*Minor Update* Vent - Uninvited to the Wedding

mellyD2014

@scribe95 I absolutely agree - if he didn't want to have something separate going on, all he had to do is tell the guys and decline their offer. It's been going on for about a few weeks now (meaning G originally called the guys to yell at them a few weeks ago when he found out about their plans to plan something) - we were officially uninvited today, so if it is an emotional overreaction they certainly are carrying on with it.

sofakingmad

Regardless of if they had their official Bachelor/Bachelorette parties as a combined thing, shouldn't he have been appreciative of the fact that his guys wanted to spend a night with just him as their friend?  

This is the weirdest scenario ever.  I'm with PPs.  I can't even wrap my brain around any of it.

MrsMack10612

Of course in all the other crazy, no one (or maybe I missed it) has mentioned that B&G are planning their own party(ies).

JellyBean52513

I have a feeling that B is the one who flipped HER shit about the guys planning something that didn't involve her, and she made him deal with it (like we always tells people here, "Have your FI deal with this if it's his mom/family/friends/etc.)

PrettyGirlLost

mellyD2014 said:

Yes - the bachelor party is being planned by the groom & bride and they are having a joint gathering. The guys wanted to have their own dinner/night out/whatever in addition to that. This idea didn't fly - but instead of politely declining, it blew up into this totally unnecessary cluster.

What the actual fuck?!  Really?

1st, it's tacky as hell to host your own b-parties. 

But second and most ridiculous is that this couple was angry that their friends wanted to throw an event for them ion addition to what they were planning!  And this couple got so angry that their friends wanted to do something fun and nice for them that they uninvited you all to the wedding?!

There has to be more to this, because something is rotten in Denmark.

If there really isn't any more to this story, then your friends are really a couple of assholes and you are better off without them in your life.

How much did you loose on your deposits?  Can you transfer your rental deposit to another guest who is going?

Chipmunk415

Evil Chipmunk suggests the uninvited guests go out for dinner and drinks, have someone take a photo of the guests out having a good time, and send that  photo to the couple as the collective "wedding gift" with a note, "Wish you could join us"

AddieCake

PGL, your use of "Something is rotten in Denmark" has me in lesbians with you.

PrettyGirlLost

delujm0 said:

So....are this bride and groom ever going to be allowed to just go to dinner alone with their own friends once they get married?  Or is a wedding ring a glorified leash that means that they must be together at all times?

 

I agree with PP that unless something was being planned for this event that the groom didn't approve of (such as strippers or whatever) this seems like a non-issue.  If the B&G are going to be crazy people now, it's probably better that you guys not be friends anymore anyway.

 

i will seriously never understand joint bachelor/bachelorette parties or couples that refuse to be separated for any reason.  It's ok to go out with your friends without your spouce.  Nothing terrible will happen if you're not attached at the hip.  This attitude just screams "LOW SELF ESTEEM" to me.  If you're afraid that your FI is going to leave you to be with a stripper, or that if they go out without you they'll cheat on you, you probably shouldn't be getting married anyway.

So much this.

If you are afraid that your spouse is going to leave you for a stripper then you are watching too much hollywood BS and have never actually been to a real strip club, nor have you ever actually seen a real stripper.

People have to do what they have to do to get by, but for the most part those poor gals do not resemble anything that you see on TV.

Kauris

My FI and I are having our Bachelor/Bachelorette in different cities! Gasp! I hope my marriage will still be valid.

But in all seriousness, maybe they are scaling back and this is a BS front to do that, just offering an alternate theory. Who knows, but it doesn't make it hurt less for your FI. At the end of the day PPs are right, you will all be better off as a group without the crazy.

mellyD2014

Unfortunately we don't really know any of the other guests... We had gone in on a rental with 9 other people - it's a holiday weekend wedding at a VERY popular destination, so hotels require 2-3 night stays at 200-300 bucks a pop! (Shockingly, there was no hotel block reserved for guests... but maybe the hotels won't block on that weekend, so I am hesitant to place blame on them for that) So we all went in on a rental property so we could save some money. Of the 11 or so of us who put money down, 8 were uninvited - so we're going to go anyway and just have a relaxing holiday weekend.

1 - yeah, the other ladies and I were raising some eyebrows at the self-hosted parties ourselves.

2 - I wish I could provide more insight - I'm sure the story would have a different spin coming from the other side (as always is the case in these matters). As I had mentioned in one of my earlier posts, I think this is just an excuse to take affront - when G called FI to yell at him, he kept saying how it was disrespectful to his relationship with B... I guess if you feel your friends are disrespecting your relationship, there'd be cause to get angry... but I just don't really understand why offering to host a guys night is disrespectful. If he didn't want to spend a night apart from B, that's all he has to say.

cowgirl8238

mellyD2014 said:

Unfortunately we don't really know any of the other guests... We had gone in on a rental with 9 other people - it's a holiday weekend wedding at a VERY popular destination, so hotels require 2-3 night stays at 200-300 bucks a pop! (Shockingly, there was no hotel block reserved for guests... but maybe the hotels won't block on that weekend, so I am hesitant to place blame on them for that) So we all went in on a rental property so we could save some money. Of the 11 or so of us who put money down, 8 were uninvited - so we're going to go anyway and just have a relaxing holiday weekend.

1 - yeah, the other ladies and I were raising some eyebrows at the self-hosted parties ourselves.

2 - I wish I could provide more insight - I'm sure the story would have a different spin coming from the other side (as always is the case in these matters). As I had mentioned in one of my earlier posts, I think this is just an excuse to take affront - when G called FI to yell at him, he kept saying how it was disrespectful to his relationship with B... I guess if you feel your friends are disrespecting your relationship, there'd be cause to get angry... but I just don't really understand why offering to host a guys night is disrespectful. If he didn't want to spend a night apart from B, that's all he has to say.

I think so too!!! I'm sorry that you can't get your money back but at least you are making the best of it by enjoying your trip anyway.

Also..they choose an expensive destination, on a HOLIDAY WEEKEND, are hosting THEIR OWN PARTIES, and UNINVIED 8+ PEOPLE!  It sounds like they are very speshul snowflake and you'll be much better off without them as your friends!

MrsMack10612

Based on the "disrespecting of Bride" mention above, I'm betting Bride runs this show and may have Groom's balls in a jar on her nightstand.

I've had friends who had girlfriends/wives like that.  They find themselves very alone with only HER friends.

It can be sad to lose a friend, but you will probably find you are better off in the long run.

Knope2014

delujm0 said: 

i will seriously never understand joint bachelor/bachelorette parties

Just as a comment, Fi and I are having a joint bachelor/bachelorette party.  Not because we can't go an evening without seeing each other, but because we share a lot of friends.  Most of our friends are mutual, so having separate parties doesn't interest us.  The current plan is to get together and play a few board/card games over some beers and wine.

PrettyGirlLost

AddieL73 said:

PGL, your use of "Something is rotten in Denmark" has me in lesbians with you.

*smooches*

I used to read a lot more than I do now, you would have been proud of my knowledge and vocab.  I blame TK for my decline!

antoto

I feel like maybe the bride has the groom on a leash and likes being in control.  The thought of her groom being out with his buddies and having fun without her was probably too much for her.  She probably got pissed at groom, who turned around and took it out on the guys.

I feel like this is an episode of Bridezillas....

PhoneCardLady

I guess my problem with this is why the bride and groom were planning a bachelor/ette party in the first place?

RebeccaB88

So...what happens after the divorce when Groom goes looking for his friends, and realizes they aren't there anymore?   (Assuming he gets his balls out of the jar and has them reattached, at some point.)

Sounds like this is going to be a pretty lonely couple.

grumbledore

MrsMack10612 said:

Of course in all the other crazy, no one (or maybe I missed it) has mentioned that B&G are planning their own party(ies).

I was thinking that too lol.

mimiphin

Chipmunk415 said:

Evil Chipmunk suggests the uninvited guests go out for dinner and drinks, have someone take a photo of the guests out having a good time, and send that  photo to the couple as the collective "wedding gift" with a note, "Wish you could join us"

Oh I love Evil Chipmunk!!

PrettyGirlLost

mimiphin said:

Chipmunk415 said:

Evil Chipmunk suggests the uninvited guests go out for dinner and drinks, have someone take a photo of the guests out having a good time, and send that  photo to the couple as the collective "wedding gift" with a note, "Wish you could join us"

Oh I love Evil Chipmunk!!

Please create an evil chipmunk AE and use her!

MobKaz

kasmith1 said:

My FI and I are having our Bachelor/Bachelorette in different cities! Gasp! I hope my marriage will still be valid.

But in all seriousness, maybe they are scaling back and this is a BS front to do that, just offering an alternate theory. Who knows, but it doesn't make it hurt less for your FI. At the end of the day PPs are right, you will all be better off as a group without the crazy.

This has been my thought as I read these posts. It sounds as if there was a major snafu with either the guest list, or their final numbers.

Inkdancer

delujm0 said:

So....are this bride and groom ever going to be allowed to just go to dinner alone with their own friends once they get married?  Or is a wedding ring a glorified leash that means that they must be together at all times?

 

I agree with PP that unless something was being planned for this event that the groom didn't approve of (such as strippers or whatever) this seems like a non-issue.  If the B&G are going to be crazy people now, it's probably better that you guys not be friends anymore anyway.

 

i will seriously never understand joint bachelor/bachelorette parties or couples that refuse to be separated for any reason.  It's ok to go out with your friends without your spouce.  Nothing terrible will happen if you're not attached at the hip.  This attitude just screams "LOW SELF ESTEEM" to me.  If you're afraid that your FI is going to leave you to be with a stripper, or that if they go out without you they'll cheat on you, you probably shouldn't be getting married anyway.

Wait, does that mean I should detach the chain that I had put on FI's ring? But now what will I do if he gets more than 20 yards from me?

PrettyGirlLost

Inkdancer said:

delujm0 said:

So....are this bride and groom ever going to be allowed to just go to dinner alone with their own friends once they get married?  Or is a wedding ring a glorified leash that means that they must be together at all times?

 

I agree with PP that unless something was being planned for this event that the groom didn't approve of (such as strippers or whatever) this seems like a non-issue.  If the B&G are going to be crazy people now, it's probably better that you guys not be friends anymore anyway.

 

i will seriously never understand joint bachelor/bachelorette parties or couples that refuse to be separated for any reason.  It's ok to go out with your friends without your spouce.  Nothing terrible will happen if you're not attached at the hip.  This attitude just screams "LOW SELF ESTEEM" to me.  If you're afraid that your FI is going to leave you to be with a stripper, or that if they go out without you they'll cheat on you, you probably shouldn't be getting married anyway.

Wait, does that mean I should detach the chain that I had put on FI's ring? But now what will I do if he gets more than 20 yards from me?

Mine is like taser. . . if I hit a button he gets the shock of his life.

Inkdancer

PrettyGirlLost said:

Inkdancer said:

delujm0 said:

So....are this bride and groom ever going to be allowed to just go to dinner alone with their own friends once they get married?  Or is a wedding ring a glorified leash that means that they must be together at all times?

 

I agree with PP that unless something was being planned for this event that the groom didn't approve of (such as strippers or whatever) this seems like a non-issue.  If the B&G are going to be crazy people now, it's probably better that you guys not be friends anymore anyway.

 

i will seriously never understand joint bachelor/bachelorette parties or couples that refuse to be separated for any reason.  It's ok to go out with your friends without your spouce.  Nothing terrible will happen if you're not attached at the hip.  This attitude just screams "LOW SELF ESTEEM" to me.  If you're afraid that your FI is going to leave you to be with a stripper, or that if they go out without you they'll cheat on you, you probably shouldn't be getting married anyway.

Wait, does that mean I should detach the chain that I had put on FI's ring? But now what will I do if he gets more than 20 yards from me?

Mine is like taser. . . if I hit a button he gets the shock of his life.

So you have an electric fence for your hubs? I like it! That'll teach him to go to B-Dubs without me.

tesgirl123

Wow...that seriously is one of the worst things I have ever heard.   The only thing I can think of is that the groom cheated once and the bride is super crazy as a result(or maybe her dad cheated or something).   Either way, that does not sound like a healthy marriage from the start. 

The only possible resolution that I can think of that might save the friendship, would be to email the bride and explain your and your FI side as well as ask for some sort of clarification.   Don't mention the wedding and just say that you don't want this to ruin a long friendship for the men.   Depending on her response, it might be better that they are no longer friends so that you can avoid her.

hikebikebemerry

I feel like B&G's reaction is the equivilent of me using a hand grenade to take out a mosquito. 

delujm0

Inkdancer said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Inkdancer said:

delujm0 said:

So....are this bride and groom ever going to be allowed to just go to dinner alone with their own friends once they get married?  Or is a wedding ring a glorified leash that means that they must be together at all times?

 

I agree with PP that unless something was being planned for this event that the groom didn't approve of (such as strippers or whatever) this seems like a non-issue.  If the B&G are going to be crazy people now, it's probably better that you guys not be friends anymore anyway.

 

i will seriously never understand joint bachelor/bachelorette parties or couples that refuse to be separated for any reason.  It's ok to go out with your friends without your spouce.  Nothing terrible will happen if you're not attached at the hip.  This attitude just screams "LOW SELF ESTEEM" to me.  If you're afraid that your FI is going to leave you to be with a stripper, or that if they go out without you they'll cheat on you, you probably shouldn't be getting married anyway.

Wait, does that mean I should detach the chain that I had put on FI's ring? But now what will I do if he gets more than 20 yards from me?

Mine is like taser. . . if I hit a button he gets the shock of his life.

So you have an electric fence for your hubs? I like it! That'll teach him to go to B-Dubs without me.

I think i would end my engagement if FI went to B-Dubs without inviting me.  Wings are so delicious.  he can go to all of the strip clubs he wants to though, i don't care atall about that. ;-)

Chipmunk415

Evil Chipmunk chiming in again....now knowing this is a HOLIDAY WEEKEND wedding, with 8 couples staying at one place to deal with costs....

I suggest you not only have the photo like suggested above, if possible, have a cookout at the place you all are staying. Plan a ton of fun activities. Take tons of photos of you guys having a blast.

And explode/blow the shit out of his and her facebook/twitter/social media feeds with posts of these photos of how you're having a great time, despite not attending the wedding. Blog the bejeezus out of how much better it is than attending a wedding for a couple that is so insecure in their relationship, they each have a temper tantrum if someone tries to remove the stitching that's obviously connecting them at hip, ass, chest, and arm for a brief period.

Disclaimer- Evil Chipmunk is a merciless, snarky bitch. Chipmunk is also dealing with someone plotting something, but that's allegedly to occur the day of the wedding, and the friend planning might be doing something as innocuous as having breakfast there at the venue for the bride, or something terrifyingly embarassing. The difference is, it's the day of the wedding, and the friend won't tell Chipmunk what it is.

Evil Chipmunk is being stuffed back in her cage with wine, bourbon, and ice cream for the moment. An AE might become necessary in the 16 days she has left.

NavyBlue143

I guess I'm just far too lenient with H, because not only did he go out of town for his bachelor party, but his insanely beautiful female friend was in the group that went! Is my marriage still valid?

delujm0

NavyBlue143 said:

I guess I'm just far too lenient with H, because not only did he go out of town for his bachelor party, but his insanely beautiful female friend was in the group that went! Is my marriage still valid?

Ha!  FI and i actually go on separate vacations every year (we travel together too).  He goes skiing out west with his friends and their dads every winter (father and son trip) and i go somewhere internationally to drink wine and museum-hop with my girlfriends (or some years just to Disney World or the beach or something) in the spring or fall.  Do we have to stop doing this once we get married?  because we're not going to. 

 

Also, FI is having TWO bachelor parties (for different groups of friends, at their insistence) and i couldn't care less.  I actually like having a weekend to myself where I can just lay on the couch like a lazy bum every so often.  Is that wrong?