XP: Guest List Question

hlvonb

So, long story short, I had a relatively big argument with a friend. About 2 days later she sent a text saying to save myself a stamp and to not bother sending her an invitation.

Well, while talking with my parents, I asked them if I should send her one anyway. They said no and that its a waste of time sending her one and that since she said not to, then we're "off the hook" so to say.

I know if you send someone a save the date, then you're supposed to send them an invitation but she has NOT been sent a save the date.

Is there an etiquette rule about this? (This has been posted on the etiquette board as well)

MairePoppy

Since she told you not to send her an invitation, you're off the hook. 

Teddy917

If there's any chance that you'll reconcile, I'd send one anyway and leave the ball in her court. But since you didn't send her a STD, you're fine etiquette-wise not to.

hlvonb

MairePoppy said:

Since she told you not to send her an invitation, you're off the hook. 

@MariePoppy

Thanks!

hlvonb

Teddy917 said:

If there's any chance that you'll reconcile, I'd send one anyway and leave the ball in her court. But since you didn't send her a STD, you're fine etiquette-wise not to.

@Teddy917

I am not sure if we will or not.  We used to be a lot closer but she and I have drifted apart in terms of closeness when she decided to stay with her husband after he hit her and locked her out of the house in the middle of winter (this was last year)

EverAfer

You didn't send her a save the date, so etiquette wise, you don't have to send her an invitation.

But, friends do argue occasionally. Like @Teddy917 said, if there's a chance you guys might reconcile, then I would consider it and leave the ball in her court. If the friendship is done and there's no going back, skip it.

JCbride2015

hlvonb said:

Teddy917 said:

If there's any chance that you'll reconcile, I'd send one anyway and leave the ball in her court. But since you didn't send her a STD, you're fine etiquette-wise not to.

@Teddy917

I am not sure if we will or not.  We used to be a lot closer but she and I have drifted apart in terms of closeness when she decided to stay with her husband after he hit her and locked her out of the house in the middle of winter (this was last year)

I would not give up on this friend so quickly.  You don't have to invite her to the wedding, but if it were me, I would keep checking in with her.  Even just to make sure she is safe.  It's extremely hard to leave an abusive relationship and she needs to know there are people who care about her who she can go to if she gets the strength to leave her husband.  The M.O. of an abusive spouse is all about isolating the battered spouse; it sounds like she's playing right into what he wants by shutting you out.  It's not your responsibility to police her, but if you care about her at all, you should make sure she knows the door is open.

hlvonb

JCBride2014 said:

hlvonb said:

Teddy917 said:

If there's any chance that you'll reconcile, I'd send one anyway and leave the ball in her court. But since you didn't send her a STD, you're fine etiquette-wise not to.

@Teddy917

I am not sure if we will or not.  We used to be a lot closer but she and I have drifted apart in terms of closeness when she decided to stay with her husband after he hit her and locked her out of the house in the middle of winter (this was last year)

I would not give up on this friend so quickly.  You don't have to invite her to the wedding, but if it were me, I would keep checking in with her.  Even just to make sure she is safe.  It's extremely hard to leave an abusive relationship and she needs to know there are people who care about her who she can go to if she gets the strength to leave her husband.  The M.O. of an abusive spouse is all about isolating the battered spouse; it sounds like she's playing right into what he wants by shutting you out.  It's not your responsibility to police her, but if you care about her at all, you should make sure she knows the door is open.

@JCBride2014

I will continue to check in with her but I am not going to force the friendship to reconcile. 

JCbride2015

hlvonb said:

JCBride2014 said:

hlvonb said:

Teddy917 said:

If there's any chance that you'll reconcile, I'd send one anyway and leave the ball in her court. But since you didn't send her a STD, you're fine etiquette-wise not to.

@Teddy917

I am not sure if we will or not.  We used to be a lot closer but she and I have drifted apart in terms of closeness when she decided to stay with her husband after he hit her and locked her out of the house in the middle of winter (this was last year)

I would not give up on this friend so quickly.  You don't have to invite her to the wedding, but if it were me, I would keep checking in with her.  Even just to make sure she is safe.  It's extremely hard to leave an abusive relationship and she needs to know there are people who care about her who she can go to if she gets the strength to leave her husband.  The M.O. of an abusive spouse is all about isolating the battered spouse; it sounds like she's playing right into what he wants by shutting you out.  It's not your responsibility to police her, but if you care about her at all, you should make sure she knows the door is open.

@JCBride2014

I will continue to check in with her but I am not going to force the friendship to reconcile. 

I think that makes sense-- it isn't your responsibility to babysit her but it sounds like this disagreement stems at least in part from her abusive relationship.