Ok to put attire on invitation?

PrettyGirlLost

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I had ONE guest ask me what to wear. She said, "I have this great, floor-length satin gown, is that OK?" I said, "You're free to wear whatever you want, but it's a mid-afternoon ceremony and my bridesmaids are in tea-length dresses, so that might be more formal than other people are dressing." 

I wouldn't have cared if she HAD worn it, but I would have felt awful if she had worn it and felt over-dressed and out of place.

@PrettyGirlLost -- do the meetings also have tiaras for the participants? I want a tiara!

Oh yes and it is required that they be worn at all meetings, and you must get a new model every 3 months.

Cookie Pusher

PrettyGirlLost said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I don't like terms like "semi-formal". I still remember being wicked embarrassed at the Homecoming dance my freshman year of high school. My mom spent some time ironing a really pretty patterned dress and bolero my dad had bought for me, and I had my first pair of heels.

When I showed up, everyone was in Prom-type gowns, but maybe a little more cocktail dress-like. I was completely and totally underdressed. I didn't want to dance or show my face. Everyone kept staring at me, and most of the girls were whispering and smirking.

When my dad picked me up, he asked if I had a good time and if everyone liked my dress. I lied so he wouldn't be hurt and then cried as soon as I was in my room.

I know it might sound silly, but I will never forget that. That's why I hate "black tie optional" and "semi-formal".

It's not silly. It is a poignant illustration and well-written accoint of why black tie optional and semi-formal attire is effing stupid and terrible and rude.

Can I get an AMEN!  Thank you!  Now please to join my anti-BTO, Semi-Formal movement.  We have cookies at every meeting.

Should I bring the crackberry cookies?

Inkdancer

So my ballet studio owner just posted this and it seemed apropos...

mimiphin

Cookie Pusher said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I don't like terms like "semi-formal". I still remember being wicked embarrassed at the Homecoming dance my freshman year of high school. My mom spent some time ironing a really pretty patterned dress and bolero my dad had bought for me, and I had my first pair of heels.

When I showed up, everyone was in Prom-type gowns, but maybe a little more cocktail dress-like. I was completely and totally underdressed. I didn't want to dance or show my face. Everyone kept staring at me, and most of the girls were whispering and smirking.

When my dad picked me up, he asked if I had a good time and if everyone liked my dress. I lied so he wouldn't be hurt and then cried as soon as I was in my room.

I know it might sound silly, but I will never forget that. That's why I hate "black tie optional" and "semi-formal".

It's not silly. It is a poignant illustration and well-written accoint of why black tie optional and semi-formal attire is effing stupid and terrible and rude.

Can I get an AMEN!  Thank you!  Now please to join my anti-BTO, Semi-Formal movement.  We have cookies at every meeting.

Should I bring the crackberry cookies?

Sorry Anti-BTO as in the Bachman–Turner Overdrive? or am I missing an acronym here?

I will bring the Girl Guide Cookies!! (Ours have different flavours than yours!)

PrettyGirlLost

Cookie Pusher said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I don't like terms like "semi-formal". I still remember being wicked embarrassed at the Homecoming dance my freshman year of high school. My mom spent some time ironing a really pretty patterned dress and bolero my dad had bought for me, and I had my first pair of heels.

When I showed up, everyone was in Prom-type gowns, but maybe a little more cocktail dress-like. I was completely and totally underdressed. I didn't want to dance or show my face. Everyone kept staring at me, and most of the girls were whispering and smirking.

When my dad picked me up, he asked if I had a good time and if everyone liked my dress. I lied so he wouldn't be hurt and then cried as soon as I was in my room.

I know it might sound silly, but I will never forget that. That's why I hate "black tie optional" and "semi-formal".

It's not silly. It is a poignant illustration and well-written accoint of why black tie optional and semi-formal attire is effing stupid and terrible and rude.

Can I get an AMEN!  Thank you!  Now please to join my anti-BTO, Semi-Formal movement.  We have cookies at every meeting.

Should I bring the crackberry cookies?

Totes!

mimiphin said:

Cookie Pusher said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I don't like terms like "semi-formal". I still remember being wicked embarrassed at the Homecoming dance my freshman year of high school. My mom spent some time ironing a really pretty patterned dress and bolero my dad had bought for me, and I had my first pair of heels.

When I showed up, everyone was in Prom-type gowns, but maybe a little more cocktail dress-like. I was completely and totally underdressed. I didn't want to dance or show my face. Everyone kept staring at me, and most of the girls were whispering and smirking.

When my dad picked me up, he asked if I had a good time and if everyone liked my dress. I lied so he wouldn't be hurt and then cried as soon as I was in my room.

I know it might sound silly, but I will never forget that. That's why I hate "black tie optional" and "semi-formal".

It's not silly. It is a poignant illustration and well-written accoint of why black tie optional and semi-formal attire is effing stupid and terrible and rude.

Can I get an AMEN!  Thank you!  Now please to join my anti-BTO, Semi-Formal movement.  We have cookies at every meeting.

Should I bring the crackberry cookies?

Sorry Anti-BTO as in the Bachman–Turner Overdrive? or am I missing an acronym here?

I will bring the Girl Guide Cookies!! (Ours have different flavours than yours!)

Black Tie Optional.  We can hate on Bachman-Turner Overdrive too, if you want.

Tell me more about these cookies. . . .

majesty318

Just wanted to chime in that I was invited to 2 weddings last year that stated black-tie optional on the invitations. I live in NJ. We have formal weddings and everyone pretty much knows it. I was totally irked because I was going to wear my usual (formal) attire regardless, and there was no way FI was going to rent a tux. Hardly anyone wore tuxes. I think they wanted to just emphasize the formality, but the venues, invites, and general location had already made that pretty clear. It was unnecessary to state it, and, frankly, annoying.

mimiphin

Both are made in Peanut free facility and both starting this year will be kosher.

Our Classic Sandwich cookies come with one side of the box Chocolate and the other Vanilla. These are sold in the Spring (April)

Our chocolatey mint cookies are sold in the fall (October)

JCbride2015

majesty318 said:

Just wanted to chime in that I was invited to 2 weddings last year that stated black-tie optional on the invitations. I live in NJ. We have formal weddings and everyone pretty much knows it. I was totally irked because I was going to wear my usual (formal) attire regardless, and there was no way FI was going to rent a tux. Hardly anyone wore tuxes. I think they wanted to just emphasize the formality, but the venues, invites, and general location had already made that pretty clear. It was unnecessary to state it, and, frankly, annoying.

I see this all the time on NJ invitations and I hate it.  Everybody knows you dress up for weddings around here, and the venue and time of day make that very clear.  

BTO is the worst.  My law school hosted their annual party and listed BTO.  I was absolutely, completed confused.  I was worried I'd look overdressed in a long gown, but maybe underdressed in a short cocktail dress, and Fi was confused about tux vs. suit.  And the event was lovely, but did not fit the "black tie" criteria.  These things are supposed to be fun, but instead of spent a couple weeks freaking out over what to wear!

LDay2014

i don't know if you ladies would be able to figure it out or not, but to one of these weddings I would wear a cocktail dress, the other a sundress.

It's the couples job to set the formality of the wedding through venue, time, invite style.

If your guests are unclear, they can ask you but if you feel the need to tell them what to wear, YOU HAVE NOT DONE YOUR JOB 

afox007

PrettyGirlLost said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I had ONE guest ask me what to wear. She said, "I have this great, floor-length satin gown, is that OK?" I said, "You're free to wear whatever you want, but it's a mid-afternoon ceremony and my bridesmaids are in tea-length dresses, so that might be more formal than other people are dressing." 

I wouldn't have cared if she HAD worn it, but I would have felt awful if she had worn it and felt over-dressed and out of place.

@PrettyGirlLost -- do the meetings also have tiaras for the participants? I want a tiara!

Oh yes and it is required that they be worn at all meetings, and you must get a new model every 3 months.


I can't go to the meetings I guess. I've had mine for way longer than 3 months. Can you at least send me a cookie please while I sit here in shame over my old tiara?

nebullama

mimiphin said:

Both are made in Peanut free facility and both starting this year will be kosher.

Our Classic Sandwich cookies come with one side of the box Chocolate and the other Vanilla. These are sold in the Spring (April)

Our chocolatey mint cookies are sold in the fall (October)

You get Girl Guide cookies twice a year?!  Why are treats always so much better in Canada?

Cookie Pusher

Now I'm jealous of Canadian scouts. Although they're testing gluten free Girl Scout cookies this year, which is awesome for all my GF friends!

Inkdancer

Schatzi13 said:

Not to downplay the importance of cookies, but... Have we addressed the difference between "semi-formal" and cocktail? I assume that people meant cocktail when they say SF, but maybe don't know what that is. Also, slightly OT for you NJ and NY (sorry if that's an improper generalization) ladies: what is the least formal an indoor winter evening wedding gets?

My friends had their wedding at dinner time in an italian restaurant. None of the guys wore jackets with their slacks and the ladies wore dresses that would maybe fall under business casual. That is by far the most casual I've seen.

JCbride2015

Schatzi13 said:

Not to downplay the importance of cookies, but... Have we addressed the difference between "semi-formal" and cocktail? I assume that people meant cocktail when they say SF, but maybe don't know what that is. Also, slightly OT for you NJ and NY (sorry if that's an improper generalization) ladies: what is the least formal an indoor winter evening wedding gets?

I think this would have to depend on the venue.  The only weddings I've been to in the NJ area have been cocktail attire and up.  I'd probably always wear a dress even if the invitation looked casual.

PrettyGirlLost

Schatzi13 said:

Not to downplay the importance of cookies, but... Have we addressed the difference between "semi-formal" and cocktail? I assume that people meant cocktail when they say SF, but maybe don't know what that is. Also, slightly OT for you NJ and NY (sorry if that's an improper generalization) ladies: what is the least formal an indoor winter evening wedding gets?

IMO, There is no difference because there is no such thing as semi-formal.  It literally makes no sense.  A cocktail dress is formal. . . it's just not a floor length ball gown.  Ballgowns are like Black Tie.

majesty318

JCBride2014 said:

Schatzi13 said:

Not to downplay the importance of cookies, but... Have we addressed the difference between "semi-formal" and cocktail? I assume that people meant cocktail when they say SF, but maybe don't know what that is. Also, slightly OT for you NJ and NY (sorry if that's an improper generalization) ladies: what is the least formal an indoor winter evening wedding gets?

I think this would have to depend on the venue.  The only weddings I've been to in the NJ area have been cocktail attire and up.  I'd probably always wear a dress even if the invitation looked casual.

Ditto this. I have only ever been to very stereotypical NJ weddings and I wear a cocktail dress -  one of my go-to dresses is fitted blue lace, the other is black with spaghetti straps and a sequined belt. And the guys wear suits. If it is small, in a restaurant instead of a wedding mill, and if the B&G have indicated that it's not going to fit the stereotype then I would probably wear a dress like I would wear to work. But that is definitely not the norm.

Cookie Pusher

Inkdancer said:

Schatzi13 said:

Not to downplay the importance of cookies, but... Have we addressed the difference between "semi-formal" and cocktail? I assume that people meant cocktail when they say SF, but maybe don't know what that is. Also, slightly OT for you NJ and NY (sorry if that's an improper generalization) ladies: what is the least formal an indoor winter evening wedding gets?

My friends had their wedding at dinner time in an italian restaurant. None of the guys wore jackets with their slacks and the ladies wore dresses that would maybe fall under business casual. That is by far the most casual I've seen.

My aunt had a brunch reception and it was business casual attire. I remember at my parents' wedding in '93 (on a Sunday, late afternoon into evening 8-hour event at a reception hall), there were many people who were dressed business casual while others were in formal dress. My parents sent out a formal invitation and it was at a formal venue, but since the ceremony was in the afternoon, people dressed far more casually than would have been expected. Those were the only two "casual" weddings I've ever been to.

JCBride2014 said:

I think this would have to depend on the venue.  The only weddings I've been to in the NJ area have been cocktail attire and up.  I'd probably always wear a dress even if the invitation looked casual.

I'm the same way. I have several nice black, silver, and navy cocktail dresses that I will wear when in doubt of the expected dress. Even though we've tried to keep the vibe for our wedding casual (Saturday afternoon outdoor garden wedding with cute, informal invitations), we expect most of our guests will still show up in pretty formal attire - even if it ends up being hot and humid. It's just kind of how things are 'round here.

csaville

I dont want people in jeans at my wedding so I am putting on the last line of the invitation that cocktail attire is preferred. I realize people want to be comfortable but this is a wedding not a night of bar hopping.

NYCBruin

csaville said:

I dont want people in jeans at my wedding so I am putting on the last line of the invitation that cocktail attire is preferred. I realize people want to be comfortable but this is a wedding not a night of bar hopping.

Please don't do this.  It's very rude to tell grown ups how to dress themselves.  

JCbride2015

csaville said:

I dont want people in jeans at my wedding so I am putting on the last line of the invitation that cocktail attire is preferred. I realize people want to be comfortable but this is a wedding not a night of bar hopping.

This whole thread has explained how rude this is.  Please don't do that.  You will look like a micro-managing bride, it's rude to your guests, and if somebody was going to wear jeans they will just ignore what you wrote.  It's lose-lose-lose.

Kauris

csaville said:

I dont want people in jeans at my wedding so I am putting on the last line of the invitation that cocktail attire is preferred. I realize people want to be comfortable but this is a wedding not a night of bar hopping.

So my friend got married on the beach, most everyone was still in a nice dress, slacks, etc. Her second cousin, showed up in a white tank top and jean shorts and I believe their marriage is still valid.

JeeGooDowster

csaville said:

I dont want people in jeans at my wedding so I am putting on the last line of the invitation that cocktail attire is preferred. I realize people want to be comfortable but this is a wedding not a night of bar hopping.

LOL...as i said in my previous post, i think most people can figure out what kind of wedding it is from your invitation/venue.  Though....I have heard of people wearing jeans to a wedding...and it was literally 1 out of 150 guests....that 1 person is the idiot...not the other 149 guests so there is no need to make them feel stupid by reminding them of what to wear.

PrettyGirlLost

csaville said:

I dont want people in jeans at my wedding so I am putting on the last line of the invitation that cocktail attire is preferred. I realize people want to be comfortable but this is a wedding not a night of bar hopping.

Why the fuck do you even care about this?  I'm seriously trying to understand this.

When I go to the Opera or a high end restaurant I am appalled that other people show up in jeans, running shorts, etc.  and I side eye them but it doesn't affect my experience in the slightest- I can still hear the damn opera and I can still enjoy my ribeye. 

If these types of places don't list or enforce a dress code, then why the hell do you think you should or can for merely a wedding?

jneen101

If people show up in jeans you can always just tell them they have to wait in the car.  Problem solved.

sarahufl

I will never stop being confused by this thread. Why do people care so much?! Also, if you are going to do whatever you feel like doing, quit asking for advice.

phira

Yeah. To some extent, I do care about attire. I will be irritated if one of my partner's friends shows up in saggy jeans with chains (which has happened at other weddings). But I'll be irritated because I don't think that's appropriate attire ... and not because it'll actually impact the day at all.

arrippa

csaville said:

I dont want people in jeans at my wedding so I am putting on the last line of the invitation that cocktail attire is preferred. I realize people want to be comfortable but this is a wedding not a night of bar hopping.

If someone is planning on wear jeans to a wedding, a line in the invitation will not stop them.

SKPM

moemacWed30594 said:

csaville said:

I dont want people in jeans at my wedding so I am putting on the last line of the invitation that cocktail attire is preferred. I realize people want to be comfortable but this is a wedding not a night of bar hopping.

If someone is planning on wear jeans to a wedding, a line in the invitation will not stop them.

To add to this: the person planning to wear jeans will still wear jeans and won't care about your line on the invitation, AND the people who know how to dress appropriately for a wedding and wouldn't wear jeans anyway WILL be insulted that you think they can't dress themselves. Lose-lose for you -- oblivious people still in jeans, the rest not in jeans but annoyed at you.

tcnoble

We went to a wedding last fall and some of my friends from high school showed up in jeans and sneakers. If the bride noticed, she didn't show that she cared in the slightest. Of course, a group of us all had a moment of "can you believe so-and-so wore JEANS?". So yes, guests may side-eye and talk about it but WHO CARES????? A wedding day is about SO much more than what your guests decide to show up wearing. You certainly will not look foolish because someone above the age of 18 dressed themselves inappropriately by whoever's standards. For our wedding, so many guests are coming from out of town, I will be happy just to see them, never mind what they are wearing... if they flew across the country for our wedding and wanted to wear deer-hunter-orange overalls, by all means let them wear it. So many of these threads people forget they are talking about ADULTS not toddlers. Sheesh. On your wedding day, you do YOU and let everyone else worry about themselves.

dxavierah

quite honestly, MOST invitees are morons and need to be told what you want to see.  I'm sick of people asking what my wedding colors are so they can wear them.  If i wanted every guest to wear my weddign colors i would have asked them to be IN the wedding.  I'm tired of people complaining about my venue because they "only wear such-and-such" to weddings.  We noted on the invitations that ladies will be most comfortable in lats or wedges and I've gotten at least 8 calls from women who said "I AM NOT wearing flats or wedges to a wedding regardless of what you say"...and that's just fine with me, but I don't want to hear one time that their heels are getting destroyed or they can't walk around.  It's not my problem once I've done my part to give the information you need to make a smart decision.  On the other hand, it won't matter what you put on the invitation because no one will read it, and half the guests will say they lost it and call you 500 times before the wedding to ask questions that were already answered in writing on the invitation!