Destination wedding with second reception in home state

MobKaz

Weesh said:

mobkaz said:

Weesh said:

STBMrsEverhart The fact that you are so incredibly cavalier about being a complete fake and a liar makes me wonder what else in your life you lie about and what your relationships with other people are based on.  A lie of omission is still a lie.  Here's an interesting read for you--"The Ways We Lie" by Stephanie Ericsson.  Google it.  Although with your attitude, I'm sure it won't matter.  Here's the way the essay begins.

We must consider the meaning of our actions. Deception, lies, capital crimes, and misdemeanors all carry meanings. Webster's definition of lie is specific:

            1.: a false statement or action especially made with the intent to deceive;

             2.: anything that gives or is meant to give a false impression.

            A definition like this implies that there are many, many ways to tell a lie. 

I applaud your efforts, @Weesh.  However, such an appeal will only reach someone with integrity and intelligence.

Very good point.  I'm usually more of a lurker, but to have someone continuously post about their plans that include deceiving people and making light of the omission that they are already married while posting on a etiquette board just seems so ironic and ridiculous.  I use this essay with my high school students and even they can understand how lies of omission can be hurtful and wrong. 

Clearly your students have a conscience.

ceceibson

My husband and I spent probably $4,000 attending my niece's destination wedding in Florida.  It was a beautiful, fully-hosted event, but we, of course, paid for our own plane tickets, rental car, hotel room [$450 was the special rate at their resort], meals, cocktails and incidentals during non-hosted parts of the weekend.  I also hosted, with my mother and sisters, a bridal luncheon the day before the wedding.

Had I later found out my niece and her husband had "done the paperwork", in other words, GOTTEN MARRIED, prior to this event, I would have been furious.  And I would have told them.  And my brother, who hosted the Florida event.

mrs4everhart

Fran1985 said:

amyr213@yahoo.com said:

You suck by the way.  I have no advice except get your head out of your ass but that most likely won't happen. Hopefully your guests have a fun vacation since there isn't a wedding.

Bwhahaha! OMFG, that's the best thing I've ever read on one of these forums, and i'm laughing my face off! For that, seriously, thank you! We hope they have a great vacation too. That's the most important aspect of it to us!

Are you using two different accounts? Not intentionally. I activated the first one many years ago and let it go dormant because we changed our plans. Not too long ago I began switching all of my online activity to link to a gmail account just to keep notifications, etc., in one place and out of my regularly used email. I was out the other night and old habits die hard I guess. I didn't realize I had logged in with the old username and password until someone called it out. I need to spend some time deactivating old online stuff but haven't prioritized it. 

I don't "clutch my pearls" at the wedding redos, but in your case, its obviously you know you are doing something wrong because you don't want your guests to know about the legal marriage paperwork part. Can I just suggest, that if the paper means nothing, why not do it after the trip to Mexico? That seems a little less sneaky. What bothers me about your posts is the deceit aspect. You are really down playing it but its a huge deal to go to a destination wedding. There is a reason you only invite the very closet people- they are a huge pain to go to. And that's true even if you are super excited and the wedding. And even if they have a great time, they are taking a vacation (and the time off work and money that goes with that) and the catalyst is you getting married. I understand that you won't consider yourself married with the paper, but then why not just do the paper after? Or why not let everyone know before hand. You said its only about 25 people, if you let them know, btw we will be technically legally married, but what is really important to us is saying the vows on the beach and having our loved ones there, then its out there and people will know the truth going in. I'm sure most of them will still go! I would still go for my best friend or close family member. And the ones that don't go- at least you haven't done a friendship ending dishonestly. Cuz although I would still go for my best friend, if she lied to me and didn't mention she was already married, I would be so hurt and mad. Why not just let them know? What's the downside to that?

mrs4everhart

Weesh said:

STBMrsEverhart The fact that you are so incredibly cavalier about being a complete fake and a liar makes me wonder what else in your life you lie about and what your relationships with other people are based on.  A lie of omission is still a lie.  Here's an interesting read for you--"The Ways We Lie" by Stephanie Ericsson.  Google it.  Although with your attitude, I'm sure it won't matter.  Here's the way the essay begins.

We must consider the meaning of our actions. Deception, lies, capital crimes, and misdemeanors all carry meanings. Webster's definition of lie is specific:

            1.: a false statement or action especially made with the intent to deceive;

             2.: anything that gives or is meant to give a false impression.

            A definition like this implies that there are many, many ways to tell a lie. 

@weesh, thank you for your recommendation, however I think I'll be skipping the essay on the relativity of lying. I'm neither lacking intelligence nor integrity as one poster suggested. What I am lacking is the time and desire to discuss paperwork signing with any more people than I already have. I do not feel it necessary to be 100% truthful 100% of the time. If I were, my big mouth would get me in all sorts of trouble. (Do these jeans make my butt look big? No, your big butt makes your butt look big. - that just never goes well, KWIM?). Every person must be accountable to themselves and be able to decide for themselves where they draw metaphorical lines and what they can live with. We decided a long time ago we could more than live with omitting certain details and would see to any fallout accordingly, whatever that may mean. 

mrs4everhart

ceceibson said:

My husband and I spent probably $4,000 attending my niece's destination wedding in Florida.  It was a beautiful, fully-hosted event, but we, of course, paid for our own plane tickets, rental car, hotel room [$450 was the special rate at their resort], meals, cocktails and incidentals during non-hosted parts of the weekend.  I also hosted, with my mother and sisters, a bridal luncheon the day before the wedding.

Had I later found out my niece and her husband had "done the paperwork", in other words, GOTTEN MARRIED, prior to this event, I would have been furious.  And I would have told them.  And my brother, who hosted the Florida event.

And if you never found anything out and all your memories of the occasion remained intact, you'd live happily ever after. But the fact is there's a possibility she did sign her paperwork beforehand for any number of reasons and told no one at all. Unless you saw the license with your very eyes you'll never truly know. That was rhetorical of course, I don't need to know if you did or didn't see the paperwork. If anyone should end up furious with us at some point in the future because they discovered our filing date while sorting through Denver marriage recordings, we're fully prepared. 

aurorajanette

STBMrsEverhart said:

Weesh said:

STBMrsEverhart The fact that you are so incredibly cavalier about being a complete fake and a liar makes me wonder what else in your life you lie about and what your relationships with other people are based on.  A lie of omission is still a lie.  Here's an interesting read for you--"The Ways We Lie" by Stephanie Ericsson.  Google it.  Although with your attitude, I'm sure it won't matter.  Here's the way the essay begins.

We must consider the meaning of our actions. Deception, lies, capital crimes, and misdemeanors all carry meanings. Webster's definition of lie is specific:

            1.: a false statement or action especially made with the intent to deceive;

             2.: anything that gives or is meant to give a false impression.

            A definition like this implies that there are many, many ways to tell a lie. 

@weesh, thank you for your recommendation, however I think I'll be skipping the essay on the relativity of lying. I'm neither lacking intelligence nor integrity as one poster suggested. What I am lacking is the time and desire to discuss paperwork signing with any more people than I already have. I do not feel it necessary to be 100% truthful 100% of the time. If I were, my big mouth would get me in all sorts of trouble. (Do these jeans make my butt look big? No, your big butt makes your butt look big. - that just never goes well, KWIM?). Every person must be accountable to themselves and be able to decide for themselves where they draw metaphorical lines and what they can live with. We decided a long time ago we could more than live with omitting certain details and would see to any fallout accordingly, whatever that may mean. 

I don't think I would compare lying to everyone at your wedding about the actual date of your marriage after they've spent heaps of money to be there with a while lie of telling someone they look okay in a certain pair of jeans. Apples and oranges.

And since integrity means the act of being honest and you have already stated in this thread multiple times that you are a liar, and you are okay with lying to important people in your life, I think everyone here would agree that you are lacking integrity. Since you can't seem to figure out the correlation between the two, I think most would agree that you are, in fact, lacking intelligence.

mrs4everhart

aurorajanette said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

Weesh said:

STBMrsEverhart The fact that you are so incredibly cavalier about being a complete fake and a liar makes me wonder what else in your life you lie about and what your relationships with other people are based on.  A lie of omission is still a lie.  Here's an interesting read for you--"The Ways We Lie" by Stephanie Ericsson.  Google it.  Although with your attitude, I'm sure it won't matter.  Here's the way the essay begins.

We must consider the meaning of our actions. Deception, lies, capital crimes, and misdemeanors all carry meanings. Webster's definition of lie is specific:

            1.: a false statement or action especially made with the intent to deceive;

             2.: anything that gives or is meant to give a false impression.

            A definition like this implies that there are many, many ways to tell a lie. 

@weesh, thank you for your recommendation, however I think I'll be skipping the essay on the relativity of lying. I'm neither lacking intelligence nor integrity as one poster suggested. What I am lacking is the time and desire to discuss paperwork signing with any more people than I already have. I do not feel it necessary to be 100% truthful 100% of the time. If I were, my big mouth would get me in all sorts of trouble. (Do these jeans make my butt look big? No, your big butt makes your butt look big. - that just never goes well, KWIM?). Every person must be accountable to themselves and be able to decide for themselves where they draw metaphorical lines and what they can live with. We decided a long time ago we could more than live with omitting certain details and would see to any fallout accordingly, whatever that may mean. 

I don't think I would compare lying to everyone at your wedding about the actual date of your marriage after they've spent heaps of money to be there with a while lie of telling someone they look okay in a certain pair of jeans. Apples and oranges. Oh, so with all your integrity and intelligence, you're telling me you have some special authority to decide which lies are okay now? No, if you lie, you're a liar, period. Telling yourself it's okay to lie sometimes but not others seems to be lacking in the intelligence department if you ask me. The big difference here is that I'm not interested in polling the masses to help decide which lies are okay to tell, and which aren't. I live my life with one thing in mind and it makes all decisions easy: what can I live with, what are the possible outcomes, can I handle the worst possible case scenario?  I think that as a group if you all are planning to continue to advise people about the lies they tell, you all should make damn good and sure you're truthful. All the time. No matter what. 

And since integrity means the act of being honest and you have already stated in this thread multiple times that you are a liar, and you are okay with lying to important people in your life, I think everyone here would agree that you are lacking integrity. Since you can't seem to figure out the correlation between the two, I think most would agree that you are, in fact, lacking intelligence.

NYCBruin

How time consuming is it to say "hey, by the way we got married" or changing the wording on your invitations to note that you're already married?  

What a bullshit excuse.

mrs4everhart

NYCBruin said:

How time consuming is it to say "hey, by the way we got married" or changing the wording on your invitations to note that you're already married?  

What a bullshit excuse.

Do you seriously think that is all it would take? There'd be no lengthy conversations, emails, etc.? No possible family drama, or at the very least phone calls, gossip over dinners, posts on FB? I don't think describing our situation on our wedding invitations would be appropriate. At the very least the printing cost would sky rocket. No, I think we're just going to stick with Plan A and see how that works out. 

NYCBruin

STBMrsEverhart said:

NYCBruin said:

How time consuming is it to say "hey, by the way we got married" or changing the wording on your invitations to note that you're already married?  

What a bullshit excuse.

Do you seriously think that is all it would take? There'd be no lengthy conversations, emails, etc.? No possible family drama, or at the very least phone calls, gossip over dinners, posts on FB? I don't think describing our situation on our wedding invitations would be appropriate. At the very least the printing cost would sky rocket. No, I think we're just going to stick with Plan A and see how that works out. 

Oh so you do recognize that people would be upset if you were upfront with them?

Glad we've at least established that and that your real reason for lying is that you know people would be upset if they found out.  Yay lies!

climbingsingle

If what you're doing in your mind is right and OK, why would there be family drama and gossip?

mrs4everhart

NYCBruin said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

NYCBruin said:

How time consuming is it to say "hey, by the way we got married" or changing the wording on your invitations to note that you're already married?  

What a bullshit excuse.

Do you seriously think that is all it would take? There'd be no lengthy conversations, emails, etc.? No possible family drama, or at the very least phone calls, gossip over dinners, posts on FB? I don't think describing our situation on our wedding invitations would be appropriate. At the very least the printing cost would sky rocket. No, I think we're just going to stick with Plan A and see how that works out. 

Oh so you do recognize that people would be upset if you were upfront with them?

Glad we've at least established that and that your real reason for lying is that you know people would be upset if they found out.  Yay lies!

Actually, if I had to wager, I'd say no, I don't think anyone would give two figs. And I never said above that I was concerned that anyone would be upset. Drama in this instance doesn't necessarily equate to being upset about something. What I meant was there'd be no avoiding hours of unnecessary conversations, etc. about the underlying reasons behind our decision. Inevitably, as with what would happen in kindergarten when you played that game "telephone" by the time it made its way through the grapevine the facts would be distorted, the details fuzzy and either myself, my FI or both, would end up committing way more time than we'd like on clarifying the whole damn thing. It's not as if we can write up a press release and tell our friends and family if they have any additional questions to please refer them to our PR person. No, it would eat up hours, days, possibly weeks to have personal conversations with people (remember, the news would quickly grow past just our invite list) and it's just not worth the time and aggravation when Plan A is such a, easy, viable option. 

MobKaz

STBMrsEverhart said:

Weesh said:

STBMrsEverhart The fact that you are so incredibly cavalier about being a complete fake and a liar makes me wonder what else in your life you lie about and what your relationships with other people are based on.  A lie of omission is still a lie.  Here's an interesting read for you--"The Ways We Lie" by Stephanie Ericsson.  Google it.  Although with your attitude, I'm sure it won't matter.  Here's the way the essay begins.

We must consider the meaning of our actions. Deception, lies, capital crimes, and misdemeanors all carry meanings. Webster's definition of lie is specific:

            1.: a false statement or action especially made with the intent to deceive;

             2.: anything that gives or is meant to give a false impression.

            A definition like this implies that there are many, many ways to tell a lie. 

@weesh, thank you for your recommendation, however I think I'll be skipping the essay on the relativity of lying. (1) I'm neither lacking intelligence nor integrity as one poster suggested. What I am lacking is the time and desire to discuss (2).paperwork signing with any more people than I already have. I do not feel it necessary to be 100% truthful 100% of the time. If I were, my big mouth would get me in all sorts of trouble. (Do these jeans make my butt look big? No, your big butt makes your butt look big. - that just never goes well, KWIM?). Every person must be accountable to themselves and be able to decide for themselves where they draw metaphorical lines and what they can live with. We decided a long time ago we could more than live with omitting certain details and would see to any fallout accordingly, whatever that may mean. 

1.  That poster would be me.  It was not a suggestion.  That's a fact.

2.  Your mastery of euphemisms is remarkable.  It should say, "our marriage".

3.  That should read, "lying about".

@STBMrsEverhart said, " I think that as a group if you all are planning to continue to advise people about the lies they tell, you all should make damn good and sure you're truthful. All the time. No matter what."

The truth is that you have no issue lying to some of your nearest and dearest friends and family.  The truth is that you can "live" with lying to people about important things.  The truth is, you clearly lack a conscience.

mrs4everhart

mobkaz said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

Weesh said:

STBMrsEverhart The fact that you are so incredibly cavalier about being a complete fake and a liar makes me wonder what else in your life you lie about and what your relationships with other people are based on.  A lie of omission is still a lie.  Here's an interesting read for you--"The Ways We Lie" by Stephanie Ericsson.  Google it.  Although with your attitude, I'm sure it won't matter.  Here's the way the essay begins.

We must consider the meaning of our actions. Deception, lies, capital crimes, and misdemeanors all carry meanings. Webster's definition of lie is specific:

            1.: a false statement or action especially made with the intent to deceive;

             2.: anything that gives or is meant to give a false impression.

            A definition like this implies that there are many, many ways to tell a lie. 

@weesh, thank you for your recommendation, however I think I'll be skipping the essay on the relativity of lying. (1) I'm neither lacking intelligence nor integrity as one poster suggested. What I am lacking is the time and desire to discuss (2).paperwork signing with any more people than I already have. I do not feel it necessary to be 100% truthful 100% of the time. If I were, my big mouth would get me in all sorts of trouble. (Do these jeans make my butt look big? No, your big butt makes your butt look big. - that just never goes well, KWIM?). Every person must be accountable to themselves and be able to decide for themselves where they draw metaphorical lines and what they can live with. We decided a long time ago we could more than live with omitting certain details and would see to any fallout accordingly, whatever that may mean. 

1.  That poster would be me.  It was not a suggestion.  That's a fact. No, that's your opinion. Nothing more.

2.  Your mastery of euphemisms is remarkable.  It should say, "our marriage". 

Why would I ever refer to something we do not consider as defining our marriage, "our marriage"? That would just be weird. 

3.  That should read, "lying about". 

I used the word omit purposely. While the overall outcome may be the same, the words are slightly different and "omit" is the more accurate of the two.  

@STBMrsEverhart said, " I think that as a group if you all are planning to continue to advise people about the lies they tell, you all should make damn good and sure you're truthful. All the time. No matter what."

The truth is that you have no issue lying to some of your nearest and dearest friends and family.  The truth is that you can "live" with lying to people about important things.  The truth is, you clearly lack a conscience. Perhaps. But then I have to wonder what stops me from committing all sorts of atrocities if not my conscience? Self preservation? I'll ponder this awhile. Maybe while I'm on the beach in Mexico. 

Weesh

aurorajanette said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

Weesh said:

STBMrsEverhart The fact that you are so incredibly cavalier about being a complete fake and a liar makes me wonder what else in your life you lie about and what your relationships with other people are based on.  A lie of omission is still a lie.  Here's an interesting read for you--"The Ways We Lie" by Stephanie Ericsson.  Google it.  Although with your attitude, I'm sure it won't matter.  Here's the way the essay begins.

We must consider the meaning of our actions. Deception, lies, capital crimes, and misdemeanors all carry meanings. Webster's definition of lie is specific:

            1.: a false statement or action especially made with the intent to deceive;

             2.: anything that gives or is meant to give a false impression.

            A definition like this implies that there are many, many ways to tell a lie. 

@weesh, thank you for your recommendation, however I think I'll be skipping the essay on the relativity of lying. I'm neither lacking intelligence nor integrity as one poster suggested. What I am lacking is the time and desire to discuss paperwork signing with any more people than I already have. I do not feel it necessary to be 100% truthful 100% of the time. If I were, my big mouth would get me in all sorts of trouble. (Do these jeans make my butt look big? No, your big butt makes your butt look big. - that just never goes well, KWIM?). Every person must be accountable to themselves and be able to decide for themselves where they draw metaphorical lines and what they can live with. We decided a long time ago we could more than live with omitting certain details and would see to any fallout accordingly, whatever that may mean. 

I don't think I would compare lying to everyone at your wedding about the actual date of your marriage after they've spent heaps of money to be there with a while lie of telling someone they look okay in a certain pair of jeans. Apples and oranges.

And since integrity means the act of being honest and you have already stated in this thread multiple times that you are a liar, and you are okay with lying to important people in your life, I think everyone here would agree that you are lacking integrity. Since you can't seem to figure out the correlation between the two, I think most would agree that you are, in fact, lacking intelligence.

Agreed.  You don't seem to understand that OMISSION is in fact a way of lying.  Just because you're okay with it and justifying it to yourself and your fiance doesn't make it right or less of a lie.  And the fact that you recognize there would be a fallout means that you know what you're doing is wrong and you don't even care.  The essay explains how the lies hurt--and as previous posters have clearly said, no one wants to ind out that they didn't actually witness a marriage.  Enjoy your beach vacation.  

mrs4everhart

Weesh said:

aurorajanette said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

Weesh said:

STBMrsEverhart The fact that you are so incredibly cavalier about being a complete fake and a liar makes me wonder what else in your life you lie about and what your relationships with other people are based on.  A lie of omission is still a lie.  Here's an interesting read for you--"The Ways We Lie" by Stephanie Ericsson.  Google it.  Although with your attitude, I'm sure it won't matter.  Here's the way the essay begins.

We must consider the meaning of our actions. Deception, lies, capital crimes, and misdemeanors all carry meanings. Webster's definition of lie is specific:

            1.: a false statement or action especially made with the intent to deceive;

             2.: anything that gives or is meant to give a false impression.

            A definition like this implies that there are many, many ways to tell a lie. 

@weesh, thank you for your recommendation, however I think I'll be skipping the essay on the relativity of lying. I'm neither lacking intelligence nor integrity as one poster suggested. What I am lacking is the time and desire to discuss paperwork signing with any more people than I already have. I do not feel it necessary to be 100% truthful 100% of the time. If I were, my big mouth would get me in all sorts of trouble. (Do these jeans make my butt look big? No, your big butt makes your butt look big. - that just never goes well, KWIM?). Every person must be accountable to themselves and be able to decide for themselves where they draw metaphorical lines and what they can live with. We decided a long time ago we could more than live with omitting certain details and would see to any fallout accordingly, whatever that may mean. 

I don't think I would compare lying to everyone at your wedding about the actual date of your marriage after they've spent heaps of money to be there with a while lie of telling someone they look okay in a certain pair of jeans. Apples and oranges.

And since integrity means the act of being honest and you have already stated in this thread multiple times that you are a liar, and you are okay with lying to important people in your life, I think everyone here would agree that you are lacking integrity. Since you can't seem to figure out the correlation between the two, I think most would agree that you are, in fact, lacking intelligence.

Agreed.  You don't seem to understand that OMISSION is in fact a way of lying.  Just because you're okay with it and justifying it to yourself and your fiance doesn't make it right or less of a lie.  And the fact that you recognize there would be a fallout means that you know what you're doing is wrong and you don't even care.  The essay explains how the lies hurt--and as previous posters have clearly said, no one wants to ind out that they didn't actually witness a marriage.  Enjoy your beach vacation.  

Have been over everything stated before the bold, not going to repeat for the umpteenth time. And to the bolded: Oh, we will. Every last second of it. :-)

MobKaz

STBMrsEverhart said:

mobkaz said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

Weesh said:

STBMrsEverhart The fact that you are so incredibly cavalier about being a complete fake and a liar makes me wonder what else in your life you lie about and what your relationships with other people are based on.  A lie of omission is still a lie.  Here's an interesting read for you--"The Ways We Lie" by Stephanie Ericsson.  Google it.  Although with your attitude, I'm sure it won't matter.  Here's the way the essay begins.

We must consider the meaning of our actions. Deception, lies, capital crimes, and misdemeanors all carry meanings. Webster's definition of lie is specific:

            1.: a false statement or action especially made with the intent to deceive;

             2.: anything that gives or is meant to give a false impression.

            A definition like this implies that there are many, many ways to tell a lie. 

@weesh, thank you for your recommendation, however I think I'll be skipping the essay on the relativity of lying. (1) I'm neither lacking intelligence nor integrity as one poster suggested. What I am lacking is the time and desire to discuss (2).paperwork signing with any more people than I already have. I do not feel it necessary to be 100% truthful 100% of the time. If I were, my big mouth would get me in all sorts of trouble. (Do these jeans make my butt look big? No, your big butt makes your butt look big. - that just never goes well, KWIM?). Every person must be accountable to themselves and be able to decide for themselves where they draw metaphorical lines and what they can live with. We decided a long time ago we could more than live with omitting certain details and would see to any fallout accordingly, whatever that may mean. 

1.  That poster would be me.  It was not a suggestion.  That's a fact. No, that's your opinion. Nothing more.

2.  Your mastery of euphemisms is remarkable.  It should say, "our marriage". 

Why would I ever refer to something we do not consider as defining our marriage, "our marriage"? That would just be weird. 

3.  That should read, "lying about". 

I used the word omit purposely. While the overall outcome may be the same, the words are slightly different and "omit" is the more accurate of the two.  

@STBMrsEverhart said, " I think that as a group if you all are planning to continue to advise people about the lies they tell, you all should make damn good and sure you're truthful. All the time. No matter what."

The truth is that you have no issue lying to some of your nearest and dearest friends and family.  The truth is that you can "live" with lying to people about important things.  The truth is, you clearly lack a conscience. Perhaps. But then I have to wonder what stops me from committing all sorts of atrocities if not my conscience? Self preservation? I'll ponder this awhile. Maybe while I'm on the beach in Mexico. 

Self preservation would be the correct answer in this case.  Because for you, it is and can only be about yourSELF.  No one and nothing else clearly matters.  I find your smug arrogance and glib responses repulsive.  It's interesting that you have time to play this game on this forum but make a point of saying you would not waste any time exercising the truth with family and friends.  

Weesh

@STBMrsEverhart

I don't need you to repeat or go over anything again.  My reading comprehension skills are perfectly capable of understanding what you wrote and your intentions.  But in the future, I'd probably refrain from trying to give etiquette advice under the guise of semantics and diction.  Your advice on how to treat people badly and lie to them isn't needed.

jenniferurs

Question, why are you filing the paperwork now instead of 9 months from now? Is it so you can reap some kind of benefit extended to husbands and wives? And if so, why is that little matter of legal paperwork powerful enough to extend such privileges to you, but not powerful enough to acknowledge otherwise? Bottom line, if you don't want to yet be considered husband and wife, don't try to reap the benefits associated with the legal distinction. If you want all that the marriage entitles you to, you're welcome to it. But don't then pretend that you don't consider yourselves married just so you can have your little day in the sun.

lovesclimbing

jenniferurs said:

Question, why are you filing the paperwork now instead of 9 months from now? Is it so you can reap some kind of benefit extended to husbands and wives? And if so, why is that little matter of legal paperwork powerful enough to extend such privileges to you, but not powerful enough to acknowledge otherwise? Bottom line, if you don't want to yet be considered husband and wife, don't try to reap the benefits associated with the legal distinction. If you want all that the marriage entitles you to, you're welcome to it. But don't then pretend that you don't consider yourselves married just so you can have your little day in the sun.

She said,  I believe it was in a different thread, that she's doing it for insurance.  I believe so her husband can get on hers.

jenniferurs

lovesclimbing said:

jenniferurs said:

Question, why are you filing the paperwork now instead of 9 months from now? Is it so you can reap some kind of benefit extended to husbands and wives? And if so, why is that little matter of legal paperwork powerful enough to extend such privileges to you, but not powerful enough to acknowledge otherwise? Bottom line, if you don't want to yet be considered husband and wife, don't try to reap the benefits associated with the legal distinction. If you want all that the marriage entitles you to, you're welcome to it. But don't then pretend that you don't consider yourselves married just so you can have your little day in the sun.

She said,  I believe it was in a different thread, that she's doing it for insurance.  I believe so her husband can get on hers.

Thanks

I actually already knew the answer; I was just trying to get her to admit that she's filing the legal paperwork so that she can get benefits associated with being married. But how are you going to plan to get the benefits only available to husbands and wives and then claim that you don't consider yourself to be husband and wife? If that's the case, you shouldn't be filing for those benefits reserved for spouses.

The truth is, you'll consider yourselves husband and wife when it's convenient for you, but not when it's not. It's manipulative and self-serving and I really think you should evaluate how it is you want to treat your closest friends and family.

MobKaz

jenniferurs said:

jenniferurs said:

Question, why are you filing the paperwork now instead of 9 months from now? Is it so you can reap some kind of benefit extended to husbands and wives? And if so, why is that little matter of legal paperwork powerful enough to extend such privileges to you, but not powerful enough to acknowledge otherwise? Bottom line, if you don't want to yet be considered husband and wife, don't try to reap the benefits associated with the legal distinction. If you want all that the marriage entitles you to, you're welcome to it. But don't then pretend that you don't consider yourselves married just so you can have your little day in the sun.

She said,  I believe it was in a different thread, that she's doing it for insurance.  I believe so her husband can get on hers.

Thanks I actually already knew the answer; I was just trying to get her to admit that she's filing the legal paperwork so that she can get benefits associated with being married. But how are you going to plan to get the benefits only available to husbands and wives and then claim that you don't consider yourself to be husband and wife? If that's the case, you shouldn't be filing for those benefits reserved for spouses. The truth is, you'll consider yourselves husband and wife when it's convenient for you, but not when it's not. It's manipulative and self-serving and I really think you should evaluate how it is you want to treat your closest friends and family.

Sadly, she already has, and said she is more than comfortable living a life of lies.  I believe she refers to family and friends as "fall out".

mrs4everhart

mobkaz said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

mobkaz said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

Weesh said:

STBMrsEverhart The fact that you are so incredibly cavalier about being a complete fake and a liar makes me wonder what else in your life you lie about and what your relationships with other people are based on.  A lie of omission is still a lie.  Here's an interesting read for you--"The Ways We Lie" by Stephanie Ericsson.  Google it.  Although with your attitude, I'm sure it won't matter.  Here's the way the essay begins.

We must consider the meaning of our actions. Deception, lies, capital crimes, and misdemeanors all carry meanings. Webster's definition of lie is specific:

            1.: a false statement or action especially made with the intent to deceive;

             2.: anything that gives or is meant to give a false impression.

            A definition like this implies that there are many, many ways to tell a lie. 

@weesh, thank you for your recommendation, however I think I'll be skipping the essay on the relativity of lying. (1) I'm neither lacking intelligence nor integrity as one poster suggested. What I am lacking is the time and desire to discuss (2).paperwork signing with any more people than I already have. I do not feel it necessary to be 100% truthful 100% of the time. If I were, my big mouth would get me in all sorts of trouble. (Do these jeans make my butt look big? No, your big butt makes your butt look big. - that just never goes well, KWIM?). Every person must be accountable to themselves and be able to decide for themselves where they draw metaphorical lines and what they can live with. We decided a long time ago we could more than live with omitting certain details and would see to any fallout accordingly, whatever that may mean. 

1.  That poster would be me.  It was not a suggestion.  That's a fact. No, that's your opinion. Nothing more.

2.  Your mastery of euphemisms is remarkable.  It should say, "our marriage". 

Why would I ever refer to something we do not consider as defining our marriage, "our marriage"? That would just be weird. 

3.  That should read, "lying about". 

I used the word omit purposely. While the overall outcome may be the same, the words are slightly different and "omit" is the more accurate of the two.  

@STBMrsEverhart said, " I think that as a group if you all are planning to continue to advise people about the lies they tell, you all should make damn good and sure you're truthful. All the time. No matter what."

The truth is that you have no issue lying to some of your nearest and dearest friends and family.  The truth is that you can "live" with lying to people about important things.  The truth is, you clearly lack a conscience. Perhaps. But then I have to wonder what stops me from committing all sorts of atrocities if not my conscience? Self preservation? I'll ponder this awhile. Maybe while I'm on the beach in Mexico. 

Self preservation would be the correct answer in this case.  Because for you, it is and can only be about yourSELF.  Some days that statement would be spot on. No one and nothing else clearly matters. There's a small list of people and things that do.  Not to be found on that list is the opinions of most. I find your smug arrogance and glib responses repulsive. Excellent.  It's interesting that you have time to play this game on this forum but make a point of saying you would not waste any time exercising the truth with family and friends. I've already spent all the time I'm going to exercising said truth with those who need to know. They're on board and it's smooth sailing. As to your point about my wasting my free time here on TK, it's funny you should mention it, I was having a similar thought. As amusing as I find all of this, I really should be applying my too few hours away from work and other responsibilities doing much more productive things. I believe I shall. Repeating myself over, and over, and over has gotten dull. 

mrs4everhart

mobkaz said:

jenniferurs said:

jenniferurs said:

Question, why are you filing the paperwork now instead of 9 months from now? Is it so you can reap some kind of benefit extended to husbands and wives? And if so, why is that little matter of legal paperwork powerful enough to extend such privileges to you, but not powerful enough to acknowledge otherwise? Bottom line, if you don't want to yet be considered husband and wife, don't try to reap the benefits associated with the legal distinction. If you want all that the marriage entitles you to, you're welcome to it. But don't then pretend that you don't consider yourselves married just so you can have your little day in the sun.

She said,  I believe it was in a different thread, that she's doing it for insurance.  I believe so her husband can get on hers.

Thanks I actually already knew the answer; I was just trying to get her to admit that she's filing the legal paperwork so that she can get benefits associated with being married. But how are you going to plan to get the benefits only available to husbands and wives and then claim that you don't consider yourself to be husband and wife? If that's the case, you shouldn't be filing for those benefits reserved for spouses. The truth is, you'll consider yourselves husband and wife when it's convenient for you, but not when it's not. It's manipulative and self-serving and I really think you should evaluate how it is you want to treat your closest friends and family.

Sadly, she already has, and said she is more than comfortable living a life of lies.  I believe she refers to family and friends as "fall out".

No, I referred to the fact that we are prepared to deal with any "fall out" that could, however unlikely, occur if those we didn't tell (a) "find out" - which is highly improbable and (b) actually give a shit. Never did I refer to actual people as "fall out" - the term doesn't really apply. 

mrs4everhart

jenniferurs said:

jenniferurs said:

Question, why are you filing the paperwork now instead of 9 months from now? Is it so you can reap some kind of benefit extended to husbands and wives? And if so, why is that little matter of legal paperwork powerful enough to extend such privileges to you, but not powerful enough to acknowledge otherwise? Bottom line, if you don't want to yet be considered husband and wife, don't try to reap the benefits associated with the legal distinction. If you want all that the marriage entitles you to, you're welcome to it. But don't then pretend that you don't consider yourselves married just so you can have your little day in the sun.

She said,  I believe it was in a different thread, that she's doing it for insurance.  I believe so her husband can get on hers.

Thanks I actually already knew the answer; I was just trying to get her to admit that she's filing the legal paperwork so that she can get benefits associated with being married. You were trying to get me to "admit" what's already been posted elsewhere? Talk about a time suck. But how are you going to plan to get the benefits only available to husbands and wives and then claim that you don't consider yourself to be husband and wife? I've already explained that as well, but for a quick refresher, neither of us consider sharing insurance that big of deal. We share everything else and have for years. A piece of paper and shared health insurance cannot replace exchanging vows. Call us hopeless romantics. If that's the case, you shouldn't be filing for those benefits reserved for spouses. The truth is, you'll consider yourselves husband and wife when it's convenient for you, but not when it's not. It's manipulative and self-serving and I really think you should evaluate how it is you want to treat your closest friends and family. Our "closest" friends and family already know. That's how they made it on to the "need to know" list in the first place. In fact, (also previously stated at some point in time) it was in part the idea of one of my closest family members, my mother.  

MobKaz

STBMrsEverhart said:

jenniferurs said:

jenniferurs said:

Question, why are you filing the paperwork now instead of 9 months from now? Is it so you can reap some kind of benefit extended to husbands and wives? And if so, why is that little matter of legal paperwork powerful enough to extend such privileges to you, but not powerful enough to acknowledge otherwise? Bottom line, if you don't want to yet be considered husband and wife, don't try to reap the benefits associated with the legal distinction. If you want all that the marriage entitles you to, you're welcome to it. But don't then pretend that you don't consider yourselves married just so you can have your little day in the sun.

She said,  I believe it was in a different thread, that she's doing it for insurance.  I believe so her husband can get on hers.

Thanks I actually already knew the answer; I was just trying to get her to admit that she's filing the legal paperwork so that she can get benefits associated with being married. You were trying to get me to "admit" what's already been posted elsewhere? Talk about a time suck. But how are you going to plan to get the benefits only available to husbands and wives and then claim that you don't consider yourself to be husband and wife? I've already explained that as well, but for a quick refresher, neither of us consider sharing insurance that big of deal. We share everything else and have for years. A piece of paper and shared health insurance cannot replace exchanging vows. Call us hopeless romantics. If that's the case, you shouldn't be filing for those benefits reserved for spouses. The truth is, you'll consider yourselves husband and wife when it's convenient for you, but not when it's not. It's manipulative and self-serving and I really think you should evaluate how it is you want to treat your closest friends and family. Our "closest" friends and family already know. That's how they made it on to the "need to know" list in the first place. In fact, (also previously stated at some point in time) it was in part the idea of one of my closest family members, my mother.  

@STBMrsEverhart said........"Call us hopeless romantics."  You have that half right.  

"it was in part the idea of one of my closest family members, my mother.  "   It is not at all surprising that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

jenniferurs

Somehow "hopeless romantic" wouldn't be the term I'd use to describe someone who shows zero respect for the sanctity of marriage and all of the different forms of execution.

Negazilla

I think the idea behind this trend is, "We love you and want you to be a part of our marriage, but understand how expensive and difficult it would be to travel to this place that we want to have our ceremony."

It's one story to ask your parents to fly somewhere for you.  They're a lot more invested in your wedding day than say your great aunt Mildred.

NYCBruin

I think STB is lying so that in the event her photographer doesn't get good enough photos, she can claim that the lost photos captured "real emotion" and therefore she's entitled to a forth "wedding." 

sarals24

This thread is hilarious. STB basically admits that she won't tell her family and friends the truth because she knows it would cause drama, and continues to try and defend her actions while KNOWING IT WOULD UPSET PEOPLE IF THEY KNEW THE TRUTH.

Amazing.