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Etiquette

Can I ask people not to light up?

13

Re: Can I ask people not to light up?

  • I'm sorry but I call BS. There is no way you make your friend pull over for going over the speed limit even if it's your car.

    But anyway, we've established there is no way for her to politely tell them no smoking, other than heart to hearts. So if she decides to invite them still anyway, that's a choice she's making. Friends > deposit money OR friends < deposit money, it's really not that complicated.

    If she TRULY believe she will lose her deposit if someone lights a joint, then don't invite them or be ready to lose the deposit money.  

    You can call BS all you want. I'm sorry but, you gave an apples to oranges example. Her friends should care enough about her and RESPECT her enough to not do something illegal at her wedding ceremony. Talk about being selfish - I want to get high and I don't care how it impacts others - that's what I call BS. 
    There is plenty of polite ways, for example if they venue does not allow smoking you can post no smoking signs. The real issue is you shouldn't have to find a polite way to ask people to follow the law when you are hosting them. Being a guest does not exclude you from behaving with decorum and following proper etiquette.

    But since she clearly has friends who do not hold the same thoughts on what should be legal, she really has a very simple choice. Invite them and be prepared for the consequences (mostly financial) or don't invite them and be prepared for those consequences (mostly emotional). Money or friends... Is it a sucky situation for her? Sure. Welcome to wedding planning!

    image
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    I'm sorry but I call BS. There is no way you make your friend pull over for going over the speed limit even if it's your car.

    But anyway, we've established there is no way for her to politely tell them no smoking, other than heart to hearts. So if she decides to invite them still anyway, that's a choice she's making. Friends > deposit money OR friends < deposit money, it's really not that complicated.

    If she TRULY believe she will lose her deposit if someone lights a joint, then don't invite them or be ready to lose the deposit money.  

    You can call BS all you want. I'm sorry but, you gave an apples to oranges example. Her friends should care enough about her and RESPECT her enough to not do something illegal at her wedding ceremony. Talk about being selfish - I want to get high and I don't care how it impacts others - that's what I call BS. 
    There is plenty of polite ways, for example if they venue does not allow smoking you can post no smoking signs. The real issue is you shouldn't have to find a polite way to ask people to follow the law when you are hosting them. Being a guest does not exclude you from behaving with decorum and following proper etiquette.

    But since she clearly has friends who do not hold the same thoughts on what should be legal, she really has a very simple choice. Invite them and be prepared for the consequences (mostly financial) or don't invite them and be prepared for those consequences (mostly emotional). Money or friends... Is it a sucky situation for her? Sure. Welcome to wedding planning!

    I think you just summed up the guest version of PPD:
    "It's my speshul night out and I waaaaant to get high! I don't care how others are impacted or feel about it. I don't think there is anything wrong with doing it so I'm going to, people can be mad, but I don't care - bc my friends don't think it's rude...I've asked them all, I promise! I don't care it it's illegal or breaking etiquette I'm doing it anyway bc it's what I want to do and I deserve to have a good time on Saturday night."

    It's not a sticky situation, it's rude and inconsiderate  of her guests. They seem to think they are special snowflake guests and that's just as nauseating as special snowflake brides.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • I'm sorry but I call BS. There is no way you make your friend pull over for going over the speed limit even if it's your car.

    But anyway, we've established there is no way for her to politely tell them no smoking, other than heart to hearts. So if she decides to invite them still anyway, that's a choice she's making. Friends > deposit money OR friends < deposit money, it's really not that complicated.

    If she TRULY believe she will lose her deposit if someone lights a joint, then don't invite them or be ready to lose the deposit money.  

    You can call BS all you want. I'm sorry but, you gave an apples to oranges example. Her friends should care enough about her and RESPECT her enough to not do something illegal at her wedding ceremony. Talk about being selfish - I want to get high and I don't care how it impacts others - that's what I call BS. 
    There is plenty of polite ways, for example if they venue does not allow smoking you can post no smoking signs. The real issue is you shouldn't have to find a polite way to ask people to follow the law when you are hosting them. Being a guest does not exclude you from behaving with decorum and following proper etiquette.

    But since she clearly has friends who do not hold the same thoughts on what should be legal, she really has a very simple choice. Invite them and be prepared for the consequences (mostly financial) or don't invite them and be prepared for those consequences (mostly emotional). Money or friends... Is it a sucky situation for her? Sure. Welcome to wedding planning!

    Did you see the part where some of her wedding guests will be cops?  Which means the consequences could be that some of her guests end up arresting some of her other guests.  
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    aurorajanette
  • I've been reading through this post and I kept thinking why is this even an issue, people have to leave to smoke anyways? Then I realized that I've just been spoiled by living in a state that doesn't allow any smoking inside buildings and only in designated areas outside, even in public places. 

    To the OP, I think it's perfectly acceptable to ask people to go outside to smoke. What they smoke outside is on them, but then they aren't bothering your other guests.
    But what happens if one of the cops steps outside for a cigarette or just to get some fresh air and sees them?
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  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    mysticl said:
    I've been reading through this post and I kept thinking why is this even an issue, people have to leave to smoke anyways? Then I realized that I've just been spoiled by living in a state that doesn't allow any smoking inside buildings and only in designated areas outside, even in public places. 

    To the OP, I think it's perfectly acceptable to ask people to go outside to smoke. What they smoke outside is on them, but then they aren't bothering your other guests.
    But what happens if one of the cops steps outside for a cigarette or just to get some fresh air and sees them?


    I'm stuck in the box! 
    Her guests are adults. They all have the option to act appropriately. If they choose not to I really don't think there is anything she can do about that. She can let her guests know ahead of time that there will be cops there, but after that she can't run around frisking everyone to make sure they didn't bring drugs with them. I spend quite a bit of time with police officers. I've never felt the need to tell anyone else that they need to act a certain way around them or not do certain things. Adults are responsible for their own actions! All she can do is let them know they shouldn't do it. After that, it's on them. 
    image
  • mysticl said:
    I've been reading through this post and I kept thinking why is this even an issue, people have to leave to smoke anyways? Then I realized that I've just been spoiled by living in a state that doesn't allow any smoking inside buildings and only in designated areas outside, even in public places. 

    To the OP, I think it's perfectly acceptable to ask people to go outside to smoke. What they smoke outside is on them, but then they aren't bothering your other guests.
    But what happens if one of the cops steps outside for a cigarette or just to get some fresh air and sees them?


    I'm stuck in the box! 
    Her guests are adults. They all have the option to act appropriately. If they choose not to I really don't think there is anything she can do about that. She can let her guests know ahead of time that there will be cops there, but after that she can't run around frisking everyone to make sure they didn't bring drugs with them. I spend quite a bit of time with police officers. I've never felt the need to tell anyone else that they need to act a certain way around them or not do certain things. Adults are responsible for their own actions! All she can do is let them know they shouldn't do it. After that, it's on them. 
    I agree she there isn't much can do about how they act. However, if they get caught and the police officers do their jobs and act it does bother her other guests.  A drug bust in the middle of the wedding is going to be disruptive.  Also, OP hasn't mentioned if the drug users and the cops know each other.  It's possible that they don't realize there will be police officers at the event.  
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  • itzMS said:

    Believe it or not, I've attended a wedding where my H's friends have run off into the woods to get high, and then return to the party. I was shocked by their actions, but no one at the wedding seemed to notice or care. It was illegal in that state at that time too. 

    You should not mention anything about this situation on your wedding website, but would you feel comfortable spreading the word offline to your pot-head friends that there will be several guests in attendance who would be horrified/upset/disgusted/uncomfortable if they realized that people were doing drugs at your wedding? It's a tricky situation because you want to make everyone happy/comfortable and it seems like you are shit out of luck here. Hopefully they will get the message and can deal with their pot-use before the wedding in a private setting.

    Oh yes, me too. The difference is that this time, it's not just about others feeling uneasy or disgusted. People could lose their jobs.
    You clearly didn't read my earlier post. No one will lose their job by bring near a joint for at max 30 seconds. Those of us in positions that could get fired for being associated with or around illegal activities know when to LEAVE THE PREMISES when things take a bad turn. You're making a mountain out of a molehill.
    What about disciplinary action for failure to report a crime?  My assumption would be that if a police officer witnesses a crime and fails to either make an arrest or at least report it he/she could get in a lot of trouble.  
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  • I'm no expert on this but why does everyone keep saying that police officers must make an arrest when they are off duty? FFS police officers don't even have to make an arrest every time they see something illegal when they ARE on duty. Maybe it's living in a big city, but I see police officers do nothing about illegal (non dangerous) activity about fifty times a day. Hell the first time I shot gunned a beer was when I was 18 (clearly underage) because a police officer told me "either throw it away or down it because you can't bring it into the stadium."
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    thejucheideaaurorajanettePrettyGirlLostgolden1215
  • NYCBruin said:
    I'm no expert on this but why does everyone keep saying that police officers must make an arrest when they are off duty? FFS police officers don't even have to make an arrest every time they see something illegal when they ARE on duty. Maybe it's living in a big city, but I see police officers do nothing about illegal (non dangerous) activity about fifty times a day. Hell the first time I shot gunned a beer was when I was 18 (clearly underage) because a police officer told me "either throw it away or down it because you can't bring it into the stadium."
    Because technically there is no such thing as an off duty police officer.  As for the rest, just like any profession not every police officer does their job properly 100% of the time.  There also may be extenuating circumstances that you are not aware of as a bystander.  
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  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited November 2013
    mysticl said:


    NYCBruin said:

    I'm no expert on this but why does everyone keep saying that police officers must make an arrest when they are off duty? FFS police officers don't even have to make an arrest every time they see something illegal when they ARE on duty. Maybe it's living in a big city, but I see police officers do nothing about illegal (non dangerous) activity about fifty times a day. Hell the first time I shot gunned a beer was when I was 18 (clearly underage) because a police officer told me "either throw it away or down it because you can't bring it into the stadium."

    Because technically there is no such thing as an off duty police officer.  As for the rest, just like any profession not every police officer does their job properly 100% of the time.  There also may be extenuating circumstances that you are not aware of as a bystander.  



    I know that police officers can make arrests off duty (whether the charges will legally stick is a different story), but I'd still like someone to point me to a source that says police officers are obligated to make an arrest at a social function if they walk past someone on the way to the restroom who smells like weed.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    lauracuttergolden1215
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited November 2013
    NYCBruin said:
    NYCBruin said:
    I'm no expert on this but why does everyone keep saying that police officers must make an arrest when they are off duty? FFS police officers don't even have to make an arrest every time they see something illegal when they ARE on duty. Maybe it's living in a big city, but I see police officers do nothing about illegal (non dangerous) activity about fifty times a day. Hell the first time I shot gunned a beer was when I was 18 (clearly underage) because a police officer told me "either throw it away or down it because you can't bring it into the stadium."
    Because technically there is no such thing as an off duty police officer.  As for the rest, just like any profession not every police officer does their job properly 100% of the time.  There also may be extenuating circumstances that you are not aware of as a bystander.  
    I know that police officers can make arrests off duty (whether the charges will legally stick is a different story), but I'd still like someone to point me to a source that says police officers are obligated to make an arrest at a social function if they walk past someone on the way to the restroom who smells like weed.
    I think probably every police department in the US says that if an off-duty police officer becomes aware of a violation of the law during his/her off-duty time, s/he automatically becomes on-duty and is obligated to investigate and take action, including making arrests.  They're not allowed to look the other way just because they're guests at a wedding or the violators are, or any other reason.
  • Jen4948 said:


    NYCBruin said:

    mysticl said:


    NYCBruin said:

    I'm no expert on this but why does everyone keep saying that police officers must make an arrest when they are off duty? FFS police officers don't even have to make an arrest every time they see something illegal when they ARE on duty. Maybe it's living in a big city, but I see police officers do nothing about illegal (non dangerous) activity about fifty times a day. Hell the first time I shot gunned a beer was when I was 18 (clearly underage) because a police officer told me "either throw it away or down it because you can't bring it into the stadium."

    Because technically there is no such thing as an off duty police officer.  As for the rest, just like any profession not every police officer does their job properly 100% of the time.  There also may be extenuating circumstances that you are not aware of as a bystander.  


    I know that police officers can make arrests off duty (whether the charges will legally stick is a different story), but I'd still like someone to point me to a source that says police officers are obligated to make an arrest at a social function if they walk past someone on the way to the restroom who smells like weed.

    I think probably every police department in the US says that if an off-duty police officer becomes aware of a violation of the law during his/her off-duty time, s/he automatically becomes on-duty and is obligated to investigate and take action, including making arrests.  They're not allowed to look the other way just because they're guests at a wedding or the violators are, or any other reason.


    But they do this ALL the time when they are on duty. Ever see a police officer on a highway when everyone is going 5-10 miles over the speed limit not pull over anyone? Or not give someone a citation for jaywalking? Or hail a cab not on the sidewalk? As long as no one is in danger or the illegal activity is SUPER blatant (like half the guests are lighting up), I just can't see what the BFD is.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • Can't edit my response but basically my point is that if every police officer followed up on every minor law violation they saw, they would literally never get to do anything.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    golden1215
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited November 2013
    NYCBruin said:
    NYCBruin said:
    NYCBruin said:
    I'm no expert on this but why does everyone keep saying that police officers must make an arrest when they are off duty? FFS police officers don't even have to make an arrest every time they see something illegal when they ARE on duty. Maybe it's living in a big city, but I see police officers do nothing about illegal (non dangerous) activity about fifty times a day. Hell the first time I shot gunned a beer was when I was 18 (clearly underage) because a police officer told me "either throw it away or down it because you can't bring it into the stadium."
    Because technically there is no such thing as an off duty police officer.  As for the rest, just like any profession not every police officer does their job properly 100% of the time.  There also may be extenuating circumstances that you are not aware of as a bystander.  
    I know that police officers can make arrests off duty (whether the charges will legally stick is a different story), but I'd still like someone to point me to a source that says police officers are obligated to make an arrest at a social function if they walk past someone on the way to the restroom who smells like weed.
    I think probably every police department in the US says that if an off-duty police officer becomes aware of a violation of the law during his/her off-duty time, s/he automatically becomes on-duty and is obligated to investigate and take action, including making arrests.  They're not allowed to look the other way just because they're guests at a wedding or the violators are, or any other reason.
    But they do this ALL the time when they are on duty. Ever see a police officer on a highway when everyone is going 5-10 miles over the speed limit not pull over anyone? Or not give someone a citation for jaywalking? Or hail a cab not on the sidewalk? As long as no one is in danger or the illegal activity is SUPER blatant (like half the guests are lighting up), I just can't see what the BFD is.
    The fact that you don't think it's a BFD doesn't mean their department doesn't think it's a BFD or that it excuses the guests for being selfish jackasses who don't give a shit about the feelings of their hosts or any f ing thing else but that they get to have a fix whenever and wherever they f ing feel like it.
  • Jen4948 said:


    NYCBruin said:

    Jen4948 said:


    NYCBruin said:

    mysticl said:


    NYCBruin said:

    I'm no expert on this but why does everyone keep saying that police officers must make an arrest when they are off duty? FFS police officers don't even have to make an arrest every time they see something illegal when they ARE on duty. Maybe it's living in a big city, but I see police officers do nothing about illegal (non dangerous) activity about fifty times a day. Hell the first time I shot gunned a beer was when I was 18 (clearly underage) because a police officer told me "either throw it away or down it because you can't bring it into the stadium."

    Because technically there is no such thing as an off duty police officer.  As for the rest, just like any profession not every police officer does their job properly 100% of the time.  There also may be extenuating circumstances that you are not aware of as a bystander.  


    I know that police officers can make arrests off duty (whether the charges will legally stick is a different story), but I'd still like someone to point me to a source that says police officers are obligated to make an arrest at a social function if they walk past someone on the way to the restroom who smells like weed.


    The fact that you don't think it's a BFD doesn't mean their department doesn't think it's a BFD or that it excuses the guests for being selfish jackasses who don't give a shit about the feelings of their hosts or any f ing thing else but that they get to have a fix whenever and wherever they f ing feel like it.

    Fwiw I think these guests sound like total douche canoes. I just don't see this ending in the bug dramatic way you seem to be convinced it will be. OP didn't give a ton of specifics. If these people go outside and smoke before coming back inside smelling like pot I just can't imagine that ending in the law and order drama you are describing. Sure if they are seated next to a police officer, light up a joint and ask him or her if he or she would like some, well yes, that would likely end poorly. But that seems rather unlikely.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    NYCBruin said:
    NYCBruin said:
    NYCBruin said:
    NYCBruin said:
    I'm no expert on this but why does everyone keep saying that police officers must make an arrest when they are off duty? FFS police officers don't even have to make an arrest every time they see something illegal when they ARE on duty. Maybe it's living in a big city, but I see police officers do nothing about illegal (non dangerous) activity about fifty times a day. Hell the first time I shot gunned a beer was when I was 18 (clearly underage) because a police officer told me "either throw it away or down it because you can't bring it into the stadium."
    Because technically there is no such thing as an off duty police officer.  As for the rest, just like any profession not every police officer does their job properly 100% of the time.  There also may be extenuating circumstances that you are not aware of as a bystander.  
    I know that police officers can make arrests off duty (whether the charges will legally stick is a different story), but I'd still like someone to point me to a source that says police officers are obligated to make an arrest at a social function if they walk past someone on the way to the restroom who smells like weed.
    The fact that you don't think it's a BFD doesn't mean their department doesn't think it's a BFD or that it excuses the guests for being selfish jackasses who don't give a shit about the feelings of their hosts or any f ing thing else but that they get to have a fix whenever and wherever they f ing feel like it.
    Fwiw I think these guests sound like total douche canoes. I just don't see this ending in the bug dramatic way you seem to be convinced it will be. OP didn't give a ton of specifics. If these people go outside and smoke before coming back inside smelling like pot I just can't imagine that ending in the law and order drama you are describing. Sure if they are seated next to a police officer, light up a joint and ask him or her if he or she would like some, well yes, that would likely end poorly. But that seems rather unlikely.
    Your not being able to imagine it, or the chances of it being low, doesn't mean it's not a possibility that has to be dealt with.
  • Jen4948 said:
    NYCBruin said:
    NYCBruin said:
    NYCBruin said:
    NYCBruin said:
    I'm no expert on this but why does everyone keep saying that police officers must make an arrest when they are off duty? FFS police officers don't even have to make an arrest every time they see something illegal when they ARE on duty. Maybe it's living in a big city, but I see police officers do nothing about illegal (non dangerous) activity about fifty times a day. Hell the first time I shot gunned a beer was when I was 18 (clearly underage) because a police officer told me "either throw it away or down it because you can't bring it into the stadium."
    Because technically there is no such thing as an off duty police officer.  As for the rest, just like any profession not every police officer does their job properly 100% of the time.  There also may be extenuating circumstances that you are not aware of as a bystander.  
    I know that police officers can make arrests off duty (whether the charges will legally stick is a different story), but I'd still like someone to point me to a source that says police officers are obligated to make an arrest at a social function if they walk past someone on the way to the restroom who smells like weed.
    The fact that you don't think it's a BFD doesn't mean their department doesn't think it's a BFD or that it excuses the guests for being selfish jackasses who don't give a shit about the feelings of their hosts or any f ing thing else but that they get to have a fix whenever and wherever they f ing feel like it.
    Fwiw I think these guests sound like total douche canoes. I just don't see this ending in the bug dramatic way you seem to be convinced it will be. OP didn't give a ton of specifics. If these people go outside and smoke before coming back inside smelling like pot I just can't imagine that ending in the law and order drama you are describing. Sure if they are seated next to a police officer, light up a joint and ask him or her if he or she would like some, well yes, that would likely end poorly. But that seems rather unlikely.
    Your not being able to imagine it, or the chances of it being low, doesn't mean it's not a possibility that has to be dealt with.
    If the OP had given an indication that this was a problem, I would be responding differently.  But other posters said things to the effect of "if they suspect/see/smell ANYTHING" then they HAVE to do something.  And I just don't think that's true.  Obviously if these people are lighting up at the dinner table that's a different story, but that's also not what I was commenting on.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    NYCBruin said:
    Jen4948 said:
    NYCBruin said:
    NYCBruin said:
    NYCBruin said:
    NYCBruin said:
    I'm no expert on this but why does everyone keep saying that police officers must make an arrest when they are off duty? FFS police officers don't even have to make an arrest every time they see something illegal when they ARE on duty. Maybe it's living in a big city, but I see police officers do nothing about illegal (non dangerous) activity about fifty times a day. Hell the first time I shot gunned a beer was when I was 18 (clearly underage) because a police officer told me "either throw it away or down it because you can't bring it into the stadium."
    Because technically there is no such thing as an off duty police officer.  As for the rest, just like any profession not every police officer does their job properly 100% of the time.  There also may be extenuating circumstances that you are not aware of as a bystander.  
    I know that police officers can make arrests off duty (whether the charges will legally stick is a different story), but I'd still like someone to point me to a source that says police officers are obligated to make an arrest at a social function if they walk past someone on the way to the restroom who smells like weed.
    The fact that you don't think it's a BFD doesn't mean their department doesn't think it's a BFD or that it excuses the guests for being selfish jackasses who don't give a shit about the feelings of their hosts or any f ing thing else but that they get to have a fix whenever and wherever they f ing feel like it.
    Fwiw I think these guests sound like total douche canoes. I just don't see this ending in the bug dramatic way you seem to be convinced it will be. OP didn't give a ton of specifics. If these people go outside and smoke before coming back inside smelling like pot I just can't imagine that ending in the law and order drama you are describing. Sure if they are seated next to a police officer, light up a joint and ask him or her if he or she would like some, well yes, that would likely end poorly. But that seems rather unlikely.
    Your not being able to imagine it, or the chances of it being low, doesn't mean it's not a possibility that has to be dealt with.
    If the OP had given an indication that this was a problem, I would be responding differently.  But other posters said things to the effect of "if they suspect/see/smell ANYTHING" then they HAVE to do something.  And I just don't think that's true.  Obviously if these people are lighting up at the dinner table that's a different story, but that's also not what I was commenting on.
    Your not thinking it's true doesn't mean that that's the case.
  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited November 2013
    Jen4948 said:

    If the OP had given an indication that this was a problem, I would be responding differently.  But other posters said things to the effect of "if they suspect/see/smell ANYTHING" then they HAVE to do something.  And I just don't think that's true.  Obviously if these people are lighting up at the dinner table that's a different story, but that's also not what I was commenting on.
    Your not thinking it's true doesn't mean that that's the case.
    Just got a response back from a friend in NYPD-I'd texted him earlier.  He said if he was at a party and suspected there was someone smoking pot (smelled like it, etc), he would not be obligated to go investigate/arrest unless it was BLATANT (as in he saw them smoking the joint).  And even then it's a "gray area" according to him.

    ETA: Oh and from a legal perspective, a police officer doesn't even have the right to arrest someone for a misdemeanor (like smoking pot), he or she has to actually observe (not suspect or even have really strong evidence) the misdemeanor happen.  This one I do know for a fact.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    PrettyGirlLostKeptInStitchesgolden1215
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited November 2013
    NYCBruin said:
    Jen4948 said:

    If the OP had given an indication that this was a problem, I would be responding differently.  But other posters said things to the effect of "if they suspect/see/smell ANYTHING" then they HAVE to do something.  And I just don't think that's true.  Obviously if these people are lighting up at the dinner table that's a different story, but that's also not what I was commenting on.
    Your not thinking it's true doesn't mean that that's the case.
    Just got a response back from a friend in NYPD-I'd texted him earlier.  He said if he was at a party and suspected there was someone smoking pot (smelled like it, etc), he would not be obligated to go investigate/arrest unless it was BLATANT (as in he saw them smoking the joint).  And even then it's a "gray area" according to him.
    The OP's guests, however, have indicated that they intend to behave blatantly-past the point of "gray" to "black and white."  Also, different jurisdictions have different rules.  Based on what the OP says, her law officer guests may have to act-they may not have any "gray."
  • Jen4948 said:
    NYCBruin said:
    Jen4948 said:

    If the OP had given an indication that this was a problem, I would be responding differently.  But other posters said things to the effect of "if they suspect/see/smell ANYTHING" then they HAVE to do something.  And I just don't think that's true.  Obviously if these people are lighting up at the dinner table that's a different story, but that's also not what I was commenting on.
    Your not thinking it's true doesn't mean that that's the case.
    Just got a response back from a friend in NYPD-I'd texted him earlier.  He said if he was at a party and suspected there was someone smoking pot (smelled like it, etc), he would not be obligated to go investigate/arrest unless it was BLATANT (as in he saw them smoking the joint).  And even then it's a "gray area" according to him.
    The OP's guests, however, have indicated that they intend to behave blatantly-past the point of "gray" to "black and white."  Also, different jurisdictions have different rules.  Based on what the OP says, her law officer guests may have to act-they may not have any "gray."
    Google is great.


    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    NYCBruin said:
    Jen4948 said:
    NYCBruin said:
    Jen4948 said:

    If the OP had given an indication that this was a problem, I would be responding differently.  But other posters said things to the effect of "if they suspect/see/smell ANYTHING" then they HAVE to do something.  And I just don't think that's true.  Obviously if these people are lighting up at the dinner table that's a different story, but that's also not what I was commenting on.
    Your not thinking it's true doesn't mean that that's the case.
    Just got a response back from a friend in NYPD-I'd texted him earlier.  He said if he was at a party and suspected there was someone smoking pot (smelled like it, etc), he would not be obligated to go investigate/arrest unless it was BLATANT (as in he saw them smoking the joint).  And even then it's a "gray area" according to him.
    The OP's guests, however, have indicated that they intend to behave blatantly-past the point of "gray" to "black and white."  Also, different jurisdictions have different rules.  Based on what the OP says, her law officer guests may have to act-they may not have any "gray."
    Google is great.


    Even this might not apply across the board to all jurisdictions-and some on-duty police officer might arrest them.
  • Jen4948 said:
    NYCBruin said:
    Jen4948 said:
    NYCBruin said:
    Jen4948 said:

    If the OP had given an indication that this was a problem, I would be responding differently.  But other posters said things to the effect of "if they suspect/see/smell ANYTHING" then they HAVE to do something.  And I just don't think that's true.  Obviously if these people are lighting up at the dinner table that's a different story, but that's also not what I was commenting on.
    Your not thinking it's true doesn't mean that that's the case.
    Just got a response back from a friend in NYPD-I'd texted him earlier.  He said if he was at a party and suspected there was someone smoking pot (smelled like it, etc), he would not be obligated to go investigate/arrest unless it was BLATANT (as in he saw them smoking the joint).  And even then it's a "gray area" according to him.
    The OP's guests, however, have indicated that they intend to behave blatantly-past the point of "gray" to "black and white."  Also, different jurisdictions have different rules.  Based on what the OP says, her law officer guests may have to act-they may not have any "gray."
    Google is great.


    Even this might not apply across the board to all jurisdictions-and some on-duty police officer might arrest them.
    Why would an on-duty officer be attending a wedding?  That seems like an inappropriate thing to do when you're working.

    Here's a thought, why doesn't OP just ask her law enforcement friends what THEIR obligations are, but my gut says this isn't really a big deal given what several other posters (many who are in law enforcement) said and what a basic Google search told me.  
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • HeatherKatHeatherKat the Frozen Tundra member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I'm sorry, but really? If they're sparking a bong while chilling at the bar, I can see a problem. But stepping out to the car to take a couple of hits in private is completely different. Some people like to drink, some like to get high. Are the OP's cop buddies going to breathalyze every guest who's had a couple of drinks on the way out of the reception?
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    NYCBruin said:
    Jen4948 said:
    NYCBruin said:
    Jen4948 said:
    NYCBruin said:
    Jen4948 said:

    If the OP had given an indication that this was a problem, I would be responding differently.  But other posters said things to the effect of "if they suspect/see/smell ANYTHING" then they HAVE to do something.  And I just don't think that's true.  Obviously if these people are lighting up at the dinner table that's a different story, but that's also not what I was commenting on.
    Your not thinking it's true doesn't mean that that's the case.
    Just got a response back from a friend in NYPD-I'd texted him earlier.  He said if he was at a party and suspected there was someone smoking pot (smelled like it, etc), he would not be obligated to go investigate/arrest unless it was BLATANT (as in he saw them smoking the joint).  And even then it's a "gray area" according to him.
    The OP's guests, however, have indicated that they intend to behave blatantly-past the point of "gray" to "black and white."  Also, different jurisdictions have different rules.  Based on what the OP says, her law officer guests may have to act-they may not have any "gray."
    Google is great.


    Even this might not apply across the board to all jurisdictions-and some on-duty police officer might arrest them.
    Why would an on-duty officer be attending a wedding?  That seems like an inappropriate thing to do when you're working.

    Here's a thought, why doesn't OP just ask her law enforcement friends what THEIR obligations are, but my gut says this isn't really a big deal given what several other posters (many who are in law enforcement) said and what a basic Google search told me.  
    An off-duty officer would be obligated to call in and report if they see a crime in progress...even at a wedding. 
  • I don't get the animosity on either side here. If the venue is non-smoking, you post that on the website as part of the venue information. People might go outside or to their cars to smoke, but that's not part of the event anymore, so not OPs problem.

    People who know the venue is non-smoking and light up inside anyway are assholes. I don't care what they are smoking.

    If there was someone on the guest-list who I knew did not have their marijuana legally, I'd give her a heads up: "Just so you know, there will be several cops at the wedding, so you might want to be extra careful if you want to smoke around the building."
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  • Jen4948 said:

    An off-duty officer would be obligated to call in and report if they see a crime in progress...even at a wedding. 
    For a non-violent/immediately dangerous crime like smoking a joint?  Source please?  

    Seriously, I've asked a police officer this question, searched the internet, and multiple posters who are either in law enforcement or know someone in law enforcement have said this isn't the case.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • bunni727 said:
    I don't get the animosity on either side here. If the venue is non-smoking, you post that on the website as part of the venue information. People might go outside or to their cars to smoke, but that's not part of the event anymore, so not OPs problem.

    People who know the venue is non-smoking and light up inside anyway are assholes. I don't care what they are smoking.

    If there was someone on the guest-list who I knew did not have their marijuana legally, I'd give her a heads up: "Just so you know, there will be several cops at the wedding, so you might want to be extra careful if you want to smoke around the building."
    This is pretty much my point.  This is such a non-issue.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • Unless the site has a specific policy against smoking, there is really nothing you can do.  You might have a designated area for smoking, tho.  Talk to your vue about it first.
  • Unless the site has a specific policy against smoking, there is really nothing you can do.  You might have a designated area for smoking, tho.  Talk to your vue about it first.
    I'm guessing most venues have a policy against illegal activity.  Regardless of what anyone thinks the law should be the OP has stated it is illegal in her state.  I think it is perfectly reasonable to ask your guests to to not break the law at your wedding.
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