check out the thread Death comes slowly but surely to etiquette -miss-manners on Etiquette.
This is exactly what happens when people think it's okay to have guest pay for anything at an event they are hosting. Sadly, this might catch on if people don't nip it in the bud.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
Chill with the trash mouth like I said that's your opinion if no one agreed those weddings with cash bars wouldn't exist. Etiquette is options of others if they weren't they would be UNIVERSAL which they are not which is exactly why other countries have different etiquette. So if it's so rude you stay home. That simple.
If you want to host according to another country's etiquette, have your wedding in that country. Hell, I'll even give you that cultural norms can vary by region, and that there are regions in the States (Since a large portion of us are from there) cash bars are almost acceptable.
But that doesn't make it right.
And, it is totally possible for a non tacky couple to do something tacky. Many people on here dislike cash bars, but usually wouldn't end friendships over them. It just happens that many times something like a cash bar is paired with honeymoon jars, no thank you cards, b-listing, etc.
Me saying opinion is your excuse to use profanity? Lol. Hun have several seats cause that's not proper etiquette at all however you want to twist it. This board is for opinions and I gave mine and others gave theirs. Doesn't call for profanity under any circumstance so use your proper etiquette by all means and do it the right way honey not just when it comes to weddings. Good night
You are in no position to condemn anyone else for being "rude" or "hypocritical" as long as you keep advocating that something that is rude is "opinion."
As I said that doesn't determine a wedding "tacky." I don't need definition I know what it is. You have your opinion and I have mine so at the end of the day it doesn't even matter. I've been to both types of weddings and didn't feel as if I was paying for someone's wedding. Calling it tacky is very rude because at the end of the day it is their choice. And if you feel paying for your own alcohol is Paying for a wedding don't go.
Chill with the trash mouth like I said that's your opinion if no one agreed those weddings with cash bars wouldn't exist. Etiquette is options of others if they weren't they would be UNIVERSAL which they are not which is exactly why other countries have different etiquette. So if it's so rude you stay home. That simple.
Your ability to communicate effectively with others is broken, along with your ability to use logic. I suggest reading more. You might start with Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding.
Having a cash bar at a wedding is like inviting people over for dinner to your house and then proceeding to charge them for drinks in your own house. It's rude and it's ridiculous. Sure people don't HAVE to drink anything. But you're hosting them. Being a good host is taking care of your guests. If you can't afford to pay for peoples drinks, don't have alcohol. It's really not that difficult and I fail to see why people get so pissed off. It would be the same thing as having dinner at the reception and then telling people if they want food that they have to buy their own dinner.
At any rate, just because you don't agree with a rule doesn't make the rule itself irrelevant or wrong.
As for the OP, have a dry reception! It's completely fine. I've been to plenty of weddings that had no alcohol and they were still just as fun.
Profanity is allowed here, so your chastising people for it makes you look foolish. Not as foolish as you thinking etiquette and opinion are somehow interchangeable, but foolish all the same.
Can I interest you in a waffle?
What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
Have you ever READ an etiquette book or column? I'm concerned that you are basing your statements on opinion and not any actual evidence. Unfounded statements are like Swiss Cheese. Your statements are full of holes.
Seems that someones doesn't know the difference between tradition and etiquette. ::sigh::
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
You can say whatever you want cause you are entitled to but at the end of the etiquette varies from person to person, social circle to social circle, city to city and so on. Save the logic and communication comments cause it does not apply here. What's considered proper etiquette in Southern California isn't always considered proper in Nothern California. Same as New York vs Oklahoma and so on. How is there no logic in that. If your wedding etiquette was social law wedding ceremonies and receptions would be the same and they are different everywhere you go. So save me this etiquette you're holding on to so dearly because it is different everywhere you go. I'm sure 20 years ago it was "proper etiquette to have the FOB to pay for weddings and now more than ever people are paying out their own pockets and so on. It's ever changing and different is what you fail to realize. So that's where your opinion comes in.
Yeah, no. Do some more research. As banana said, tradition is not the same thing as etiquette, and you're using them interchangeably.
That wasn't the base of my argument either which is funny because that's the only thing you guys got out of that. It's different everywhere but you got hung up on traditions which yes is different but the fact of the matters is things change and things are different everywhere. Which was not even addressed.
As I said, you're not communicating well.
Here, want me to address what you said? You are wrong. You are conflating tradition and etiquette. Tradition is what changes from place to place. Etiquette does not. When you say things change and are different everywhere you're thinking about traditions, not etiquette issues. Etiquette is universal.
@Ms2MrsViney - so do you agree with couple in the Miss Manners letter when they ask guests to pay $25 per adult to attend a wedding to cover the open bar? If you don't pay you can't come to the wedding.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
No I don't agree with the if you don't pay you can't come part. It's your choice whether or not you want to drink and some people don't drink so it's not fair to them
@Ms2MrsViney - so do you agree with couple in the Miss Manners letter where a couple was ask to pay $25 per adult to attend a wedding to cover the open bar? If you don't pay you can't come to the wedding.
See, that is the problem with chipping away at etiquette. First it's a cash bar. People in some social circles seem use to them (certain not in my circle). After a while people think hey people don't mind paying to upgrade their beverages, so lets just ask them to pay for even a bigger upgrade of a an open bar. That way they don't have to pay every time they go to the bar. From there people will be like well, if they are paying for upgraded bar, why not pay for an upgraded dinner? And before you know it people will just be buying tickets to a wedding.
I'm not saying this will happen in the near future, but based on that Miss Manner's letter it is heading in that direction because people like you don't care about a little thing like paying for a drink at a cash bar at a hosted event.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
@lyndausvi it's not fair to say that's where it's heading cause I have yet to attend one like that and no one else here clearly hasn't said anything about it. Whether I choose to pay for my drink or not is my choice and because I don't care if I have to doesn't change anything. Seems like you guys should all get together and go picket outside all cash bar weddings since this hurts you so bad and maybe congress can push it into to law. It's not a big deal and it's not going to change because it is not rude or tacky. And FYI "people like me" choose to focus on what's more important, like the celebration of a union not a bar tab
@bana4648 and I'm sure you agree with my opinion too, clearly you would have a heart attack if you received that
Someone was the first to have a cash bar.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
@lyndausvi it's not fair to say that's where it's heading cause I have yet to attend one like that and no one else here clearly hasn't said anything about it. Whether I choose to pay for my drink or not is my choice and because I don't care if I have to doesn't change anything. Seems like you guys should all get together and go picket outside all cash bar weddings since this hurts you so bad and maybe congress can push it into to law. It's not a big deal and it's not going to change because it is not rude or tacky. And FYI "people like me" choose to focus on what's more important, like the celebration of a union not a bar tab
@bana4648 and I'm sure you agree with my opinion too, clearly you would have a heart attack if you received that
I don't care what part of the world you're from or what your social circle does......when you host a party, you host the entire thing. You don't ask your guests to pay for drinks. If you can't afford an open bar, you have a dry wedding or maybe just wine and beer. Or, heaven forbid, you work harder to save more money to have the wedding you want.
Otherwise, your guests get what's offered...they don't get the option to pay for liquor. Just like they don't get the option to pay for lobster for their meal. They choose what's offered.
I'm not sure why this is so hard for you to understand. It's really not a difficult concept.
@joanE2012 when have I ever said I don't understand I completely understand what you guys are saying however that clearly isn't the rule of America that having a cash bar wedding is unacceptable if it were they would not be offered. If that's what and couple chooses to do that's what that choose to do it's not your business as to why or why not. That does not make them bad people or bad hosts. THAT I will never agree with and it's THAT simple. You can say what you what over and over and over again my stand on it won't change. It's real judgmental to sit there and call someone tacky cause of what they do or don't have offer or don't offer at their wedding. It's not your business or your place be glad someone wanted you to attend their wedding.
Asking someone to open their wallet at a party IS being a bad host. If you can't afford it, you just don't have it! It's not a requirement for a party. And if you feel it is, save up your money until you can provide it. What is so hard to understand about that?
@joanE2012 when have I ever said I don't understand I completely understand what you guys are saying however that clearly isn't the rule of America that having a cash bar wedding is unacceptable if it were they would not be offered. If that's what and couple chooses to do that's what that choose to do it's not your business as to why or why not. That does not make them bad people or bad hosts. THAT I will never agree with and it's THAT simple. You can say what you what over and over and over again my stand on it won't change. It's real judgmental to sit there and call someone tacky cause of what they do or don't have offer or don't offer at their wedding. It's not your business or your place be glad someone wanted you to attend their wedding.
Lets be honest here. In America we have reality shows that covered Sweet Sixteens and rich people who do nothing for a living. We're a pretty tacky culture.
Cash Bars do not make them bd people no. But it does make them bad hosts.
@joane2012 it has nothing to do with affordability either. Some people choose bars to sometimes cut back on alcohol intake whereas in some places open bars get out of hand. Some have it cause they don't drink but they give their guests the option to and not on their dime so what. Couples do not owe their wedding guests anything it's not about if this is comfortable if this should taste like this if this should be in the menu, it's about celebrating a union and celebrating it WITH the couple not individual guest preference on everything they do, if that's the case people should send out surveys before they get married since you care so much. You shouldn't be attending a wedding based on food drinks anything that's materialistic for that matter cause that is not what it's about
And if you are hosting an event your guests shouldn't have to pay! If a bride or groom is against paying for booze they should have a dry reception! If they want a "party atmosphere" but don't want to pay for it, then they are being selfish. Cash Bars do not cut back on drunk guests or "things getting out of hand", all you get is drunk guests who now don't have tips for the cabbie. Or even cab fare. Booze is booze, if someone is intent on getting plastered and booze is available they will find a way. If your concerned about that, you hire a good bartender that will cut people off.
Funniest excuse ever for having a cash bar is it limits how much people drink.
Pretty sure bars around the world prove that excuse wrong every day.
OP - sorry we hijacked your post. Again a dry wedding is perfectly acceptable and not rude or tacky in any way.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
@banana468 I don't need it, it's not a bible thank you. You can stop replying to me now I'm sure you have more important thing to do seeing that you are a mother
My daughter 3 and she already knows how to be a good hostess.
Oh, and that insult has no place here thank you very much.
@banana468 I was referring to the statement "cash bar limits how much people drink" not an actual bar
It doesn't matter. People will pay. That doesn't mean they want to. They probably also pay high cable bills too. I don't know many people who WANT to do that.
Re: Dry Reception
Just about everyone here has used profanity at some time or another.
Failure to lurk before posting much?
But that doesn't make it right.
And, it is totally possible for a non tacky couple to do something tacky. Many people on here dislike cash bars, but usually wouldn't end friendships over them. It just happens that many times something like a cash bar is paired with honeymoon jars, no thank you cards, b-listing, etc.
Good night. Oh, and drop the "hun."
It's rude and it's ridiculous. Sure people don't HAVE to drink anything. But you're hosting them. Being a good host is taking care of your guests. If you can't afford to pay for peoples drinks, don't have alcohol. It's really not that difficult and I fail to see why people get so pissed off.
It would be the same thing as having dinner at the reception and then telling people if they want food that they have to buy their own dinner.
At any rate, just because you don't agree with a rule doesn't make the rule itself irrelevant or wrong.
As for the OP, have a dry reception! It's completely fine. I've been to plenty of weddings that had no alcohol and they were still just as fun.
Have you ever READ an etiquette book or column? I'm concerned that you are basing your statements on opinion and not any actual evidence. Unfounded statements are like Swiss Cheese. Your statements are full of holes.
As I said, you're not communicating well.
Here, want me to address what you said? You are wrong. You are conflating tradition and etiquette. Tradition is what changes from place to place. Etiquette does not. When you say things change and are different everywhere you're thinking about traditions, not etiquette issues. Etiquette is universal.
Better?
The entitlement and lack of basic manners in people makes me frightened.
Cash Bars do not make them bd people no. But it does make them bad hosts.
Seriously. Just buy one and keep it on top of the toilet so you'll have something to read. I think you need it
People expect to pay for drinks when they go out to a bar!
They don't expect to open their wallets at hosted events
Oh, and that insult has no place here thank you very much.