Cocktail Reception Timeline / Order or Events

[Deleted User]

I'm planning my Nov 1 2014 wedding as a cocktail party as my fiancé and I aren't big on the formal sit-down-dinner.  I've never been to a wedding of this style, and am fiddling with the timing of events.  We are having the entire event at a theatre – getting married on the stage, serving drinks and food (heavy hors d'oeuvres as there is no meal) in the lounge and lobby.  Any input would be greatly appreciated!  (Note: all of these times are flexible, they're just my starting points)

Option 1
7:00 Ceremony (in the actual theatre, guests in the audience, bridal party on stage)
7:30/7:45 Toasts - pre-poured signature drink (in the lobby, parents' and best man/maid of honour speeches)
8:00 Hors d'oeuvres (in the lobby/lounge, passed by servers) and mashed potato bar
9:00 Dancing begins (on the stage) with first dance, etc.
10:00 Dessert served (in the lobby) - not sure if we'll be cutting a cake or having a cupcake bar
11:00 Late night food served in lobby

Option 2
7:00 Ceremony (in the actual theatre, guests in audience, bridal party on stage)
7:30/7:45 Hors d'oeuvres (in the lobby/lounge, passed by servers) and mashed potato bar
9:00 Toasts (all guests return to theatre with a signature drink) - parents' and best man/maid of honour speeches
9:15 Dancing begins (on the stage) with first dance, etc.
10:00 Dessert served (in the lobby) - not sure if we'll be cutting a cake or having a cupcake bar
11:00 Late night food served in lobby

CMGragain

You are having a wedding at dinner time.  Why are you not serving dinner?  I wouldn't like this reception at all, and I would quickly leave to find a place where I could sit down and eat a dinner.

jessicabessica

You need to have enough heavy hors d'oeuvres to fill people up for dinner, and you need to have a seat for every guest.  

I am a little confused as to the lay out of the venue.  Will people be able to see the dancing from the lobby?  I would go for a variation of option #1.  Have toasts right after the ceremony and open up the food and bar, and then open dancing right away and let guests eat as they want.  If you're not doing a sit down dinner, I don't think you can limit the food to an hour.  I would have heavy passed and stationed apps available to guests the whole time in the lounge (or at least until you put out dessert).

banana468

There's nothing wrong with not serving a plated meal IF the food adds up to be a full meal. You need to extend the food serving time to be much longer with more options to make this work or your guests will be leaving.

JoanE2012

gitane16 said:

I'm planning my Nov 1 2014 wedding as a cocktail party as my fiancé and I aren't big on the formal sit-down-dinner.  I've never been to a wedding of this style, and am fiddling with the timing of events.  We are having the entire event at a theatre – getting married on the stage, serving drinks and food (heavy hors d'oeuvres as there is no meal) in the lounge and lobby.  Any input would be greatly appreciated!  (Note: all of these times are flexible, they're just my starting points)

Option 1
7:00 Ceremony (in the actual theatre, guests in the audience, bridal party on stage)
7:30/7:45 Toasts - pre-poured signature drink (in the lobby, parents' and best man/maid of honour speeches)
8:00 Hors d'oeuvres (in the lobby/lounge, passed by servers) and mashed potato bar
9:00 Dancing begins (on the stage) with first dance, etc.
10:00 Dessert served (in the lobby) - not sure if we'll be cutting a cake or having a cupcake bar
11:00 Late night food served in lobby

Option 2
7:00 Ceremony (in the actual theatre, guests in audience, bridal party on stage)
7:30/7:45 Hors d'oeuvres (in the lobby/lounge, passed by servers) and mashed potato bar
9:00 Toasts (all guests return to theatre with a signature drink) - parents' and best man/maid of honour speeches
9:15 Dancing begins (on the stage) with first dance, etc.
10:00 Dessert served (in the lobby) - not sure if we'll be cutting a cake or having a cupcake bar
11:00 Late night food served in lobby

If you do option 1, I would make sure there are chairs for people to sit on as you do the toasts.  Most toasts are pretty boring to the guests, and to have to stand through it makes it more painful.

In general, will there be tables and chairs for your guests to sit at with their food?  Sitting in the theater chair sounds awkward.  I would not want to sit there.  

Dancing (mixed with drinking?) on a stage sounds like an accident waiting to happen.  Also, is your DJ experienced with this type of venue?   I would imagine the acoustics are different.  

I also think you need more stations than just the mashed potato bar.  Passed apps are great, but sometimes getting to them as a guest is not easy.  I would want the ability to walk up and get food too.

CMGragain

This is the order of importance you should consider in planning your reception:

1.  Your guests' comfort (seats)
2.  Your guests' comfort (food)
3.  Your guests' comfort (bathrooms)
4.  Ambiance

It sounds like you have things a bit backwards.

[Deleted User]

Thank you.  As stated, my fiancé and I have been to many weddings with sit-down dinners with the traditional formalities, and would rather have a more casual mingling party which suits us.  I did say the hors d'oeuvres will be heavy.

I forgot to write that the hors d'oeuvres will continue to be passed throughout the night. 7:45/8 is just the starting time.

To everyone who is coming down on the theatre: you haven't seen it.  The chairs are cushioned and comfortable, and it is actually very easy to mingle with those around you (I've done it at a party).  In the lobby/lounge, we will have a variety of tables set up - both high tables to stand and mingle at in addition to round and rectangular tables with chairs (this is important for my aunts and uncles, and any older guests).

We've been approved to use the stage for dancing, my fiancé and I (working in theatre) have been to events similar with no incident.  We are having house tech familiar with the venue for music.

Above all, as in the title of the post, I was seeking advice about the order and timing of events, not a debate about dinner vs. hors d'oeuvres, etc.  No matter where my fiancé and I were going to have our reception, it was going to be a heavy hors d'oeuvres and food stations event.  I appreciate your concerns about the theatre, but having been to events that are similar that have been wildly fun, I am confident in my venue choice.

Two questions (provoked by some great points JoanE):

What other food stations would you recommend to go along with mashed potato bar?

Re: Option 2 - Speech and First Dance (and parent dances) at 9:00pm - I feel like this option eliminates people missing the first dance (which has happened at weddings I've been to), and puts the 'traditional' bits we're including all at the same time. We'll only have 5 short speeches/toasts (fiancé's parents seperately, mine together, then best man, and finally maids of honour together), then have the first dance and parent dances, joined by our wedding party and guests on stage to start the dancing.  Because of the venue's set up, I worry that having the special dances start on their own will require too much herding of people back into the theatre. (I recognize this is a challenge of the venue, but I know it can work)
- If you were a guest, strictly speaking about speeches and first dance timing, would you rather they're all together or separated?

JoanE2012

@gitane16 - I'm glad to see you have your reception worked out.  From your initial post, some of it seemed uncertain to us reading it  Most of us here are well-intentioned, and posting on a public forum often will spark conversation about ideas or plans that you might not have thought of.  Some might help you, some might not.

That said, I would add something like a pasta bar or slider bar.  This provides something a bit heartier that can be more meal-like.  In addition, I think it's important to have a nice spread of cheeses, veggies, crackers, dips, etc available all night on table.  Something small the guests can just go get if they want something to munch on.

As for your two options, I think option #2 flows better.  Do the toasts and the dances together.  You don't want to break up the party later in the night to do the dances.

I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but I really think 5 is too many speeches.  Not everyone who wants to speak has to speak.  When I go to weddings, I start rolling my eyes and mouthing "another?!" to my DH after 3 speeches.  I want the party to start, not have to sit through multiple people saying thank you or telling inside jokes about the couple.

At the VERY least, I'd have your FI's parents do their speech together.  Personally, I prefer to just see one parent (or set of parents), the best man and the maid/matron of honor.  Short and sweet of course.

[Deleted User]

Thanks again @JoanE2012!

I'll be going with the second option, and limiting the number of speeches.  Recalling one wedding I was at a while ago, both the bride's and groom's parents shared a speech (back and forth, very brief for both sets), then there were the best man's and maid of honour's short speeches.  I'll see if we can do similar, as I don't like sitting through speeches either!