Time for another, you know what really grinds my gears?

PolarBearFitz

When people tell me something is bad luck to do before the wedding. It seems there is a new bad luck omen developed for brides everyday! So far I have been told:

- It's bad luck to write your new name down.
- Saturday is an unlucky day to get married.
- It's bad luck to have a picture of you in your wedding dress before the wedding day (from another thread that got me thinking)

What are the most ridiculous things people have told you are bad luck to do before your wedding?

cruffino

When people say "you'll understand when you have kids". It's so condescending. I want to jump out a window.

PolarBearFitz

cruffino said:

When people say "you'll understand when you have kids". It's so condescending. I want to jump out a window.

You're so right that is really condescending, especially if said to a person who doesn't want to have children. Here's a little story about a similar phrase to that one I've heard:

'She doesn't have kids yet so she doesn't know...'

This mother's child was acting out at an adult event which hey, kids can be tantrum crazies sometimes, I get it. The problem was the kid should not have been their in the first place. The mother was not removing the child from the situation so someone asked her to take her child into another room. Another mother said 'She doesn't have kids yet so she doesn't know...' about the person asking her, politely I might add, to remove her child so the event may continue.

I stood up and said 'Well I don't have kids either but I have two eyes and two ears and can identify the problem here.' After that the mothers stared at me and took the child down the hall.

Swazzle

@cruffino - YES. That drives me nuts. 

My 20 year old cousin had a baby a few months ago and recently she pulled that line with me and I almost lost my shit. 

climbingsingle

The kid thing drives me crazy! FI and I are not having kids. You should hear people's reactions when we tell them. I always get, "Oh, you'll change your mind." I'm 33 - my mind is pretty damn set. My boss actually told me, "Well, that's the whole point of getting married. You have to have kids." Right. 

I've never heard that Saturday is an unlucky day. I'll have to tell that to my parents. They married on a Saturday and they've been married for 43 years. Don't think they'd consider it unlucky! 

PolarBearFitz

It's on this list from the knot I just found! Apparently it extends from folklore:

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-customs/articles/50-wedding-traditions-superstitions-facts-trivia.aspx

FutureMrsN3312

NWR: but when people don't clean the snow/ice off the top of their car. It's beyond dangerous (especially on the highway) and in NJ you can get a ticket for it but people still don't care. ETA: bc I didn't read the entire original post... People telling me FI and I shouldn't be staying at the same hotel and I shouldn't see him at all the day before. We might be running around that day dropping stuff off at the venue and other last minute errands. If he doesn't want a cranky stressed out bride. He'll help

Swazzle

@FutureMrsN3312 - My H will do the very bare minimum with cleaning off our car. I stood in the sleet on Saturday night after the Devils game cleaning off our car because he barely removed any of the snow! Drives me nuts!

climbingsingle

FutureMrsN3312 said:

NWR: but when people don't clean the snow/ice off the top of their car. It's beyond dangerous (especially on the highway) and in NJ you can get a ticket for it but people still don't care. ETA: bc I didn't read the entire original post... People telling me FI and I shouldn't be staying at the same hotel and I shouldn't see him at all the day before. We might be running around that day dropping stuff off at the venue and other last minute errands. If he doesn't want a cranky stressed out bride. He'll help

A good friend of mine had her windshield shattered on the GSP from flying ice from a truck. It makes me irate when I see people driving around with cars barely cleaned off. Way to be a lazy shithead. 

chibiyui

ClimbingBrideNY said:

FutureMrsN3312 said:

NWR: but when people don't clean the snow/ice off the top of their car. It's beyond dangerous (especially on the highway) and in NJ you can get a ticket for it but people still don't care. ETA: bc I didn't read the entire original post... People telling me FI and I shouldn't be staying at the same hotel and I shouldn't see him at all the day before. We might be running around that day dropping stuff off at the venue and other last minute errands. If he doesn't want a cranky stressed out bride. He'll help

A good friend of mine had her windshield shattered on the GSP from flying ice from a truck. It makes me irate when I see people driving around with cars barely cleaned off. Way to be a lazy shithead. 

Yesterday, on my way to work I was behind a suv with snow still on top of their roof. When we got to a stop sign, all their snow went down the front onto their windshield. and I thought to myself:

I've been lucky, I haven't heard any "bad luck wedding stuff" yet, though that may change as things get closer!

Bruins63

I'm in MASS so I'm with all you guys and the snow on roofs! It's dangerous and you can get a ticket for it here as well. Also not cleaning off your license plate and headlights/taillights can get a ticket for. I'm super lazy and anti snow so good thing I have a garage

I haven't really heard any bad luck things yet but I can't stand when people say "it's ok if it ends up raining, that's good luck" Hey thanks- I paid thousands of dollars for amazing pictures with a certain view, not for good luck!!!

NavyBlue143

I got that you'll understand when you have kids line the other day. I posted on FB that I found the elf on the shelf thing creepy. I do. Sorry. Someone responded "when you have two little dictators you'll understand and use it."

Another parent friend of mine said "Parent of two 'dictators' here, and I find it creepy and refuse to use it."
Awesome.

It also grinds my gears when a parent uses that line to defend their lazy or inconsistent parenting, and then bitches their kids are so spoiled and don't listen.

JCbride2015

NavyBlue143 said:

I got that you'll understand when you have kids line the other day. I posted on FB that I found the elf on the shelf thing creepy. I do. Sorry. Someone responded "when you have two little dictators you'll understand and use it." Another parent friend of mine said "Parent of two 'dictators' here, and I find it creepy and refuse to use it." Awesome. It also grinds my gears when a parent uses that line to defend their lazy or inconsistent parenting, and then bitches their kids are so spoiled and don't listen.

YES.  Fi's cousin is a really lazy parent (read: her son's diaper did not get changed at his own baptism because she was too busy partying) and she's always complaining that her kids are spoiled.  Her kids showed up at our engagement party and immediately were handed iPads, and sat with their faces in a screen for three hours.  Your kids are spoiled because YOU spoil them.

kerbohl

I second the kids line.  People keep telling me that I'll change my mind.  That makes me more sure that I don't want to change my mind.
I also second the snow on the roof of the car, but I understand with big vehicles.  I jump up and remove as much snow off the top of my truck as I can, but I can only get the sides of the top, not the  very middle. 
What grinds my gears, relating to the car theme, is bus drivers and truck drivers that clearly did not do a circle check.  Oh look, one of your headlights is burned out.  You have a busload of people, and one headlight in the dark.  I don't know if things have changed since my father was a bus driver and did a circle check every day before he started and had extra headlights on hand to fix immediately if something was wrong, but I am not cool with this.  Or maybe car lights have changed, and don't give a warning by getting significantly dimmer before they burn out, giving you plenty of time to fix it. 

climbingsingle

That elf on the shelf is the worst. I'm so tired of the constant pictures. 

NYCBruin

Oh how I hate the line about "you don't understand because you don't have kids."  Well, yes, on one level that's true.  I don't understand (nor do I pretend to understand) a lot of the things that come with being a parent.  But that doesn't mean I can't spot shitty parenting.  Especially because most of the things that people say it in reference to (allowing their children to act like tyrants, etc) are things that plenty of other parents don't do.  So, no, I don't think your kid is being a brat because I don't have kids.  I think you're kid is being a brat because I've spent plenty of time around children whose parents would never allow them to do such things.

HaileyDancingbear

The kid thing pisses me off too.  I think having kids is a wonderful thing for a lot of people, it's just not for ME.  I work with kids, that's more than enough nurturing for me, lol.  For the record I am very good at my job and I work for a relative who owns the business, so I would never DREAM of making a kid feel anything less than super happy to be at the studio.  But the time I spend at work exhausts me, I couldn't imagine having to be that way 24/7.  I don't really "Get" kids, they don't make sense to me, and when I'm not being paid by the hour to try my absolute hardest to be motherly,  I am just not a motherly person at all, and I don't like being around kids outside of work.  Also babies freak me out XD  I'll confess to that.  I am a great caretaker, but I don't think I would be a good mom.  I wish people would just respect that I wish to live my life differently than they want to live theirs, instead of just telling me "You'll change your mind."

Another thing that grinds my gears is also about kids- I can't stand it when parents take their kids out in public, or to an event, and don't watch them, so they're just running wild and ruining everyone else's experience.  Now I get that kids will be kids, and I don't expect them to stand silently in one spot, but I at least expect them to be monitored to the point where they aren't going to get hurt or damage other people's property.  For instance if your kid cries a bit, ok, but try to console them, don't just ignore them as they scream louder and louder.  And don't let them play on the damned escalator.  I HATE that.  I've seen it several times, some kid with no mom in sight just playing on the friggin escalator, and it scares the crap out of me!  They can get their clothes or fingers caught, and they can get seriously injured!  Also every time my father's side of the family has a get-together (This is why I'm not having kids at my wedding)  they spend the entire time running around and screaming while no parent of any of the at least 15 kids (There's more every time we have a get together.  I lost count) pays attention to what they're doing, and every time, without fail, at least one of them gets hurt and starts bawling their eyes out.  I'm just really not ok with kids getting hurt because they weren't being watched.  It makes me super nervous when kids aren't being watched.

pumpkinsandturkeys

Haaaaate all of the above kid things. While on the topic of children, what grinds my gears is people constantly asking us when we're going to start having kids. FI will be 39 a month after we get married, and I'm still in my 20s, so everyone seems to want us to put a rush on it "because of his age." When I say that I'm not even considering it for the first year (unless something happens to give me a major change of heart), they look shocked and say, "But he's almost FORTY!" Yeah, so? Maybe we'd like to focus on our relationship as a married couple first. And maybe I want a little more time to get ahead in my career before I take a whole year off. Sue me.

Bruins63

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

Haaaaate all of the above kid things. While on the topic of children, what grinds my gears is people constantly asking us when we're going to start having kids. FI will be 39 a month after we get married, and I'm still in my 20s, so everyone seems to want us to put a rush on it "because of his age." When I say that I'm not even considering it for the first year (unless something happens to give me a major change of heart), they look shocked and say, "But he's almost FORTY!" Yeah, so? Maybe we'd like to focus on our relationship as a married couple first. And maybe I want a little more time to get ahead in my career before I take a whole year off. Sue me.

Oh I'm so with you!! My fiance and I are both 29 right now so most of our friends have kids. When we say we don't want any for 5 years people give us looks of horror and comments of distain. It pisses me off so badly because we are big into travel- we just spent huge dollars going to Japan and China 2 months ago and it was a big deal to us. You would think people would be encouraging about worldly experiences instead they are like "eh must be nice to blow your money on that, why would you want to do that, I would never trade my kids for fancy vacations, you should grow up and have kids now" LIKE WHAT??!! So sorry that we wish to completely fulfill our dreams and goals before getting saddled down with kids....gee whiz what a concept.

afox007

I swear sometimes parents are the worst at being judgmental. I had the mom of one of future step sons call the other day screaming at me because we allow him to walk home by himself. She claims it's illegal and unfair to him and eventually she will have to call CPS. 

He's 11 and it is a 10 minute walk. I tried shutting her up by saying it was FI's decision for his son and she could talk to him. This led to more yelling that I need to grow up and be a parent. I think I'd prefer to be pressured into having a baby than deal with this woman. 

pumpkinsandturkeys

xmobergx said:

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

Haaaaate all of the above kid things. While on the topic of children, what grinds my gears is people constantly asking us when we're going to start having kids. FI will be 39 a month after we get married, and I'm still in my 20s, so everyone seems to want us to put a rush on it "because of his age." When I say that I'm not even considering it for the first year (unless something happens to give me a major change of heart), they look shocked and say, "But he's almost FORTY!" Yeah, so? Maybe we'd like to focus on our relationship as a married couple first. And maybe I want a little more time to get ahead in my career before I take a whole year off. Sue me.

Oh I'm so with you!! My fiance and I are both 29 right now so most of our friends have kids. When we say we don't want any for 5 years people give us looks of horror and comments of distain. It pisses me off so badly because we are big into travel- we just spent huge dollars going to Japan and China 2 months ago and it was a big deal to us. You would think people would be encouraging about worldly experiences instead they are like "eh must be nice to blow your money on that, why would you want to do that, I would never trade my kids for fancy vacations, you should grow up and have kids now" LIKE WHAT??!! So sorry that we wish to completely fulfill our dreams and goals before getting saddled down with kids....gee whiz what a concept.

I completely agree! I want kids soonish (starting to get that itch), but I'm not about to rush just because everyone else is doing it or because they think that there's some kind of biological clock ticking for FI. I'd love to take a few vacations, upgrade to a bigger house, take a few more university courses, and work for a while longer (because I really do love my job). I'm not saying that having kids prevents doing all of that, but it certainly limits your time, energy, and available funds. I want to be selfish for a tiny bit longer, because I'll never in my life get to be completely selfish again. (Edited to fix spelling)

Bruins63

 

I completely agree! I want kids soonish (starting to get that itch), but I'm not about to rush just because everyone else is doing it or because they think that there's some kind of biological clock ticking for FI. I'd love to take a few vacations, upgrade to a bigger house, take a few more university courses, and work for a while longer (because I really do love my job). I'm not saying that having kids prevents doing all of that, but it certainly limits your time, energy, and available funds. I want to be selfish for a tiny bit longer, because I'll never in my life get to be completely selfish again. (Edited to fix spelling)

Same here! We love getting up on Sunday mornings and going to breakfast together or something like that. We drive by the little league field and we say to each other "glad that's not us right now". I have the maternal gene and it'll be wonderful one day just not yet! My brother has a 3 year old and as much as he'd like to jet to China for 2 weeks there's no way he could.

cruffino

thank you all for validating me! i get that kids line from a few in FI's family, and i really can't stand it. i'm to the point of finding it offensive. luckily FI and i have just made it into a running joke to ease the tension.

HaileyDancingbear

cruffino said:

thank you all for validating me! i get that kids line from a few in FI's family, and i really can't stand it. i'm to the point of finding it offensive. luckily FI and i have just made it into a running joke to ease the tension.

My FI and I are young, and we get a lot of comments on that.  So it always weirds me out when I get a comment about how young I am, then a comment about how I must want kids! If you think I'm so young why are you telling me I should want to be a mom?  It's so awkward!

HisGirlFriday13

I *HATE* the "when you have kids, you'll understand" bullshit. A co-worker told me that last week, and I was like, 'No, I'm pretty sure that even without having kids, I know it's the parents' responsibility to teach them basic manners and survival skills.'

My current (family-related) "what grinds my gears" is when one person (DH's crazy-aunt) thinks EVERYONE ELSE (seven other people) should re-arrange our schedules and lives and holidays so that SHE can have what SHE wants for the day. Uhm, no. 

LizM61409

When my younger sister gets all uppity about how we're planning the wedding. As in (with a condescending tone of voice) "OMG what do you mean you're not having a photobooth??" Uh, because I have much better things to spend $500 on. Like the alcohol you will be drinking. And for you to have your hair done. So quit your complaining.

kerbohl

afox007 said:

I swear sometimes parents are the worst at being judgmental. I had the mom of one of future step sons call the other day screaming at me because we allow him to walk home by himself. She claims it's illegal and unfair to him and eventually she will have to call CPS. 

He's 11 and it is a 10 minute walk. I tried shutting her up by saying it was FI's decision for his son and she could talk to him. This led to more yelling that I need to grow up and be a parent. I think I'd prefer to be pressured into having a baby than deal with this woman. 

Oh, I HATE this!  My house is right by a school, and I have seen parents who live up the street (a two minute walk) drive their children to school.  They DRIVE them!  Are you allergic to walking?  In the Netherlands, kids have to bike twenty minutes to get to school, and that is not an exaggeration (I did it - it's a nice bike ride unless it is inevitably pouring).  They let their kids go on walking events where they shorten the distance for the kids to make it - to 15 km!  And kids can't walk a little while to school?  Gah!

HisGirlFriday13

kerbohl said:

afox007 said:

I swear sometimes parents are the worst at being judgmental. I had the mom of one of future step sons call the other day screaming at me because we allow him to walk home by himself. She claims it's illegal and unfair to him and eventually she will have to call CPS. 

He's 11 and it is a 10 minute walk. I tried shutting her up by saying it was FI's decision for his son and she could talk to him. This led to more yelling that I need to grow up and be a parent. I think I'd prefer to be pressured into having a baby than deal with this woman. 

Oh, I HATE this!  My house is right by a school, and I have seen parents who live up the street (a two minute walk) drive their children to school.  They DRIVE them!  Are you allergic to walking?  In the Netherlands, kids have to bike twenty minutes to get to school, and that is not an exaggeration (I did it - it's a nice bike ride unless it is inevitably pouring).  They let their kids go on walking events where they shorten the distance for the kids to make it - to 15 km!  And kids can't walk a little while to school?  Gah!

I will say this -- I work in news, and I can't tell you how many child abductions we've reported on where the kid was walking home from school and it was only five or 10 minutes. You may think the parents are being lazy -- and I'm not saying they're not; I don't know where you live -- but I think a lot of parents are just being protective.

WinstonsGirl

HisGirlFriday13 said:

kerbohl said:

afox007 said:

I swear sometimes parents are the worst at being judgmental. I had the mom of one of future step sons call the other day screaming at me because we allow him to walk home by himself. She claims it's illegal and unfair to him and eventually she will have to call CPS. 

He's 11 and it is a 10 minute walk. I tried shutting her up by saying it was FI's decision for his son and she could talk to him. This led to more yelling that I need to grow up and be a parent. I think I'd prefer to be pressured into having a baby than deal with this woman. 

Oh, I HATE this!  My house is right by a school, and I have seen parents who live up the street (a two minute walk) drive their children to school.  They DRIVE them!  Are you allergic to walking?  In the Netherlands, kids have to bike twenty minutes to get to school, and that is not an exaggeration (I did it - it's a nice bike ride unless it is inevitably pouring).  They let their kids go on walking events where they shorten the distance for the kids to make it - to 15 km!  And kids can't walk a little while to school?  Gah!

I will say this -- I work in news, and I can't tell you how many child abductions we've reported on where the kid was walking home from school and it was only five or 10 minutes. You may think the parents are being lazy -- and I'm not saying they're not; I don't know where you live -- but I think a lot of parents are just being protective.

Agreed, but we have parents who drive their kids from 3 doors down and then drive back home.  I've watched them cos I can see their garage from our school.  Safety is one thing, laziness is another.  

jenajjthr

As a parent to 3 kids I will say there are things you don't get until you have kids, but raising them without manners isn't one of them. I'm proud to say all 3 kids first words were momma, Dada, and thank you.
As for having them early versus later in life. There are pros and cons to each. Just like having kids versus not having kids. To the women who don't, yet get a lot of comments about it... use your bean dipping skills or be wonderfully sarcastic like I was. Q: When are you having kids? Me: Approximately 9 months after conceiving, would you like to be there when we try?

KytchynWitche

"Green's bad luck for a wedding!" I'm sorry, my choice of wedding colours determines the future stability of my marriage? Silly me for thinking that was determined by how much work FI and I are prepared to put into the relationship!

The only person who's ever tried the "you'll understand when you have kids" thing on me is my mom, and that was when I was still in high school. FI and I have been very vocal about our plans for the future (that is, we're not having children) so only his American grandmother has mentioned kids, and that's more because we're pretty much her only hope of great-grandkids.