S/O: What is the rudest comment someone has made about your wedding?

Rebl90

CowgirlK39 said:

I am a total lurker but I thought I'd chime in. We didn't have anyone say anything rude to us about the wedding, but one couple we are friends with let their jealousy become painfully evident. The guy made a comment to us about how our wedding will be "tough to beat." He proposed to his Gf a few weeks after our wedding, and I happily met up with them to congratulate them. The guy shoved his FIs ring in my face, bragged about the quality, and then began telling me all the ridiculous ways he planned to "beat" our wedding. We had left the reception in a fire truck because my DH is a very dedicated fireman, so our friend began saying he wanted to join the Air Force reserve so he could leave in a fighter jet. Because, ya know, they totes let you borrow those things. Also, weddings are absolutely competitions like in the tv shows so there isn't a single thing wrong with making such rude comments!!!! Ugh. Moron.

Are you for real?  What is he, 12 years old or something?  I cannot believe an adult would think that...

kittenkaboodle

Wow, some of these are impressively offensive!  I'm so sorry!

Here's my list:

1.  When I told my father we got engaged he responded with "well you're already living together, what's going to change?  Call me when you have some news." then handed the phone to my mother.  My mother didn't do much better, I think the total phone call was probably around 5 minutes.  And they like my FI.

2.  My sister's comment about my engagement ring "well, as long as you like it"

3.  At dinner FFIL asking me if I was sure I really wanted to marry his son, because marriage is a big deal and he wasn't sure we were taking it seriously (which by the way we have been together for 7+ years)

4.  FFIL was concerned we are going to have a trashy wedding and embarrass him in front of his family  (which so far he has only committed to paying for the rehearsal dinner, nothing towards the reception)

5.  FFIL repeatedly tried to ignore the fact that the fixed meal he wanted to order everybody at the rehearsal dinner I'm allergic too and my mother would also be unable to eat.  FI was finally able to take care of that one.  

I know there's a few more sprinkled here and there that I can't remember.  I think the only person who has yet to offend us is my FMIL.

Vivandiere8

Cookie Pusher said:

Vivandiere8 said:

pokey775 said:

When we went in to pick up the engagement ring, we had an older saleslady exclaim, "Oh, you two will have the prettiest mixed babies!" She was really sweet, if misguided, so we smiled and thanked her, but we took a 5-minute laughter break as soon as we stepped outside. 

Incredibly, I've heard this same comment at least 3 times from both friends and strangers. On the one hand, thanks for the compliment? On the other hand, how did that make it through your brain-to-mouth filter? 

Cookie Pusher said:

FI and I get that a lot too, @pokey775! Like, seriously, how offensive can you get?!

I don't know ladies... is it really so offensive in the end? I don't find it so. i feel we are still transitioning a bit from one generation's way of talking to another and unless they mean it offensivly I would never take it as so. It might not be smart to say because people can be a bit hypersensitive about the mention of race, but when it's a positive sterio type is offensive the right word? I don't think I've heard that comment yet (just "you two will have beautiful children" without race mentioned) but if I did (I am Native American/Cacasian and fiance is African American) I think I would enthusiastically agree that they will be the most beautiful children the world has ever seen! I don't know, maybe I'm just not looking at it right but that's how I see it.

Yes, it is offensive. Would anyone say that to two Caucasian people whose ancestors were from different countries? No one says anything about "mixed babies" when it's say, an Italian mother and a Swedish father. What it comes down to is that that majority of people are of mixed heritage, but to single out only certain groups is offensive.

I have heard this actually. Just the other day I heard someone say that Irish and Polish mix was beautiful. I can't really see someone's opinion of what might look pretty as offensive.

ShellD13

lilybet13 said:

CrazyCatLady3 said:

Schatzi13 said:

These people meant well, but there was also a pattern of people not listening to us or to our wishes when we were planning our wedding that we hosted. Sometimes I felt like a child. 

-We got a lot of "You have to X. It's not a wedding without X." (Whatever. Just words.)

-I almost had a surprise shower. Those are generally fine and all, but I had already politely declined a shower twice, and the guest list for this thing apparently was a bunch of my friends...who were not invited to our family-only wedding.

-We found out that another person was going behind our backs trying to replan our wedding to include two aspects that he thought were missing. Luckily someone else put a stop to it for us.

@Schatzi13 how was that going to work?

---------- 

Without going into too many details (he's getting married soon, so he or FI might be on here): This person was going to contact our vendors to have them add the "missing" bits as a "surprise" for us. He did speak with one of them, who said no because it didn't come from us. The "missing" things weren't related to guest comfort; like the shower, they were just things that often happen at weddings and that we did not want. This person decided that we would regret not having these things at our wedding, and that it was his job to make them happen.

Like I said, sometimes I felt like a child, being told what we really wanted despite what we said.

ETA: Quote box.........

@Schatzi13 - I am worried the same thing is going to happen at my wedding.  My FI and I have made a firm decision to not have a wedding cake.  We are having a small wedding (less than 20) and taking everyone out to a very nice restaurant that has a full dessert menu following the ceremony.  Our guests will be allowed to order whatever they want.

But at least two people have made comments about how necessary a wedding cake is...and I know my sister has called the local bakery that we love.  I gave her a huge lecture about we don't want cake, we didn't order a cake, you shouldn't try to order one for us.  My only hope here is that she is flying in from out of town and I have talked her out of renting a car (she's using mine for the week) so hopefully I'll be able to supervise most of her pre-wedding time.

I love her dearly, but if she shows up with a wedding cake I may have to hurt her!

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

FMIL: "Your mother is wearing white....how do you feel about that?" Fine, YOU'RE the one with the problem.  THIS was the most hurtful thing FMIL has said.  My mother chose her dress and I thought it looked wonderful, and FMIL called FI and told him how that was so "gauche" repeatedly.  I cannot wait to stand by my mother in photos and see how happy she is and FMIL wanted to judge her.  

Some Random coworker who no longer works here: "Don't get married.  Just don't.  It's not worth it and you'll just be miserable!"  My one coworker who is a friend (and also a guest at my wedding) jumped to my defense immediately (he is pro marriage lol) and told her to stop with that!  Two seconds before that she was was offering to make the cake for the wedding.  Just..wow.  

A friend I don't talk to anymore: "About time"  We had dated for 8 years so I guess he was being cheeky?

A random coworker in another department: "Your ring doesnt look like an engagement ring.  I guess that means you could resell it if you had to."  Uhhhh WUT?

Istoleahalo

From my best (guy) friend who is like a brother to me after seeing my STDates which had a very subtle Doctor Who nod (it said "ALONS-Y" on the front, which is French for "Lets Go" but happens to be a catch phrase for the Doctor)...  "UGH  I'm not going if I see any more stupid nerdy/geeky stuff"  He was a bit tipsy at the time so I let it slide.  He's not said anything rude while he's been sober lol.  

My mom has been very opinionated but not outright rude.  I tend to have a "I'll tell her about it after I've done it" philosophy with her.  I'm paying for it all anyway

PrincessOfHavoc

Your crap ideals are why you are not having guests.

Beg pardon?

1 - We want small. 60 is perfect!
2 - Having alcohol is not required ever.
3.1 - Thinking of your family and friends comfort is hardly a crap ideal.
3.2 - Their comfort is why we aren't serving alcohol.
4 - Cash bars don't stop alcoholics, go to ANY bar for evidence. And that's plain rude to do to your guests.
5 - DF does not dance without extreme provocation and alcohol. I don't dance without alcohol. Thus, no need for a dance floor. The site isn't big enough anyway.
6 - I have a trusty iPod. Don't need a DJ.
7 - We can afford really superior food and no dancing or DJ or we can afford pretty nasty rubber chicken and canned peas with dancing and DJ. Because of 3.2, 5 and 6, we're going for superior food.
8 - I'd rather my great aunt bring the charming gentleman caller who is courting her, even without any ring, than invite various less important people. People who are in a relationship get invited together and we don't invite coworkers. Which is a win win in my book.
9 - Our guests are all looking forward to this as far as I've heard. When your guests are more excited about the countdown to party time, I have to figure they're pretty serious about the happy.
10 - You've been married a month and are already planning a PPD. So, your ideals are the crappy ones.

Istoleahalo

ashley8918 said:

"Why so soon after the engagement? Are you PREGNANT?"

Um, no. Not that it's any of your business, rude bitch. Also, We were engaged in Feb, and will be getting married in Oct. That's not that soon...I would be REALLY pregnant by then if that were the case.

HAHA  I got engaged in Feb and getting married in mid November and I get the opposite "Why are you waiting so long?"  

SachaBee

Istoleahalo said:

From my best (guy) friend who is like a brother to me after seeing my STDates which had a very subtle Doctor Who nod (it said "ALONS-Y" on the front, which is French for "Lets Go" but happens to be a catch phrase for the Doctor)...  "UGH  I'm not going if I see any more stupid nerdy/geeky stuff"  He was a bit tipsy at the time so I let it slide.  He's not said anything rude while he's been sober lol.  

My mom has been very opinionated but not outright rude.  I tend to have a "I'll tell her about it after I've done it" philosophy with her.  I'm paying for it all anyway

I hate to have to tell you this, but that phrase is spelled "allons-y".

Istoleahalo

Oops...typo  It was correct on the STDates

SachaBee

OH good! I was hoping that's what happened.

hellosweetie1015

I have spent two days slowly poring over these. I am truly, truly sorry to a lot of you; there are people who are absolutely nasty out there in your lives.

The rudest thing I've heard actually came from my dad - I called to tell him FI had proposed, and he said, "Well, he made his first mistake." I didn't understand, so I asked for clarification. Turns out FI "failed" to ask my dad's permission. 

Umm. 

Firstly, I am 25 and have been self-sufficient in almost every way since I was 17, and in EVERY way since I was 19 and finally got my driver's license. 

Secondly, while you have always been a good father, your conduct within the confines of your own marriage serves only to make me EXTREMELY hesitant to allow your advice into mine. 

Thirdly, I don't belong to you, and thus do not need your permission. Also (see secondly) I'd be far more likely to have him ask my mother anyway.

Fourthly, every time I have so much as spoken to a male in your presence, you have chosen to embarrass me with uncouth, off-color jokes at my expense rather than conduct yourself as becomes your age (my dad is currently 60). 

And fifthly, WHY THE HELL WOULD THAT BE THE FIRST THING YOU SAY TO ME. Why couldn't it have been "Oh, I'm happy for you" first? FOLLOWED by your asinine remark about his "making his first mistake". 

themuffinman16

CaitTDid23 I am beginning to think we are related.  

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

CaitTDid23, I totally feel ya.  I'm not a fan of asking parent's permission, considering I am a 31 year old woman who isnt anyone's property!  

As an experiment, I tested the waters on this with my dad when my friend got engaged and her (ex)FI asked for her father's permission:

Me: "So yeah, that happened.  What's up with that, right?"

Dad: "I dunno..."

Me: "Would that be a requirement or something?

Dad: It's stupid.  You're a big girl.  You can choose to marry for you.  

It was sweet.  My dad is very Clint-Eastwoody so just picture sitting next to Clint Eastwood from Grand Tourino on a porch.

I told FI that he didnt have to worry about calling my dad when that time came.

Your father should not have said that though.  Talk about outright rude.

SachaBee

I guess the rudest thing was when I told my mom we were planning on a long engagement and she was like, "then why even be engaged?"
Um, because that's what it's called when you agree to marry each other.

kerbohl

@ShellD13 I had actually planned to have a cake at my wedding, and a groomsmen was bringing it in, slipped on the sidewalk outside (he's a bit clumsy, but it was also winter), and so long cake.  Aside from my parents and the couple whose business had made the cake, no one noticed that there wasn't any cake.  Not one.  Based on this evidence, a wedding cake is not always necessary, so aside from your sister, I highly doubt anyone will notice that there is no cake at yours. 

KoriB2013

Mine aren't NEARLY as horrific as most of these... 

I had a friend of a friend who used to have a thing for my FI (luckily he was not into that) say "Oh, have SOOOO much fun at your wedding..." when I had run into her out one night. Like she thought she was going to get an invite because she was a sorority sister... uh, no? 

Another sorority sister, after I showed her my dress, "Oh, yeah, I've seen that dress before." um, what? I know that my dress is not a one-of-a-kind creation, but that was not a polite comment. If you beg to see a pic of my dress say something nice about it! 

FSIL & her hubby keep telling us not to have an open bar. It's our wedding, and my parents are paying for everything. If they want to have a crown & coke instead of keg beer, so be it! 

My step-grandmother harassed me about having 9 BMs for 45 minutes one night. "When I got married (shotgun wedding because she was prego) I only had my sister stand up with me!" She did call the next day to apologize. 

My deceased father's mother asked who I was going to have walk me down the aisle. My mother remarried when I was 5 and I have a great relationship with my step father. OF COURSE he will be walking me down the aisle... She thought I was going to have my uncle (who doesn't speak to me) or my grandfather walk me down or something. No thanks. 

perdonami

Luckily none of the comments I have received have been nearly as bad as some of what PPs have shared. 

Comments from my BM: have you lost any weight yet? There is no way that dress will fit on you. 

My response: I figure it fits just fine. 

Another fun comment from same BM in reference to me not wanting to have a money dance: You're being a bridezilla, at my wedding I plan on dancing for at least two songs. I love money. Besides, people have to support events like this or they just don't happen. If people didn't donate to this festival I volunteer at, it wouldn't continue to be free. 

 My response: I think my guests will be happy that they won't have to open their wallets for anything unless they want too (i.e. a wedding gift). 

What I wanted to say: My wedding is not a charity event and I don't appreciate you likening it to as such. And, I am not surprised you will be dancing to multiple songs for money as you are extremely rude and don't care about other people's feelings. I imagine your entire wedding will be a shit show.

 According to same BM: you're rude to put registry information on a bridal shower invitation, you are suppose to put it on your wedding invitation. 

My response: Then don't worry about getting a gift or get something not on the registry it doesn't matter. 

 She ridicules my cake design, centerpiece ideas,  and the wedding date I chose for my beach ceremony (Sept. 5th in CA) saying that it will be winter time and cold. My BM repeatedly keeps calling me a bridezilla for little things, particularly etiquette stuff. Its beginning to make me really want to become one so she can see how much it sucks to be bossed around, screamed at, controlled, and turned in to slave/prop rather than just an extremely opinionated BM.

Also another weird comment: A family friend's wife asked me if my father was attending the wedding when another mutual family friend was asking me when he needed to get his tux for the wedding. I explained my father would be attending and she then immediately asks why do I need said mutual family friend for. I said, he is one of my bridal attendants and my wedding isn't going to be very traditional. 

Her response: well why are you even having a bridal party at all since your wedding is on the beach? Your wedding is too casual for a bridal party.

My response: Um.. well the reception is in a nice hotel.. I guess I don't need one although I am having one... Hey! The pizzas are here! 

I really do believe I may choke her when she asks me why my father didn't walk me down the aisle..err path made in the sand. 

beethery

@perdonami why in the HAAAALE did you choose this lady to be a BM???

falsara

FSIL said to my FI upon him telling her that we got engaged- "She doesn't really like you, you know."

FSIL has always been a bitch and in general she is hateful to everyone and likes to cause drama. FI won't even let her be invited to the wedding.

FI's coworkers when they hear he is engaged - "Why so young dude, did you knock her up. Do you already have kids?" (Me and FI got engaged when he was 21 and I was 20 a little over a year ago.  We aren't getting married till my 24th birthday. Kids are not a prerequisite for getting married, we do not have kids and I have never been pregnant, and we're waiting to have kids till we're almost 30.

In most cases when people ask why me and FI are getting married to a person we have been dating since we were 19 I say - "Because I love him, and I'm in love with him. We were best friends before we started dating and we're still best friends now, and I want to spend the rest of my life with my best friend."  Case closed, normally if people still have a problem I refuse to listen to them anymore and swear to myself that one day the Wrath of Sauron will kill them and then I feel better inside and go back to nerding out on one of the many things that I love.

SachaBee

@cwradford, I get that too!!
With my dad it's gotten really weird though, because in the space of about six months he went from "maybe you are too young to get married" to "hey, so when am I having a grandbaby." I guess I'm old "enough" now...? With him, I know it's coming from a loving place, at least.

abbyj700

My bosses sister was in the office the other day, she works for us sometimes part time. We've barely spoken to each other, ever. She made a remark about how successful I am and how she read a great article at her law office the other day about successful women getting married. I was interested -until she started talking to me about getting a prenup - specifically pointing me to this article form Cosmo.

I just kinda looked at her like she had 20 heads, thanked her and walked away...

birdybride2014

I have been very lucky so far and most of my ideas and plans have been supported.

However, I was telling my FMIL that I was going to make all of the bouquets and boutonnieres myself using this awesome gold, sparkly baby's breath that I ordered, sola flowers, and other filler. I added that I probably would just have the bridesmaids carry a full gold baby's breath bouquet and she definitely gave me the side-eye and goes "So, it will just be...the baby's breath...they won't have flowers?" and I just blantetly stated back "Yup!" and let her imagination take over! ...loved it.

I ordered extra flowers, in case I change my mind, but I think there is a chance I won't use them and I'll put them to use somewhere else just to make a point.

FYI: our colors are navy blue and gold. The girls are wearing navy blue dresses and this awesome gold baby's breath would look stunning alone with them.

perdonami

beethery said:

@perdonami why in the HAAAALE did you choose this lady to be a BM???

Because of bad judgement. 

NowIamMrsKlein

"You couldnt just wait until after your sister got married to get engaged could you? You had to go and steal the spotlight?" - A cousin on the fact that I got engaged 6 months after my little sister did. To top it off my FI and I had gone ring shopping the week before she got engaged and decided to wait a couple months to give her her 'moment'

"So whose ring is bigger" - same cousin.

"Well you can do that for the reception, but you absolutely cannot do that for the ceremony or pictures" - MOG on me saying I was going to wear sneakers under my dress

"Sometimes you just have to suck it up and do things for your mother" - My mum after I told her I was absolutely not interested in having a shower or stagette.


All this and we're only 3 months into a 17 month engagement.

APDSS22

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

"You couldnt just wait until after your sister got married to get engaged could you? You had to go and steal the spotlight?" - A cousin on the fact that I got engaged 6 months after my little sister did. To top it off my FI and I had gone ring shopping the week before she got engaged and decided to wait a couple months to give her her 'moment'

"So whose ring is bigger" - same cousin.

"Well you can do that for the reception, but you absolutely cannot do that for the ceremony or pictures" - MOG on me saying I was going to wear sneakers under my dress

"Sometimes you just have to suck it up and do things for your mother" - My mum after I told her I was absolutely not interested in having a shower or stagette.


All this and we're only 3 months into a 17 month engagement.

I just wanted to say it's totally awesome to wear sneakers under your dress @SoontobeMrsKlein because I did that for mine.  I actually didn't tell anyone other than my husband because I knew I'd get some judgy looks.  Then I was getting into the dress and everyone's like "OMG where are your shoes?!?!?!?!" "I'm wearing them."  The looks on their faces were priceless. 

But I figure, I don't wear heels in my daily life.  I don't walk well in them and I find them uncomfortable after about half an hour on the outside.  My dress was also a little on the short side so anything with a heel would've been ridiculous.  I've worn sneakers under all my fancy dresses since before I met my husband, he wasn't surprised.  If you decide to do it, I wouldn't tell anyone who isn't hemming your dress about it because really it's not necessary for them to know.  What they don't know about, they can't judge.

NowIamMrsKlein

APDSS22

I never wear heels ever! The couple times that I've worn them too an event, as soon as humanly possible I've kicked them off and put on the flats I've stowed in my purse. I'm also clumsy as all heck so it just seems very risky to me to wear heels on an important day. I'm all about comfort! I am also really short (5 feet) so I think some people would assume that I have some complex about it and want to look taller for my wedding. But I love my height. I love the height discrepancy between my FI and I (he's 6 foot 1). And i'm totally planning on bringing a stool or something to step up on for pics.


I definitely learned my lesson about telling MIL about 'non-traditional' elements we want to incorporate. She's a lovely woman but she definitely has a picture in her mind about what a wedding 'should' look like. I will not be mentioning the Doctor Who cake topper. Or the Lego Candy favours....

sarawifenow

I just had FSIL (who is 17) tell me that my wedding is going to be boring because it starts at 11:30am. Um...thanks...

kerbohl

@SoontobeMrsKlein My sister wore sneakers under her wedding dress. They were white and had rhinestones on them, and they looked fantastic. The guests got a kick out of them too, so I think sneakers under a wedding dress is a great idea. I myself wore boots with no heel. I got married in the winter and actually did walk in a foot of snow, so shoes would have been a little crazy.

falsara

@SoontobeMrsKlein I will not be mentioning the Doctor Who cake topper. Or the Lego Candy favours.... Me and FI are doing a Doctor Who Cake topper too. And We're setting up tables where people can build Legos if they don't want to dance. I'm really lucky that my mom is way on board with anything that me and FI want to do that's "non-traditional". I honestly don't know, or really care what FMIL says about them. She knows her son is a total nerd, I mean they still share a Netflix account, she would have to be blind not to notice that every Single series of Star Trek is on the queue. Why on earth we get married and ignore that side of our relationship, where we sit for hours at home on the weekends and nerd-out ETA: trying to fix stupid paragraphs