Wording for a No-Kids Wedding

banana468

Meagan831 said:

AprilH81 said:

pinkopal said:

To everyone saying its rude to say who isn't invited, it's not as if you are writing Aunt Sara, Uncle Dave, Tom, Steve, and Mary aren't invited your just stating that you want this to be a mature affair

I hope you know that not inviting kids will not make it a "mature affair".  What happens if someone gets drunk and starts a fight or starts stripping on the dance floor?

Then at least we can all be happy that there weren't any kids there to see it

But Grandma will need the smelling salts!

Ksmotek

I don't think its rude at all to put "adult reception" and i have a kid! if people are offended tell them to stop being so sensitive. It's your wedding. Put what you want. My friend addressed her invites only to the "parents" and they replied back with response cards counting their kids. I think its ruder to call the person to say their kid isn't invited then to put ADULT RECEPTION ONLY

coupongalh

After reading an abundant amount of posts, I have come to the conclusion that no matter how you may or may not address invitations, websites, people, etc. there will always be room for error. Preparing for all eventualities is better than being rude or not. Not everyone will be from the background or same social group. She asked for an opinion you have all given her something to think about. Weddings are not always black and white and neither are the decisions that will be made. I have been to and responded to many, many wedding invitations. No matter what you do or don't put someone may be offended, it's just how it is you can't please everyone. And for the people who place etiquette high on their list, certain social groups expect certain details, while others do not. You only know your audience, so follow what your guests would expect and respect, but always expect the unexpected.

livin4jsus08

I think it would be very difficult, I know I wouldn't have no one at my wedding if I did that, most people know breastfeed and have 2-6 kids, so I ended up have ton of kids at my shower cuz one had sitters.

MValdez 0407

I try that approach,and guests are still adding plus ones. But I received an invitation that had
_of 2 will be attending
_ of 2 respectfully decline
Wish I would have worded ours this way.
Hope this helps

mel&josh2015

Some people assume kids are automatically invited, despite their names not being on the RSVP. Some don't even put them in the numbers since they figure "oh, the baby will stay on my lap and not eat the food." In order to avoid any confusion, my fiance and I are putting it on our website AND it will be worded on our invitations. Since our theme is romantic rockabilly, we'll play up the concert theme and put that it is an 18+ event.

The people who's feelings we are worried about we will be talking to before sending out the invitations, so it won't be a surprise when they see the invitation. There are TONS more wording available on other bridal sites too.

magono20

We worded our invites at the bottom to say, "Adult Reception to follow."  We did have some family members ask to bring their children, but we just told them no.  Some of them didn't attend.  The only person we allowed to bring a child was a groomsmen, only because he had a new born.

It's your wedding, you need to be happy.  

transatlanticrelationship

My friend's invitation said  Dinner and Reception for 21+ to follow.    They drink quite a bit so people will understand. Also, then people can still bring the kids to the church if they want. And know to drop them off at home after!

Stokie

It's our weddig, it is completely up to the couple getting married who is invited, and that is not at all rude. I have seen invitations that say an adult reception to follow, I will be doing that. Though children at the ceremony are just as disruptive. Don't feel bad or obligated. If there's a reason a parent can't get a sitter they will talk to u about it...

southernbelle0915

doeydo said: Ok. thanks for your input ladies.  I'll just invite the people I want to come and if they RSVP with their kids or something then I'll talk to them about it.  

________________________________________________
Anyone remember when the OP said ^^^this on the first page? Sounds like she decided that she would invite who she wants to invite without stating who isn't invited.

I can't help but find it funny that all the ones suggesting explicitly stating who's NOT invited are first time posters randomly come out of the woodwork on the same day and feeling passionate about the same thing. Well, many congratulations on your first posts to:

@princess773 @megan831 @lauralovesgeorge @whitneyf6614 @pinkopal @ksmotek @coupongalh @mel&josh2015 @magono20 @transatlanticrelationship @lanier1221 @lyss5362 @ lianix @susieq1178 @rose810 @kelsotter9113 @pyakusheva @misshellokitty @hoguek @broscoff22 @kis9585 @missdarc @AliceTanner @jlpallone @melissaragonesidesigns @caelabryn14 @bomberino @danielleherman @karendowlingnh @gurlraser @syeljohnson @annakvied @nicoleolson @blindbutbriliant @elena&scott @steff4wats @paulim01 @moonpowder @bonchance @allisonrichman23 @slroszkowski @fink15 @starbright2013 @lizabelle1217 @laurenlevac @danandpal @vianeymendoza

For the record, I had a "no kids" wedding. I did not put "adults only" or any rendition thereof on my invitations. I wrote:

"Name(s) ______________________

___# attending ceremony

___# attending reception"

If anyone wrote names or numbers that didn't match who was invited, I could follow up. Guess what? It wasn't a problem AND I wasn't rude to my guests. Win win.

ETA: quote boxes

ashleyep

FFS, This. Is. The. Etiquette. Forum.

It is poor etiquette to state who is *not* invited on the invitation. 

If you want to go argue whether it's acceptable or not, go argue it somewhere else and not here, in the etiquette forum. 

ETA: This is not the etiquette forum. I apologize. Regardless, no one here is going to validate poor etiquette.

MLuanPiano

I can understand that some people get offended by not letting their children come to the wedding.  However being Asian you really have to make sure people know.  My best friend's wedding she had invites and she did not say it was an adult affair.  In the invites she only wrote the names of the adults for the occasion.  They RSVP'd without mentioning bringing their babies/children.  On her wedding day there were over 5 babies and 15 extra Children.  She was very upset because she didn't want to offend people as these are relatives/family friends.  She ended up having to figure out how to stuff chairs in between tables so these extra "guests" could sit.  It was an awkward situation.  After witnessing that I know for sure I am going to write how many seats are reserved and that it is an adult affair to my wedding next year!

southernbelle0915

MLuanPiano said:

I can understand that some people get offended by not letting their children come to the wedding.  However being Asian you really have to make sure people know.  My best friend's wedding she had invites and she did not say it was an adult affair.  In the invites she only wrote the names of the adults for the occasion.  They RSVP'd without mentioning bringing their babies/children.  On her wedding day there were over 5 babies and 15 extra Children.  She was very upset because she didn't want to offend people as these are relatives/family friends.  She ended up having to figure out how to stuff chairs in between tables so these extra "guests" could sit.  It was an awkward situation.  After witnessing that I know for sure I am going to write how many seats are reserved and that it is an adult affair to my wedding next year!

Another first time poster. Welcome. 

Guess what? In your situation, you can remedy your problem and STILL be polite to your guests!! Wow, imagine that. 

1) Spread the word by word of mouth in casual conversations. 

2) Address the invitations to who is invited. 

3) On your RSVP cards write 

"_2_ seats have been reserved in your honor.

Name(s)___________________

___# attending

___decline with regret"

blueobsidian

Could someone explain to me why they think it is ok to be rude to their friends and family?  If you don't care enough about someone to be polite to them, why are they on your guest list?  Just don't invite the people whose feelings don't matter to you.  

corinabrennan

There is nothing rude about not wanting children at your wedding. All you need to do on the invitiation is state "Adult reception".

I have seen it on a few invitations and will be having it on my own!

I think it is much ruder to call someone after and explain that their kids cant come.

 

Good luck!

MLuanPiano

Thanks for replying back!  I am going to go with the how many seats are reserved in your honor part and all that.  I have told people but I'm sorry in the area I'm at I've been to WAY too many weddings that people ask extended family members to come.  Heck there have even been a few people that invite others to a wedding because free food and drinks and I was appalled!  Acting like the event is a free for all club or something.  Again it's a cultural issue I believe.  I know none of my relatives or friends from the states would be "rude" to show up without the rsvp.  But there are those who just assume it means the whole family.  At the wedding I was a maid of honor one family actually brought 10 people.  That was a WHOLE table that they took up.  It makes my blood boil that people do not respect the fact that someone does have to pay for the cost of the table. They just believe the more the merrier.  Also every wedding I been to like this the parents don't even care about their kids since everyone is family so they let them run around. And all of these were Asian weddings. They believe it's just a huge family gathering.  I'm not sure about anywhere else but here in Indiana that's how it goes.  So I rather just let people straight out know that it will not be accepted that it is by rsvp then to have another 50+ people show up.  There are actually people so rude that actually invite their friends AFTER the dinner so they can come and drink free alcohol and dance!  

daveANDkristen

There is nothing rude about not wanting children at your wedding. I agree with this!  We all agree with this!  All you need to do on the invitiation is state "Adult reception". Any statement, disclaimer, cute poem, etc. informing your guests of who is NOT invited is blunt, rude, and insulting. 

I have seen it on a few invitations and will be having it on my own! Lots of people have done this, and many guests do not notice or care because they aren't aware of proper etiquette.  Those who ARE aware of proper etiquette will know that you made a faux pas.  If you (in general, not YOU specifically) are okay with that, then knock yourself out.

I think it is much ruder to call someone after and explain that their kids cant come. This is not rude.  If you invite your guests by name and they reply with 1 or more additional names on the RSVP, THEY are the ones being rude.  It is not rude for you to call and politely inform them that the invitation was meant only for them.  It's just inconvenient, which I suspect is why the majority of the first-time posters here have such an issue with this.

 

Good luck!

MLuanPiano

OMG I am from the midwest too and this is exactly what I am stressing!!  There are so many people that show up uninvited and babies and kids galore!!!@ Meagan

kruithof0311

Omg so many of you sound soooo self richeous! And what is wrong with first time posters? That means they are probably getting married, and joined the site for info (and are not still trolling the site after five years) ... Pull that wooden object out of your you-know-what. If you don't want kids at your wedding, take your specific families into consideration, and figure ou a way to state this on the invite. Why set yourself up for many additional phone calls to "explain" the situation. I work full time and don't have endless hours to toil over tasks that are not necessary. I put on my invitation "adults only reception" after verbally spreading the word first, and added on my website that babysitting could be arranged at the hotel if needed and I would be glad to set that up, and guess what? No one was mad or thought that "rude"! The parents ended up telling me they were glad to have a night away, and me arranging the babysitting let it be stress-free, and the children had fun together also. If you don't have anything helpful to say, then keep you snotty/sarcastic undertone posts to your self!

daveANDkristen

I've never heard of this Midwest phenomenon... and I have lived there my whole life (in St. Louis).  I'd be willing to bet this a is family-or-small-town specific problem.

Who thinks it's commonplace to show up to weddings they weren't invited to?  I think Jashley needs to move to this town.

DanielleHerman

southernbelle0915 said:

Anyone remember when the OP said ^^^this on the first page? Sounds like she decided that she would invite who she wants to invite without stating who isn't invited.

I can't help but find it funny that all the ones suggesting explicitly stating who's NOT invited are first time posters randomly come out of the woodwork on the same day and feeling passionate about the same thing. Well, many congratulations on your first posts to:

@princess773 @megan831 @lauralovesgeorge @whitneyf6614 @pinkopal @ksmotek @coupongalh @mel&josh2015 @magono20 @transatlanticrelationship @lanier1221 @lyss5362 @ lianix @susieq1178 @rose810 @kelsotter9113 @pyakusheva @misshellokitty @hoguek @broscoff22 @kis9585 @missdarc @AliceTanner @jlpallone @melissaragonesidesigns @caelabryn14 @bomberino @danielleherman @karendowlingnh @gurlraser @syeljohnson @annakvied @nicoleolson @blindbutbriliant @elena&scott @steff4wats @paulim01 @moonpowder @bonchance @allisonrichman23 @slroszkowski @fink15 @starbright2013 @lizabelle1217 @laurenlevac @danandpal @vianeymendoza

For the record, I had a "no kids" wedding. I did not put "adults only" or any rendition thereof on my invitations. I wrote:

"Name(s) ______________________

___# attending ceremony

___# attending reception"

If anyone wrote names or numbers that didn't match who was invited, I could follow up. Guess what? It wasn't a problem AND I wasn't rude to my guests. Win win.

ETA: quote boxes

Thanks for the congrats but why are you so concerned whether this is our first post or not? That doesn't make you any more knowledgable or make your point any more valid than the rest of us...its just our opinions just like its yours..YOUR way isn't any better than the next bride's way..it's not that serious we all can do whatever we want on our invites..everyone's wedding will be different

[Deleted User]

I was the Maid of Honor in my friend's wedding in June and they wanted to have an "adults only" ceremony and reception. On their save the dates, they simply "Adults only please" and it seemd to go over just fine. It gave the guests who were parents plenty of time to find other arrangments for their children, if needed.

TPayne2014

The Way my sister worded it was

"Though We Love Kids we ask that they not attend the wedding" I

t is Much better to forewarn anyone with Kids of your desires. My Friend recently has had it happen a few times where he was told a week before the wedding he couldn't bring his Son. and had to scramble for a Babysitter last minute instead of when he received the Invite in the first place. 

DanielleHerman

Stokie said:

It's our weddig, it is completely up to the couple getting married who is invited, and that is not at all rude. I have seen invitations that say an adult reception to follow, I will be doing that. Though children at the ceremony are just as disruptive. Don't feel bad or obligated. If there's a reason a parent can't get a sitter they will talk to u about it...

Very true

Texasgrl87

The problem for me is not that they are bringing their children, its that the children are not well behaved and will ruin my ceremony!  

-Stressed in Texas

AprilH81

alisonmarie658 said:

Just FYI -- Even The Knot recommends not putting "adults only" on the invitation.

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-questions/top-wedding-questions/qa/telling-guests-its-18-and-over.aspx

And Miss Manners and Emily Post are always stricter than TK, so clearly all y'all who put "adults only" are subtly telling your guests that you don't think they are smart enough to realize who the invitation is for.

And we know that The Knot ALWAYS gives correct advice...  <<sarcasm>>

sgpatterson

I don't think it's rude to ask for your wedding to be the way you want it.  I've got a friend that went through this dilemma a few months ago and she's a really nice person, sometimes too nice.  I suggested saying "please respect the bride and groom's wishes as this is an adult only event".  I think that kind of reminds the guests that this is your event and you can have it any way you like.  Like everyone else said, you can put just the invited names on the rsvp card, but I don't think the invitation wording is such a bad idea.  The last thing I want to do is make awkward phone calls to people about not bringing children when it's getting down to the wire on planning.   

daveANDkristen

I just...

banana468

Here's the thing: my statements are FACTS. It IS rude to put any kind of statement on your invitation indicating who you intend to omit. This is basic etiquette where there is a right and wrong way to do something.

If you opt to ignore this that's your right. But FFS, acknowledge that what you're doing isn't proper and therefore socially incorrect.

Turning this into a matter of opinion is not going to work any more than we can debate the # of days in a year or your age. These are facts. I can tell you that I'm 25 but it's not the truth. Those telling you that it's fine to use these excluding statements are giving bad advice that is ignorant of facts.

southernbelle0915

DanielleHerman said:

southernbelle0915 said:

Anyone remember when the OP said ^^^this on the first page? Sounds like she decided that she would invite who she wants to invite without stating who isn't invited.

I can't help but find it funny that all the ones suggesting explicitly stating who's NOT invited are first time posters randomly come out of the woodwork on the same day and feeling passionate about the same thing. Well, many congratulations on your first posts to:

@princess773 @megan831 @lauralovesgeorge @whitneyf6614 @pinkopal @ksmotek @coupongalh @mel&amp;josh2015 @magono20 @transatlanticrelationship @lanier1221 @lyss5362 @ lianix @susieq1178 @rose810 @kelsotter9113 @pyakusheva @misshellokitty @hoguek @broscoff22 @kis9585 @missdarc @AliceTanner @jlpallone @melissaragonesidesigns @caelabryn14 @bomberino @danielleherman @karendowlingnh @gurlraser @syeljohnson @annakvied @nicoleolson @blindbutbriliant @elena&amp;scott @steff4wats @paulim01 @moonpowder @bonchance @allisonrichman23 @slroszkowski @fink15 @starbright2013 @lizabelle1217 @laurenlevac @danandpal @vianeymendoza

For the record, I had a "no kids" wedding. I did not put "adults only" or any rendition thereof on my invitations. I wrote:

"Name(s) ______________________

___# attending ceremony

___# attending reception"

If anyone wrote names or numbers that didn't match who was invited, I could follow up. Guess what? It wasn't a problem AND I wasn't rude to my guests. Win win.

ETA: quote boxes

Thanks for the congrats but why are you so concerned whether this is our first post or not? That doesn't make you any more knowledgable or make your point any more valid than the rest of us...its just our opinions just like its yours..YOUR way isn't any better than the next bride's way..it's not that serious we all can do whatever we want on our invites..everyone's wedding will be different

I'm not "concerned" it's many people's first post - I'm glad more people are getting involved. It just strikes me as odd since I've never seen so may first-time posters post in one day, about one issue, all agreeing on the same thing. It's very unusual. I never said I was more knowledgeable, but I did state a fact: it is rude to say who IS NOT invited on any type of invitation. This is not a matter of opinion. It's a fact.

http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/your-day/601-kids-or-no-kids

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/03/06/AR2007030601881.html

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-questions/wedding-guest-list-advice/qa/telling-guests-its-18-and-over.aspx?cm_ven=Responsys&cm_cat=KnotStages&cm_pla=Stage_09&cm_ite=-1

You may be of the opinion that you don't CARE if it's rude, but that's different. Usually, it's not wise to advise people to do rude things - especially when there are brides who have no idea what they're doing, they want to treat their guests properly and they want good advice on how to do it. If you don't care how you treat your guests, fine. Whatever. But most people do want to treat their guests according to etiquette and they want good advice on how to do so. Telling someone to do something that is considered against etiquette doesn't help anyone.