So this just happened (…grab a bevie & enjoy the full recap ;)

sweetwisconsin

Found this gem while killing time at work this weekend. I can't wait to hear how it went! My FI who is working with me this weekend is also curious to see how it turned out. He seems most concerned on if they will feed you or not.

hellohkb

I can't wait to hear updates.

Also, as someone who is a Hello Kitty fanatic (I even have her tattooed on me) I am hoping she makes an appearance at this wedding.

SmileDamnit

Oh, ladies....I snuck away...while they are doing the flippin' MONEY DANCE. Just y'all wait. It's been epic.

JCbride2015

smiledamnit said:

Oh, ladies....I snuck away...while they are doing the flippin' MONEY DANCE. Just y'all wait. It's been epic.

I want more!

And shame on you for sneaking away.  You had a duty to the Knotties to stick out through every tacky minute! :-P

Sugargirl1019

Pretty please!

theartistformerlyknownas

Oh, ladies....I snuck away...while they are doing the flippin' MONEY DANCE. Just y'all wait. It's been epic.

SITMFB

Obviously you had to visit the ATM.

JCbride2015

lolo883 said:

Oh, ladies....I snuck away...while they are doing the flippin' MONEY DANCE. Just y'all wait. It's been epic.

SITMFB

Obviously you had to visit the ATM.

SmileDamnit

There are no words, my friends. None. I'm going to bed, but FI & I spent the drive gone listing the "oh, no you did'nt" & I'll post in the morning.

beethery

omg it's the morning I NEED UPDAAAATES!!!!!

theartistformerlyknownas

Wake up wake up wake up!!!

kmmssg

Aw c'mon!  I was looking forward to spending my Mother's Day coffee reading this!  

KGold80

Rise and shine! We need the deets!!

rajahmd

smiledamnit said:

There are no words, my friends. None. I'm going to bed, but FI & I spent the drive gone listing the "oh, no you did'nt" & I'll post in the morning.

Tease!

lyndausvi

  WAKE UP !!!!!!!  It's 8:53 am now.   

RebeccaB88

I have to be at work in 2 hours and I need to know this before I go. It's imperative.

afox007

I am stuck in bed with only my dog and TK as company while FI and FSS finish their surprise. I need this update!

FiancB

SmileDamnit

Y'all - the knot is being highly uncooperative today!! It just took me 30 minutes to get logged in from my phone. I'll be home and by the computer in an hour and can then - FINALLY - share the list of wrongs from last night.

RebeccaB88

Argh! Stoopid TK! Now I have to wait until tonight.

pinkcow13

Stupid site!

SmileDamnit

Okay, I've poured myself a nice Bloody Mary, survived the trip to the store in a fucking May snowstorm, and am now ready to share in this goodness.

Let's start with the good, because believe it or not, there were a couple redeeming factors…

* The wine! Oh, the wine! Brides Dad is a wine aficionado and brought the 1978 Robert Mondavi reserve Cab & it was heavenly!

* FOOD! There was actually food! And it wasn't terrible (except for the marshmallow salad thing…and the cake, but we'll get to that in the "bad" list).

And now the bad. Holy hell, get ready…

*Venue = gross. Really, really gross. FI said the bathrooms were worse than gas station ones. I refused to go all night. My poor bladder. And it was just plain dirty everywhere…light switches were literally black from dirt, and they had christmas lights strung around the windows, half of which didn't work. Very random, very tacky.

* Ceremony started late. Shocking.

* And speaking of ceremony, they read aloud love letters, the reverend (who had a thick accent and was barely understandable) told the story of how they met in a bar, the reading was spoken song lyrics, they did some sort of bizarre rose exchange/unity thingy AND a hand fasting, and they signed the marriage certificate right in the middle of it all.

* Attire (remember, it was dictated that all should wear "cocktail attire") was alllll over the board. Lots of tieras, handful of stripper shoes but more crocs, couple men in tuxes and couple in jeans & t-shirts, and one girl was dressed like the little mermaid. Note to lurkers: take this as proof that telling guests what to wear is a waste of time!

* There was no cocktail hour (obviously), but instead we were corralled into the entry way for 45 minutes while they moved the tables & pictures were taken. They couldn't even open the cash bar then because the bar tender was schlepping tables.

* And then there's the cash bar, with no less than 5 (yes, FIVE) tip jars. We spent 80 bucks. And I didn't get nearly as drunk as I needed to be to numb the pain.

* They did a bouquet toss, garter toss, AND money dance. The money dance was announced 4 times ("time for the money dance" "everyone better get up here" "last chance for the money dance" "come on those of you in the back, bring your money up and dance").

* Oh, and there wasn't a receiving line OR table greets. We didn't talk to the bride until we went up to her to say goodbye.

* BM speech was terribly uncomfortable, withe the highlight being when he told the twice divorced groom that hopefully "third time is the charm". Yes, there were audible gasps, one chick who busted out laughing, and the bride who looked like she wanted to punch the dude in the face.

* The cake was terrible. Dry, flavorless, grocery store sugar frosting…and the topers fell off and landed face down in the grooms cake. 

* Hello Kitty! Sadly for us, bride was not in a themed gown, but the head table (on the stage/dance floor) was decorated with various HK items. And while not the subject of head table, the wedding party was split from their SO.

* And last, but not least, MOG took a digger on the dance floor. While doing the electric slide.

So, there you have it. Y'all should love me for taking one for the TK team and enduring such madness. And now I must go drink more, because reliving it as given me the twitches. 

afox007

You're so mean it was her speshul day!

SapphireCounselor

I cannot handle the fact that the venue was gross/dirty. Just no...you could have spent a small fortune on buzz and not been drunk enough.
ETA So much wrong!

HisGirlFriday13

smiledamnit said:

Okay, I've poured myself a nice Bloody Mary, survived the trip to the store in a fucking May snowstorm, and am now ready to share in this goodness.

Let's start with the good, because believe it or not, there were a couple redeeming factors…

* The wine! Oh, the wine! Brides Dad is a wine aficionado and brought the 1978 Robert Mondavi reserve Cab & it was heavenly!

* FOOD! There was actually food! And it wasn't terrible (except for the marshmallow salad thing…and the cake, but we'll get to that in the "bad" list).

And now the bad. Holy hell, get ready…

*Venue = gross. Really, really gross. FI said the bathrooms were worse than gas station ones. I refused to go all night. My poor bladder. And it was just plain dirty everywhere…light switches were literally black from dirt, and they had christmas lights strung around the windows, half of which didn't work. Very random, very tacky.

* Ceremony started late. Shocking.

* And speaking of ceremony, they read aloud love letters, the reverend (who had a thick accent and was barely understandable) told the story of how they met in a bar, the reading was spoken song lyrics, they did some sort of bizarre rose exchange/unity thingy AND a hand fasting, and they signed the marriage certificate right in the middle of it all.

* Attire (remember, it was dictated that all should wear "cocktail attire") was alllll over the board. Lots of tieras, handful of stripper shoes but more crocs, couple men in tuxes and couple in jeans & t-shirts, and one girl was dressed like the little mermaid. Note to lurkers: take this as proof that telling guests what to wear is a waste of time!

* There was no cocktail hour (obviously), but instead we were corralled into the entry way for 45 minutes while they moved the tables & pictures were taken. They couldn't even open the cash bar then because the bar tender was schlepping tables.

* And then there's the cash bar, with no less than 5 (yes, FIVE) tip jars. We spent 80 bucks. And I didn't get nearly as drunk as I needed to be to numb the pain.

* They did a bouquet toss, garter toss, AND money dance. The money dance was announced 4 times ("time for the money dance" "everyone better get up here" "last chance for the money dance" "come on those of you in the back, bring your money up and dance").

* Oh, and there wasn't a receiving line OR table greets. We didn't talk to the bride until we went up to her to say goodbye.

* BM speech was terribly uncomfortable, withe the highlight being when he told the twice divorced groom that hopefully "third time is the charm". Yes, there were audible gasps, one chick who busted out laughing, and the bride who looked like she wanted to punch the dude in the face.

* The cake was terrible. Dry, flavorless, grocery store sugar frosting…and the topers fell off and landed face down in the grooms cake. 

* Hello Kitty! Sadly for us, bride was not in a themed gown, but the head table (on the stage/dance floor) was decorated with various HK items. And while not the subject of head table, the wedding party was split from their SO.

* And last, but not least, MOG took a digger on the dance floor. While doing the electric slide.

So, there you have it. Y'all should love me for taking one for the TK team and enduring such madness. And now I must go drink more, because reliving it as given me the twitches. 

Aww, thanks for being on Team TK and sharing!! That was hilarious.

lyndausvi

i hope the caterer was an outside venue.  I would be scared to eat if the place was that dirty.

AddieCake

I am so jealous. I have never been to a train wreck wedding!

KGold80

OMG a dirty venue, money dance, and Hello Kitty on the head table? Trifecta!!

sweetwisconsin

Oh dear lord. FI is happy they at least fed you. I am trying to picture the little mermaid prancing around with hello kitty decor and christmas lights. Everytime I do I feel ill.

Cookie Pusher

Thanks for taking one for the team! But oh man, there is no way I would have survived it as long as you did!

afox007

I wonder if the woman dressed as little mermaid did it because they were rude and dictated attire.