Anyone else have a very involved groom?

JaniV123

My FI is adorable! He loves being involved in planning and heck he is even more excited and up to speed than i am. He wants to be in charge of every single detail and says he will be a sort of groomzilla. I find it adorable and think im lucky that he wants to be so involved. Anyone else with me? Edited for clarity

smalfrie19

Nope..if my fiancé was THAT controlling... I would think it was a red flag...not cute.....

JaniV123

Whywould be a red flag that he wants to control wedding details? It is not an aggressive control and we share opinions i just am not one to obssess ober details but he is.

JCbride2015

Fi is equally involved but I would not call him a groomzilla.  He cares a lot about venue, food, music, and my dress, but he really knows nothing about flowers or photography.  But so far we've done everything together.

climbingsingle

Groomzilla isn't really an endearing term to me. If my FI said he was going to be a Groomzilla, I'd be concerned. It's not really "adorable". 

ShallowSeas

I dont think I could handle him wanting to control EVERY detail. Neither of us want to control every detail.  Its OUR wedding and we get feedback about things from one another and compromise so we each of aspects in the wedding that we came up with.  I ask my FI on his opinions on everything and he gladly gives me it.  He definitely has an idea of what he wants and he appreciates that I care about it.  There are some things he was adamant about, like the reception band. I've asked his opinion on just about everything; even the bridesmaid dresses and he actually had some good insight and points about it. But he doesn't feel the need to control the wedding planning.  If an idea pops in his head or if he sees something he likes, he'll let me know and ask my opinion on it.  We are both equally involved and have planned everything together so far, and will continue planning everything together.  Its important to both of us that we equally plan this wedding.

smalfrie19

JaniV123 said:

Whywould be a red flag that he wants to control wedding details? It is not an aggressive control and we share opinions i just am not one to obssess ober details but he is.

Because there is a difference between CONTROL and groomzilla and having an opinion. My finace has an opinion but he doesn't want "control" the details. Neither do I.

jdluvr06

My FI had a few ideas about a few specific things (food, cake, venue) but I've had to pull teeth to get opinions from him about anything else.

JaniV123

We talked about it and he explained its mostly because at work he has to be very detail oriented in order for things to get done and done right. We have done everything together so far and we share and care fort he others opinions. I dont care much for the details and he does so i dont mind that he takes control of it. Like i said he said it that way because of how involved he wants to be. I dont think its something to worry.

smalfrie19

JaniV123 said:

We talked about it and he explained its mostly because at work he has to be very detail oriented in order for things to get done and done right. We have done everything together so far and we share and care fort he others opinions. I dont care much for the details and he does so i dont mind that he takes control of it. Like i said he said it that way because of how involved he wants to be. I dont think its something to worry.

well then he might have a problem at the wedding ..because things go wrong at weddings..in EVERYONE's weddings...there is no such thing as a "perfect" wedding. So he might just be worrying himself into an early grave...

pinkcow13

It is early on for us but I would say we have different levels and ways of showing interest. I researched and scheduled all the venues (we only went to one he suggested), which I know he was not thrilled about having to go to so many places lol. But, he was very interested when we were there, asked tons of questions, and had lots of opinions after. I've shown him some dress ideas and have gotten some opinions but not too much, I don't want him too involved in that aspect. Flowers will be all me, music I think we will both handle. As we get closer to the date I guess we'll see how we will figure out what aspects to be involved in.

JaniV123

I knowand he knows but he has always been keen on planning things and details and im not so we balance it all out

melbelleup

My groom has helped a bunch When we first got engaged I asked him what he really wanted at the wedding/reception and he demanded a chocolate fountain lol. So when we went venue looking we only looked at venues that have a choco fountain for us to rent. He has an equal say in invites, centerpieces, favors (photobooth), guys tuxes, stamps... and that's about it. lol. but I would say he's definitely involved. He never saw our venue until after it was already booked because he didn't grow up where I did and we live 8 hrs away from my home town. He didn't see the church until this past christmas lol

tmclawchick

FI is reasonably involved. Unfortunately, he's had the worst ideas ever ("why can't we tell people to just give money?" "why can't the groomsmen wear Starfleet uniforms?") so I've taken the reins on this wedding for the most part.

PolarBearFitz

My FI is involved and gives his opinions on things and we work as a team for planning. If he doesn't really like something he will let me know and we will discuss our options. If he doesn't care then his response is 'I would marry you wherever, in anything, with whoever shows up because all I want to do is marry you.' That response to me is sweet especially if I am overwhelmed with decisions.

Groomzilla control freaks are not sweet, cute, or adorable to me. If FI said anything about 'being in charge of every little detail' I would kindly remind him that this isn't a country for his rule of tyranny and it is our wedding. Not a fan of '___zilla' for anyone at anytime. I guess to each their own in this case.

chibiyui

FI is very involved. Sometimes its really annoying.

Right now hes being all "I'm not telling you what I'm wearing, it will be a surprise"

This is after he was whining about how it wasn't fair that I got to tell him what to wear and he couldn't see my dress. (I told him he wasn't allowed to wear a cape) and then showed him a pic of my dress.

I love the boy, even if he does wear a cape I'd marry him, but dammit he's frustrating about some things.

Emmy1493

My fiance is involved with what he chooses to be. He's a full time student and works full time too. I, on the other hand, work PT and am taking a break from school for this semester. So I don't mind planning, of course. But if my FI in anyway tried to be GZ, that would be stopped real quick. BZ and GZ is not a cute attitude, and I really hope your FI doesn't go there because it's just annoying.

manateehugger

I'm actually surprised by how much mine wants to be involved. He was pretty neutral about it until I got a chance to show him all the decor stuff I had bought (we're long distance). Since then he obsessively checks the Google doc checklist we have, and will text me saying, "I've got the next thing on the list."

He's been handling the cake, his and GM attire, the church, and the DJ.

I would not be pleased if he demanded he take care of all the details, nor would I find a groomzilla endearing (just like I'm sure he wouldn't find a bridezilla to be cute). 

hellohkb

He has been involved because I told him I won't plan a wedding without him because it's *our* day, not just mine. I want to make sure the wedding is something we both like. 

joannaeberhart

FI works in the entertainment industry, so he has a LOT of connections. He'll be in charge of securing the venue, officiant, photographer, and DJ, and since the venue is likely going to be his workplace he'll have a pretty big say in the decor and lighting as well. 

Honestly I don't mind one bit...it's his day just as much as mine, we're paying for it together, and he's got some really great opinions!

Cookie Pusher

FI talks a big game ("Oh! We should totally have XYZ!"), but when it comes down to it, he's really lazy. I told him he could have whatever he wanted at the wedding - but he'd have to make it happen. Magic words, I tell ya. He's over his "OMG WE NEED TO HAVE A BIG WEDDING WITH DOVES AND WHITE TIGERS AND ELEPHANTS AND 23908429357 GUESTS!" kick. lol

FurtureMrsWhitehead

I think it's sweet. My Fi has been involved but not in detail, but enough to so that I know he's excited. And I like it that way. 

JaniV123

thanks for sharing. so far he hasnt truly been a GZ so its all peachy. I do love how involved he is and how he is willing to pay attention to details I might overlook

arrippa

tmclawchick said:

FI is reasonably involved. Unfortunately, he's had the worst ideas ever ("why can't we tell people to just give money?" "why can't the groomsmen wear Starfleet uniforms?") so I've taken the reins on this wedding for the most part.

Is it bad that I would consider that. Once a ST fan, always a ST fan.

HisGirlFriday13

As I posted in another thread recently: 

DH and I may or may not have had a slight disagreement in a craft store about the colour of the candles, votive holders, and tissue paper. 

One of us was concerned about whether the orange of the votives was more of an amber or a pumpkin colour.

That person was not me.

We also, at one point, had a conversation about those votives in which he questioned the cost, and I said, through gritted teeth, that if he thought he could do better than six dozen red votive holders and six dozen white, scentless candles for $43, free shipping, he was welcome to look, but I had done my homework and I had looked carefully and I had price-shopped, and I did NOT appreciate being second-guessed.

And that led to a come-to-Jesus conversation about what we could talk about and compromise on (food, flowers, DJ, etc.) and what I refused to care about (what kinds of gourds we used, whether the votives were red or amber or pumpkin or cinnamon coloured) and if HE wanted to care about them, he was more than welcome to hash that out with my mother.

He (wisely) decided to agree that some things didn't need to be micromanaged, and that in many cases, cost should be the deciding factor (cf: the damn votives; red ones were $43, the ones he liked in an orange-y colour were TWICE that and didn't include candles); and that it was fine if the favour bags (orange) didn't match the votives (red) didn't match the flowers (ivory).

RissAnn1970

We did everything jointly except dresses and flowers.

KytchynWitche

FI is a healthy-amount of involved, but he's not proactive. What pretty much happens is I work on an idea, then I show it to FI, and he gives his opinion on it. It's a little annoying because I honestly just wanted to get married at Home Affairs, but he insisted we have an "actual wedding" (not my choice of words, but you get what I'm saying). But at the end of the day, we'll be married and that's what matters. The how is not important.

FutureMr&MrsG

My FI are making most decisions together. I've had some ideas and shared them with him and he has agreed with them.
He has a dj that he really wants to use, it will be a $600 upgrade fee to our package through the venue. Since this is important to him, I think we are going to do it.

My FI also jokes about surprising me with his and his GM tux's since he will not be helping pick out my dress.

So far, I am enjoying the planning with him!

RWS2011

In the early stages of planning, FI glazed over about wedding details I would try to discuss with him.  Especially after my layoff and subsequent 8 months of severe underemployment, cost has been at the front of his mind around every choice for the wedding.  Even before the layoff, we scaled back our already economical wedding because, given our circumstances, it didn't make sense to spend that much.  

He has been very involved in selecting the venue, and is beginning to take more of an interest in the details.  I think for him, when it moved from conceptual to concrete, he became more excited and more invested in the process.

SmileDamnit

We're returning to FI's hometown (which is also where his father's ashes are scattered) for the wedding so it's quite personal to him and as such, he's pretty invested. It's also his second wedding - married quite young & has been divorced for 12 years - so I think he's excited to actually have a say this go around. That said, we've really only tackled the "big picture" stuff so far...ask me again when we start hashing out the details and minutia and we'll see if it's still all rainbows and fairy dust

tmclawchick

moemacWed30594 said:

tmclawchick said:

FI is reasonably involved. Unfortunately, he's had the worst ideas ever ("why can't we tell people to just give money?" "why can't the groomsmen wear Starfleet uniforms?") so I've taken the reins on this wedding for the most part.

Is it bad that I would consider that. Once a ST fan, always a ST fan

Haha love it! I actually like the show, but he's a super fan. He & his groomsmen are wearing communicator badges on their tuxes, and we're having a cake topper where the groom is in a Spock costume. I found a garter on Etsy that says "Live long and prosper"... even though we probably won't do the garter toss, I still might get it