Wedding Etiquette Forum

addressing guests' attire

After reading the thread about guests' attire by poor @SarahRashid under "Attire and Accessories", I'm a bit nervous to ask (please don't hurt me!) but...

Is this okay for me to put on my wedding website? : "Female guests, please refrain from wearing white or ivory to the wedding. This is an evening wedding, so semi-formal to formal attire is encouraged. No jeans, tennis shoes or other casual-wear, please."

I added the part about no casual-wear after attending a friend's wedding last week where guests wore jeans and tennis shoes inside the cathedral! (I'm having a church wedding as well.) I was appalled at this, and do not want that to happen at my wedding! Plus, I as a guest felt awkward in my taffeta dress next to the lady in flats, skinny jeans and loose-fitting metallic top. I see how wedding guests dress as a respect issue. I guess I'm just under the impression that people should dress up and look their best for weddings. Is that too old-fashion a concept?

Is it not my place to tell my guests this, or is it okay for me to remind them that white and casual-wear are not acceptable at the wedding?
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Re: addressing guests' attire

  • Yes, the church I am marrying in has a dress code.
  • Rebl90Rebl90 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2014
    After reading the thread about guests' attire by poor @SarahRashid under "Attire and Accessories", I'm a bit nervous to ask (please don't hurt me!) but...

    Is this okay for me to put on my wedding website? : "Female guests, please refrain from wearing white or ivory to the wedding. This is an evening wedding, so semi-formal to formal attire is encouraged. No jeans, tennis shoes or other casual-wear, please."

    I added the part about no casual-wear after attending a friend's wedding last week where guests wore jeans and tennis shoes inside the cathedral! (I'm having a church wedding as well.) I was appalled at this, and do not want that to happen at my wedding! Plus, I as a guest felt awkward in my taffeta dress next to the lady in flats, skinny jeans and loose-fitting metallic top. I see how wedding guests dress as a respect issue. I guess I'm just under the impression that people should dress up and look their best for weddings. Is that too old-fashion a concept?

    Is it not my place to tell my guests this, or is it okay for me to remind them that white and casual-wear are not acceptable at the wedding?
    Personally I do not believe that it is appropriate at all to try to tell your guests what they can and cannot wear.  Women know not to wear white to weddings, and you will come across as rude to at least a few people by saying so.  Also, unless your venue has actual written restrictions or a dress code it is considered impolite to create a dress code for your wedding.  At the end of the day it is someone's choice as to how they will dress for a wedding, and if they don't do so appropriately it will reflect poorly on them, not you. 

    Edited: spelling
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  • Yes, the church I am marrying in has a dress code.
    What is the exact wording of the church's dress code?  What is the specific denomination?
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  • icecreamS04icecreamS04 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    edited January 2014
    Yes, the church I am marrying in has a dress code.
    In that case: What is the church's dress code?

  • It's Catholic. Shoulders must be covered. No jeans or tennis shoes. The whole wedding is more formal/traditional.
  • People already know not to wear white or ivory shades to a wedding. If someone were to wear that color anyway, a mention on a wedding website won't stop them,unfortunately. 

    What dress code does your church have?


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  • It doesn't matter what the whole wedding is like. If your venue has a black tie only policy at the door and will refuse entry to any guest who is dressed less formal, it's okay to tell them: The venue has a black tie policy. This is the only instance when this is considered to be okay. 

    For the church: The shoulders covered part is something your guests should be aware of anyway if the know they enter a house of worship.
    For jeans and tennis shoes: You would be refused to enter your church if you wore jeans or tennis shoes??? I've been to Catholic churches in Italy, the Vatican, Spain, UK, Ireland and Germany and I've seen many people wearing those during mass.  

  • These are their policies for weddings. The wedding coordinator at the church gave me a packet, and this was one of the rules. I think it's a very good idea personally. I guess assuming guests know what correct attire to wear to a church is assuming too much of people... like the wedding I attended recently.

    But this is off topic...

    Is it okay for me to put it like that on my website? I'm worried the non-church-going guests won't dress correctly.
  • Like @phira said, if they would truly be turned down, then I would add it to the website. But other than that it's rude to tell guests what to wear.

    Also, I'm a none church goer and I know what to wear to a church. Adding that information to your website solely for that reason will seem a little condescending. 


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  • After reading the thread about guests' attire by poor @SarahRashid under "Attire and Accessories", I'm a bit nervous to ask (please don't hurt me!) but...

    Is this okay for me to put on my wedding website? : "Female guests, please refrain from wearing white or ivory to the wedding. This is an evening wedding, so semi-formal to formal attire is encouraged. No jeans, tennis shoes or other casual-wear, please."

    I added the part about no casual-wear after attending a friend's wedding last week where guests wore jeans and tennis shoes inside the cathedral! (I'm having a church wedding as well.) I was appalled at this, and do not want that to happen at my wedding! Plus, I as a guest felt awkward in my taffeta dress next to the lady in flats, skinny jeans and loose-fitting metallic top. I see how wedding guests dress as a respect issue. I guess I'm just under the impression that people should dress up and look their best for weddings. Is that too old-fashion a concept?

    Is it not my place to tell my guests this, or is it okay for me to remind them that white and casual-wear are not acceptable at the wedding?
    No, you cannot say that.  The only times you can give clothing guidelines are when you are having a (true) black tie wedding or when your venue has a dress code. 

    What exactly, word-for-word, did your venue say about dress code?

    You cannot tell your guests not to wear white, period.



  • It doesn't matter what the whole wedding is like. If your venue has a black tie only policy at the door and will refuse entry to any guest who is dressed less formal, it's okay to tell them: The venue has a black tie policy. This is the only instance when this is considered to be okay. 

    For the church: The shoulders covered part is something your guests should be aware of anyway if the know they enter a house of worship.
    For jeans and tennis shoes: You would be refused to enter your church if you wore jeans or tennis shoes??? I've been to Catholic churches in Italy, the Vatican, Spain, UK, Ireland and Germany and I've seen many people wearing those during mass.  

    I've never heard of a venue having a black tie policy.  I think you're conflating two issues.  If the couple is having a black tie wedding (or white tie, but white tie weddings don't really exist) then they can indicate that.  Venue dress codes are typical either church requirements to have shoulders covered or country club-type requirements such as collared shirts and jackets. 



  • Isn't formal & black tie the same thing? Because that's what I want!
  • No, formal and black tie are not the same thing.  Black tie has an extensive list of requirements in order for it to actually be black tie, including top shelf open bar, live entertainment, multi-course plated dinner with tableside ordering by gloved waiters, butler-passed hors d'oeuvres, and so on. 



  • Oh, ok. Thanks. I'll change the wording to reflect that. I was told they were the same thing.
  • Oh, ok. Thanks. I'll change the wording to reflect that. I was told they were the same thing.
    What are you going to change the wording to?  I'm confused.



  • "Please wear formal attire."
  • "Please wear formal attire."
    That's what I was afraid of.  No, you can't say that.  You can only indicate if the event is a black tie event.  You cannot tell people how to dress otherwise, aside from the specific information that your church told you must be followed (with no editorializing; if they said shoulders and knees must be covered you can't add 'No jeans or sneakers').



  • The only thing you can put is the church's dress code. Anything relating to YOUR preference is inappropriate, and trust me when I say you will not care one bit what your guests are wearing that day. This is coming from someone whose stepmother wore a long, ivory, sparkly gown that she married my father in a few months prior. What your guests wear won't affect you or your wedding one bit.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • My venue does not allow jeans- I didn't tell that to my guests, as I trust they can look at the invite and info and attire themselves appropriately.

    The one dress code requirement I mentioned was the fact that my venue requires all men to wear sports jackets/blazers/suit jackets in the main reception room, where our reception is being held, just so they are aware of that rule.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited January 2014
    You sure do have a lot of questions about things that shouldn't concern you. Showers, guest attire, people buying their clothes before you.....and then there's the red flags question on Woes....all in one day!  Methinks you're either a troll or a bridezilla in the making. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • OP, I agree that you can tell guests to have covered shoulders for the Church, but that's it. Not all Catholic churches will require people to have their shoulders covered (mine does not) so that may be something people aren't familiar with.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Anniversary 
  • It's Catholic. Shoulders must be covered. No jeans or tennis shoes. The whole wedding is more formal/traditional.
    I've never heard of a Catholic church banning jeans or sneakers. I'm calling your bluff on that. I think you are being a weasel to get the answer you want.
    Ditto.  I call BS on the church having a policy saying no jeans or tennis shoes.  Shoulders covered I can believe.



  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited January 2014
    For the church: The shoulders covered part is something your guests should be aware of anyway if the know they enter a house of worship.


    I've been in many Catholic weddings with bare shoulders, so I would not assume guests should be aware if they enter a house of worship because not all Catholic Churches have the same policies.


    I don't have a problem with saying the church has a policy of no bare shoulder, jeans or tennis shoes (assuming that is their actual policy).   Leave color out of it though.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Catholic churches do not require shoulders covered, no jeans, no sneakers.  As a Catholic, born and raised, I have been to many churches that members have worn sundresses, jeans and sneakers.  No problem.  This "requirement" sounds like you imposing your vision at the expense of your church. 

    I would, along with many Catholics, would question this.  I call BS.
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