Destination wedding with second reception in home state

JackielovesKelly

So I'm getting married in beautiful Montana with just close family and friends. We plan to have a reception in our home state a month after our nuptials and I was just curious as to the best time to send reception invites. I just didn't know if that's something that needs to be sent out months in advance or when we should send them out. Someone please help so I can get my timeline straight! Thank you so much

AroundTheBlock

The guideline is the same for pretty much any formal party, wedding-related or not: send the invitations six to eight weeks before the event. Postal service being what it is, you need to allow two weeks for the mail to get to your guests, two weeks for their reply to get back to you, plus whatever lead-time your caterer needs to know how many guests to prepare for.

AddieCake

I agree with Scribe,unless your "close family and friends" ceremony is like 10 people. 

Jen4948

I'm not a fan of this trend either.  It seems to me that if you really want to marry with only your closest relatives and friends in attendance, you should forgo the big celebration later.  It's saying to those who are invited to the party later, "You weren't good enough to make the cut."  The cake, photos, decorations, etc. just don't make up for being left out to begin with.

cowgirl8238

I also dislike this trend.  I think too many brides just want to have their cake and eat it too!  If you want the intitmate wedding then have one, if you want everyone there then have a big wedding, the idea of having a small ceremony and then telling everyone else, "you weren't good enough to see me be married but are good enough to come to this big party and buy me a gift because I am calling it a weding reception even though I'm already married" just irratates me!  Look if you have a DW then have a DW wedding and know that few people can make it.

If you insist on partying with these people AFTER you're married then you can't have a wedding reception.  Just have a party with them and properly host them but skip the big white wedding dress, the Wedding Party, the First Dance, and the Wedding Cake!!  That is just rude to throw those things in the face of the people that weren't good enough for your original wedding.

mrs4everhart

I'm just curious, is it the word "reception" that seems to set people's teeth on edge? We plan on hosting a party when we get home from our DW in Mexico. But we haven't settled on the wording: at-home reception, welcome home party, post DW bash..... There won't be a first dance or cake cutting, but then again, most of those things will be absent in Mexico too. As for what I'm wearing, that is undecided as well. We are asking our guests at both to forgo gifts, that's just not where it's at for us. Many people invited and uninvited have let on that they'd really like a local party/reception/soiree/whathaveyou for a variety of reasons. If it's as simple as wording to not upset some folks, that's easy. 

missmo14

We are having a destination wedding and at home PARTY
but all guests are invited to both events. Could you perhaps send the invitations with an announcement of your marriage? ie bride and groom were wed in a private ceremony on date please join us for a party to celebrate.

artbyallie

STBMrsEverhart said:

I'm just curious, is it the word "reception" that seems to set people's teeth on edge? We plan on hosting a party when we get home from our DW in Mexico. But we haven't settled on the wording: at-home reception, welcome home party, post DW bash..... There won't be a first dance or cake cutting, but then again, most of those things will be absent in Mexico too. As for what I'm wearing, that is undecided as well. We are asking our guests at both to forgo gifts, that's just not where it's at for us. Many people invited and uninvited have let on that they'd really like a local party/reception/soiree/whathaveyou for a variety of reasons. If it's as simple as wording to not upset some folks, that's easy. 

You know, you are not even having a wedding in Mexico, so there's no point trying to answer the question. Your wedding is your marriage in the States. Whatever you're doing in Mexico is a play that people are spending many hundreds of dollars to attend. You're already being rude, so at this point it hardly matters what you call yet another party.

antibride2013

artbyallie said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

I'm just curious, is it the word "reception" that seems to set people's teeth on edge? We plan on hosting a party when we get home from our DW in Mexico. But we haven't settled on the wording: at-home reception, welcome home party, post DW bash..... There won't be a first dance or cake cutting, but then again, most of those things will be absent in Mexico too. As for what I'm wearing, that is undecided as well. We are asking our guests at both to forgo gifts, that's just not where it's at for us. Many people invited and uninvited have let on that they'd really like a local party/reception/soiree/whathaveyou for a variety of reasons. If it's as simple as wording to not upset some folks, that's easy. 

You know, you are not even having a wedding in Mexico, so there's no point trying to answer the question. Your wedding is your marriage in the States. Whatever you're doing in Mexico is a play that people are spending many hundreds of dollars to attend. You're already being rude, so at this point it hardly matters what you call yet another party.

I was thinking the same exact thing.  She isn't even having a "wedding" in Mexico, and she is lying to the people who are going to attend and spend hundreds, possibly thousands of dollars to attend the fake re-do. 

photokitty

AddieL73 said:

I agree with Scribe,unless your "close family and friends" ceremony is like 10 people. 

random question...what if your immediate family is larger than 10? Numbers get thrown out a lot on this topic, but shouldn't it be more about relations. My siblings, their spouses and parents are 10 people. Add in DH's would be another 7. Then 3 for nieces and nephews. So an immediate family wedding only would have been 20. I mean one couldn't have a private ceremony and only invite half their siblings...

I'm just curious where people get the number 10.

mrs4everhart

antibride2013 said:

artbyallie said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

I'm just curious, is it the word "reception" that seems to set people's teeth on edge? We plan on hosting a party when we get home from our DW in Mexico. But we haven't settled on the wording: at-home reception, welcome home party, post DW bash..... There won't be a first dance or cake cutting, but then again, most of those things will be absent in Mexico too. As for what I'm wearing, that is undecided as well. We are asking our guests at both to forgo gifts, that's just not where it's at for us. Many people invited and uninvited have let on that they'd really like a local party/reception/soiree/whathaveyou for a variety of reasons. If it's as simple as wording to not upset some folks, that's easy. 

You know, you are not even having a wedding in Mexico, so there's no point trying to answer the question. Your wedding is your marriage in the States. Whatever you're doing in Mexico is a play that people are spending many hundreds of dollars to attend. You're already being rude, so at this point it hardly matters what you call yet another party.

You know, you are not even having a wedding in Mexico, so there's no point trying to answer the question. Your wedding is your marriage in the States. Whatever you're doing in Mexico is a play that people are spending many hundreds of dollars to attend. You're already being rude, so at this point it hardly matters what you call yet another party.

I was thinking the same exact thing.  She isn't even having a "wedding" in Mexico, and she is lying to the people who are going to attend and spend hundreds, possibly thousands of dollars to attend the fake re-do. 

That's really awesome that y'all took the time to throw those thoughts out there and NOT answer a legitimate question. Bravo! FWIW, neither my FI or I equate a so-called sin of omission with a lie. 

Now for the good news: Applying your logic above @artbyallie and @antibride2013 I guess if we knowingly breach one rule of etiquette we can just say fuck it to them all! Oh, happy day! I better hurry and call back the three women who offered me three separate bridal showers and tell them I think ALL THREE are a smashing good idea and they're all on like Donkey Kong! Even though I had graciously turned them down thinking any showers at all were too much being that we're well in to our 30's, don't need anything to start a household and it just seemed gift grabby in addition to some people's travel expenses and gifts already given at my first shower/wedding. But fuck it! I do so hope I have enough time to get registered in the MANY places I'd love gifts from! Do you think honeymoon registries provide those great little cards I can put in with our invitations? Hmm....I better find out! And do you ladies know where I can find more information about these "Buck & Doe" parties? I keep reading on wedding blogs how you can throw a pre-wedding party where you charge your guests admission to help fund your wedding. Mexico ain't as cheap as it used to be. Think I can just charge at the door at each shower instead? It all may seem a bit expensive since I'll be demanding cash-only at each, but I'm sure no one will mind since it'll make carrying in the covered dish they'll be required to bring that much easier! And lastly ladies, I really want to thank you for this insight because my FI is going to be over the moon when I tell him how much money we're going save since we're throwing ALL etiquette out the window and having a CASH BAR at our aptly named and recently decided "SUPER AWESOME RADTASTIC LOCAL POST DESTINATION WEDDING RECEPTION"! He's had nothing encouraging to say about my "wasted" time spent on wedding related message boards. But now he's probably going to get himself his own TK screen name just to thank you all! This is going to be so much more awesome than I originally anticipated. Especially after my newly minted bridal party gets their plans together to take me to Vegas for my bachelorette party on their dime as I've demanded, or they're not really good friends after all! 

MoreChocolatePlease

JackielovesKelly - I would also agree that the timeline is the same as for any other party. You can do 8 weeks if you feel more comfortable with a longer lead time. Nothing is stopping you from mentioning it via word of mouth beforehand though.

@STBMrsEverhart - I am getting married in Costa Rica and having a "Stateside Fiesta" when we get back.  For whatever reason the word "reception" does seem a little odd to me.

@ scribe95 - I'm having a wedding in Costa Rica. Although I have some family living there, it is a DW for most. We are having a little shindig when we get back (no ceremony, dances, etc). I agree it can seem tiered which I way I was adamant that everyone is invited to both events. I really had to fight my FMIL on that one!

antibride2013

That's really awesome that y'all took the time to throw those thoughts out there and NOT answer a legitimate question. Bravo! FWIW, neither my FI or I equate a so-called sin of omission with a lie. 

Now for the good news: Applying your logic above @artbyallie and @antibride2013 I guess if we knowingly breach one rule of etiquette we can just say fuck it to them all! Oh, happy day! I better hurry and call back the three women who offered me three separate bridal showers and tell them I think ALL THREE are a smashing good idea and they're all on like Donkey Kong! Even though I had graciously turned them down thinking any showers at all were too much being that we're well in to our 30's, don't need anything to start a household and it just seemed gift grabby in addition to some people's travel expenses and gifts already given at my first shower/wedding. But fuck it! I do so hope I have enough time to get registered in the MANY places I'd love gifts from! Do you think honeymoon registries provide those great little cards I can put in with our invitations? Hmm....I better find out! And do you ladies know where I can find more information about these "Buck & Doe" parties? I keep reading on wedding blogs how you can throw a pre-wedding party where you charge your guests admission to help fund your wedding. Mexico ain't as cheap as it used to be. Think I can just charge at the door at each shower instead? It all may seem a bit expensive since I'll be demanding cash-only at each, but I'm sure no one will mind since it'll make carrying in the covered dish they'll be required to bring that much easier! And lastly ladies, I really want to thank you for this insight because my FI is going to be over the moon when I tell him how much money we're going save since we're throwing ALL etiquette out the window and having a CASH BAR at our aptly named and recently decided "SUPER AWESOME RADTASTIC LOCAL POST DESTINATION WEDDING RECEPTION"! He's had nothing encouraging to say about my "wasted" time spent on wedding related message boards. But now he's probably going to get himself his own TK screen name just to thank you all! This is going to be so much more awesome than I originally anticipated. Especially after my newly minted bridal party gets their plans together to take me to Vegas for my bachelorette party on their dime as I've demanded, or they're not really good friends after all! 

You make ZERO sense.  For the bolded-If you and your FI have no problem at all with your classless plan-why are you planning on LYING to your guests?  Probably because you know for a fact that people who you *think* are A-Okay with your bullshit plan really are not and no one will attend your fake ass wedding!

You really have some serious issues. 

artbyallie

A lie of omission is still a lie. And you also proved my ultimate point, @STBMrsEverhart, that you do not listen nor care about any of our advice. I have typed up enough well-thought-out responses to you (and so have others) that it would be a waste of my time to try to convince you that you're wrong. In fact, you obviously know you are, since you get so fucking defensive and loud every time the topic comes up.

PolarBearFitz

artbyallie said:

A lie of omission is still a lie.

@STBMrsEverhart - I have to agree that omission is still a lie. It is not really a grey area to scoot by on. If someone's FI cheated on them but omitted ever telling them that would be a lie right? If someone tells a girl/guy they look good in something when they do not think they do that is considered a white lie but still a lie right?

You are presenting your event in Mexico as a destination marriage/wedding ceremony. As I understand it from the information posted here, you have already had that ceremony or will before Mexico? If so, you are lying to your guests by not telling them you have already gotten married. It is a secret/lie that misrepresents the legal state of your relationship.

That is in fact lying to your guests. I would be really upset if I flew to a wedding in Mexico for someone who has already had the ceremony and are legally married. Why not just make it a destination celebration of your marriage instead of a destination wedding? Seems like a PPD scenario to me.

EDIT: And yes to provide an answer to an early question I think the word reception should not be used. Just make it a party or celebration of your commitment to each other.

mrs4everhart

antibride2013 said:

That's really awesome that y'all took the time to throw those thoughts out there and NOT answer a legitimate question. Bravo! FWIW, neither my FI or I equate a so-called sin of omission with a lie. 

Now for the good news: Applying your logic above @artbyallie and @antibride2013 I guess if we knowingly breach one rule of etiquette we can just say fuck it to them all! Oh, happy day! I better hurry and call back the three women who offered me three separate bridal showers and tell them I think ALL THREE are a smashing good idea and they're all on like Donkey Kong! Even though I had graciously turned them down thinking any showers at all were too much being that we're well in to our 30's, don't need anything to start a household and it just seemed gift grabby in addition to some people's travel expenses and gifts already given at my first shower/wedding. But fuck it! I do so hope I have enough time to get registered in the MANY places I'd love gifts from! Do you think honeymoon registries provide those great little cards I can put in with our invitations? Hmm....I better find out! And do you ladies know where I can find more information about these "Buck & Doe" parties? I keep reading on wedding blogs how you can throw a pre-wedding party where you charge your guests admission to help fund your wedding. Mexico ain't as cheap as it used to be. Think I can just charge at the door at each shower instead? It all may seem a bit expensive since I'll be demanding cash-only at each, but I'm sure no one will mind since it'll make carrying in the covered dish they'll be required to bring that much easier! And lastly ladies, I really want to thank you for this insight because my FI is going to be over the moon when I tell him how much money we're going save since we're throwing ALL etiquette out the window and having a CASH BAR at our aptly named and recently decided "SUPER AWESOME RADTASTIC LOCAL POST DESTINATION WEDDING RECEPTION"! He's had nothing encouraging to say about my "wasted" time spent on wedding related message boards. But now he's probably going to get himself his own TK screen name just to thank you all! This is going to be so much more awesome than I originally anticipated. Especially after my newly minted bridal party gets their plans together to take me to Vegas for my bachelorette party on their dime as I've demanded, or they're not really good friends after all! 

You make ZERO sense.  I'm SO sorry you do not recognize sarcasm. Had I known I would have dumbed it down and been less funny. YOU make zero sense: it's really bad advice to allude to telling someone if they ignore one item of etiquette to basically not worry about the rest. For the bolded-If you and your FI have no problem at all with your classless plan-why are you planning on LYING to your guests?  Probably because you know for a fact that people who you *think* are A-Okay with your bullshit plan really are not and no one will attend your fake ass wedding! Um, no, as I've stated what feels like a million times now, some people in our lives are on a need-to-know with our legal standing. Many already know, some do not. Those who don't are clearly not in the need-to-know category. We won't at any point be discussing our taxes with them. For that, I imagine they'd be thankful.

You really have some serious issues. 

*Edited to fix pre-coffee typo

mrs4everhart

aefitz29 said:

artbyallie said:

A lie of omission is still a lie.

@STBMrsEverhart - I have to agree that omission is still a lie. It is not really a grey area to scoot by on. If someone's FI cheated on them but omitted ever telling them that would be a lie right? If someone tells a girl/guy they look good in something when they do not think they do that is considered a white lie but still a lie right?

You are presenting your event in Mexico as a destination marriage/wedding ceremony. As I understand it from the information posted here, you have already had that ceremony or will before Mexico? If so, you are lying to your guests by not telling them you have already gotten married. It is a secret/lie that misrepresents the legal state of your relationship.

That is in fact lying to your guests. I would be really upset if I flew to a wedding in Mexico for someone who has already had the ceremony and are legally married. Why not just make it a destination celebration of your marriage instead of a destination wedding? Seems like a PPD scenario to me.

EDIT: And yes to provide an answer to an early question I think the word reception should not be used. Just make it a party or celebration of your commitment to each other.

Thank you @eafitz29 - that was the only question I asked, the only point I was interested in discussing, and I appreciate the answer. Likely the word "reception" will not be used for the locally held party. 

mrs4everhart

artbyallie said:

A lie of omission is still a lie. And you also proved my ultimate point, @STBMrsEverhart, that you do not listen nor care about any of our advice. I have typed up enough well-thought-out responses to you (and so have others) that it would be a waste of my time to try to convince you that you're wrong. In fact, you obviously know you are, since you get so fucking defensive and loud every time the topic comes up.

I asked a question about wording our locally held celebration. I thought I had made it clear multiple other times that I am not concerned with anyone's thoughts or opinions on our DW, nor was I looking for any now. You and AntiBride brought it up. I wasn't defensive, I utilized one sentence to wrap up my thoughts on your needless commentary. The rest was sarcasm to illustrate how silly it is to tell someone essentially, "if you ignore one rule, fuck it, throw 'em all out!" 

mrs4everhart

@MoreChocolatePlease - I LOVE the "stateside fiesta" wording! Our DW is in Tulum, MX and our local party will have a ton of Mexican elements (tacos, margaritas, dive-shop/beach themed venue). We may play with the wording a little to include Denver, or something along those lines but "fiesta" for certain! Thanks!

NYCBruin

I'm confused.  If you're inviting people to a wedding where you aren't getting married, how is that NOT a lie?

Not telling people you'll already be married is a lie by omission, but straight up inviting people to a wedding that isn't a wedding is just a lie, no qualifier necessary.

PolarBearFitz

antibride2013

STBMrsEverhart said:

antibride2013 said:

That's really awesome that y'all took the time to throw those thoughts out there and NOT answer a legitimate question. Bravo! FWIW, neither my FI or I equate a so-called sin of omission with a lie. 

Now for the good news: Applying your logic above @artbyallie and @antibride2013 I guess if we knowingly breach one rule of etiquette we can just say fuck it to them all! Oh, happy day! I better hurry and call back the three women who offered me three separate bridal showers and tell them I think ALL THREE are a smashing good idea and they're all on like Donkey Kong! Even though I had graciously turned them down thinking any showers at all were too much being that we're well in to our 30's, don't need anything to start a household and it just seemed gift grabby in addition to some people's travel expenses and gifts already given at my first shower/wedding. But fuck it! I do so hope I have enough time to get registered in the MANY places I'd love gifts from! Do you think honeymoon registries provide those great little cards I can put in with our invitations? Hmm....I better find out! And do you ladies know where I can find more information about these "Buck & Doe" parties? I keep reading on wedding blogs how you can throw a pre-wedding party where you charge your guests admission to help fund your wedding. Mexico ain't as cheap as it used to be. Think I can just charge at the door at each shower instead? It all may seem a bit expensive since I'll be demanding cash-only at each, but I'm sure no one will mind since it'll make carrying in the covered dish they'll be required to bring that much easier! And lastly ladies, I really want to thank you for this insight because my FI is going to be over the moon when I tell him how much money we're going save since we're throwing ALL etiquette out the window and having a CASH BAR at our aptly named and recently decided "SUPER AWESOME RADTASTIC LOCAL POST DESTINATION WEDDING RECEPTION"! He's had nothing encouraging to say about my "wasted" time spent on wedding related message boards. But now he's probably going to get himself his own TK screen name just to thank you all! This is going to be so much more awesome than I originally anticipated. Especially after my newly minted bridal party gets their plans together to take me to Vegas for my bachelorette party on their dime as I've demanded, or they're not really good friends after all! 

You make ZERO sense.  I'm SO sorry you do not recognize sarcasm. Had I known I would have dumbed it down and been less funny. YOU make zero sense: it's really bad advice to allude to telling someone if they ignore one item of etiquette to basically not worry about the rest. For the bolded-If you and your FI have no problem at all with your classless plan-why are you planning on LYING to your guests?  Probably because you know for a fact that people who you *think* are A-Okay with your bullshit plan really are not and no one will attend your fake ass wedding! Um, no, as I've stated what feels like a million times now, some people in our lives are on a need-to-know with our legal standing. Many already know, some do not. Those who don't are clearly not in the need-to-know category. We won't at any point be discussing our taxes with them. For that, I imagine they'd be thankful.

You really have some serious issues. 

*Edited to fix pre-coffee typo

So the guests that are not in the "need to know" group-Are you going to refund their hard earned money when they learn you lied to them and they attended a NOTHING event? 

PolarBearFitz

Isn't declaring who is 'need to know' guest rating? That's pretty poor etiquette.

wrigleyville

It has nothing to do with revealing your tax status. It has everything to do with people paying a lot of money to see you get married when YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED.

Did I dumb that down enough for you?

If I'd been invited to a DW in Mexico and found out the B&G were already married, I would be wicked pissed and would never speak to them again.

If you think people won't find out, you're wrong. I've seen this blow up in people's faces before. I found out an ex-friend of mine had lied about it when her marriage license appeared under the recent city records in the newspaper, and my mom found out about a fake wedding when she did a genealogy search and realized my cousin had been married for eight months before their fakey-fake-fake BS redo last year.

mrs4everhart

antibride2013 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

antibride2013 said:

That's really awesome that y'all took the time to throw those thoughts out there and NOT answer a legitimate question. Bravo! FWIW, neither my FI or I equate a so-called sin of omission with a lie. 

Now for the good news: Applying your logic above @artbyallie and @antibride2013 I guess if we knowingly breach one rule of etiquette we can just say fuck it to them all! Oh, happy day! I better hurry and call back the three women who offered me three separate bridal showers and tell them I think ALL THREE are a smashing good idea and they're all on like Donkey Kong! Even though I had graciously turned them down thinking any showers at all were too much being that we're well in to our 30's, don't need anything to start a household and it just seemed gift grabby in addition to some people's travel expenses and gifts already given at my first shower/wedding. But fuck it! I do so hope I have enough time to get registered in the MANY places I'd love gifts from! Do you think honeymoon registries provide those great little cards I can put in with our invitations? Hmm....I better find out! And do you ladies know where I can find more information about these "Buck & Doe" parties? I keep reading on wedding blogs how you can throw a pre-wedding party where you charge your guests admission to help fund your wedding. Mexico ain't as cheap as it used to be. Think I can just charge at the door at each shower instead? It all may seem a bit expensive since I'll be demanding cash-only at each, but I'm sure no one will mind since it'll make carrying in the covered dish they'll be required to bring that much easier! And lastly ladies, I really want to thank you for this insight because my FI is going to be over the moon when I tell him how much money we're going save since we're throwing ALL etiquette out the window and having a CASH BAR at our aptly named and recently decided "SUPER AWESOME RADTASTIC LOCAL POST DESTINATION WEDDING RECEPTION"! He's had nothing encouraging to say about my "wasted" time spent on wedding related message boards. But now he's probably going to get himself his own TK screen name just to thank you all! This is going to be so much more awesome than I originally anticipated. Especially after my newly minted bridal party gets their plans together to take me to Vegas for my bachelorette party on their dime as I've demanded, or they're not really good friends after all! 

You make ZERO sense.  I'm SO sorry you do not recognize sarcasm. Had I known I would have dumbed it down and been less funny. YOU make zero sense: it's really bad advice to allude to telling someone if they ignore one item of etiquette to basically not worry about the rest. For the bolded-If you and your FI have no problem at all with your classless plan-why are you planning on LYING to your guests?  Probably because you know for a fact that people who you *think* are A-Okay with your bullshit plan really are not and no one will attend your fake ass wedding! Um, no, as I've stated what feels like a million times now, some people in our lives are on a need-to-know with our legal standing. Many already know, some do not. Those who don't are clearly not in the need-to-know category. We won't at any point be discussing our taxes with them. For that, I imagine they'd be thankful.

You really have some serious issues. 

*Edited to fix pre-coffee typo

So the guests that are not in the "need to know" group-Are you going to refund their hard earned money when they learn you lied to them and they attended a NOTHING event? 

And how are they going to learn of this omission exactly? Is my Mom going to stand up in the middle of the reception and pull a "hear ye, hear ye"? Or maybe FI's Dad? Perhaps the most private, non-drama-having guy I've ever met would like to stir things up just to make things interesting? We fully considered all the possible outcomes (even the highly improbable ones) and decided our best course of action from there. Just to add more food for thought, most of the guests that are truly considering the travel are going for the vacation, not because there's going to be a wedding when they get there. We have lived in what most would consider a marriage for so long now, people forget that we're technically not.  The ones that will be actually joining us are coming down for a long weekend of surf, sun and tequila. A few others are coming to check out my aunt and uncle's newly finished condo. We really wouldn't want it any other way. 

PolarBearFitz

wrigleyville said:

It has nothing to do with revealing your tax status. It has everything to do with people paying a lot of money to see you get married when YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED.

Did I dumb that down enough for you?

If I'd been invited to a DW in Mexico and found out the B&G were already married, I would be wicked pissed and would never speak to them again.

If you think people won't find out, you're wrong. I've seen this blow up in people's faces before. I found out an ex-friend of mine had lied about it when her marriage license appeared under the recent city records in the newspaper, and my mom found out about a fake wedding when she did a genealogy search and realized my cousin had been married for eight months before their fakey-fake-fake BS redo last year.

@STBMrsEverhart read the quoted to answer how people may find out....

mrs4everhart

aefitz29 said:

Isn't declaring who is 'need to know' guest rating? That's pretty poor etiquette.

Don't we all dabble in guest rating just a little? I've repeatedly seen on these boards, when girl have advised on how to choose one's venue for example: consider your VIP's, who is most important to you to have at your wedding, and go from there. If rating didn't come in to play, why is grandma any more important than the guy who works in accounting? She's considered a "VIP" not so much for the guy in accounting. Guest rating, no?

I'm not going to loose sleep worrying about the guest rating system. Because if there's one thing I've learned on this board is if you toss etiquette to the wind once, it's okay to do it 100% of the time. (This is sarcasm folks)... But seriously, I'm not going to loose sleep. 

This has been fun, but FI & I need to go get the ball rolling on our passports! 

PolarBearFitz

STBMrsEverhart said:

aefitz29 said:

Isn't declaring who is 'need to know' guest rating? That's pretty poor etiquette.

Don't we all dabble in guest rating just a little? I've repeatedly seen on these boards, when girl have advised on how to choose one's venue for example: consider your VIP's, who is most important to you to have at your wedding, and go from there. If rating didn't come in to play, why is grandma any more important than the guy who works in accounting? She's considered a "VIP" not so much for the guy in accounting. Guest rating, no?

I'm not going to loose sleep worrying about the guest rating system. Because if there's one thing I've learned on this board is if you toss etiquette to the wind once, it's okay to do it 100% of the time. (This is sarcasm folks)... But seriously, I'm not going to loose sleep. 

This has been fun, but FI & I need to go get the ball rolling on our passports! 

With the highlighted I guess you are right there. Of course there will be VIPs and that is in a way guest rating so my bad.

Just FYI: It is 'lose' sleep not 'loose'. You may make a knot loose but you lose sleep. Or as in 'You have a loose definition of the words wedding and marriage.'

Question: When you get fake married do you wait to change your name and get your passport under your maiden name?

mrs4everhart

aefitz29 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

aefitz29 said:

Isn't declaring who is 'need to know' guest rating? That's pretty poor etiquette.

Don't we all dabble in guest rating just a little? I've repeatedly seen on these boards, when girl have advised on how to choose one's venue for example: consider your VIP's, who is most important to you to have at your wedding, and go from there. If rating didn't come in to play, why is grandma any more important than the guy who works in accounting? She's considered a "VIP" not so much for the guy in accounting. Guest rating, no?

I'm not going to loose sleep worrying about the guest rating system. Because if there's one thing I've learned on this board is if you toss etiquette to the wind once, it's okay to do it 100% of the time. (This is sarcasm folks)... But seriously, I'm not going to loose sleep. 

This has been fun, but FI & I need to go get the ball rolling on our passports! 

With the highlighted I guess you are right there. Of course there will be VIPs and that is in a way guest rating so my bad. Hey, no sweat. Rate away :-)

Just FYI: It is 'lose' sleep not 'loose'. You may make a knot loose but you lose sleep. Or as in 'You have a loose definition of the words wedding and marriage.' You're spot on. Thanks for that. I hate it when I misspell things. And yes, without a doubt your example is correct too. We have a VERY loose definition of the words wedding and marriage. 

Question: When you get fake married do you wait to change your name and get your passport under your maiden name? That's the thing. To us, there will be nothing "fake" about our symbolic ceremony. THAT is when we'll be married in our minds and hearts regardless of what the state of Colorado classifies us as. The marriage license is a mere formality and a means to an end for us. It's not what matters to us - and I said US, this is not to denigrate others who file and don't have a ceremony, or gay people, or anyone else, just my FI and I. We will not acknowledge our legal status publicly or privately. We will still be engaged as far as we're concerned until we exchange vows and rings. So I will not change my name until then. Nor will we use the terms husband/wife/spouse, etc. We won't wear our rings until then. My passport will have my previous married name (I never went back to my maiden name after my divorce) until I change everything when we return from Mexico.

NYCBruin

STBMrsEverhart said:

aefitz29 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

aefitz29 said:

Isn't declaring who is 'need to know' guest rating? That's pretty poor etiquette.

Don't we all dabble in guest rating just a little? I've repeatedly seen on these boards, when girl have advised on how to choose one's venue for example: consider your VIP's, who is most important to you to have at your wedding, and go from there. If rating didn't come in to play, why is grandma any more important than the guy who works in accounting? She's considered a "VIP" not so much for the guy in accounting. Guest rating, no?

I'm not going to loose sleep worrying about the guest rating system. Because if there's one thing I've learned on this board is if you toss etiquette to the wind once, it's okay to do it 100% of the time. (This is sarcasm folks)... But seriously, I'm not going to loose sleep. 

This has been fun, but FI & I need to go get the ball rolling on our passports! 

With the highlighted I guess you are right there. Of course there will be VIPs and that is in a way guest rating so my bad. Hey, no sweat. Rate away :-)

Just FYI: It is 'lose' sleep not 'loose'. You may make a knot loose but you lose sleep. Or as in 'You have a loose definition of the words wedding and marriage.' You're spot on. Thanks for that. I hate it when I misspell things. And yes, without a doubt your example is correct too. We have a VERY loose definition of the words wedding and marriage. 

Question: When you get fake married do you wait to change your name and get your passport under your maiden name? That's the thing. To us, there will be nothing "fake" about our symbolic ceremony. THAT is when we'll be married in our minds and hearts regardless of what the state of Colorado classifies us as. The marriage license is a mere formality and a means to an end for us. It's not what matters to us - and I said US, this is not to denigrate others who file and don't have a ceremony, or gay people, or anyone else, just my FI and I. We will not acknowledge our legal status publicly or privately. We will still be engaged as far as we're concerned until we exchange vows and rings. So I will not change my name until then. Nor will we use the terms husband/wife/spouse, etc. We won't wear our rings until then. My passport will have my previous married name (I never went back to my maiden name after my divorce) until I change everything when we return from Mexico.

You do realize that marriage licenses are public information.  You can't "hide" this information.  It's out there for whomever stumbles upon it.

And please tell the millions of Americans denied the right to marry that they are only missing out on a "mere formality."  

mrs4everhart

NYCBruin said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

aefitz29 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

aefitz29 said:

Isn't declaring who is 'need to know' guest rating? That's pretty poor etiquette.

Don't we all dabble in guest rating just a little? I've repeatedly seen on these boards, when girl have advised on how to choose one's venue for example: consider your VIP's, who is most important to you to have at your wedding, and go from there. If rating didn't come in to play, why is grandma any more important than the guy who works in accounting? She's considered a "VIP" not so much for the guy in accounting. Guest rating, no?

I'm not going to loose sleep worrying about the guest rating system. Because if there's one thing I've learned on this board is if you toss etiquette to the wind once, it's okay to do it 100% of the time. (This is sarcasm folks)... But seriously, I'm not going to loose sleep. 

This has been fun, but FI & I need to go get the ball rolling on our passports! 

With the highlighted I guess you are right there. Of course there will be VIPs and that is in a way guest rating so my bad. Hey, no sweat. Rate away :-)

Just FYI: It is 'lose' sleep not 'loose'. You may make a knot loose but you lose sleep. Or as in 'You have a loose definition of the words wedding and marriage.' You're spot on. Thanks for that. I hate it when I misspell things. And yes, without a doubt your example is correct too. We have a VERY loose definition of the words wedding and marriage. 

Question: When you get fake married do you wait to change your name and get your passport under your maiden name? That's the thing. To us, there will be nothing "fake" about our symbolic ceremony. THAT is when we'll be married in our minds and hearts regardless of what the state of Colorado classifies us as. The marriage license is a mere formality and a means to an end for us. It's not what matters to us - and I said US, this is not to denigrate others who file and don't have a ceremony, or gay people, or anyone else, just my FI and I. We will not acknowledge our legal status publicly or privately. We will still be engaged as far as we're concerned until we exchange vows and rings. So I will not change my name until then. Nor will we use the terms husband/wife/spouse, etc. We won't wear our rings until then. My passport will have my previous married name (I never went back to my maiden name after my divorce) until I change everything when we return from Mexico.

You do realize that marriage licenses are public information.  You can't "hide" this information.  It's out there for whomever stumbles upon it. Yup, sure do. Not sure who I know that spends any time trolling CO marriage licenses for a good time. But godspeed to them all the same. 

And please tell the millions of Americans denied the right to marry that they are only missing out on a "mere formality."  WTF did you not understand about these sentences:  The marriage license is a mere formality and a means to an end for us. It's not what matters to us - and I said US, this is not to denigrate others who file and don't have a ceremony, or gay people, or anyone else, just my FI and I. 

We speak only for ourselves, about ourselves and situations and opinions specific to us. We both fully support marriage equality and if you knew us personally, you'd know we're both vocal about that fact. Gay people having the right and ability to get married has nothing to do with how we view OUR marriage license, as I have continued to state repeatedly. I fully support gay marriage. I also support all people in having whatever opinion they'd like about the government and marriage licenses.