Tux vs. Suit

hikebikebemerry

I just wanted to feel out what other people did for the Groom/ GMs.  I am getting married in November, with a late afternoon/evening ceremony and reception.  My FI already has a tux (it's a little too big because he got it from his Uncle, and the tailor could only take it in so far) but he doesn't have a nice suit.  He seemed interested in getting a nice suit, and this way the GMs wouldn't have to go out and rent/purchase tuxes.  1. Would it matter if all of the suits looked exactly the same?  I'm thinking of having my BMs wear different shades of whatever color I end up picking anyway. 2. Do you think that the groom not wearing a tux changes the formality of the event?

It's ultimately going to be up to FI, and I'm neutral on the subject.  Thanks!

KatWAG

Yes wearing a tux changes the formality of the event. Tuxes should not be worn before 6 pm. Are you having a black tie wedding, complete with all the fixings? If not, have him wear a suit.

What does your H want to wear?

hikebikebemerry

The ceremony would be at 4:30, cocktail hour- 5-6, reception 6-10.

He doesn't know which he wants to wear.  He likes the idea of getting a new suit, but he likes that he feels like James Bond in a tux (his words).

Also.. FI, not H- we're getting married at our ceremony :-P 

emmyg65

My husband bought a made-to-measure suit in dark gray, so he can use it for years to come. I'm a big fan of suits at weddings because it's so useful to buy a great-fitting, classic suit. It does make things less formal, though.

Cookie Pusher

FI originally wanted tuxes for the wedding, but it's outdoors in July. I talked him down to wearing suits after we went to his sister's wedding this summer. The guys all wore grey suits (different ones, at that) and everyone looked great. FI and his dad went to Jos. A Bank during a B1/G3 sale so it was totally affordable, too.

doeydo

It would only matter if the suits looked the same if you and your FI cared if they did.  Perhaps you could do the mismatched suits but have them wear the same tie and boutonniere or something.  Here are pictures of GM in mismatched suits:

Dignity100

We're doing suits.  Our reasoning:  Destination wedding (don't feel like fussing with rentals) and a suit can be worn for multiple occasions (other weddings/formal events, interviews, etc).

JennyColada

My Fi is wearing a suit, but we are planning for an intimate and informal afternoon ceremony.

hikebikebemerry

Thanks, everyone!  

@doeydo- thanks for the pictures, I will show them to FI so he can make his decision!

CJandRyan

We're doing suits also. We're having an informal wedding and I prefer the look of a suit to a tux. Plus, it seems more cost effective for them to buy suits that they pick out for themselves that they can keep and wear again as opposed to renting a tux for a day. 

Crystal03jc

My groom and his groomsmen are all wearing Vera Wang gray vests, gray pants, plain white button up shirts & striped neckties from Men's Wearhouse.  They'll also be wearing white sneakers, my groom will be wearing Kswiss.  Not sure in we're telling them to buy the same or any white sneakers they want.

TiaTea

Love the mismatched suits that doeydo posted. Kind of gives a nice relaxed feeling.
Also what emmyg65 said. Love clothes that can be used on many occasions.
The suit does change the formality. But also makes it more real.
Sometimes when guys rent tuxedos, but are not used to wearing one, it makes them look kind of stiff and fake.
The James Bond remark is really cute. But J.B practically lives in his tuxedo. Can fiance pull it off?

Maggie0829

My H wanted to wear a tux so that is what he and GM wore.  We also had the same timeline as you and even though our ceremony was before 6pm, the fact that my H wanted to wear a tux trumped the rule.

I think if your FI wants to get himself a nice suit then he should.  If he gets a black suit then he can just tell the guys to wear a black suit, but they certainly don't all have to be the same brand or what not and it will still look fine.

princessleia22

We had a hard time with that too. FI didn't know what he wanted. But he's not the formal type and we are having a smaller, early afternoon DW, so I figured a suit would be better. But he's worried that if I make him buy a nice suit (he doesn't already own one) that I might actually make him wear it on occasion, rather than just dress pants & nice shirt when we need to dress up for events. I'm leaving the decision to him, but I think he's going to do tuxes.

melbenso

We are getting married in a 4 p.m. ceremony outside (hopefully) in the middle of summer.  My FI thought a suit or a tux would be too hot, so he and his groomsmen will be wearing vests and ties instead.  I was leaning towards them wearing suits, but I'm not the one who is wearing it, so I didn't push to hard on that.  They will be renting vests, shirts, ties, and pants from a tux shop (suit minus the jacket, essentially). We just went and picked out the specific colors of the vest and tie this week. 

Your FI should wear whatever he likes best.  Like Maggie said, if he wants to wear a tux even though they are traditionally for ceremonies after 6, what he wants trumps the rule.   Suit or tux, I sincerely doubt that anyone at the wedding will make any comment other than how nice he looks in his chosen clothes.  And with the wedding ten months away, he's still got plenty of time to figure it out either way.

vmj23

i asked my FI what he wanted to do..suit or tux.  He could use a new suit so I thought this would be a good opportunity to get one, but he said he want's to wear a tux, so tux it is!  Our ceremony is at 4.   If he wore a suit, all the guys would have, not necessarily matching but i thought coordinating ties woudl be good (different but same color scheme)  My bridesmaids are mismatched so i didn't see reason for the guys to all match.  

CMGragain

No tuxedos in the daytime!  Suits are always appropriate.

Sars06

My fiance is getting a new navy MTM suit for our wedding, which is a Saturday evening wedding in August. Our reception is not "formal" but it's not informal - open bar and three-course plated meal at the reception.

Technically one does not wear a tuxedo before 6pm even if the ceremony begins in the late afternoon and goes into the evening. The proper daytime formal attire for a man is morning dress. However, these days I think only the most serious etiquette sticklers would side-eye a groom for wearing a tux if the ceremony begins *around* 6pm. I think 4:30 is pushing it, but go for it if that's what you want.

My biggest problem with tuxedos is that rentals have an abysmal fit. I would much rather see the men wearing nice suits that fit them properly than ill-fitting rented tuxedos. I went to a beautiful and lavish formal wedding last summer where the groomsmen were all wearing rented tuxes that DID NOT FIT. It looked so bad. My fiance and I couldn't believe that, with all the money they spent on this wedding, they couldn't buy the men outfits that fit them!

QueerFemme

 Yep, the "no tuxes in the daytime!" is the rule, but honestly, I think it's a victimless crime.  My partner wanted a tux, and we had a 3pm wedding.  I wasn't about to jump up and down and kick and scream.  If someone wants a tux, wear one, if they want a suit, wear that.  It makes no difference to me.  Now, if they want to wear sneakers with a tux, or chucks with a wedding gown, I would have a different opinion.

Maggie0829

What I don't understand is that a tux is not "allowed" until after 6pm but it is perfectly acceptable for brides to wear huge formal ballgowns before 6pm without issue.

grumbledore

@Maggie0829 you took the words right out of my mouth, that's what I was just thinking.

Sars06

Maggie0829 said:

What I don't understand is that a tux is not "allowed" until after 6pm but it is perfectly acceptable for brides to wear huge formal ballgowns before 6pm without issue.

I believe this is because the bride's dress is determined by the formality of the wedding, rather than the time of day. Whereas the groom's attire is determined by both formality and time of day. Men's fashion in general has more Rules than women's fashion.

But I agree that these distinctions become increasingly more nonsensical with time. OP's fiance should wear what he wants.

CMGragain

The appropriate formal daytime attire for men is a morning suit, not a tuxedo.  I think daytime wedding dresses should be less formal, with lace, not sequins and beads.  When daughter was shopping for her daytime wedding dress, we had trouble finding one without bling.

kmmssg

Maggie0829 said:

What I don't understand is that a tux is not "allowed" until after 6pm but it is perfectly acceptable for brides to wear huge formal ballgowns before 6pm without issue.

This has ALWAYS been my issue.  If the bride is going to have a big white wedding dress at 2 pm, I think a tux is a really moot point

Maggie0829

Sorry but I have seen plenty of satin or lace gowns with absolutely no bling or sequins that are incredibly formal.

I really think the "after 6pm" rule for tuxedos just needs to go away. A man cannot go wrong with a basic black tux at any time of day, IMO.

CMGragain said:

The appropriate formal daytime attire for men is a morning suit, not a tuxedo.  I think daytime wedding dresses should be less formal, with lace, not sequins and beads.  When daughter was shopping for her daytime wedding dress, we had trouble finding one without bling.

Edited because I quoted the wrong thing at first. Damn phone!

QueerFemme

Maggie0829 said:

Sorry but I have seen plenty of satin or lace gowns with absolutely no bling or sequins that are incredibly formal. I really think the "after 6pm" rule for tuxedos just needs to go away. A man cannot go wrong with a basic black tux at any time of day, IMO.

show previous quotes

The appropriate formal daytime attire for men is a morning suit, not a tuxedo.  I think daytime wedding dresses should be less formal, with lace, not sequins and beads.  When daughter was shopping for her daytime wedding dress, we had trouble finding one without bling.

Edited because I quoted the wrong thing at first. Damn phone!

Me too. I don't think it's the "bling" that makes it formal. I think once you are in a full length gown with a train... you are formal.  I think if there is a huge worry about the formality of tuxes in the daytime, maybe the wedding gown should be tea length cotton or chiffon.

CMGragain

There is a very interesting book called All Dressed in White about the history of weddings in the USA.  It says that wedding dresses resembled daytime attire until the 1930s.  Wedding dresses were full length until the 1920's because daytime dresses were also full length, or almost.  1920s wedding dresses look very odd to the modern eye.  Picture white satin flapper dresses with long veils.  During the 1930s, bridal gown became almost standardized as full length costumes for the wedding only.  There was a brief period in the 1950s when tea length was popular, but full length has remained the favorite for brides since.
Does it make sense?  No.  I really don't understand why so many brides tell us that they are having a casual wedding, but are wearing a full length bridal gown.  It seems to be one of those things everybody wants to have.
Mens clothing, on the other hand, is not wedding specific.  Except for a horrible moment in the 1970s, there is no "groom's suit" that is designed only for a wedding.  Mens clothing rules follows the tradition of what is proper wear for the occasion.  That means suits in the daytime (sport coats for less formal and morning coats for very formal), and suits or tuxedos for evening wear.  Very formal weddings are white tie and tails, but I have never heard of this level of formality in the USA in modern times.

kmmssg

I hear what you are saying CMG - but it makes no sense at all to balk at the bride and groom matching in formality.  She wears a gown, he wears a tux, they match.  Both are formal and evening wear.  If it is fine for her, there is certainly no reason to get up in arms about the guy wearing a tux prior to 6pm.

How is Simon?

Sars06

CMGragain said:

Except for a horrible moment in the 1970s, there is no "groom's suit" that is designed only for a wedding.  

Oh now I really want to see this.

CMGragain

Sars06 said:

show previous quotes

CMGragain said:

Except for a horrible moment in the 1970s, there is no "groom's suit" that is designed only for a wedding.  

Oh now I really want to see this.

It was a white polyester tailcoat, worn with a white ruffled shirt and white pants.  (Think John Travolta!)  Thank goodness I had the good sense to be traditional.  My contemporaries wedding photos look ridiculous!

CMGragain

kmmssg said:

I hear what you are saying CMG - but it makes no sense at all to balk at the bride and groom matching in formality.  She wears a gown, he wears a tux, they match.  Both are formal and evening wear.  If it is fine for her, there is certainly no reason to get up in arms about the guy wearing a tux prior to 6pm.

How is Simon?

I didn't say it made sense!  LOL.
Just back from a three week cruise to Hawaii.  Great weather and smooth sailing.  Aloha!  My travel agent is a jewel!
Simon is perfect, as usual, thanks!  We Skype weekly.  I bought him a cutie-wootie Hawian suit from Hilo Hatties, and treated myself to macadamia nuts and Kona coffee from Walmart!