S/O: What is the rudest comment someone has made about your wedding?

OnceUponSnow

This is anecdotical, but it's worth sharing because it's actually the first time I felt offended by someone IRL. I've read all kinds of stuff in wedding boards and whatnot, and I don't take them personally because I know people come from different cultures, traditions, etc. I'm also used to hearing people in my area talking against weddings, how ''useless'' they are, how much of a ''waste of money'' they are, and they are condescending when they say ''if some people need to have their big princess day, it's their thing, but I don't'' (meaning they prefer to remain common-law partners).

But 2 weeks ago, a guy I was friends with when I was doing my master's degree wrote an email to me to invite me to his birthday party the weekend after. I had already planned a night out with my fiancé, and I declined. But since it had been maybe 10 months since the last time we had talked, I told him I was happy he wrote to me and I basically inquired for news. He wrote back a long email telling me what had been through these past 10 months, talked about his job, academics, etc. He ended up mentioning his girlfriend was pregnant and that he was excited to have another child. Then he asked news from me.

I started my email by congratulating him for the baby to come. I then proceeded to feedback on his email and give him the latest news as well : my SO and I got engaged, we are currently planning our wedding. I didn't go into details, but I think it was worth mentioning since it's a pretty big milestone as well. I invited him out for a coffee and sent my email. He replied something along the lines of ''sure for the coffee''. No congratulations. And for some reason, it's the first time I felt pissed about something someone said (or rather not said) about my wedding. His silence felt really judgemental (I know he's not into weddings, just like I'm not into kids, but can't we be happy for each other ? I genuinely was happy for him). It really bugged me, and I didn't insist for the coffee. I don't know why I should fit a few hours into my schedule for someone who can't even take 10 seconds in his day to be happy for me. 

bethangel2332

I have learned to ignore this special co-worker, most of the time if I see her even coming near my desk, I turned my screamo music up and pop in my earbuds. She knows to not really talk to me unless it is work related. 

pinkshorts27

OnceUponSnow  It is completely weird and hurtful that he would do that. I have two cousins who scowled at me when I "announced" it to the extended family during the holidays (ie. my aunt noticed my ring). The rest of my family was so happy for me and my cousins didn't once say anything nice or give me a hug or anything. I just kind of ignored it as their problem. They kind of hate men (or at least they say they do) and are generally rude/judgmental people, so if that is the way they want to be then I won't let it affect my happiness. I also haven't been able to get addresses from them even though I called and left a voicemail, waited a week and then texted a reminder. So if they don't want a STD, I guess they just won't get one.

Amyzen83

bethangel2332 said:

I have learned to ignore this special co-worker, most of the time if I see her even coming near my desk, I turned my screamo music up and pop in my earbuds. She knows to not really talk to me unless it is work related. 

Good for you! People like that generally aren't worth the energy

HisGirlFriday13

TexasBride2014 said:

@deljum0 no from what I can tell you're absolutely right under most circumstances. We're getting married in the Chapel at our college which also holds Mass for the Catholic Campus Ministries on campus.I believe that's the only reason that FI's priest agreed to perform the ceremony anywhere other than his church. Our ceremony is the Rite of Marriage outside of Mass so that may have something to do with it as well, I'm not 100% sure. He  takes his vocation very seriously so I don't believe he would have agreed if it were not going to be valid, whereas I know some posters mentioned on the Catholic board things that were approved by priests that 

FI's parents are not devout Catholics so we were actually a little surprised by their reaction but this decision was for us as well as it was important to us to have the ceremony in the church- 

You are correct! My college campus also has an on-campus chapel that is multi-denominational, and if DH and I had wanted to, we could have gotten married there (with either the Rite Outside of Marriage or the full Catholic Mass), but it is consecrated and therefore considered Catholic for the church's purposes.

sweetwisconsin

The rudest comment I have received so far is in reference to my ring (ring is my grandmother's who passed away three years ago and I was very close to).

"Oh wow he (my FI) got off easy not having to buy you a real ring." I wanted to reply back, "Oh yeah because a ring and marriage is based upon how much one spends." Asshole...

OnceUponSnow

I can't believe people make the equation ring/diamond size = how much love. I think they don't really think that way, but they're jealous and they say this ridiculous passive-aggressive statement just to feel better about themselves. My ring cost less than my dress and my dress was a bargain. The cost was based on a budget we agreed on and knew was very low, on purpose. We're not ring people, and we didn't feel the need to pay big money for it. However, I got exactly the ring I was looking for. It doesn't have a diamond or moissanite ; it doesn't even have a center gem. And I think it looks perfect because it's me, and it's my taste. I would be extremely offended if anyone said that my fiancé was not man enough or caring enough or loving enough to buy me a diamond ring. My relationship is wonderful, it's all that matters to me. Don't try to use materialistic things to judge my life, because there's more to life than that. A ring isn't what makes love sincere and couples happy.

Inkdancer

OnceUponSnow said:

I can't believe people make the equation ring/diamond size = how much love. I think they don't really think that way, but they're jealous and they say this ridiculous passive-aggressive statement just to feel better about themselves. My ring cost less than my dress and my dress was a bargain. The cost was based on a budget we agreed on and knew was very low, on purpose. We're not ring people, and we didn't feel the need to pay big money for it. However, I got exactly the ring I was looking for. It doesn't have a diamond or moissanite ; it doesn't even have a center gem. And I think it looks perfect because it's me, and it's my taste. I would be extremely offended if anyone said that my fiancé was not man enough or caring enough or loving enough to buy me a diamond ring. My relationship is wonderful, it's all that matters to me. Don't try to use materialistic things to judge my life, because there's more to life than that. A ring isn't what makes love sincere and couples happy.

Agreed! I have a silver and sapphire ring. If love was really based on how much you spent, we'd have split up already. But he got me what I wanted, and it represents us, no matter what anyone else says.

Marzipan13

I can't believe people make the equation ring/diamond size = how much love. I think they don't really think that way, but they're jealous and they say this ridiculous passive-aggressive statement just to feel better about themselves. My ring cost less than my dress and my dress was a bargain. 

*************************stuck in the box*****************************

I hate this, too.  I've only really gotten one or two remarks about the size of my diamond, but it's meaningful and special and heartfelt and beautiful to me so why should ANYONE ELSE care?!  
FI's and my family went out to lunch after he proposed to me, and FI (not knowing anything about what constitutes a "big" diamond) was so excited to tell everyone all of the specs of the ring, including how many carats.  It's quite small (which, again, I could not care less about), but he was just so proud.  It was adorable.  

HaileyDancingbear

OnceUponSnow said:

I can't believe people make the equation ring/diamond size = how much love. I think they don't really think that way, but they're jealous and they say this ridiculous passive-aggressive statement just to feel better about themselves. My ring cost less than my dress and my dress was a bargain. The cost was based on a budget we agreed on and knew was very low, on purpose. We're not ring people, and we didn't feel the need to pay big money for it. However, I got exactly the ring I was looking for. It doesn't have a diamond or moissanite ; it doesn't even have a center gem. And I think it looks perfect because it's me, and it's my taste. I would be extremely offended if anyone said that my fiancé was not man enough or caring enough or loving enough to buy me a diamond ring. My relationship is wonderful, it's all that matters to me. Don't try to use materialistic things to judge my life, because there's more to life than that. A ring isn't what makes love sincere and couples happy.

Same here!  My ring is sterling silver with a moonstone- VERY inexpensive, but I adore the absolute crap out of it because it is exactly my tastes (Moonstones are my favorite stone ever, I adore the crap out of them!) Also, the sentimental value it has for me outweighs the price tag on any diamond.  I could have a rubber band on my finger and still find it precious because it's a symbol of the commitment FI and I made.

edandy

I get the opposite of the ring thing. I had people say I'm gold digging!  Yeah okay, I'm gold digging a man who was out of a job for two years and I had to support him 100%. I must be the dumbest gold digger ever. Plus we dated all through high school so I knew that marriage was about money when I was 13. Yep. That's me.

McCMal

I'm still planning but my FI got this one while I wasn't there from his mom:

"I think it's weird you are paying for the wedding. We have to pay for your sister's wedding if she gets married, it's the brides family's job. It's just strange and you can't afford it!"

I was out talking to my mom about how she was already stressing me out by trying to suggest the cheapest things for the reception she could find. I don't want to get my plates from costco. And no, I don't want her to wash the ones we just used to re-use for the wedding.  

Edit:

Also, one of my FI's best friends are getting married two weeks after us, and when we got engaged I was frantic about getting married before them, I felt so bad. Luckily the bride and I talked about it, and we're both excited! she's not offended at all, and we've been bouncing ideas off of each other. We're also both in each other's WP.

the other day at a party some of the ladies were asking me about my wedding plans, and when I mentioned our friends wedding, I got a stunned look all around. 

"Isn't she mad you're getting married so close?"

I wigged out again, I felt so bad. We both had to pick a date around harvest times, and I tried for June, but every weekend is already been taken by my FI's cousins anyway. So this was the soonest we could do it. 

But she says it's my wedding, ours will be different, and not to worry! And I'm happy with that answer. 

Belthil

I was told by my father to consider postponing the wedding a year. This was less than a year out, and DH and I were engaged for 2.5 years. My dad's point was that we wouldn't have lived together long enough by the wedding to get a good idea of each other's idiosyncrasies. At the time of our wedding we had lived together for 4 months. 

I know that he was coming from a good place but still!

thelastdreamer

My boss: "What are you guys doing for your honeymoon?"

Me: "Cruising to Cozumel."

Him: "Ugh, what if you get seasickness?"

Me: "We've both cruised before and loved it and had no trouble with seasickness."

Him: "Whatever, that just would be awful. Also you can't even get a bed for two people on a cruise."

Me: "Actually ... you can ..."

Him: "Whatever, if you think so, I'm not arguing with you."

Me: "We're excited about it." BEAN DIP TOPIC CHANGE.

Him: "That just sounds like a nightmare. The last thing I'd want to do for my honeymoon."

happymellow

Not a comment, but my high school b/f whom I've known since kindergarten didn't offer any sort of happiness hug or say she was excited for me at all.  We got together for happy hour.  I asked her how she was and what was new.  Nothing, but she talked for 30 minutes anyway (fine, but she knew I was engaged by then.  We just hadn't seen each other).  Then asked, "what's new with you?"  "Um...I got engaged."  "Oh yeah.  Are you wearing the ring?"  "Yup."  It's only been sitting on the table for the last 30 minutes on my finger.  That was the first--and last time we discussed the fact that I'm engaged and there's a wedding coming up.

She has a history of being a talker.  I was just hoping once, we could talk about me and my excitement.

rajahmd

HaileyDancingbear said:

OnceUponSnow said:

I can't believe people make the equation ring/diamond size = how much love. I think they don't really think that way, but they're jealous and they say this ridiculous passive-aggressive statement just to feel better about themselves. My ring cost less than my dress and my dress was a bargain. The cost was based on a budget we agreed on and knew was very low, on purpose. We're not ring people, and we didn't feel the need to pay big money for it. However, I got exactly the ring I was looking for. It doesn't have a diamond or moissanite ; it doesn't even have a center gem. And I think it looks perfect because it's me, and it's my taste. I would be extremely offended if anyone said that my fiancé was not man enough or caring enough or loving enough to buy me a diamond ring. My relationship is wonderful, it's all that matters to me. Don't try to use materialistic things to judge my life, because there's more to life than that. A ring isn't what makes love sincere and couples happy.

Same here!  My ring is sterling silver with a moonstone- VERY inexpensive, but I adore the absolute crap out of it because it is exactly my tastes (Moonstones are my favorite stone ever, I adore the crap out of them!) Also, the sentimental value it has for me outweighs the price tag on any diamond.  I could have a rubber band on my finger and still find it precious because it's a symbol of the commitment FI and I made.


Moonstone are so pretty! My grandmother lent me a ring that had belonged to my great grandmother (her MIL). The ring was one of her favorites, a moonstone. I wore it on my right hand for the wedding. I loved having a piece of her with me that day.

offthemarket915

@happymellow, sorry that she reacted that way.  I know how crappy it feels.  A close friend I've known for 27 years has not acknowledged our engagement or upcoming wedding, aside from a card at the time of engagement.  We been through so much together, and I thought we'd celebrate my good news just as we have for her many times.  I honestly don't know what to expect from her RSVP, which is pretty sad given our history.  I try to remember that it's about her and her baggage, and not take it too personally.  But it's still disappointing.

happymellow

offthemarket915 said:

@happymellow, sorry that she reacted that way.  I know how crappy it feels.  A close friend I've known for 27 years has not acknowledged our engagement or upcoming wedding, aside from a card at the time of engagement.  We been through so much together, and I thought we'd celebrate my good news just as we have for her many times.  I honestly don't know what to expect from her RSVP, which is pretty sad given our history.  I try to remember that it's about her and her baggage, and not take it too personally.  But it's still disappointing.

Thanks.  yeah.  She's basically family at this point, but it is kind of disappointing.

heatheremanderson

Almost ALL of my less than kind hearted comments have come from my overbearing SIL (this is the SIL who bought me a veil when I hadn't planned on wearing one without keeping in mind the style of dress I would wear, the fact I hate 'sparkly' things and the fact it looked like it was purchased at party packagers.

 

1. You can't wear white. That is only for you know....pure brides.

2. (after finding out my girls are all going with different dresses in the same colour scheme) that just wont look right in the pictures. You are going to regret it

3. if you don't have your wedding at the church, the marriage won't last (I was raised Roman Catholic but not religious or practicing now)

4.  on my choice of real flowers (which I got a very good deal on) : real flowers don't last. you might as well throw your money away right now

 

I can tolerate a lot but I told her flat out that if people don't like how we are planning OUR wedding they could go to hell and not show up.

Chipmunk415

1) My uncle, in conversation with my mother, said "well who will I KNOW at the wedding?!" umm, the bride?! Uncle, it is not your wedding, and not my problem that you chose to live in Oregon with your wife and daughter and have very limited contact with any of your remaining family members, all of whom live in Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Florida. Thank goodness he's not coming.

2) I'd been waiting on one more person to respond to the invitation. Got a call from him the day after the deadline (after I'd called him and left a message). He didn't seem to crazy about a morning ceremony with lunch reception.- "What do we do afterwards?" my thought- you do whatever you feel like! He also got a bit snarky over the fact that we're going to DC for a week instead of some tropical island or something. We went with what's in our budget, plus that week is spring break, and I rather enjoy the opportunity to go flip off the IRS building on my trip! Just as a collective "stop taking my money, jerks" kind of thing

ETA: not so much a rude comment, but an acquaintance was going batshit about wanting to see my dress in advance of the wedding. She finally got to see it, walks in, sees me in it, entire response is "oh, that looks nice" in a deadpan, who gives a shit voice. Seriously? you bitch about seeing it this much and you can't muster up a little excitement?

This same person and another both have voiced surprise over not being bridesmaids. FI and I didn't want a wedding party- hell, we have FGs because I'd otherwise get shanked by my nieces going up the aisle. RUDE!

edandy

happymellow said:

Not a comment, but my high school b/f whom I've known since kindergarten didn't offer any sort of happiness hug or say she was excited for me at all.  We got together for happy hour.  I asked her how she was and what was new.  Nothing, but she talked for 30 minutes anyway (fine, but she knew I was engaged by then.  We just hadn't seen each other).  Then asked, "what's new with you?"  "Um...I got engaged."  "Oh yeah.  Are you wearing the ring?"  "Yup."  It's only been sitting on the table for the last 30 minutes on my finger.  That was the first--and last time we discussed the fact that I'm engaged and there's a wedding coming up.

She has a history of being a talker.  I was just hoping once, we could talk about me and my excitement.

This happened to me! It sounds stupid and shallow, but I made it the deciding factor if I wanted her to be my bridesmaid. I was so excited to ask her, but then I started thinking about how she almost never cares about whats going on with me, and only cares about what I can do for her. Literally she was like "oh cool" when I told her, and then asked if we were going to go out for dinner. Like, what? How about a hug or a congrats or pretend to care for more than 10 seconds!!!! I want people in my life that care about me like I would them. I only wanted her to be happy for me for a freakin' second of her life. Then I don't give a shit if she ever asks me about my wedding again!

MafiaWinter

When my father called up his brother to share the happy news, despite being aware that Fi and I have been together for nearly four years now, my uncle replied with, "Married? Does she even have a groom?" That stung a bit. A few days later, I got this gem in a facebook message from a friend who lives out of state and has already informed us that she will not be able to attend, even though invitations have definitely not been sent out. "You'd better not get married on September twenty fifth, because that's my birthday, and I'll be so pissed." We've been engaged since July, but only JUST begun planning (we were saving money so we can actually afford a wedding) and the only detail we have our hearts set on is a specific venue. We're so dead set on it that the venue will almost definitely decide our date. I'll feel bad if it's on someone's birthday, but only if that person is actually invited.

OnceUponSnow

Okay ... last time I checked, our birthday happens every single year. Not weddings. Selfish, much ?

sarahufl

MafiaWinter said:

When my father called up his brother to share the happy news, despite being aware that Fi and I have been together for nearly four years now, my uncle replied with, "Married? Does she even have a groom?" That stung a bit. A few days later, I got this gem in a facebook message from a friend who lives out of state and has already informed us that she will not be able to attend, even though invitations have definitely not been sent out. "You'd better not get married on September twenty fifth, because that's my birthday, and I'll be so pissed." We've been engaged since July, but only JUST begun planning (we were saving money so we can actually afford a wedding) and the only detail we have our hearts set on is a specific venue. We're so dead set on it that the venue will almost definitely decide our date. I'll feel bad if it's on someone's birthday, but only if that person is actually invited.

I would try my hardest to get married on that specific date just to spite her. I know it is rude, but that is how I am. I would be SO angry at someone for saying something like that.

LadyMillil

I was told by my sister that I need to cut back on the amount of money FI and I are paying for our wedding and shorten our honeymoon so that we would have the vacation time and money to fly across the country to attend her wedding.

Not that I wouldn't work something out so that I can attend my sister's wedding, I just thought it was really rude that she told me she expected FI and I to make sacrifices at our wedding/honeymoon because she is getting married too.

HaileyDancingbear

sarahufl said:

MafiaWinter said:

When my father called up his brother to share the happy news, despite being aware that Fi and I have been together for nearly four years now, my uncle replied with, "Married? Does she even have a groom?" That stung a bit. A few days later, I got this gem in a facebook message from a friend who lives out of state and has already informed us that she will not be able to attend, even though invitations have definitely not been sent out. "You'd better not get married on September twenty fifth, because that's my birthday, and I'll be so pissed." We've been engaged since July, but only JUST begun planning (we were saving money so we can actually afford a wedding) and the only detail we have our hearts set on is a specific venue. We're so dead set on it that the venue will almost definitely decide our date. I'll feel bad if it's on someone's birthday, but only if that person is actually invited.

I would try my hardest to get married on that specific date just to spite her. I know it is rude, but that is how I am. I would be SO angry at someone for saying something like that.

I would be extremely tempted to respond to the message with "You better not have a birthday party on September 25th, because that's my wedding day and I'll be pissed" and see how much that person flips a shit.  It'd cost a Facebook friend, but IMO anyone who is going to be that petty and ridiculous is not a real friend anyways. 

MafiaWinter

sarahufl, that's exactly what Fi wants to do! I was sort of in shock when I saw that she said that. I've known her since I was fourteen, and our friendship has always been kind of rocky (to this day, she still has not met my fiancé because she has 'better things to do' with her time) but wow. On the same day, she also offered up her friend's daughter to be my flower girl, and told me that I will only look good in a dress with a drop waist, all while comparing my upcoming, unplanned wedding to the one she would have had if she had not broken up with her previous boyfriend.

LondonLisa

bethangel2332 said:

The only comment I have got so far that insulted me was that I can not be a real bride/wife as I may not be able to have children. This was said by a co-worker that also finds fault with everyone and everything. As for many people this a truly touchy subject for most women I would have expected better. And I also find this very insulting as you are telling me my family that have been adopted(many many cousins) are truly family.?

That is so beyond uncalled for and unprofessional. I would talk to HR/your supervisor about this. That is workplace harassment and you should nip that in the bud. 

NavyBlue143

I had a friend who opposed gay marriage on the grounds that marriage is for producing children. When asked what about infertile couples who feel called to adopt or those who are childless by choice, he said you shouldn't be married if you have no intentions of reproducing, since that defies God's will, and the infertile are being tested or judged. His wife ended up being infertile. I don't wish that on anyone, but the bigot learned that marriage and love is about more than procreating. He's still married to her.

EverythingReese

From a "good" friend : "huh, I guess the second time's the charm?" And not in a very sweet, fun way. Suffice to say, she's not getting an invite.