyone who asks.

Maggie0829

missdarc said:

What about those people who RSVP only for themselves, because they figure they'll just bring happy meals for the kids? Then you don't know the kids are there til they're there.

Well then those people are assholes and will look like assholes when they get to their table and find that there is no chair for their special little snowflake that they didn't bother to mention or thought they could sneak in.  Seriously are people that big of an ass hat?

Telling people who aren't invited is rude.  It is like getting one of those "hey we are getting married but your not invited" invites in the mail.  

Just address the damn invites to the people that you want there.  If they RSVP for more then who was on the invite then they are the fucking rude one's by assuming they could bring their kids to a wedding where they weren't invited.  You call them up and say "I am sorry but we cannot accommodate your children and we are looking forward to seeing you and Bob."  It is then there choice to either still attend or decline.

But no matter how many cute poems or sayings or whatever you put on the damn invitation there will still be people who will try to include their child on the RSVP or try to schmooze you into changing your mind.  So why not be the bigger person and eliminate any rudeness on your part because your rude and their rude do not make a right.

melissaragonesidesigns

I like the wording "An Adult Affair" 

Meggis

I only listed the invited parties on our envelopes, but I know not everyone will pay attention to that. But I didn't want to put it on our invitations so I did try to tactfully approach it with the few that I thought wouldn't pay attention to the wording on the envelope.

First thing I did, before the invitations went out, was try to engage a conversation with the guest(s) in question.  Most of them were our friends/cousins, so they are people I speak with often.  Naturally most of them would ask me how the planning was going and I would chit chat a bit about it.  During the conversation, in a very off the cuff way, I would say something like "I hope you have your dancing shoes and babysitter ready.  It is going to be a fun night!"  Most of them responded with an agreeable, "it'll be nice to have a date night." or something to the like.  Something indicating that they got the message.

The other thing I did, was on the blank line on the RSVP for names, I filled it in before I sent it out to them.  You know how people tell you to number the RSVP cards in case someone doesn't fill in their name, on those, I didn't put a number, just their names. 

That worked for me.  It may not for you, but it is just my two cents.  All my RSVPs were due Friday and no kids were added on.  And I only had one friend reply with a plus one that wasn't invited.

Hope you find something that works for you.   

Caelabryn14

I wrote "respectfully an adult event" at the bottom of the invite. I use to be a planner and it is not rude at all. In fact, I received a lot of compliments about the wording and how they liked that the message came across but that it didn't feel like a rude comment.

bomberino

It is not as simple as not putting their names on the invite...TRUST ME!  On your RSVP, make mention of a baby sitter!  We said, "Hire a baby sitter and enjoy a weekend away in Michigan's Most Romantic City!"

Then on our invites we had all the details to the ceremony and said, "Adults-only reception to follow."  People usually won't get the kids all ready for the wedding, bring them to the ceremony only to have to go home and drop them off at the sitters, and turn around and come back for the reception.  Also....spread the word!  Tell your family and close friends personally.  The word will get around. 

PLEASE, for your own sanity, don't JUST omit their names on the invite.  That will go over like a lead balloon. 

Maggie0829

I really can't get over all the rudeness.

How many ways do I have to say this.  No matter what you put on your invitation or RSVP or what you tell people during a conversation some people will still assume that their kids are invited and they will RSVP as such.  So instead of the bride and groom being rude, just stick with addressing the invite correctly and then deal with those guests that are rude and RSVP for more then who was invited.

This really is not hard.

egarvey828

We are navigating this by including babysitting information with our invitation suite as well as only addressing the invitations to those we intend to include.  Hopefully that will clue people in. 

DanielleHerman

The word rude has been tossed around so much. Honestly you know your friends and family and they know you and not EVERYONE will be happy. Whats important is that you and your fiance are happy..if kids are not invited "Adult Only Reception" will not kill anyone..it is not their day and if they really feel some type of way about it after all the years you've known them then they should stay home while you enjoy your family and friends who don't mind an Adult Only Reception. For people who think its rude will have to get over it because it's really not that big of a deal

bmeza21

The only kids who are attending my wedding are my son, my sisters kids and family who live more than 2hr away. I plan on calling my family members who have kids beforehand to give them a heads up that way there is no avoiding the 'oh so awkward' conversation. Most my family members know that weddings are for adults only and would love a night out! I will be putting the "2 seats reserved" thing just as a reminder. I don't feel it rude to state anything about adult only I think not stating then having to call everyone to clarify is more hassle for the bride esp In the last few months.

paperbag3900

Coming from someone in the wedding invitation business, yes it is not the best idea to write Adult Reception or any form of it (on the invites, reception card or reply card) .  However, in my 29 years of experience with weddings/wedding invitations - this has become more and more of an "accepted" practice.   The reason it has become "accepted" is because either the guests honestly don't know the proper etiquette (only those listed on the envelope are the invited guests) or they don't care. Different cultures/heritages have different practices in their own home country and they tend to go by those practices, not what Americans do.  I have seen major changes over the years of guests' replies and right now, it tends to be a "invited guests think about themselves and not the bride and groom's wishes attitude" lately.  We have started printing:

M ___________________________

___ seats have been reserved for you.

Number attending ____

Unable to attend ____

(if they don't want the ___seats have been reserved for you, then we will sometimes write

Number of adults attending ___

Unable to attend)

When meeting with brides/grooms and going over wording, the first thing I always hear is the horror stories their friends have gone through with the "extras" they had to deal with.  The above wording makes it perfectly clear as to how many in the family are invited.  

FYI -Reply cards - if you want proper etiquette - are totally unaccepted.  The guests to the wedding should hand write a reply using their own personalized stationery and put their own stamp on it.  

NYCMercedes

I can't believe how rude these posters suggestions are! Never, ever should you put who is not invited on your invitations! Presumably these are your friends. You, or your family sees them periodically during the course of the year you have been planning your weddings. Why can you not mention that you're not having kids? It seems to me that you must think your friends are complete boars who can't figure out who's invited to a party without hitting them over the head with it. PS, there is no way to do it sweetly or respectfully.

KarenDowlingNH

I agree that its rude to say on an invitation, who it NOT invited, that is not the intention of an invitation, however,I also feel its the responsibility of the host to be very clear about what type of an event they are hosting, so as to avoid unnecessarily embarassing guests.  I would be horrified to show up at an event with a child if the event was adult only.  Bear in mind that many parents dont think of their small childen as taking up a seat or a plate and may just assume children are OK to bring, unless its very clear. 

I particularly love this wording...

We have planned what we hope will be a very enjoyable adults only event. Thank you so much for understanding and we look forward to sharing our special day with you.

Or

"While children are a blessing and a joy, we respectfully ask that this be an adults only ceremony and reception."

 

Or  a Q&A on your invitation...

Do you guys have a wedding formality?
Yes we do. Our wedding will be semiformal.

What does "by invitation only" mean?
We would love dearly to invite everyone to our wedding but we have to have a limit to guest of invitation only.

Will there be a kids table provided?
So sorry, but our reception is an adult affair.

Be honest and confident about what you are doing.

gurlraser

On my inventations I put "Adult only reception to follow" and if they still didnt get the clue on my RSVP i put

___ Seats reserved in your honor 

___ Adults attending

___ Regretfully will not be attending

 

I also put "with respect, we would like our special day to be an adult only occasion"

I think they got the point. lol

 

Maggie0829

Well I guess that I am the odd man out seeing that I'd rather care about the feelings of my friends and family rather then making things easier for myself and not having to hassle with things close to my wedding.  Didn't realize that the "ZOMG IT IS MY DAY" is actually true.

syeljohnson

I don't think it is tacky to let people know they can't bring their children. Even if the bride just sends the invitation to the parents, if it is an infant involved who wouldn't be consuming food and their parents will be holding them throughout the ceremony and reception, the parents could rationalize that it is okay to bring their little bundle of joy without it being a problem. After all, they won't be eating or occupying space at the table. I think it is best to let folks know up front that their children are not invited. Who has time to call people with kids to tell them not to bring them? I don't. Planning a wedding is time consuming enough. Besides, I don't know all of my fiance's family and would not want my first interaction with them to be a phone call informing them that they can't bring their children. Tacky or not, I plan to put it on my invitation that children are not invited. I'm having an evening wedding at a country club---not a place for children and with the cost of weddings being what they are, I don't plan to offer any type of baby sitting services or set up a kiddie reception. It should go without saying that children aren't invited to an evening wedding, but we now live in an era where some parents think their children should go everywhere they go. 

At the same time, I will not be offended or upset with any parent who opts not to attend my wedding because they bring their children. 

syeljohnson

At the same time, I will not be offended or upset with any parent who opts not to attend my wedding because they CAN'T bring their children.