Family Feud, and the baby isn't even here yet

Knope2014

Amyzen83 said:

themuffinman16 said:

I know this isn't the same as a wedding, but I was at a funeral for my step-father, many years ago.  A mother was holding her child and the child was kicking the casket. The mother did NOTHING to stop her child, she just ignored the behavior and continued in her conversation with another adult.  I was so disturbed by this, I almost lost it. I guess that is why I have the opinion that it is not always appropriate to have children at major events.  It depends upon the parents as to how that child will behave. How you would remedy a crying child is not standard across the board. Everyone parents differently. Having children at the wedding should be entirely up to the bride and groom.

See, I'm that person that says something to the parent or the child.

Yes, I correct other people's children in public if they are being totally out of line, and their parents don't give a single fuck about it.

I'm with u on that one! There are times I can't stand other peoples kids because they will throw full on temper tantrums at inappropriate times or do obnoxious things and the parents do nothing! It's really not the child's fault because they are being a child but I strongly judge the parent for at least not moving the child to another location.

I love watching this happen.  I have a 4 year old boy who has great manors.  He's walked up to kids, in the store throwing fits, and told them that throwing a fit doesn't get you what you want...obviously in a more four year old type language.  The last time he did that the mother gave me a look that could have killed me, but I just laughed.

ktjanesmom

  "by him dropping out you are forcing a feud"?  So he should go regardless of how he feels about leaving his wife and baby to do so just to keep the peace with his cousin?   Screw that.  He should do what he feels is best for HIS family.  If that means he wants to go ahead and be the best man, fine.  If he prefers to stay home, then by all means he should. 

Amyzen83

Knope2014 said:

Amyzen83 said:

themuffinman16 said:

I know this isn't the same as a wedding, but I was at a funeral for my step-father, many years ago.  A mother was holding her child and the child was kicking the casket. The mother did NOTHING to stop her child, she just ignored the behavior and continued in her conversation with another adult.  I was so disturbed by this, I almost lost it. I guess that is why I have the opinion that it is not always appropriate to have children at major events.  It depends upon the parents as to how that child will behave. How you would remedy a crying child is not standard across the board. Everyone parents differently. Having children at the wedding should be entirely up to the bride and groom.

See, I'm that person that says something to the parent or the child.

Yes, I correct other people's children in public if they are being totally out of line, and their parents don't give a single fuck about it.

I'm with u on that one! There are times I can't stand other peoples kids because they will throw full on temper tantrums at inappropriate times or do obnoxious things and the parents do nothing! It's really not the child's fault because they are being a child but I strongly judge the parent for at least not moving the child to another location.

I love watching this happen.  I have a 4 year old boy who has great manors.  He's walked up to kids, in the store throwing fits, and told them that throwing a fit doesn't get you what you want...obviously in a more four year old type language.  The last time he did that the mother gave me a look that could have killed me, but I just laughed.

That's incredible! Your kid is awesome!

APDSS22

@PrettyGirlLost : Love the use of the term "santimommy".

I used to have a priest who did not like interruptions of the mass.  One time, a parishioner's cell phone rang in the middle of his sermon and he just turned in the direction of the (very loud) ring and said "tell them we're busy." 

It is not rude for a bride and groom to not extend an invitation to children.  In this case, the groom at least insinuated that he would like to see and visit the new baby, so I can see why a "no-kids allowed" e-mail shortly after would ruffle feathers.  After determining that the bride and groom do, in fact, include the OP's child in this policy, however, the only graceful thing left to do is to determine her childcare options and let her husband make a decision based on his own conscience.  All of the available and non-rude options have been presented to the OP. 

I am in no way saying that my two dogs are just the same as human children, but agreeing to rescue two dogs means we have responsibilities and can't just gallivant off and leave them whenever we want, just as choosing to procreate limits one's options.  There's even a bit more freedom with children because they aren't considered a walking allergen producer and are welcomed in at least most hotels and venues so care can be set up very close by.  I realize of course that I can leave my puppies in a kennel while grocery shopping and it would be considered cruel to do the same with a human two year old, but there is definitely a trade off of getting their love and cuddles and arranging their comfort.

theartistformerlyknownas

This happened in my family last year. Brother (after discussing the full guest list with our dad, which included all immediate family's children) sent invites stating, in print, "no children under 8." THAT breaks etiquette. THAT started a giant family feud when people expressed confusion and disappointment in his choice and method of communication of that choice (regardless of how entitled he was to make said choice), THAT led brother and his FI to think "this is a super great time to tell entire family we think they're awful unsupportive people and we never want to see them again." Haven't spoken to either of them in about 6 months now. Soooo... don't die on this hill, it's a pretty shitty place to be. 

Perhaps cousin didn't realize what a sticky situation this would be; many childless people wouldn't. Perhaps he intended for you to participate in all other wedding events (rehearsal, etc.) where he would meet and spend time with the baby, but just doesn't want him at the wedding itself. Try to calmly find a middle ground without ultimatums or comparisons over which exceptions you feel you made for him. If you really want to make the trip, ask politely for your own exception - if you can come to the ceremony and skip the reception, or take Jr. to bed right after dinner. If he still says no though, you have to respect that.

banana468

Plenty of people WITH children don't have an issue with what the OP'S cousin did. If my child isn't invited we either make arrangements for her to be when a sitter or we don't go.

If Sprout is nursing and we have a wedding next fall that's adult only, I won't go and there won't be hard feelings. I don't expect my offspring to be welcome everywhere I am.